Quitting Porn Forever, Advice Welcomed!

[benjisea]

Hey guys, hope everything is well these holidays.

This post topic is about PORN ADDICTION. Scroll past the long list if you don't have time to read everything!

Young dudes are usually caught in this kind of lame shit, and honestly, it's pretty hard to get out of. If this shit never existed, getting laid would be much easier. Thanks to my family member's recordings on cable television, this show re-named 'Spongebob" was not actually Spongebob. At age 10, this began my lame ass 9-year old pornographic addiction. Right now, I'm pretty stuck on how to bypass this. I've had months of quitting, weeks, but it's never PERMANENT. I need some solid advice for quitting this, something active. The goal here is to quit porn forever and to supplement that desire with real women. Quitting porn for 2 weeks makes you FEEL like a fucking lion, brings mental clarity/memory, what GUYS should be in 2015.

(Ofc, testosterone optimization such as 4 eggs before bed, Vitamin D supplementation, high-intensity workouts, calorie surplus, cup of vegetables a day will help)

Before anyone is out to set any goals, it's good to positively reframe the situation!:
Instead of saying "I'm a loser, why am I beating my meat instead of meeting real women" TO "This is a process, everyone fails here and there"

The best way to kill a bad habit is to change the environment, and that is what I have trouble with. I rest in my bedroom because work is exhausting. But unfortunately, that sometimes leads to jacking off.


This is what I need help on:
- Been weaning off to masturbating every other day. Unfortunately, my androgen receptors aren't repairing because I watch porn. And here is where I am stuck. How the fuck do you become like, "Hey fuck porn I'm just gonna use my imagination!" as strange and fucked up as this sounds, I really only look at porn because it gives me that high. I can use my imagination sometimes, but I can't do it consistently.
- Going out often, being away from the house, and being too tired to jack off is great to avoid porn but do you think there are better ways to approach this? I don't know how I can be out for like 4 hours 4-5x a week, and not get bored. Is there a way to make this fucking exciting? Replace that dopamine I'm so used to from porn?

I fucking hate the life I have right now, all my friends disappeared after senior year, my ex-dumped me while she's in NY (which I planned to move there with her haha), and I always come home to this lame family. Mom's an alcoholic, dad's cool sometimes, bro is in the basement, just bad energy. That is why I keep myself in the room, and that is why I don't go out as much as I used to. No one to go with, and there's nothing fantastic to do in Colorado without money.The girls I see around the malls are basic, and maybe I need some attitude adjustment instead of being bitter.


My situation:
- 19 years old
- Moved to CO recently, the friends that can chill are usually the potheads (people I want to avoid, pot's a waste of time) the girls that used to hang out with me, are off getting pregnant, busy with college, doing whatever
- One close friend, he doesn't work out with me anymore
- Not fucking any chicks, honestly having a FB would end all of this
- Broke up recently, still feeling shitty even though it's been 6 months
- Lame home environment, the reason why I lock myself in my room
- BASICALLY, I feel fucking lonely

• Okay, so Chase wrote a post awhile back on quitting:
  https://www.girlschase.com/content/break-your-porn-addiction-and-sleep-real-girls-instead

So here's how my daily schedule looks:
Work at the airport (6am-4pm)
Hit the gym (5pm-6pm)
Eat Dinner (7pm)
Free-time (8-10pm) (when porn usually happens)

Off Friday - Sunday

The times I DO go to the gym, hit the mall, is usually the time I am too exhausted to think about porn at home. And this isn't a great way to quit this junk. I know when I am by myself in my room, I end up jacking off.

 

[Rage]

Hey man welcome to the boards!

I'm in the same boat as you and trying very much to quit permanently.

What has helped me the most has been this 4 part series on porn its detriments and how to quit http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/10/0 ... quit-porn/ by the art of manliness. It is an awesome series I have learned a ton from it and am trying to combat based on this.

