Road to Redemption

[WeddingCrasher]

I'd been wanting to start a journal for a while but I'd been procrastinating on it. I want to use the journal to track my progress, get feedback, and to help me meet and date women more consistently.

A little background on myself, I turn 30 next month and I'm a virgin. I'm a college graduate. I moved out of my parent's house and I've been living with roommates the past year and a half. I went on my first date when I was 26 and I've had 10 dates since then. Most of these dates were from girls I met on Tinder. The last few have been from girls I've met in person. I'm still working on getting over AA. I also have a tendency to get stuck in my head and let my negativity get the best of me which has led to bad moods when I've got out at night. Restrictions have been lifted and my city has reopened most establishments, so I've started going back to the gym and going out again. I went to the boardwalk last week and the mall today but I chickened out and didn't approach any girls. My goal is to conquer AA and learn to live in the moment. I plan on documenting my progress here in this journal. I'm not looking for a serious relationship for the time being. I'm looking to date and have fun with lots of girls. I also want to get good at sex. Once I've accomplished these things, I want to get some experience with relationships and my ultimate goal is to find my dream girl, which means I've got to meet a lot of women!

I'm titling this journal "Road to Redemption" because I want to make up for lost time. I hope to have the love/sex life in my thirties that I dreamed about in my twenties. Here's to a decade of prosperity and fun adventures!

 

[WeddingCrasher]

6/26/2020

I went out with some friends last night. We checked a couple of the popular bars near the beach but they both had long lines so we walked around until we found a bar with a short line. Here they seat and tell you not to leave your seat to go to the bar, the server will come to you. There were some pretty girls inside, some with guys, others just groups of girls. While inside, my friends decide they wanna go to the downtown area. while we were leaving, I approached a couple of girls standing in line to get inside one of the bars. I asked how long they've been waiting in line. The one standing furthest from me responded with "a while". I stood there for a second thinking of something to say but nothing came to mind so I walked away and continued walking with my friends.

We get to the downtown area. One of the streets are closed off and they have people seated outside on the street. The lines are shorter here so we get into the first bar quickly. The girls in line in front of us are cute. I wanna talk to them but I hesitate and the bouncer lets them inside. It's the same deal as the last place, they seat you and you're supposed to stay in your seat. I don't care about these rules. I still wanna approach but I haven't worked up the balls to do so. While seated, my friend and I are checking out a table of girls on the other side of the bar, joking around, and having a good time.

We leave that bar and head to a bbq place cause one of my friends is hungry. While we're eating and drinking, the girls from the last bar are standing on the sidewalk, we're seated outside. They're more towards the corner of the street. I say I wanna go talk to them, they're a group of 4, so my friends tell me to go. I say I'm scared then they get into an SUV and leave. Afterwards, we go to another bar but it's pretty dead and I'm drunk at this point. They ask what I'm doing for my birthday and we start talking about going to Vegas. We call it a night after this bar.

I only did one approach, aside from saying hi to a couple girls as they were walking by. My friends didn't do any approaches except for one that was saying hi to girls on the street. He's had a girlfriend the past couple years and doesn't approach as much now. Overall, it was a better night than my last couple outings where I didn't approach anyone and bummed myself out. I've started reading Chase's book, so I'll try some of the advise from that next time I go out.

 

[WeddingCrasher]

08/29/2020

I'm a little late writing this but I went to a house party a couple of weeks ago and meet some girls there. My friends older brother has started dating again since his divorce a few months back and my other friend and his girl just moved into a new place so they invited us over for a small "house warming." My friend's older brother, we'll call him Andy, meet a girl on tinder and her invited her over to the house warming party and she brought her three friends.

A little background on Andy, he's in his mid-thirties now but back in his late teens - early twenties, he was a regular at house parties and has hooked up with a lot of girls. He was also a football player in High school. He says he's been with 30 or 40 different girls in his life. He stopped partying in his mid to late twenties and got married, but now he's getting back into the game.

