FR Really nice girl gets really rude. My mistake?

[wardog]

Hey fellas,
I'm puzzled and i need someone more experienced to set me back on track.
About a month ago i approached a really beautiful girl on the street, she had just left the subway and i noticed how she eyeballed me hard.
I looked back at her and while she was waiting for a traffic light to turn green, she would look at me several times again.
She seemed genuinely interested.

When i opened her she was really happy and smiling and talkative and i deep dived her a bit and she seemed like a very easygoing, positive and fun person. After about 5 mins, i took her number. The process of taking her number wasn't all that smooth, because she was waiting for a bus, and when it arrived it all had to go very fast and she said she didn't want to take the next bus, because she was really late. So i literally got her number seconds before the busdoor closed in front of my face.

I later texted her and asked her out and she was really nice, but said the next two weeks she was really busy. So after two weeks i texted her again, asked how things were going and she said she was still busy but said she hoped i had a great start into the week. So i dropped the ball in her court and told her to get back to me if she was free. Two weeks passed and she didn't text me, so i thought, because it has already been a month since we met, i'd asked her one more time, because i feared attraction would expire if nothing ever happened.

This went down two weeks after the last time i asked her out:

me: Hope things are going a bit more relaxed for you now, how about a beer these days?

her: You always ask at the beginning of the week. The beginning is always a bit stressful. I think it's not gonna happen, when i'm free i just need some time for myself.

me: I'll translate this to "sry, but its been a while, i can't even remember your face"
me: [sending picture of me]
me: Here you go. And we always have time for ourselves, but we're only young but once

her: We always should do what we think is right, not what is appropriate.

me: Who said that it's appropriate to date me.

her: "but we're only young but once", from being young, you conclude, we should meet up.

me: And if it was right but unappropriate? Puzzles over puzzles.
me: I like your picture. who took it?

her: Right or appropriate, doesn't matter.
her: It's the same
her: In this case

her: A friend of mine

me: It got style with it's black and white

her: I have dozens of them

her: But my model times are over

me: You did modeling, that's cool

her: No, not at all

me: Send me a picture

her: No it's over

me: Only one, i'm curious now

her: No, no picture.

me: You can't say you got dozens of them and not send one

her: I wouldn't have fun with you. And above all, you wouldn't with me. I'm stubborn and unpolite. Look around, you'll find someone nicer.

me: That is a lie, you were really glad i talked you up

her: But now it's how i concluded.

me: You shall not conclude so much.
me: Who says i'm looking for something nice

her: Doesn't matter
her: Over

me: You're cute when you try to be mean
me: You gotta boyfriend?

her: Yes

me: I don't believe a word.
me: I know you like me.

 

[luego]

You got VERY chasey. And this girl has no connection to you whatsoever, other than a 5 minute daytime convo she can now barely remember, which is completely being "re-remembered" in a different light given the last chat.

Your whole last chat was bad. You've burnt this one to the ground.

But when she said, at first touch, that she was busy for 2 weeks, you were already probably dead in the water. You did ok to persist a little, yet not chase, until you basically lost your mind via text.

I'd probably have suggested something lighthearted, instead of your reopener. She needs to smile when she reads your text. The smile hopefully comes just because the cool guy who she is attracted to is texting her... but if not, you have some work to do. Something, anything, to get her to re-engage. :

Me: So unless I somehow become a bus-driver and kidnap you into the night, we're never going to see each other again .
Her: lol. Yeah, I'm always so swamped with work.
me: So what you really need is someone to sweep in and take you on an adventure, one measly hour against the rat-race of the week .
her: I can't. You always ask at the beginning of the week...
me: Well, if that's the stressful time, that's when you need the break . Or, we could find an hour at [place] around Thursday.... they have the best [ ] in town you know.
her: haha.
me: So - pick . Is our adventure Tuesday or Thursday?
her: lol. K. Thursday works....

 

[wardog]

luego,
thanks ALOT for the feedback, highly appreciated.

Damn, i never would have thought i was being chasey.

1. ) Could you point out the moment in the transcript that caused it to go south? I guess i shouldn't have send her my picture in the first place, since that was investing without her even asking for it. But since she already said it probably wasn't going to happen, the idea was to refresh her memory and reignite attraction. I think your reopener could have given me a far better chance, thanks for opening my eyes here, still learning...

2.) I expected to be dead in the water from the beginning, too. But what still puzzles me is the fact, that she did write me back. Usually, if a girl doesn't want anything to do with you, she just doesn't text you at all and expects the guy to take the hint. But she was making conversation (well, more of starting a bad discussion with me) and getting all rude, then smiling again, saying she has dozens of pictures just to decline any further attempt to drive the conversation onto something positive. I never experienced that before and to be honest, that was a bit hurtful, since all i did was ask her out 2 times in 4 weeks, which i wouldn't consider chasey, or was it?

3.) If i was indeed dead in the water from the beginning, why did she give me her number? Does this happen a lot?

Thanks again for helping me improve!

 

[wardog]

radeng,

many thanks for the feedback and kind words!

Your texting break down was very helpful, too. I'm also not much of a texter, i usually just stick with Ricardos advice: Tell her to save my number if she hasn't when we met and then in the second text i go straight for the date.
I read all the articles on texting, but here i somehow got dragged into this shitty downward spiral, because i thought it was the only chance to turn it around and just drove it deeper into the shit.

I thought about her being rude a bit further:

Could it be, that she got rude because she indeed had a boyfriend all along? In this case she would have given me her number because she was attracted and charmed that i came talk to her and say nice things to her, but since i was serious about getting her on a date, she noticed she had crossed a line and had to get rid of me?
I noticed several times that girls with boyfriends are reluctant to tell me so until the very end, maybe they like the attention and try to keep me as an orbiter.

Another theory would be based on attainability: She was attracted, but realizes she can't have me because she's in a relationship and therefore starts to make me undesirable in her head ("i wouldn't have fun with you"), so she mustn't feel regret that she has a boyfriend and can't have me.

PS. if a girl ever says some weird ass shit like below

her: We always should do what we think is right, not what is appropriate.


She probably did you a favor by not meeting up with you!

Haha, yeah, that's exactly what i thought man. But damn, she was really hot, i was willing to take the risk

Many thanks again!