Some conclusions/theories that I have arrived to:

-the nofap guys are kind of silly and dogmatic and probably wrong too: you can quit porn completely but at some point our body will need to orgasm in some way or another be that through imagination mastirbatuion or sex/bj or wet dream.

-masturbating to porn vs not doing so is a massive shift in your life and in your motivations and internal drives towards all areas of your life. You want to have sex your game gets better you want to do things and accomplish shit and work on your goals; and on the other hand of course the more you jack off to porn the more of a zombie you become.

-that quitting porn is quitting a habit not quitting an addiction. The articles discuss this more but essentially we have it way easier than a crack addict. Art of manliness says porn is like junk food and you have to break the bad habit and just stop eating it like you would junk food.

For myself, the goal has been to meet new girls and work to get a girl or two into rotation right now who I can sleep with once or couple times in the week and then I will be home free essentially.

The only time I jack off to porn now is when I can't sleep and it has been many nights and my body is awake and has to let the energy out; other than that I hate it don't enjoy it even a little bit and hate how it has limited me and kept me from better potential in the past. I have a high sex drive so I try to go as many days as possible; but quitting entirely would be the ideal.

Good luck to you

Rage

 

[benjisea]

Thanks for the reply man!

The implementation intention in that article is really helpful to beating those cues. What have you tried to work around jacking off when you wake up at night? I know I have the same ordeal. I wake up and I can't fall asleep, so I end up blowing a load to go to sleep and wake up unreplenished. I think making a "If I wake up aroused at night, I will ___________" and the _________ should be something where you move away from the environment you're likely to jack off. Or do 30 pushups, sure you will be awake with all the exercise. But it's better than falling asleep from masturbating.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey mate, been in your situation. After my divorce I was okay for a while, but after the legal battle began a year later, I missed my kids an incredible amount (was not allowed to see them for many months), and was alternately angry, depressed, anxious... because of my mental state I was somewhat withdrawn socially, as well as not being good with women (my confidence took a real knock around this time, after some disastrous encounters with women I wasn't super attracted to and with whom I could not get it up)... so I got extremely lonely. And although I had used porn on and off for decades (including during various LTRs and my marriage, which really wasn't good, especially when my wife caught me doing it), this is where USE became ABUSE... so I can really relate to your situation.

Now I'm gonna go back about 10 years to a completely different phase of my life when I was struggling with marijuana addiction, I was also going through a hard time workwise and familywise and socially. I was seeing a psychiatrist to try to deal with all these problems and he said something interesting, in regards to my marijuana use he said "you're self medicating" and other times "you cannot just take away your support"... I think there is some parallel with porn use here. If you are using porn to control your mood, then cutting it out is going to be quite difficult. That might be why you're relapsing. So what I would suggest is an integrated approach, (1) trying to fix the problems that are leading to low mood, (2) trying to find other ways to mood-alter, and (3) having strict rules and goals about usage.

The other thing I can say is, like Rage mentioned, there's really nothing wrong with masturbation per se. I find it to be an enjoyable activity and I believe it actually enhances your ability to have sex, for instance you discover what turns you on, and you get adept at concentrating on a scenario or fantasy or whatever, and that kind of mental control is quite useful during sex [NOTE: I would prefer to be more present during sex, in the sense discussed in Eckhart Tolle's books, but that is a project to tackle in the future]. Also it's a bit of a bad idea to go into a date not having ejaculated for weeks and weeks, because you may come very quickly. It is however best not to masturbate in the couple of days leading to a date, or if you're having a lot of dates try to keep it to once a week or something similar.

As to the porn use, it is very bad. What is particularly bad is the "surfing" aspect, where you go online and find yourself paging through hundreds of women looking for a way to get off this time. The repeated dopamine hits are what desensitizes you to beautiful women and mating opportunities in general. This leads to your needing more and more stimulation to get off (anal sex, group sex, pee sex, violent sex, upskirting, homo sex, even bestiality, fetishes such as feet, circumcision, tattoos and piercings, etc), and not feeling aroused by ordinary vaginal sex type scenarios, also anxiety during person-to-person encounters, erection problems etc. On the other hand, when we used to maintain a collection of Playboys under our mattress, THIS WASN'T SUCH A PROBLEM. Maybe try that?

