Questions on Auto-Reject/Missed Escalation Window

[Nuncle]

Hi All

I found myself on this site while attempting to understand the sudden collapse of a second date it should have been impossible to screw up, and which both I and the woman had been really excited about.

The articles on auto-reject and escalation windows were uncannily accurate and made the woman's sudden and complete withdrawal much less of a mystery.

However, I just wanted to check on something. The articles make out that such mistakes are very hard to recover from and you have to really put a lot of work in to make the woman interested again. Effectively you've blown it unless you are both lucky and prepared to devote all your energy to winning her back.

But surely if she is angry that means she is still interested? If she was suddenly not bothered about you any more she would just say "sorry, it's not for me" rather than refuse to answer your messages.

In this particular case I e-mailed her after a few days of utter silence to say "where do we stand? I have a feeling I messed up or you just decided it was not for you?". She hasn't replied. Surely if she had totally lost interest she would reply and say "sorry, I'm just not feeling it. All the best in your future endeavours"?

Thanks in advance.

 

[trashKENNUT]

I found myself on this site while attempting to understand the sudden collapse of a second date it should have been impossible to screw up, and which both I and the woman had been really excited about.

The articles on auto-reject and escalation windows were uncannily accurate and made the woman's sudden and complete withdrawal much less of a mystery.

However, I just wanted to check on something. The articles make out that such mistakes are very hard to recover from and you have to really put a lot of work in to make the woman interested again. Effectively you've blown it unless you are both lucky and prepared to devote all your energy to winning her back.

But surely if she is angry that means she is still interested? If she was suddenly not bothered about you any more she would just say "sorry, it's not for me" rather than refuse to answer your messages.

In this particular case I e-mailed her after a few days of utter silence to say "where do we stand? I have a feeling I messed up or you just decided it was not for you?". She hasn't replied. Surely if she had totally lost interest she would reply and say "sorry, I'm just not feeling it. All the best in your future endeavours"?

Some women still have interest even if you send them the kind of messages that you send, and i hope you do not though! and she's likely busy, not interested, a new guy walk into her life, or giving you chances. Leave it for a week now or better date other girls, cause you miss the escalation window.

Zac

 

[JMP_123]

Hi All

I found myself on this site while attempting to understand the sudden collapse of a second date it should have been impossible to screw up, and which both I and the woman had been really excited about.

The articles on auto-reject and escalation windows were uncannily accurate and made the woman's sudden and complete withdrawal much less of a mystery.

However, I just wanted to check on something. The articles make out that such mistakes are very hard to recover from and you have to really put a lot of work in to make the woman interested again. Effectively you've blown it unless you are both lucky and prepared to devote all your energy to winning her back.

But surely if she is angry that means she is still interested? If she was suddenly not bothered about you any more she would just say "sorry, it's not for me" rather than refuse to answer your messages.

In this particular case I e-mailed her after a few days of utter silence to say "where do we stand? I have a feeling I messed up or you just decided it was not for you?". She hasn't replied. Surely if she had totally lost interest she would reply and say "sorry, I'm just not feeling it. All the best in your future endeavours"?

Thanks in advance.

If you sent her a "is everything ok" email after she declined your second date you should have left it alone and revisited her at a later date. If there was an excuse or something came up then you could have rescheduled. As soon as you text/email/call a girl asking "are you not interested," you pretty much answered your own question.

 

[Nuncle]

Thanks for the replies.

She readily agreed to a second date. She was really interested at that point and had explicitly said so. Nor were there any obvious disasters during the second date (obvious to the casual observer eg I didn't get too drunk or anything like that). I am pretty sure the problem is I missed the escalation window/attraction expired.

My query was: If she had lost interest completely would she not be indifferent rather than angry? To me she seems angry, otherwise she would have replied to my e-mail saying "thanks but no thanks" or "can we just be friends?"

I realise my e-mail to her was not especially masterful/sexy. I had not read this blog at that point but that was not really my question anyway.


To provide a little more information my e-mail asking her where we stood was not entirely out of the blue. During the date she took some photos which she said she would e-mail to me. She did so three days later with this note: "Hello Nuncle, Hope you had a good day, here are our photos". My e-mail was in reply to that.

 

[JMP_123]

Nuncle,

It doesn't sound like she may be angry at all actually. Just because she hasn't answered an email for 3 days you think she is angry? If that is the case I assume you're rushing to conclusions. The one thing I can say is after the 2nd date you should have established some more structure to what you two are doing. Are you just going out on dates with her, not showing intention of wanting to date her? Are you taking her out on dates and she thinks it's all just for a good time? Whoever this girl is she wouldn't go out on dates with you if she wasn't physically, sexually, or possibly interested in you in some way. You need to figure out what that was, and give her a few days until the weekend to follow up with her.

JMP

 

[Nuncle]

Thanks for the advice its appreciated.

She was really, really keen on me before and did not try and hide it. This is not some girl who I have persuaded, grudgingly, to go on a date. If she still had the same view of me I think she would reply saying "You know I like you a lot, Nuncle, when can I see you again?" and when she sent the pics she would have said "Hope we speak soon" or whatever.

But if she had totally written me off I would think she would reply with something like "Sorry, Nuncle, I just wasn't getting the spark. All the best" I suppose the alternative is that she will give that reply at some point - she just can't be bothered to at the moment! Ouch.

 

[JMP_123]

Yea no problem bro it's tough nowadays in the world of twitter, Facebook, and imessage. Everyone expects instantaneous replies and texts/emails back from people. If anything her sending those pictures was a good sign in my book. But if I were you I wouldn't communicate much via email. Since already going on 2 dates you should be steering this thing towards something a little more serious. Drop her a "hi whatsup" text in the evening sometime or at least get on a practice of hearing from her every couple of days or vice versa. If you don't want to exhaust her with contacting her multiple ways, leaver her alone until tomorrow or Friday and call or text her in the evening to make plans or just catch up.

JMP

 

[Nuncle]

Cheers