Andy and I arrive at my friend's house first. We hang out a little bit and they show me their new place, then he gets a text from the girls telling him they're here and we leave to meet them outside. He says he meet them off Tinder so I'm keeping my expectations low haha. We spot the girls from a distance. There are four of them. One is a pretty big girl and the tallest of the four. The shortest of the four is slimmer but she's still pretty chunky and i don't find her particularly attractive. There's a blonde who has a has all her fat in her stomach like a middle-aged man. She would be pretty hot if not for the large beer belly. The last one is actually pretty hot and she's wearing a low cut dress that's exposing most of her breasts.

While walking back to the apartment, we chat the girls up a little bit. Andy lets me do most of the talking. They say they were drinking at a brewery I used to frequent before the coronavirus. The hot one tells me she's from Mexico which I dig, I have a preference for Latin women. Once inside, we begin drinking and I chat her up a little more. She has various tattoos. She shows me her leg-sleeve on her right leg. She also has a snake tattoo in between her tits. We all go outside to smoke weed and she starts becoming more flirtatious at this point. She begins touching my arm and my waist and I reciprocate her touching a little. She calls me Antonio Banderas and says I look like a character from one of those Mexican soap opera telenovelas.

A bit later, Andy tells me to play it cool and ask for her number. While back inside, I've run out of things to say and I begin thinking a lot. I begin procrastinating on asking for her number and I try to converse with her instead. I'm just trying to tread water at this point. I say something like her sunglasses are nice and ask where she got them. she tells me where but the conversation doesn't continue. The weed isn't helping. I'm a little high and I keep forgetting what it was I wanted to say. I think about saying some other thing but I decide not to and remain quiet, thinking it's a stupid pointless question. She goes to get herself another drink and I talk to her friend to try to get my momentum going again. Someone else is talking to her now so I continue talking to her friend. They leave shortly after and Andy and I walk them out. The big one says they're just going to get something out of their car and they'll come back. They don't come back.

I've asked girls for, and gotten their numbers before but I'm not consistent with it. In other words, sometimes i'll ask for the number and sometimes I hesitate or psych myself out and I don't. It has been a year since my last date so I really need to start asking for numbers at the very least with these girls.

I got some feedback from Andy. He says I didn't say anything wrong but I'm too careful about what I say. At one point, I was standing next to him quietly while he was talking to the girls. He thought that was weird. I tend to run out of things to say, when this happens I'll stay quiet and just listen. He said he would prefer me saying something stupid over me being quiet because I'm trying to think of the right thing to say. But he said the girl did like me and I just need to make a move when they show signs of interest like that. What I took from his advice is that I need to work on being in the moment and less in my own head.

On a side note, they told me one of my friends was cock blocking me by trying to flirt with the girl himself and he apologized for doing this. I honestly didn't notice that. I think me not making a move lost me the girl, not so much him trying to flirt with her himself.

 

[WeddingCrasher]

09/12/2020

Went to my buddy's place on Saturday. There was only one girl there that my roommate had brought. He met her on tinder and they had hung out a couple of times prior. His older brother, Andy from the previous post, has been kind of mentoring me and he wants me to chat up the girl and get her number so he leads the girl and I outside to smoke a bong out on the balcony. He's talking to her and he keeps trying to pull me into
the conversation. I start making more of a effort to chat with her so she and I converse for a little while. Eventually, I run out of things to say and our conversation fizzles out. I try to re-engage her a few times but it doesn't work and I'm high from the bong which is making it harder for me to concentrate. I asked her if she was a bad girl/ troublemaker when she was a kid. She says no. She thought it was a weird question because she told my roommate days later that I asked her that. He also told me that she admitted to him that she was a bad kid growing up. She would skip class to smoke weed, she got sent to a boarding school, etc...

I lose all interest in trying to talk to her any further when she suggests I should give up my seat to my friends' girlfriend because she's standing up. I counter that she can grab a seat from inside. She counters that it's her (my friend's girlfriend) house. I ask why does she not give up her seat then? Someone responds with "Good comeback WeddingCrasher". I thought I would have looked like a beta bitch if I had listened to her and gave up my seat. I don't like taking orders from girls. It's pretty clear that she doesn't wanna talk to me anymore.