I really recommend that you tackle the newbie assignment, start getting laid, and simultaneously quit the porn use, or at least cut it down to a few times a year.

Ray

 

[Ken]

Benjisea,

I have that same problem too. Ever since middle school, I have been masturbating to porn. However, reading Girls Chase has allowed me to understand why I do it and how to stop it. I haven't stopped, but learning the information has made me much more aware of why people get addicted to porn. I talked to Richard about this last week through Private Message, and this is what he had to say:

Yeah dude,

Fun stuff here. Even when I was going through the bullshit I went through, I always appreciated learning about the how and why to a problem. Naturally, I like to incorporate explanations as well.

Addiction, of any kind, is simply the obsession of a way/method to resolve tension in your ego. Your ego being your conscious sense of self.

Smokers usually start smoking to resolve the inner tension of peer pressure. Alcoholics drink to resolve the tension of life; recent death, break ups, job loss, etc. The purpose of an addiction is to resolve tension.

So, your PMO addiction is resolving some tension in your life: My guess is the tension comes from a sense of inadequacy about not meeting new girls or something similar.

Nevertheless, the way out of addiction is to change your toxic environment, and find different ways of resolving that tension. Identify the root cause of your tension and you'll have two things; 1) A new conscious understanding about a deeper part of yourself and 2) Motivation to go pick up girls.

 

[Rage]

Thanks for the reply man!

The implementation intention in that article is really helpful to beating those cues. What have you tried to work around jacking off when you wake up at night? I know I have the same ordeal. I wake up and I can't fall asleep, so I end up blowing a load to go to sleep and wake up unreplenished. I think making a "If I wake up aroused at night, I will ___________" and the _________ should be something where you move away from the environment you're likely to jack off. Or do 30 pushups, sure you will be awake with all the exercise. But it's better than falling asleep from masturbating.

Something one of the articles from the 4 part article series says that I think is very important and noteworthy: see your porn viewing as a bad habit not as an addiction.

Calling it an addiction gives it much too much power; brett goes into more detail about why specifically it is in fact not an addiction at all and instead yes just a bad habit and how to curb that habit (which ends up in many ways similar to how you would curb other bad habits).

…

So that was critically important for me; I created the habit of wnaking middle of night.

There were other things affecting my sleep making it poorer quality and makingme wake up at night. And I continued to work on finding out and identifying those. I have now gotten to the point where I can sleep each night (not sure what will happen a week in though; maybe I have to release somehow once a week and then will nbe good or something)

…

Might not be relevant to you man (sorry if not lol) but ill mention things I did to improve sleep recently more

-got (stole from my sister lol) a quality pillow that was giving me a really good sleep. My old pillow was flat would lead to shitty sleep and then after that I would go and sexual release have my body relax drastically then go and sleep on the flat pillow. Sleeping on the good pillow alleviated that, and rectified that problem.

-I took melatonin supplement sometimes if I was having trouble sleeping; and used that instead ofmastubrating as the crutch. (haven’t been using this lately though because it is a supplement which I don’t need so if I can sleep without t it I will and intend to… don’t want to be habit forming; but again will pick this over porn/fap to sleep

-eating less carbs/food ingeneral before bed

-dimming lights of phone and ipod and computer before bed

-eating cleaner in general (I find fast food gives me poorer quality sleep)

-drinking more water but not too much that ill have to wake up at night and pee

-cutting out creatine; this was huge for me because I had beentaking it for a year plus and it would always seem to cause me to either roverhydrate or underhydrate. Drink too much water you wake up with a piss boner at 3am and have to pee, and rationalize it and jerk off some more.

