Re: Questions on Spellbinding Riveting Conversations (a.k.a. building a connecti
Got your PM Byronic, I'll gladly help, so!
How is this different from cold reads?
These are not cold reads, these are
assumptions, which Alex so eloquently wrote about. Assumptions are a fantastic tool to use, and aren't even designed to be 100% right. With assumption, you make a statement, "You seem like you know exactly what you want out of life" when in reality, it may be wrong. Even if it is wrong, it's a chance to find out how she really is...
ANYWAY! A cold read is by definition, according to Wikipedia:
A series of techniques used to determine or express details about another person, often in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than they actually do.
The same principle applies to women. Cold reading is done with women, and I do this a lot
, by analyzing body language, age, fashion, tones of voice, and a couple other things, but I generally use these myself.
In general, if I remember correctly, there are 5 types of cold reads, but, I'm not going into detail about each one. I'll cover the three most prevalent.
The Rainbow Ruse: This is basically when you compliment a girl about a quality and it's opposite.
Me: "A lot of people tell me you're the party girl who likes to club on Friday nights, but sometimes you enjoy taking a break from that, and relaxing with a movie at other times."
Fine Flattery: As a psych major, I really like this one
People have the tendency to compare others with themselves, and presumably assume they are better than others, and this type of cold read, plays heavily on that! Fine flattery is complimenting a girl on a good quality compared with most people.
Me: "You're really aware, and intelligent. Not just book smart like most people, but street smart coming from years of experience."
The "Psychic" Read: I don't generally use this one too much, but, this is basically a universal, or high percentage statement that usually applies to everyone, but you make the girl feel like she's special because of it.
Me: "I'll tell ya, I know you have psychic moments. Like, something tells you to put your best outfit on and make-up, do your hair nice, and that day you run into someone you were glad you looked your best for..."
These are cold reading examples
If the TV show is actually your favorite as well...or you also love surfing, should you mention it? If so, how do you mention it without coming across like you're seeking rapport?
This my friend is where the idea of implicit vs. explicit value comes into place, and this is something I struggled with a bit when I started out, and NarrowJ gave me some great advice on it a while ago (thanks J!)
Anyway, explicit value is outright stating value, while implicit value is showing that you understand. The latter is not chasing nor seeking rapport, it's mutual connection.
Take for instance:
Her: "Yes! Pawn Stars is my absolute favorite show! Rick is so funny!!!"
Me: "I agree. I watch that show religiously, it's my favorite too! And yeah, Rick is funny! So is Chum-Lee, and the Old Man!"
Doesn't it feel like you're seeking her approval? It's because you are.
Now, another instance:
Her: "Yes! Pawn Stars is my absolute favorite show! Rick is so funny!!!"
Me: "That's awesome, I love learning about history."
Here, I'm not outright stating anything, I'm not saying it's my favorite show, nor am I seeking her approval. I'm showing her that I've seen the show, and I like it. This also baits her into asking more, like "Oh, so you've seen the show?"
By showing value and showing understanding rather than explaining understanding, you're not chasing, you're naturally expressing similar interest
