randomshinichi's journal

[randomshinichi]

situation: relying too much on friendliness, not creating sexual tension, working on voice, especially scared to become flirty with girls that I really like

This week is voice week. I will practice getting used to talking in a deeper register. I mostly use a higher register to sound more friendly and interested, sometimes I revert to that when I'm actually interested in the conversation. Surprisingly easy to get used to, considering the years I spent talking in the less sexier register. A few girls' heads turn. Sometimes. Definitely easier than sitting up straight. Enough spare brain time to nail the sexy walk...

Preliminary success in establishing sexual tension. While being flirty, I cannot deep dive as much, but it seems to be just as welcome. I've deep dived so many girls I mostly can't remember much but one or two bullet points here and there per girl. Watched a few Bond movies to see what it should look like.

It's exam season at the library these days, nobody has the time to be deep dived. But, they do still have time for a flirty stranger...

Not meeting enough hot chicks. I simply cannot get flirty with a girl with whom I'm not interested. Main haunts: library, bus/train and stops.

 

[randomshinichi]

Met a girl today. Looks just like the type who dates the kind of guys who are more sporty(muscular/louder) than me.

Well, here I am, going to the library on the way from my workout today. Oooh, a flash of yellow (blondes catch my eye almost always, even if their faces are hideous). Hmm, nice face. Solid eye contact. Hmm, should approach. No, shouldn't. Oh well, she won't miss me if I walk ahead just a few seconds and turn around.

I turn around. Oh, she's standing up... leaving? I berate myself for my hesitation.

I lean against a table and check my phone. She walks past. No eye contact. A cigarette in her right hand. Oh god, she smokes. Great.

Oh well, she's blonde. Let's see what we can do here.

I put on my gloves, go outside, and look around. There she is, reading some text on the wall. I go up and introduce myself.

"Hi!"
"Hi!"
I peer at her....
me: "hmmm...."
her: "?"
me: "were you the one sitting by the window just now?"
her: "yes, I was"
me: "aha, I thought so. You seemed kinda... cute (a what can I do hand gesture here), so I thought i'd come and talk to you."
her: "oh, thank you!"
me: "what were you looking at?" (we talk about the writing on the wall)
...
memory's kinda fuzzy... she was open to deep diving, unlike many girls that I opened this way. This was a good sign.

me: "I'm from Malaysia. Do you know where it is?"
her: "it's... in Asia?"
me: "ummm, no. Try again..."
she thinks really hard
her: "well, I really am bad at geography"
me: "of course it's in Asia, it's got a -asia in the name! Do you know China?"
her: "no, I don't know China!"
me: "ah, ok. Well you see it's a country..."
guy behind her laughs...
me: "hey, eavesdropping is a bad habit!"
guy: "sorry, man I thought that really was funny!"
we laugh for a while, and then we return to the thread at hand
me: "so there's China.... then you know Thailand of course, which sticks out, and at the end it's Malaysia. It looks like a small penis."
I look at the guy.
me: "he didn't laugh this time did he"
We both laugh.

We talked about her family, graffiti, penises, vaginas, breasts (her breasts). I asked her what size they were. Then flowers, smoking.... all in all, I think it was a good dive. Craig Ferguson would be proud.

her: "well I'm not going to talk about my breasts, because I don't want to talk about your penis"
me: "well anyway I don't care what size they really are, I just wanted to see your reaction really. But that was a good parry... hmmm... first time I've used this question, I'll come back next time with a counter parry."

By this time, I was feeling comfortable enough to switch the flirty looks on. I don't know about you guys but I'm not really comfortable being flirty with every attractive girl, just the ones I feel that I'm above. Well, in this case, I was feeling like I was getting somewhere, and she seemed willing to give me a chance. I tried to move her to the music room, but...

me: "well, let's go there then!"
her: "no... I have to study for physics. I have a test!"
me: "really? what's the difference between a test and an exam?"
her: "well... a test is just a test, but an exam you pass and fail"
me: "well... let's go then!"

Still didn't work though. Oh well, not to press the issue. I continue like nothing happened.

me: "bla bla bla..."
her: "can I have your number?"
me: (damn, this chick is something different) "sure, can I have your number?"
her: "sure!"

Alarm bells rang - was she simply chasing me off? I drew out the conversation naturally, giving no indication that I was about to leave now that I had her number, but she seemed willing to play along. Politeness perhaps? But German girls are rarely this polite. If she wanted me to leave, well, it should be showing up in her attitude soon.

her: "by the way, what was your name again?"
me: "... you've got to be shitting me."
her: "I'm so sorry! but you know, I didn't want to ask it later"
me: "true, it would've been even more awkward. what did you save my name as in your phone then?"
her: "food court?" (we were sitting in the university canteen)
me: ".... well, to be fair, I didn't know if your name is spelt with a s or a z..."
her: "it's a z"

me: "I had hoped I would be interesting enough to distract you from your studies"
her: "ahaha, no, but you were very entertaining and charming and funny"
me: "oh great.... I'll wear a clown costume next time so you'll recognize me"
her: "oh no, it's not like that...."

Let's see if I can turn up the flirtiness earlier next time. It's always a struggle with the women you think are unattainable - if you think that, then you're too afraid to turn on the flirty. So the best mental attitude I have at the moment to deal with that is curiosity - "I wonder what she's like, if she's open to talking with me. If so, then I might feel comfortable being flirty with her later on"...