Drink too little and you wake up 3 am parched like you’re in a desert crawling for water, get the water and then you’re like eh its 3 am might as well do what I’ve done on other days at this time (look at what the articles say about the habit forming and how it happens, a cue a nd place and tie and emotional state all factor in

…

That’s what helped me with the sleep problems dude; I highly highly highly!!!! Recommend that you read the art of manliness articles on porn all 4 of them. They will really help on the road to quitting and getting off the shit.

My plan is to ramp up my pickup and get to the point where I have 1-3 girls I can have sex with and have sex withthem 1-3 times a week.

Go hard on my pickup and be bringing in many girls into my life and better girls consistently into my life; work really hard at this because it is the most important thing for me to quit porn which means I have to have girls to have sex with to quit which means that I have to go much further and harder and put more effort altogether in pickup.

That will be how I plan on combatting all this at least.

Good luck

Rage

 

[benjisea]

Hey all,
Thanks for the awesome replies, sorry I haven't been on here. Truth is, I have been reading the replies but my computer broke and haha, this site isn't optimized for mobile.

Ray_zorse, simple and effective, good advice! You've come from a more difficult situation than me and you are doing well. Honestly, my porn use ended after I had sex with my ex. But it also began when we broke up. For me, I know the feeling stems from not feeling loved or connected. If you check out Maslow's pyramid, I lack the family, friend, and sexual intimacy component.

(Smh, probably why I feel vacant and depressed. Haven't been reaching my calorie goals at all. Goal was to hit 2700 calories 4x this week, did it only 2x, close to 3x. It's okay though, we have setbacks here and there. It's good to reflect every week)

I mean, I do have friends in Vegas that love me, and friends that love me in Denver. But no one really present in my life currently, if that makes sense. How are you doing with your family right now?

It's quite the stark contrast from high school/college to the real world. The little bonded communities are no more, well unless you live in a nice small town or in NY. The industrial era sure fucked our sense of community. Or at least, what I assume.

Also, would you suggest 'settling' down with an alright type of girl? The attractive ones I have met show good signs of interest, but usually back out when they find my real age. I'm attractive in person, I got good body language, and I can converse pretty well. Now, I did date this one 17 year old and we were literally minutes away from a one night stand/relationship, but yea, logistics fucked things up and we're pretty much okay friends.

Should I settle down with a less attractive girl as a FB and someone to talk to? Just for the sake of reference experience and having abundance.

 

[benjisea]

Hey Rage,

Don't worry, we are here to exchange advice! Just dudes on the same boat.

For dimming your phone/computer lights, have you tried using F.lux or Bluelight filter? Bluelight on your screens is what kills your sleeping hormones and makes it quite hard to sleep.

For me, when I track healthy eating. I make it a goal of like one cup of brocoli a day, if that goal is too hard. I make it eating a cup of brocoli, but 3x a week. It's good to be on point when you eat. Same thing when it comes to lifting, you may be 200-300 calories off and not know it.

As for going out, how does your routine look like? I started realizing that I cant find a girl my age range (18-21) around the mall or whatever. If I want a quality chick, she has to be someone I can grow with. So I gotta stick with sleeping around by hitting hookah bars or something. Most of the good girls have left for college. Maybe this is a mental obstacle but I can't really see it any other way.

Do you go out by yourself?

 

[benjisea]

As for going out..Its hard doing night game. Im not sure why, but it is hard being comfortable in your environment and going out by yourself. Feels rather boring. Any thoughts?

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Yo benjisea,

Going full abstinent with porn/masturbating is great for productivity, sex drive, etc. But it can also drive you fucking crazy. I have an absolutely monstrous sex drive and rubbing one out every once in a while helps me out. I still look at porn sometimes, too, though I mix it up with my own fantasies to make sure I never lose my jam. Also try erotic literature on sites like Literotica. A lot of women write these stories so you can see exactly what turns them on and how you can become that man.