We all go back inside the apartment and I'm in my head so I'm not talking at all. I find out Andy left. They told me he left to pick up a couple of girls but he's been gone a while so I figure he decided not to bring the girls over thinking I would fuck it up. I think about this for a while. I get up to get something and when I come back, my roommate tells me to get him and the girl a beer. I mishear him and only grab one for the girl. He tells me he meant for both of them. This bothers me. I stand there for a second holding the beer and he tells me "Well, give it to her" so I hand her the can. I don't wanna look like his bitch if I don't already so I tell him if he wants one to go grab it himself. He just sits there.

I go to the other side of the room, next to my two friends. My roommate and the girl are sitting next to each other now. I think about my roommate ordering me around and I ponder if he's trying to do that to make himself look like the alpha/look good in front of the girl. I also wonder why Andy left, what he's doing, and why he didn't come back with the girl like they said he would. I think these thoughts over and over again. My two friends have to keep calling my attention because I'm not listening to what they're saying. I try to snap out of it but I'm in an endless cycle of thought. I look over at my roommate a couple of times and I see him staring at me. I stare back until he looks away.

Andy shows up and he's alone. He sees me sitting with the guys and my roommate sitting with the girl and he's like "what happened?"
My friend asks him if he fucked and he just smiles. My roommate and the girl go out to the balcony together. Once I sober up I decide
to leave. My roommate tells me to take my roommate and the girl with me because they took an Uber over there. I tell my roommate and the girl
I'm leaving and the girl says she wants to leave so they come with me. I stay quiet for most of the ride there. We get to our place and the girl goes
straight to my roommates room. I go to my room and go to bed. The two of them move out to the living room and put on a movie.

I found out the next day that they fucked. It also seems like Andy did that night as well. It felt like one of those nights were everyone
is getting laid except for me. Am I overthinking the the whole thing with my roommate telling me to grab him and the girl a beer? I was
already standing up and I was closer to the fridge then they were. If I had been sitting down and he told me to do it I would have told
him to go fuck himself but he also could have asked one of my two friends who live there to grab a couple beers for them.

Anyway, I'm having trouble being present in the moment and I'm getting stuck in my own head. Being high on weed tends to get me like this, as does drinking too much alcohol if I drink while I'm depressed or in a bad mood. I'm not gonna smoke weed anymore if I'm trying to game and I'm
going to keep the drinking to a minimum. Which I prefer because I wanna learn to get good with girls without the aid of any substance. This
post is getting long so I'm gonna end it here.

 

[WeddingCrasher]

I haven't posted on here in a while but I've had a few encounters with women in my outings recently and I wanted to document them.

Most recently, I met a girl at an event on the weekend before valentine's day. My buddy and I went to a valentine's themed party that was being thrown at this venue that typically hosts parties, weddings, etc. We get there early at 8:30 and there aren't very many people there yet. This party goes 'til 4 am. We walk around to get a feel for the environment. At the entrance, there's an outdoor stage with a bounce house on the side. To the left there's a bar and right past the bar is the entrance to the building. There's the main stage and past that there's a hallway with bathrooms on the right and a room on the left with a DJ called the Latin room, for obvious reasons. There's a group of guys and girls in there and the girls are quite pretty. My friend starts conversing with the security guard. I have trouble making out what they're saying since the music in the room is loud. From what I gather, him and his buddies throw rap parties and he says he's done security for and partied with big names like Bone Thugs N Harmony. I don't say much and mostly just try to listen. I usually feel anxious in social situations and it usually takes me a while to warm up and get comfortable.

