- Joined
- Sep 2, 2020
- Messages
- 28
Staying with my parents has had its hurdles in this gap year, and also come to expose my chaotic egoic nature. Often feeling constrained by following the rules, it seemed quite convenient to my ego to hold freedom at a high priority, even when it becomes toxic. Feeling as if I have jeopardised my early adulthood through my addictive nature and self-sabotage. I want to break out of the family nest, more so in an interdependant nature. Pay my dues so to speak.
Yes there are regards to how this will impact my relationships and goals for seduction going forward, safe to say though I cannot be pursuing intimacy for sex as much without laying a solid foundation for myself(My own place,Artistic career Steady side hustles, and good financial skills). Solid in the sense that if I do engage myself in sexual activities, I can handle the probability of conceiving a child. I have had close calls in the past with pregnancy scares in my college years. The context here is that I am living in 2nd world country as a black guy. My parents have both had children out of wedlock, more so my mom at the early age of 18. In her times it was much harder to support herself and her child while facing the backlash of having kids early. I almost came to the same fate in my first year of varsity(19)
Let alone that, I hate having to keep shit under wraps, communicating one thing and doing the total opposite. I guess this feeling arises from smoking weed and going out(which they do not endorse as much here). I opened up about my past addictions with drug and alcohol abuse at school. So they are more vigilant than ever in giving me money or taking me somewhere.
The most I can do in this meantime is build my approaches and getting numbers and dates. I would escalate to sex if I wanted to take the option of returning to college with their help, but for me the transaction involves living up to redeem myself for their satisfaction. Im 22 I had enough of being dependant and feeling like I could make responsible choices
The direction I am considering is studying instate, pay my dues in terms of ensuring I study… Have my art and side hustles pay rent and save money to move out..
Yes there are regards to how this will impact my relationships and goals for seduction going forward, safe to say though I cannot be pursuing intimacy for sex as much without laying a solid foundation for myself(My own place,Artistic career Steady side hustles, and good financial skills). Solid in the sense that if I do engage myself in sexual activities, I can handle the probability of conceiving a child. I have had close calls in the past with pregnancy scares in my college years. The context here is that I am living in 2nd world country as a black guy. My parents have both had children out of wedlock, more so my mom at the early age of 18. In her times it was much harder to support herself and her child while facing the backlash of having kids early. I almost came to the same fate in my first year of varsity(19)
Let alone that, I hate having to keep shit under wraps, communicating one thing and doing the total opposite. I guess this feeling arises from smoking weed and going out(which they do not endorse as much here). I opened up about my past addictions with drug and alcohol abuse at school. So they are more vigilant than ever in giving me money or taking me somewhere.
The most I can do in this meantime is build my approaches and getting numbers and dates. I would escalate to sex if I wanted to take the option of returning to college with their help, but for me the transaction involves living up to redeem myself for their satisfaction. Im 22 I had enough of being dependant and feeling like I could make responsible choices
The direction I am considering is studying instate, pay my dues in terms of ensuring I study… Have my art and side hustles pay rent and save money to move out..