Here's a test for whether or not you're watching too much porn/masturbating too much: can you get a boner purely from thought, without touching yourself? If so, you're probably good.

Back in my natural days I used to watch hella porn and still smash bitties regularly. Hell, I've jacked off to porn like 2 to 3 times in a row then had girls randomly hit me up at the end of the night when I thought nothing was happening, then they came over, we smashed, and I had no problems getting it up.

I have dealt with ED before I lost my virginity. It was hella bad. Went away for a few years but came back sometimes with my second girlfriend. But she was just a drama-machine, so it was more feelings of inadequacy than porn/masturbation itself. But again, NOT jerking off and watching porn will pretty much give you unstoppable boners (and probably make you cum quite fast). I had one instance of ED last year with a girl back at my place. She'd given me some wine (which I didn't want, but joined in to make her feel less like an alcoholic) and I smoked some weed. Weird combination that got me soft as soon as I put on a condom (though had no problem when she blew me). After that, my surprise at the ED shot my self-esteem to hell and I blew it with her. I had watched porn the night before but it was only an auxiliary cause.

The problem is in your head. The research from YourBrainonPorn is interesting but not exactly perfect. All my natural buddies watch porn and have little to no problems with getting hard. But they're hedonists like me with huge sex drives.

You may just have a low natural sex drive. It's not that uncommon. But if you want to cut it as an experiment (and for the most part, I recommend only masturbating to your own fantasies), Chase's advice is great - you have to WANT to quit. I know that sounds too simple, but it's also the strategy the Buddha taught for Enlightenment (become disgusted with reality and you'll transcend it).

It's how I quit drinking - see the activity that produces fruit not worth the cost (i.e., the orgasm isn't worth unproductivity and not approaching women). You can even lightly shame yourself, "quit being a pussy, man. You could be fucking real girls!"

And then once you regain some sexual confidence, it won't matter much if you're watching porn or not. It'll give you a boost not to watch it, but you'll still find yourself seeing girls in yoga pants and growling as you imagine ripping her clothes off. It's kinda funny when you catch yourself salivating over a girl. And girls? They love it. I'm slowly substituting compliments to women for just really obvious stares and growls. Sometimes they'll growl back or lightly tease you, "Oh Hector, stoppppp. You're too sweet" as they smile and stroke your chest.

Hope this helps buddy. I've been in your place and it does pass. The impotence is in your head, the porn just exacerbates it. It isn't the cause. But eliminating hindrances IS vital to progress.

- Hector

 

[benjisea]

Yo benjisea,

Going full abstinent with porn/masturbating is great for productivity, sex drive, etc. But it can also drive you fucking crazy. I have an absolutely monstrous sex drive and rubbing one out every once in a while helps me out. I still look at porn sometimes, too, though I mix it up with my own fantasies to make sure I never lose my jam. Also try erotic literature on sites like Literotica. A lot of women write these stories so you can see exactly what turns them on and how you can become that man.

Here's a test for whether or not you're watching too much porn/masturbating too much: can you get a boner purely from thought, without touching yourself? If so, you're probably good.

Back in my natural days I used to watch hella porn and still smash bitties regularly. Hell, I've jacked off to porn like 2 to 3 times in a row then had girls randomly hit me up at the end of the night when I thought nothing was happening, then they came over, we smashed, and I had no problems getting it up.

I have dealt with ED before I lost my virginity. It was hella bad. Went away for a few years but came back sometimes with my second girlfriend. But she was just a drama-machine, so it was more feelings of inadequacy than porn/masturbation itself. But again, NOT jerking off and watching porn will pretty much give you unstoppable boners (and probably make you cum quite fast). I had one instance of ED last year with a girl back at my place. She'd given me some wine (which I didn't want, but joined in to make her feel less like an alcoholic) and I smoked some weed. Weird combination that got me soft as soon as I put on a condom (though had no problem when she blew me). After that, my surprise at the ED shot my self-esteem to hell and I blew it with her. I had watched porn the night before but it was only an auxiliary cause.