They finish their conversation and my friend wants to grab a drink so we head outside to the bar and he buys first round. There's a dude in there by himself who looks like a cool guy. We exchange introductions but nothing more. Then we head out to the bar outside. There are vendors outside and a little casting area where they have a camera set up interviewing people for a reality dating show. There's still not a lot of people and there are pretty girls but their with groups or working the event and I'm hesitant to approach the girls that are with guys already. I see the guy we met inside and he has his buddy with him. Later I see them talking to one of the hot chicks that was with a group of other guys. They're obviously trying to do the same thing my friend and I are. My friend spots a couple of girls that seem to be alone. We keep our eyes on them for a while. They seem to be the most promising prospects at this point. They keep walking in and out of the building. I leave to go to the bathroom and when I come back my friend tells me that he spoke to them and they're with the reality dating show trying to find people to audition. I still have my heart set on talking to them so I approach the one I think is the cuter of the two.

After introductions are out of the way, she confirms what my friend said and she's trying to get people to audition for their show. I ask how many people they're looking to pick and she says only the coolest people. My friend thinks I should audition and some other guy tells me I should as well, not sure if he was with the crew or not. I sit down and there's a camera and light in front of me and a guy who will be asking the questions. I don't do great with interviews so this doesn't go too well. They ask what I'm looking for in a partner, I remember someone saying once that they want someone that has the qualities they're lacking as opposed to someone with the same qualities so that way they compliment each other...something like that but I remember liking what he said and it always stuck with me so I said that. I'm not sure if he got what I was trying to say though. They ask what my ideal date is, I say I like to keep it simple, bar, coffee shop, etc. Next question is would I feel anxious if I was being filmed while on a date. I wanna say "not anymore than I would if I wasn't being filmed" but I pause after not anymore and they take that as my answer. They ask how would my best friend would describe me in three words. This stumps me, I have no idea which three words my friends would use to describe me. Positive ones anyways, they may have some negative words to describe me. I think I need new friends haha. Smart would be one, so I go with that and for the last two I think I said nice and outgoing or something like that. Smart, nice, and outgoing is what I think I go with lol.

Looks like I won't be appearing on any reality shows anytime soon hahaha. I meet up with my friend and it's 10:30 now. There's more people than there were but it's still not that packed. My friend starts talking to a guy and girl and it turns out the girl is one of the DJs that will be playing later that night. He says his dad used to go to her shows and that's how he knows of her. I chat with them a little about the venues she plays at. She mentions some venues that she used to play at that have been closed for years so she's been active for a while. We tell them we'll check them out when they play later and say our goodbyes. We spot a pair of girls wearing all black with hula hoops and one of them strikes my fancy. We go to the bar for another drink and then I think we go back inside but when we come outside again we run into those girls and end up spending the rest of the night with them

That'll be a story for another time. It's getting late and this entry is long. I just like writing it all down cause it helps me process my thoughts and sometimes catch something I may have missed in the moment. I'll post part two tomorrow and we'll get to the meat of this post

 

[WeddingCrasher]

Continuing from the last post, we go back outside and see the two girls with the hula hoops. I don't remember how it happens, I think I was buzzing at this point, but we're talking to them now. I think it was my buddy who approached and I followed. After talking with them at the outside stage, my buddy discovers they like to smoke and suggests we go to the corner and smoke some weed. I thought cause of the hula hoops that they were there working the event like the other guys but it turns out they're part of a dance team and they perform on stage with a rock band. They mention they have a show coming up the following weekend. My girl and I talk about the bands we like, she's into Metallica, Blink-182, and I forget who else. She mentions she grew up in LA and talks about where she lives now. She says she lives alone in a studio. We decide to say bye to them for now and to find them later. Before I leave I take my girl's number and she reminds me her name.

I ask if it's a good idea not to stay with them and he says he wants to make them miss us a little. We go back to walking around and we catch the DJ we were talking to earlier. About half an hour goes by and we notice the two girls are in our vicinity again. My friend comments "Look, they came back to find us." We go back to talking with them and proceed to spend the rest of the night with them. We head inside to the Latin room. It's kind of empty except for a few people so we almost have it to ourselves. I tell my girl to show me some of her hula hoop moves and I record her on video and send them to her. After doing that, I notice my friend and his girl are grinding on each other. My girl still has her hula hoop. I think about putting the hula around the both of us but decide not to. When she puts it away, I move in and start dancing with her. We're facing each other and I grab her hands and spin her a few times. She moves in close and I have one hand around her waist and I'm holding her hand with the other. Eventually both hands are around her waist and we're grinding. I move behind her and grind from there.