 

[randomshinichi]

Friendzoned hard

Went out with girl in above post. Right before the meeting, she called me to say that she had a boyfriend. When we met, she expressed surprise that I would still meet with her, since she already told me that she had a boyfriend. I said "do you think I'm that easily deterred?" Made multiple advances, but turns out she really was interested in me only as a friend from the very beginning. It was also rather hard to maintain a flirty atmosphere with her, because she doesn't flirt back. I guess the fact that she wouldn't move with me in the previous encounter was quite indicative.

However this is one friend zone which I felt good about, though, because I did it on my own terms. I remarked that it's harder for women to be my friends than lovers, because I wasn't about to accept an attractive woman who unconsciously but subtly reminds me all the time that her boyfriend is priority number one and I am number two as a friend. And if she wants in she'd better bring something really valuable to the table other than a off limits vagina. As you can see, totally ungentlemanly and as she put it: "you're what my friends would call a classic asshole". (to which I replied "thank you, I've been working very hard on that") But I think she could be a good friend because she returns missed calls/texts instantly, just like my male friends.

Redeemed myself on the bus ride back home from that date, though. I approached a young blonde, fresh out of school, who obviously had had nothing like this happen to her before in her life, although she really was cute. Unfortunately, I did not press for the number after she refused the first time. She was open and amused by the situation she had found herself in, but did not ask me questions.

me: "excuse me, may I join you"
her: "yes"
me: "you're probably thinking why is this guy sitting next to me, right?"
her: "yes"
me: "guess"

Her body language made her responses seem more enthusiastic than they appear here as text.

me: "... you know, it's common courtesy to ask some questions back so I'm not carrying the full weight of the conversation here"
her: "but I don't know what to ask!"
me: "that's why you need more experience! ask me about..."
her: "what do you do?"
me: "much better"

I really have a problem creating sexual tension. I have to approach hundreds before I find one who's sexually interested in me. How can anyone have an abundance mentality like this? I think it's because I'm small. I'm Asian and although my body is well toned and does follow the classic V-shape, much like a bishounen character from Japanese manga, I simply do not have much meat, I think Western women prefer their men with more meat and it's freaking cold so my sweater hides my body. I'm pretty sure I would be a hit back where I come from though...

Voice week was a failure because I forgot to use the voice sometimes and had to revert back to it again. Next week will have to be voice week too....

 

[randomshinichi]

Cold approaches put on hold for now. Working on fundamentals instead.

Luckily, I happen to have a female acquaintance who has exactly what I need as a role model. Not too bad on the sexy scale, but her behaviour (specifically, her warmth)! her voice! She has refined the art of attractiveness... and that separates her from women who simply have a cute face/good body. Girlschase basically teaches you how to become a male version of her.

It'll take some time to internalize the fundamentals, then I'll try cold approaches again. Voice week is going well...

 

[randomshinichi]

Went to a salsa party yesterday! A couple things I noticed:

Women are very friendly and open there, even the shy German ones who would run away from you if you daygame them
The smoothest guys there get to know the girl while dancing at the same time
I can never remember the conversation details when talking with women I'm not interested in... I would ask something, but then remember that I had already asked that just a few minutes before!
An Italian seemed uninterested in talking to me or my friend, but my friend persisted and she opened up to him (apparently they bonded on similar feelings, specifically how it sucked in this particular city)
I think the main reason I failed with the women there was because I could not relate to them, and couldn't even remember what I asked them.
Having my dancing criticized hurts! How can it not hurt? Should it not hurt? It was impossible to maintain the same level of confidence afterwards. Obviously the solution is to improve my dancing, but that isn't the point.

A bit before the end of the event, I and a female wingman opened a MILF with what turned out to be her boyfriend. The engagement was a success, and I pulled the MILF to the dance floor. Couldn't make much deep conversation while dancing though, so just some small talk on the dancefloor. As the song ended...

Me: You don't like this next song, don't you? I can tell by that look on your face
Her: Yeah, I like reggaeton
Me: Haha, that's pretty surprising!
Me (what I should have said at this point): I also listen to reggaeton when I want to feel more confident...
Me (what I actually said): (something I don't quite remember, very small talkish. Did taking a break from cold approaching affect me already? it's only been half a week)
Me: Then I suppose you like techno? what kind of music did you dance to in your time? (realizing that this brought me to the elephant in the room) how old are you?
she laughs and spins around before saying "very old"
Me: I still think you're really hot though (here she starts laughing again like a little schoolgirl) hey, that's why I'm here...
At this point I realize that I had suddenly gotten into a flirtatious "you know what I want" mode. My eye contact had changed, and I'm not sure, but I think my voice changed too.
Me: I'd like to see you again
Her: (tells me about another salsa party next week... is this an invitation to get to know her better next time? or a deflection? only one way to find out)

As she walked away I found myself inadvertently staring at her ass with a flirtatious look. I'm usually not into older women. And strangely enough, even though I hadn't gotten a number, I felt satisfied and proud that I had accomplished something, although I wasn't sure what that something was. Maybe it was the fact that I had behaved sexually towards a relative stranger.

For thousands of days I've been approaching women with a friendly vibe from the outset "I wonder what she's like?". But if I tell myself "I'm gonna hit her with my desire like a wet fish across the face" I automatically get that sexy vibe. I'm just too scared to do that with strangers until I spend a bit more time with them. So... I should take up cold approaching again and focus on that.