Receiving little intimacy/love when young and blossoming late, net result?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I lost my virginity at the age of 16 to an emo girl that was a complete freak, it was an amazing experience because her parents were away and left her with a babysitter that was very laid back and we spent those days having so much sex. Was never really a popular kid in high school, in fact I don't even think I was anything close to it. Family was strict and religious, often raised me by their own standards and would not let me go out and party on the weekends. Would then go on to college where I didn't exactly have a great experience. I did stack up my notch count a little (about 4 lays) but never enjoyed much of a healthy social life due to my demanding major and the fact that I worked. Never had much of a true relationship and didn't receive much validation from the opposite sex growing up and I think it has really fucked with my head even though I am doing much better now.

On the + side it has led me to learn game, work out aggressively, approach more women, be comfortable talking to women, and put myself out there more. One of my friends who was a 22 year old virgin is doing well with the lay count, approaches women aggressively, and was in a relationship with a woman that turned heads when she walked through the door but he broke up with her. I have seen him out with cute girls all the time.

On the - side I feel like I have a lot of scars and my friend who I just talked about shares those same feelings with me. My friend has confessed to me that he has often slept around with multiple women and deceived them. I have thought about completely giving up on the thought of ever getting married in my life because I just want to stick to this kind of lifestyle for as long as I can, the thought of marriage scares the shit out of me.

It is as if I have improved overall as a person but I lose my ability to truly connect with the opposite sex. The happy relationships I see in real life and the kind of relationships you see movies promoting I just don't see myself ever having. Whenever I think about a relationship like that my ego dominates and pushes my desires and emotions aside. Everything I do is like a step to getting farther and farther away from what I experienced as a teenager and that means racking up notch after notch. I sometimes get so depressed about this that it eats up my free time. Some days I wonder that if the skills for emotional connection are something you learn when real young or a teenager and never learn again as an adult. I never get much of a connection or any love from relationships, just ego boosts.

Some days I wish I would have been one of those guys that lived it up in high school and college and then got married young as screwed up as that might sound to all of you.

 

[Franco]

Proactivity,

I'm not really an expert on this subject as I've never had this issue (and I always connect very well with women), but I see this as one of two possible problems:

• 1) You haven't laid enough women yet. If your lay count is currently under 10, then it's possible you just haven't met a girl that suits your style enough that you would feel comfortable falling into a relationship. You might need to give yourself more time to meet more women and spend more time with them until you meet one that suits you. If your friend is 22, then I imagine you are rather young as well, so you have plenty of time to do that.
  
  2) You don't know what it is you would want out of a relationship, and you don't know how to screen/look for it. One thing you might want to ask yourself is: do you actually know what qualities you look for in a woman that would make you want to be in a longer relationship? Can you list them? If the answer is "no," then you might want to get out a piece of paper and write down a "pros and cons" list of all the qualities you know of so far that you are attracted to and all of the qualities that you know so far that are a turn-off to you. Think about your time with that emo girl and write down the things that made that relationship enjoyable. (i.e. she was laid back, independent, had cool hobbies that you enjoyed, etc)

As far as number 2 (which might be your friend's issue), you actually need to take some time to think about what qualities are the ones that make you stick around a girl for longer than just a few rolls in the hay. The reason I was able to find and bed my current girlfriend with great precision is that I've greatly narrowed down what I look for in a potential partner. The great thing about doing this is that you also don't lead all other girls astray because you know when a girl is your type or isn't your type. So you can enjoy sex with her without deceiving her because you're sure of what your intentions are with her.

Anyway, other members might have more to contribute, but hopefully this provided some solid advice.

- Franco

 

[NaturallySmooth]

Some days I wonder that if the skills for emotional connection

Bro don't worry about this at all, you just haven't met the right girl yet! The way I look at this is that the more girls I meet and sleep with, the higher the chance of finding 'the right girl.' And the cool thing is that it will come naturally if you meet and get with more and more girls. And the better your game is, the more you'll be exposed to different types of women and can see what kind of girl you connect with.

This is also why this whole 'game' thing is so cool - because by not paying too much attention to any one specific girl you reduce your expectations of finding 'the right girl'- and it will be incredible when you actually meet a girl that you want to hang out with more and more and that you actually connect with on an emotional level.

By the way, I'm also a late bloomer. I didn't lose my virginity till college (and didn't even kiss a girl till fucking senior year of high school), but i've also improved myself as a person and now i'm getting laid on the reg. More importantly, I can definitely connect with girls on an emotional level. The key I find is to actually care about her and be interested in her life. If you try and make an effort to do this, then you'll actually get closer to her because you'll know more about her and be able to relate to her better. Give it a try and you'll see that it works. Just don't be a pussy and be all emotional and shit. Be the same calm and collected guy that you always are, but at the same time do try and get to know her better and actually mean it and i guarantee that you'll form closer emotional connections.

good luck dude-