As the night progresses, we go out and grabs drinks, catch some DJs on the outdoor stage, dance some more in the latin room, and take a few more smoke breaks. My girl and I talk in between but I don't remember about what. At on point, some guy walks up to her in front of me and asks to see her dance with the hula hoop. She tells him she only uses it inside cause she doesn't wanna drop it on the asphalt outside and damage it. My friend tells me I'm doing good but he wants me to touch her more. He also comments on how pretty she is and how she's hotter than his girl. In out last dance in the Latin room, she and I are real close. She lifts her leg and I grab it under her thigh and she grinds her pussy against my leg while I grind my dick against hers. At one point, I think about kissing her but decide to save that for later. Although fun at first, I'm starting to get bored of just grinding on her and I start to wonder what I should do next. Should I suggest that we leave for her place? I wonder to myself. My place is really far, about 50 miles, so going there isn't an option. Earlier when we were sitting outside, I asked if I could stay at her place overnight so I don't have to drive all the way back to mine and she said yes. Now, I'm just wondering when I should make my move.

They close the Latin room as it's 2 am now and only the main and outdoor stages remain open now. We go back outside and we're sitting on the bench and my friend and his girl decide they're going in the bounce house. Her friend asks if she wants to come and she says no. She asks if I want to go and I say no. I sit with my arm around her waist, we talk a little more and she asks if I'm cold. I tell her yes and she puts my free hand on her stomach. She mentions she has to leave soon cause she has an appointment at 8 am to have her car detailed. When my buddy and his girl come back we go back to the main stage which is still pretty full.

She says she's going to be leaving soon. I ask if she's already called the Uber and she has. I start thinking it's now or never. She says her Uber's her and she's about to leave and I tell her I'll go with her. She says bye to her friend and we walk to the exit. I ask again if I can join her for the night and she agrees so we walk to the Uber but when I get inside I realize I still have my friends keys, he gave them to me to hold onto earlier because his pants didn't have belt buckles. I ask the Uber to wait and I tell my girl I'm gonna return the keys real quick. I ask the security guards if I can go back inside, the event says no re-entry but it's almost over at this point, they reluctantly allow me to pass. Fortunately, on my way over my friend and his girl are leaving so I didn't have to walk too far from the Uber where my girl is waiting. My friend says he's glad I'm taking her home and I hug my girl's friend and say bye to the both of them.

I get back in the Uber and my girls says it's good that I remembered. I feel dumb for almost forgetting. The next issue on my mind is that I don't have a condom on me and I'm worried about fucking her bareback since this will be my first time. So on the ride over to her place, I'm trying to juggle conversation with her while trying to decide if I should ask the driver to stop at a 7/11 or I can go real quick to a 7/11 near her place and come right back. I ask her about her trip to the wine fields in Mexico so I'm not ignoring her. We pass a 7/11 but I don't see it 'til it's too late. I wait to see if we'll pass another and we do but I get shy about asking the driver to stop and I worry what my girl will think if I delay her getting home any longer just to get condoms.

We pull up to a house and her studio is behind the house. When we get there I ask if the Tesla in the drive way is hers and it's not. I forget that earlier she says there's no parking space so she parks on the street. We go inside her studio and it's basically just a room with a kitchen in the corner with a small bathroom in the back. She says she's currently looking for a bigger place. She also has a small dog. She asks if I want water and I decline. My mouth is dry but I'm still busy contemplating if I should leave real quick to get some condoms. I tell her I don't have one and she says it's fine, that we can just sleep.

