Questions on her not sitting back on sofa relaxed like I am...and also on kino

[The Byronic Man]

We're both sitting on a sofa next to each other:

1. I'm sitting back relaxed, and talking calmly. She's sitting up and really animated and keeps talking (I thought if I'm relaxed, she would be too, but the opposite happened in my last 2 dates, so this is becoming a trend I need to fix). She's touches me and she's comfortable with my kino. Should I tell her to sit back and relax? If so, how to do it without making her uncomfortable? And why is she sitting up instead leaning back like I am? Is it because she's just nervous...uncomfortable...what?

2. If I position myself so my side is always in contact with her side, and she moves away after a minute, does that mean I escalated too quickly? Would the solution be to employ more pull-push kino (e.g. leave our sides touching or keep my hand on her knee...then take it away before she gets uncomfortable...rinse and repeat until you keep up the physical contact longer)? If so, how do you know when she's ready to keep the physical contact "permanent?"

 

[Richard]

Re: Questions on her not sitting back on sofa relaxed like I am...and also on ki

Sounds to me like its more nerves than anything else, maybe even some nervous thought as to why she's at your place. Times like this, its best to relax her, I'm also assuming she's not too sexually experienced either, so be more understanding with her.

Since she's nervous, she's going to reject your kino, so your best bet would be to ease her mind first, then build kino. Also, physical touch becomes permanent when she doesn't smack your hand away

 

[Ross]

Re: Questions on her not sitting back on sofa relaxed like I am...and also on ki

Ah. Throwback to some old adages of pick-up here.

Number 1 is what's commonly known as being "locked-in". It's a great position to be in, as she is much more absorbed in the conversation, and you are relaxed and nonchalant. This is a common way to set-up in bars so that she is in a body position of chasing you. She's more perceptive to touch as you are the object of desire; the object of desire touching her is pretty awesome, as she is the one locking you in. Stay in this position, and perhaps shift your body language forward as a means of rewarding her for compliance, or if you want to whisper sweet nothings into her ear. Her being animated is her putting in more work; having her relax just throws her out of a chase position, and back into a neutral position if you are both relaxing.

Number 2 is more difficult to dissect. If you moved too rapidly and not smooth enough towards escalation, then it could be an issue. If it's blantantly obvious to everyone else, then it can be a little awkward for her as you are causing her to lose face. Leaving a dead hand on her thigh can sometimes work, but it feels sort of forced. It's like your thinking, "I should touch her! I'll put my hand on her thigh." Quick little lingering touches of the inner thigh/hips that no one else can see are pretty potent; leaving your hand on her thigh feels a little too middle-school for me. Do kino right, and it should be a comfortable, pleasurable type of touch - that way she won't smack your hand away, but wish you could get into a private area!