- Joined
- Apr 2, 2017
- Messages
- 198
Below the fundamentals
A lot of the poor body-language that makes one patently uncool is a result of behavior concurrent with constant hyperarousal or perceived low status having solidified into a default state.
Scanning the environment, being over-reactive to external stimuli (being jumpy), self-soothing gestures (touching your face), talking fast, constrained voice, constrained proxemics (use of physical space) etc. etc. When a person is aroused and/or under a heavy cognitive strain (brain is over-taxed) they revert to automatic behaviors which are the physical flip-side of neural pathways that over time have been strengthened and, I speculate, optimized for efficiency.
It's a vicious circle, really. Circumstances make you feel and behave in a certain way and that behavior in turn will start influencing what circumstances you find yourself in. Fortunately, with a moderate up-front payment, you can start a virtuous circle. The currency here being effort, attention and persistence. Attention, in my experience, is the most limiting factor here. If you can remind yourself every second, for example, to straighten up your posture, you'd probably be able to override the old neural pathways in matter of days, not months. But our minds wonder and hence it takes much more time. And hence why if you care about your success in changing yourself you ought to be wary of taking a bite that's too big to swallow -- stick to one thing at a time.
There are somewhat opposing views on how to deal with body-language. One side argues that you should focus on fixing the behavior and success will follow. The other side says that if you sort out your mind the body will follow. Which is right? Both. Depends on the circumstances of the person and possibly their learning style and cognitive disposition. Similarly, there are schools in yoga wherein the student attains the desired mental states through logical thought, love, visually-focused meditation etc.
On the mental side, meditation is effective in letting you see for yourself what kind of a chaotic mayhem goes on in your mind. You'll realize quickly that the contents of your mind really aren't you, emotions don't follow logic nor a sensible narrative. You'll start seeing yourself more as a perpetual process that you yourself, your conscious mind, has power to influence. You aren't a piece of rock, you are soft clay. And of course, meditation also increases your awareness and attention which you'll need to kickstart the virtuous circle.
Another powerful tool is changing your beliefs through the application of logic or re-interpretation of your reality. Stoics, Razorjack's Method anyone?
On the physical side, one of the most powerful and quickest tools to (at least temporarily) regulate your nervous system is through conscious breathing. Rule of the thumb is that exhalation reduces arousal while inhalation increases it. By extending your exhalation, you'll calm your mind and body in the matter of seconds. However, again, to do it, you obviously need to be self-aware - that is, keeping attention focused on your own mental state.
We would be well-served here to have a term to refer to this complex of traits that go deeper than fundamentals. Traits that will influence whether and how fast you will improve - ability to learn, self-awareness, self-regulation, persistence, etc.
A lot of the poor body-language that makes one patently uncool is a result of behavior concurrent with constant hyperarousal or perceived low status having solidified into a default state.
Scanning the environment, being over-reactive to external stimuli (being jumpy), self-soothing gestures (touching your face), talking fast, constrained voice, constrained proxemics (use of physical space) etc. etc. When a person is aroused and/or under a heavy cognitive strain (brain is over-taxed) they revert to automatic behaviors which are the physical flip-side of neural pathways that over time have been strengthened and, I speculate, optimized for efficiency.
It's a vicious circle, really. Circumstances make you feel and behave in a certain way and that behavior in turn will start influencing what circumstances you find yourself in. Fortunately, with a moderate up-front payment, you can start a virtuous circle. The currency here being effort, attention and persistence. Attention, in my experience, is the most limiting factor here. If you can remind yourself every second, for example, to straighten up your posture, you'd probably be able to override the old neural pathways in matter of days, not months. But our minds wonder and hence it takes much more time. And hence why if you care about your success in changing yourself you ought to be wary of taking a bite that's too big to swallow -- stick to one thing at a time.
There are somewhat opposing views on how to deal with body-language. One side argues that you should focus on fixing the behavior and success will follow. The other side says that if you sort out your mind the body will follow. Which is right? Both. Depends on the circumstances of the person and possibly their learning style and cognitive disposition. Similarly, there are schools in yoga wherein the student attains the desired mental states through logical thought, love, visually-focused meditation etc.
On the mental side, meditation is effective in letting you see for yourself what kind of a chaotic mayhem goes on in your mind. You'll realize quickly that the contents of your mind really aren't you, emotions don't follow logic nor a sensible narrative. You'll start seeing yourself more as a perpetual process that you yourself, your conscious mind, has power to influence. You aren't a piece of rock, you are soft clay. And of course, meditation also increases your awareness and attention which you'll need to kickstart the virtuous circle.
Another powerful tool is changing your beliefs through the application of logic or re-interpretation of your reality. Stoics, Razorjack's Method anyone?
On the physical side, one of the most powerful and quickest tools to (at least temporarily) regulate your nervous system is through conscious breathing. Rule of the thumb is that exhalation reduces arousal while inhalation increases it. By extending your exhalation, you'll calm your mind and body in the matter of seconds. However, again, to do it, you obviously need to be self-aware - that is, keeping attention focused on your own mental state.
We would be well-served here to have a term to refer to this complex of traits that go deeper than fundamentals. Traits that will influence whether and how fast you will improve - ability to learn, self-awareness, self-regulation, persistence, etc.