Hi, new to the board.
Hindsight is 20/20 and I was clearly being outgamed.
Met this girl over tinder with a first date lay. Few dates but mostly hang outs (potential mistake) ending with sex each time.
She lives 30 miles away and I had been going to visit her each time, brought her down to my city once, where we went out to dinner and she met my parents. Didn't make a big deal out of meeting my parents, just a pit stop before we went back to her place, also ending in sex.
Was there a way to frame me driving that far as anything but chasing?
She brought up that she saw me on tinder again and I was nonchalant about it. This is a test I passed.
This last previous hangout I asked her to make dinner and had a time to go visit. Before I was leaving she said that she was weirdly tired and wasn't sure if she wanted to hang out. I went up anyway. We hung out with her friends and the dinner fell through.
Should I have pushed for the dinner and date here? I realize I was veering into boyfriend territory with her meeting my parents and she was pushing me into friend territory, I think she wanted me to just continue being the lover but I should push for dates still right?
Later that night, she said she wanted to sleep in a separate bed and I pushed for intimacy. She said she didn't want to be touched or kissed.
She mentioned that she didn't know if I liked her(What's this a sign of?), that she might be a lesbian, etc. Was trying not to take her at face value. I don't think I was performing well enough, not enough orgasms. There was a lot said and I didn't handle this well at all but..
I eventually got her in the same bed, we hugged. She asked if i was desperate. I laughed and said no and meant it. We started talking about fantasies and we had sex but no kissing. Pity sex?
In the morning she said she had another secret, that she had a boyfriend back home whom she was in love with for many years. So I had no chance.
I left in the morning and basically was visibly sad and said I'll never see you again. No breakfast or staying in the morning. (She's moving back home in March. I obviously pushed the interaction a bit knowing she was leaving.) I hugged her and left.
She texted me a few hours later saying she was sad with a heartbreaky emoji. Responded the next day (was that too long?) asking her "what?" and she responded with a friendzone.
I've dug myself in a really big hole feeling desperate over text and possibly ruined the friendship by saying a bunch of things to see what sticks. Am I just pushing her back into her ex more and more? Should you apologize to women over text and salvage a friendship or abandon ship?
It's clear she wanted a fling while she was up here and tried to get over her boyfriend and it didn't work. I just feel bad obviously. She is my type and would be nice to be friends with her (to have as a reference) if she was staying in the country.
I made a bunch of mistakes due to being in a bad spot. Clear I have to move on but I'd like a little advice on hitting a wall like that.
tldr; Heartbroken over something I wasn't going to win. Seeking advice on how to convert casual sexual things to girlfriends for future reference. Should I be pushing for alone time more and more dates with potential girlfriends. Was that last date just one big test I failed or was that a straight rejection?
I'm sure I have more details, feel free to ask.
Hindsight is 20/20 and I was clearly being outgamed.
Met this girl over tinder with a first date lay. Few dates but mostly hang outs (potential mistake) ending with sex each time.
She lives 30 miles away and I had been going to visit her each time, brought her down to my city once, where we went out to dinner and she met my parents. Didn't make a big deal out of meeting my parents, just a pit stop before we went back to her place, also ending in sex.
Was there a way to frame me driving that far as anything but chasing?
She brought up that she saw me on tinder again and I was nonchalant about it. This is a test I passed.
This last previous hangout I asked her to make dinner and had a time to go visit. Before I was leaving she said that she was weirdly tired and wasn't sure if she wanted to hang out. I went up anyway. We hung out with her friends and the dinner fell through.
Should I have pushed for the dinner and date here? I realize I was veering into boyfriend territory with her meeting my parents and she was pushing me into friend territory, I think she wanted me to just continue being the lover but I should push for dates still right?
Later that night, she said she wanted to sleep in a separate bed and I pushed for intimacy. She said she didn't want to be touched or kissed.
She mentioned that she didn't know if I liked her(What's this a sign of?), that she might be a lesbian, etc. Was trying not to take her at face value. I don't think I was performing well enough, not enough orgasms. There was a lot said and I didn't handle this well at all but..
I eventually got her in the same bed, we hugged. She asked if i was desperate. I laughed and said no and meant it. We started talking about fantasies and we had sex but no kissing. Pity sex?
In the morning she said she had another secret, that she had a boyfriend back home whom she was in love with for many years. So I had no chance.
I left in the morning and basically was visibly sad and said I'll never see you again. No breakfast or staying in the morning. (She's moving back home in March. I obviously pushed the interaction a bit knowing she was leaving.) I hugged her and left.
She texted me a few hours later saying she was sad with a heartbreaky emoji. Responded the next day (was that too long?) asking her "what?" and she responded with a friendzone.
I've dug myself in a really big hole feeling desperate over text and possibly ruined the friendship by saying a bunch of things to see what sticks. Am I just pushing her back into her ex more and more? Should you apologize to women over text and salvage a friendship or abandon ship?
It's clear she wanted a fling while she was up here and tried to get over her boyfriend and it didn't work. I just feel bad obviously. She is my type and would be nice to be friends with her (to have as a reference) if she was staying in the country.
I made a bunch of mistakes due to being in a bad spot. Clear I have to move on but I'd like a little advice on hitting a wall like that.
tldr; Heartbroken over something I wasn't going to win. Seeking advice on how to convert casual sexual things to girlfriends for future reference. Should I be pushing for alone time more and more dates with potential girlfriends. Was that last date just one big test I failed or was that a straight rejection?
I'm sure I have more details, feel free to ask.
Last edited:
