Really Hate This Question That Girls Ask...

[Anonymous]

Hi all.

I have been lurking on this site for a long while now and finally decided to ask a question that has been nagging at me for long time. Basically, you've all heard of it before. A girl invariably asks, "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

Before you kick me to Chase's article that answers this very same question, please hear me out first.

I live in a small town where the guys-to-girls ratio is horrendously high. Subsequently, and much to my own detriment, I have concentrated mostly on my career rather than my love life. I always thought it would just kinda happen. Of course, now I know better. (You want something? Go get it.) Now, I'm going on 35 and trying to move to a big city where there's actually a dating pool. Life is what happens what you are busy making other plans. *Sigh*

The question becomes harder and harder for me to answer, or even dodge, each year. If I answer, "I don't have time for a relationship. It just wouldn't be fair to her.", then at my age the girl really wonders what the hell is wrong with me.

So, I have basically lied, said yes, and hope that's the end of it. Some of the more persistent girls have asked me how long ago that was, so I just deflect by asking what this has to do with anything. When I do this, I'm actually nervous that the girl will detect deception through my body language as I do get uncomfortable with being ask this question.

What would you guys say if you were in my shoes?

Thanks.

 

[Flames]

Although isn't any specific answer to your problem.

1) Dont take a question like that literally, she's not asking because she wants a yes/no answer she's asking WHY you've never had a girlfriend, and the reason is because its apparently obvious by either what your doing or saying.

2) You need to work out what's triggering this question and stop it, or prememptively answer the question.

3) There's NEVER any reason to lie about something your done/something you are, the longer I work at this the more revealing about myself I am, and TBH it has absolutely no negative connotations.

Hope that helps.

 

[Ross]

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

It sounds to me to be a qualifying statement that is based of a tell that you are giving. Women are asking this because you may be showing inexperience or the nice, platonic guy attitude. Therefore, to protect themselves against inexperienced men, they set up this preventive question. They make you qualify yourself.

And qualifying yourself to women is a straight ticket to being just a friend. Best way to answer that question? Don't. Perhaps, pose a counter question to qualify her. Ignore her statement, or ask her to repeat herself by saying, "what?" and then move on to other topic nonchalantly. Figure out a way to stealthily escape the question and cut that thread.

I personally don't run into this that often, but if I did I would probably cut the thread and answer like this:

"Hmm.. *sit there for a few seconds to see if she realizes her mistake if not re-engage* I probably don't want to answer that *said with a sexy smile*"

It's not about the question at all. Stop trying to figure out how to qualify yourself, and things will become easier.

 

[Good Vibes]

A girl invariably asks, "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

If I answer, "I don't have time for a relationship. It just wouldn't be fair to her.", then at my age the girl really wonders what the hell is wrong with me.

What would you guys say if you were in my shoes?

I'd throw it back at her with "why, are you thinking of being my girlfriend or something?" with a grin on your face and then you have a good opportunity to tease her about it.

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the suggestions guys

You're right about the inexperience showing, and that's a major reason why I really hate that question. It makes me upset as it only forces me to confront what I wish to avoid. For me, I just don't see the how my past is relevant or indicative of the future. I'm a very different person than I was a year ago. It also makes me a little bitter (I know...don't be bitter) because girls get the passive role in the dating game and don't know how hard it is for us guys. I guess my inexperience shows and is what prompts them to ask the question. They want to see if I look uncomfortable or nervous, thus confirming their beliefs.

So, I'll just do one of several things, looking confident and sexy while I A) Ignore the question. B) Nonchalantly change topics. C) Ask if she wants to be my girlfriend. D) I just don't have time for a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to her. If she persists I'll give a bored look to tell her she just commit a socially awkward thing and tactfully cause her to change topics. I just gotta wonder if this will send her into auto-rejection during a deep dive. I mean, she's got to wonder, given my age. To be fair, I wonder, too, if a girl is in the same boat as I am.

 

[Good Vibes]

......girls get the passive role in the dating game and don't know how hard it is for us guys.

It's not easy for girls either if you see it from their side.

So, I'll just do one of several things, looking confident and sexy while I A) Ignore the question. B) Nonchalantly change topics. C) Ask if she wants to be my girlfriend. D) I just don't have time for a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to her. If she persists I'll give a bored look to tell her she just commit a socially awkward thing and tactfully cause her to change topics. I just gotta wonder if this will send her into auto-rejection during a deep dive. I mean, she's got to wonder, given my age. To be fair, I wonder, too, if a girl is in the same boat as I am.

It seems like you're a bit confused. First of all do not say "I just don't have time for a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to her." This addresses the question "Do You Have a Girlfriend?" not "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"an important difference. As Ross said ignore the question or you can ask her a question back that will make her forget her question and at the same time puts you in the drivers seat where she has to be qualified by you. Something like this;

her; Have you ever had a girlfriend?
you; why, are you thinking of being my girlfriend or something? (with a grin on your face)
her; (laughing back at you) yes, no or maybe (either answer doesn't matter, it gets her thinking about you in that way and she forgets her question)
you; Surely you wouldn't ask that unless you have been thinking of me that way would you?
her; (still laughing) I don't know, we'll see
you; now I'm beginning to see how you've been thinking of me young lady (and then change subject or keep teasing)

This will work providing you've already shared a joke or two previously and have a Good Vibe with her.

 

[Anonymous]

It seems like you're a bit confused. First of all do not say "I just don't have time for a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to her." This addresses the question "Do You Have a Girlfriend?" not "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"an important difference. As Ross said ignore the question or you can ask her a question back that will make her forget her question and at the same time puts you in the drivers seat where she has to be qualified by you. Something like this;

You're right. I was a bit confused. I'm glad you pointed this out to me! Thanks.