- Joined
- Jan 2, 2013
- Messages
- 100
I've been trying Chase's techniques since the start of the year and it's really opened my eyes to some hard truths. The hardest: girls don't give a shit about you.
I know that may sound cynical, but compared to how romantic and naive I was, I'd say this is the most important lesson I've learned. In high school, I used to think that if a girl is constantly making eyes at you or gives you the littlest bit of compliance that you're starting some unspoken bond with her. Of course, this just made me apprehensive, and I never pulled the trigger.
Hell, to some extent, I was still a fool last year. I was texting a girl for six weeks--we had an instant connection, lots in common, she said I was her type, she really wanted me to text her back. During our texts, she asked me if I was really interested in her and was super excited to see me before our date. I thought this girl was in love with me! When we met, the conversation was still good, but she had to leave early. She agreed to a date the next day. We hugged each other for an eternity. She couldn't see me the next day, but she sent me a birthday message, so I thought we were still good.
I ended up not hearing from her for a week and when I did, she told me she was back with her ex.
Earlier this year, this girl and I started working together. We saw each other here and there, then all of a sudden she flirted with me for two days. But she was seeing someone (it turns out someone else from work) and when she sensed my interest, she backed off like I was a leper. Each time I worked with her, she let her guard down. Every other time though, she acted like I wasn't there. So I ignored her for weeks. When she started acting all flirty toward me again, I asked her out. But she was apprehensive about dating someone she worked with; it turns out the other guy had lied about being single and was stringing her along about breaking up with his girlfriend. The girl was still giving me crazy signals though: acting nervous around me, twirling and fixing her hair when talking with me, staring at me when I'm in the room, looking at me over her shoulder, laughing at all my jokes. Then, her friend asked me out for her, and I found out she has feelings for me. Still, when I tried to talk to her to get the ball rolling, she was weird with me again and told me she couldn't have a relationship. I gave her my number and wished her the best. The guy who was jerking her around moved; she got a new job and moved a few cities away.
By now though, my perspective had changed. Did I think she was gonna text me back over the summer? After all that...no. Even after the signals and the feelings and asking her out multiple times, I knew the truth: she doesn't give a shit about me.
And its simple why: timing.
With the first girl, enough time passed that I gave her room to doubt. When she texted me, I was the guy she was thinking about in the moment. When she hugged me, she was with me in the moment. But because I had neither the time nor the skill to extend those moments, once she was away from me...she had no reason to think about me. Her moments with me were texts and hugs. Outside of that, with her ex, he could give her moments beyond that. So if I couldn't be with her enough to give her what she wanted--to give her no more reason to doubt--I just faded out of her mind. She might have been infatuated with me during texts and hugs, but that's it.
And timing was the same problem for the second girl. Another guy had gotten to her first. Another guy had promised her things and taken her body. And even when it looked like I had a chance, she knew that her moments with me were just flirty looks and playful work banter. They were just "feelings." There was no sex. There was no romance. There weren't even kisses. Just "feelings." Anyone can have those at any time. They don't mean anything. They're not memories of something experienced. And sure, as a sensitive guy, I can attach my feelings to memories as simple as a look from a girl I have a crush on. But women aren't the same. She was all wrapped up in drama with another guy. He was the guy she was fucking. I was the guy she had feelings for. And when the dam on her relationship burst, and I tried to rescue her, her feelings for me weren't enough to get her to try with me. The other guy had precedent and had poisoned relationships for her. He was the guy she got to be angry with at least. Me? I was the guy she didn't have to give a shit about.
So new guys who are just starting out with pickup and trying to understand signals or feelings or relationships or even just sex, remember: if you aren't in the right place at the right time and get to be that guy who gives her the moments she wants in the moment, she has no reason to think about you ever again. You'll just be asking yourself, "But I thought we had an unspoken bond?" Life will be a lot easier for you when you realize that she doesn't give a shit about you.
I know that may sound cynical, but compared to how romantic and naive I was, I'd say this is the most important lesson I've learned. In high school, I used to think that if a girl is constantly making eyes at you or gives you the littlest bit of compliance that you're starting some unspoken bond with her. Of course, this just made me apprehensive, and I never pulled the trigger.
Hell, to some extent, I was still a fool last year. I was texting a girl for six weeks--we had an instant connection, lots in common, she said I was her type, she really wanted me to text her back. During our texts, she asked me if I was really interested in her and was super excited to see me before our date. I thought this girl was in love with me! When we met, the conversation was still good, but she had to leave early. She agreed to a date the next day. We hugged each other for an eternity. She couldn't see me the next day, but she sent me a birthday message, so I thought we were still good.
I ended up not hearing from her for a week and when I did, she told me she was back with her ex.
Earlier this year, this girl and I started working together. We saw each other here and there, then all of a sudden she flirted with me for two days. But she was seeing someone (it turns out someone else from work) and when she sensed my interest, she backed off like I was a leper. Each time I worked with her, she let her guard down. Every other time though, she acted like I wasn't there. So I ignored her for weeks. When she started acting all flirty toward me again, I asked her out. But she was apprehensive about dating someone she worked with; it turns out the other guy had lied about being single and was stringing her along about breaking up with his girlfriend. The girl was still giving me crazy signals though: acting nervous around me, twirling and fixing her hair when talking with me, staring at me when I'm in the room, looking at me over her shoulder, laughing at all my jokes. Then, her friend asked me out for her, and I found out she has feelings for me. Still, when I tried to talk to her to get the ball rolling, she was weird with me again and told me she couldn't have a relationship. I gave her my number and wished her the best. The guy who was jerking her around moved; she got a new job and moved a few cities away.
By now though, my perspective had changed. Did I think she was gonna text me back over the summer? After all that...no. Even after the signals and the feelings and asking her out multiple times, I knew the truth: she doesn't give a shit about me.
And its simple why: timing.
With the first girl, enough time passed that I gave her room to doubt. When she texted me, I was the guy she was thinking about in the moment. When she hugged me, she was with me in the moment. But because I had neither the time nor the skill to extend those moments, once she was away from me...she had no reason to think about me. Her moments with me were texts and hugs. Outside of that, with her ex, he could give her moments beyond that. So if I couldn't be with her enough to give her what she wanted--to give her no more reason to doubt--I just faded out of her mind. She might have been infatuated with me during texts and hugs, but that's it.
And timing was the same problem for the second girl. Another guy had gotten to her first. Another guy had promised her things and taken her body. And even when it looked like I had a chance, she knew that her moments with me were just flirty looks and playful work banter. They were just "feelings." There was no sex. There was no romance. There weren't even kisses. Just "feelings." Anyone can have those at any time. They don't mean anything. They're not memories of something experienced. And sure, as a sensitive guy, I can attach my feelings to memories as simple as a look from a girl I have a crush on. But women aren't the same. She was all wrapped up in drama with another guy. He was the guy she was fucking. I was the guy she had feelings for. And when the dam on her relationship burst, and I tried to rescue her, her feelings for me weren't enough to get her to try with me. The other guy had precedent and had poisoned relationships for her. He was the guy she got to be angry with at least. Me? I was the guy she didn't have to give a shit about.
So new guys who are just starting out with pickup and trying to understand signals or feelings or relationships or even just sex, remember: if you aren't in the right place at the right time and get to be that guy who gives her the moments she wants in the moment, she has no reason to think about you ever again. You'll just be asking yourself, "But I thought we had an unspoken bond?" Life will be a lot easier for you when you realize that she doesn't give a shit about you.