The problem is in your head. The research from YourBrainonPorn is interesting but not exactly perfect. All my natural buddies watch porn and have little to no problems with getting hard. But they're hedonists like me with huge sex drives.

You may just have a low natural sex drive. It's not that uncommon. But if you want to cut it as an experiment (and for the most part, I recommend only masturbating to your own fantasies), Chase's advice is great - you have to WANT to quit. I know that sounds too simple, but it's also the strategy the Buddha taught for Enlightenment (become disgusted with reality and you'll transcend it).

It's how I quit drinking - see the activity that produces fruit not worth the cost (i.e., the orgasm isn't worth unproductivity and not approaching women). You can even lightly shame yourself, "quit being a pussy, man. You could be fucking real girls!"

And then once you regain some sexual confidence, it won't matter much if you're watching porn or not. It'll give you a boost not to watch it, but you'll still find yourself seeing girls in yoga pants and growling as you imagine ripping her clothes off. It's kinda funny when you catch yourself salivating over a girl. And girls? They love it. I'm slowly substituting compliments to women for just really obvious stares and growls. Sometimes they'll growl back or lightly tease you, "Oh Hector, stoppppp. You're too sweet" as they smile and stroke your chest.

Hope this helps buddy. I've been in your place and it does pass. The impotence is in your head, the porn just exacerbates it. It isn't the cause. But eliminating hindrances IS vital to progress.

- Hector

Hey man, you're right. Quitting porn isn't fundamental to getting chicks but it does hinder it. My sex drive isn't low it's more or less my androgen receptors don't pick up on my testosterone, and my dopamine sensitivity is fucked too. If you don't mind a long reply, how do your routines look when it comes to picking up chicks? When you go out, are you like I'm going to the mall to pick up chicks. Or are you more natural, like hey I'm gonna buy clothes and if I see a girl I'll talk to her.

I'm trying to adopt a more natural approach, where I converse with everyone and have fun. But i don't know where to start, the places I visit aren't places where I would meet my type of girls. It is like the girls are 15-17 and I'm looking for 18-21, I rarely see these girls. I think the girls I see are trashy or they're immature or they're too young or old, and I end up losing potential practice. Am I having an ego problem and judging every girl by the way they dress? For me, I want a classy girl that dresses nice, can converse, can vibe with, etc but I feel like I can't find a girl like that my age. Sure I can talk to a lower quality girl, but half way through the interaction I end up slightly bored and I'm the one making myself laugh. I end up giving up and thinking it is a waste of time. I mean, I want to fuck, but I also want a deep connection.

And sometimes I just play too cool looking around and being too safe, I focus more on buying clothes or checking out books. I'm so stuck dude what would you do?

BTW 4 days of no porn! Looking for 6 more days. I can only get it up after heavy lifting. If I don't lift, it takes me awhile of fantasizing alone to get it up. Computer is broken and phone is stolen, probably why I haven't viewed porn honestly.

 

[Virgin101]

I haven't watched porn since the new year. However I still masturbate at least twice a week. I just don't do it to porn.

However I don't believe that if you watch less porn that you'll (as they say) somehow be more eager to approach girls, or that you'll find girls more attractive. I think that's nonsense.

 

[benjisea]

I haven't watched porn since the new year. However I still masturbate at least twice a week. I just don't do it to porn.

However I don't believe that if you watch less porn that you'll (as they say) somehow be more eager to approach girls, or that you'll find girls more attractive. I think that's nonsense.

I dont think you have much to say. What's the longest you quit porn? I get a surge of energy and I feel more like a fucking lion after 3 weeks. This is because I have free testosterone lying around that the receptors can finally use. Not seeing porn heals your dopamine and androgen receptors, making it more sensitive to use testosterone.