She goes into the bathroom to change and brush her teeth. I find a 7/11 on my phone. It's a 2 minute drive from her place but I'll need to get an Uber as it's a 10 minute walk and I'm in a kind of bad neighborhood. I text my friend and tell him what's going on. He says not to worry about the condom and to just pull out before I cum. If I had done this before maybe I would have tried but being a virgin, I worry I won't be able to pull out in time. Another issue is my phone is on 5% battery. My worry gets the better of me and I find an Uber nearby and I call it. When she comes out of the bathroom, she's wearing a tank top and panties. I say "sexy" but she doesn't say anything. Then she asks "Aren't you gonna take your pants off?" I tell her I'm gonna step out real quick.

"You're leaving?" She asks.

I tell her I'll be right back. I put my arm around her waist and kiss her. I get in the Uber and we get into a conversation about CV radios. The driver said he used to have one in his car back in the day and he even heard the famous McDonald's massacre in San Diego from back in the 80s while it was happening. I'm sitting in the car with one foot out the door waiting for him to stop talking. He finally does and I thank him for the ride and go into the store. I can't find the condoms in the aisles so I go to the clerk and her has them behind the counter. I buy a pack and call for another Uber but now there are none nearby. There are some people in their car in the parking lot and being I'm not in the best neighborhood I start walking back to her place and decide I'll try to find an Uber on the way. Fortunately I don't have to walk far before finding one.

I don't remember the house exactly as I didn't get the number but I see the Tesla as we pass it and I have the Uber stop there. I must have been gone 15-20 minutes. Thankfully, she leaves the door unlocked and she hasn't gone to bed yet. I tell her about my phone almost being dead and she lets me use her charger. She gets into bed and I take everything off but my underwear and get into bed next to her. She asks if I'm comfortable like that, I don't realize there's two blankets and one is underneath me. I'm under both blankets now and I start caressing her to try to get her back into the mood. I rub her stomach and her legs and I'm stroking myself to get hard. I'm getting there but it's not a full erection. I kiss her on the neck and collar bone and my hand is getting near her pussy. She's starting to breath heavily. Stupidly, I move my hand away from her pussy and start rubbing her stomach again. Then she says this:

"If you don't stop, you're going to have to leave. I don't know what you're trying to do. I just met you. I have to be up in a few hours. I need to sleep."

"Okay. Fair enough." I say as I roll onto my back.

I lie there thinking " Shit! A failed escalation. I probably have no chance with this girl now." I also think to myself that it was a mistake to come home with her, that I should have just let her leave on her own and try to set up a meet later since she did have somewhere to be in the morning. If she didn't then it would have been fine. These are the thoughts I'm thinking while I lie there and she drifts off to sleep. Thinking about it now, obviously the mistake was leaving to get condoms. I should have just stayed with her.

I don't sleep much that night, if at all. I get the urge to pee but I don't want to wake her or for her to think I'm getting up to look for something to steal. Crazy thought, I know. The bed is against the wall and I'm on the side next to the wall, so I need to move to the foot of the bed to get out. Then she turns over facing me and her leg is on my crouch and my hand is between her legs. I'm on my back and she's on her side facing me. I look over and her eyes are closed and I wonder is she's trying to cuddle. Only problem is I really need to take a piss now. I don't wanna piss her bed so I move away from her slowly, get out of bed, and go to the bathroom. I remind myself not to step on the dog. The bathroom isn't level with the rest of the room so there's a step to get into it. I forget about this step walking out of the bathroom and I almost eat shit stepping out of the bathroom. She hears me and asks if I'm okay. I respond yes. Later in the night, I get up to pee again and I kick the dog's bed by accident and the dog jumps out of his bed.

I also forget about my alarm and that sounds off about an hour before she has to get up. We get up and get dressed shortly after. I try to find things to say to avoid the awkward silence. I say her place is cozy but the bed takes up most of the room. I ask her how she slept and she says good. She asks me and instead of saying good, I decide to tell the truth and say "not so well." Don't ask me why, I don't know. She tells me "I'm gonna hug you in here [her apartment]." We hug and cheek kiss and head outside. She tells me a little about the people who own the house. They're engineers. That explains the Tesla. We get out to the sidewalk and I tell her "I'll let you go" and give her a quick kiss.

 

[WeddingCrasher]

Well......I'm crashing and burning on my road to redemption, guys. I can't make this stuff up. I wish I were. I knew I fucked up but writing it all down here has made me realize just how bad my decision making is, especially when it comes to making decisions on the fly and under pressure. I haven't seen her since. I texted her two days later wishing her a happy valentine's day. I also mentioned I had fun and that I was glad we got together and thanked her again for helping me out that night. I say "I hope I didn't keep you up too long lol" as a joke. I don't know if that was a good idea to mention that or not. She wishes me a happy valentine's day back and says she had fun too but felt like she "ran out of battery towards the end."

She was performing with that rock band she mentioned the weekend after at a dive bar. I wasn't sure if going to that would be a good idea but I was thinking about it. I decided not to. I texted her last Sunday to set up a date for this Saturday. She said Friday would be better. I plan on confirming with her then to see if we're still on but I'm keeping my expectations low.

 

[WeddingCrasher]

She texts me on Thursday to see if we're still on. I text back confirming the time and place and she says that's perfect. The only thing concerning me at this point is the venue I've picked has a cover charge that night, at least that's what it says on their website. This isn't a big deal but I'm neurotic and I'd rather go somewhere where I don't have to pay $20 to get the two of us in. I'm not sure which venue to go to besides this one put I have a few options in mind. I plan on telling her later about the cover charge and deciding then where to go instead. Live bands play at this bar, so some nights there is a cover charge. I pick this place because she dances with a band that performs at some local bars around town so I plan to try to score brownie points by helping her get a gig at this place.

Friday comes and I plan on leaving at 5:30. Our date is at 7:30 but I'm currently living in Temecula which is about an hour outside of San Diego, which is where she is. I'm currently living with my aunt and uncle and she lives alone so I plan to crash at her place like I did last time. It's a long way to go to meet a girl but I have some business in SD the next day so I figure I'll head over a little early and spend the night. Well, I get off work later than I planned to. By the time I eat, shower, and finish getting ready, it's already 6. I text her to let her know I may be a little late. She says it's fine. I get sidetracked by something else, I forget what, and by the time I'm in my car it's about 6:30. Also, one of my car's tires is low on air. I usually wouldn't worry too much about this but since I have a long drive, I stop at a gas station to fill it up.

At this point, I'm starting to stress out. I worry I'm gonna be late so I text her again letting her know about the cover charge and telling her to meet me outside at 7:45 instead of 7:30. She texts back asking if I would like to go to a different bar. This is a bad sign. I try to think of another place to counter her offer but I can't decide on one. Now I'm really stressing at this point. I know I'm not supposed to let her change the date but I consider taking her offer just so I can stop deliberating in my head. Finally, I decide to suggest a brewery that's nearby the place we originally agreed on. It's 6:45 now so I tell her I'll see her there at 8. The place is only 10 to 15 min from her at the most so she should still be at home. She agrees and on the drive there, I'm trying to ease my mind and also think of things to talk about when I see her.

I arrive at 7:40 and I sit in my car for a minute to get myself composed. I walk over to the venue I picked initially and it doesn't look very busy for a venue that's supposed to have a show tonight and be charging a cover. I walk down the street to check the brewery and that's relatively empty too. There's a bank across the street and it's still early so I go to the atm to get some cash out. On my way back to cross the street, I see a girl walking by herself. I don't recognize her at first but it's her and I say something like " Oh shit! I didn't recognize you." We hug and she asks me where the place is. I tell it's down the street but I like the initial spot I picked better because it's dimly lit and not all bright like the brewery so I tell her let's check that place out. There's no bouncer at the door and we walk right in. I ask the bartender if there's a cover and she says no. I guess there's no show tonight after all.

She mentions work's been busy for her due to tax season and she asks what I do for work. I tell her what I do and she further elaborates on her job saying she works with financial advisors and she doesn't actually talk with the beneficiaries. Her job involves transferring money from life insurance policies to beneficiaries. I ask what the biggest amount she's had to move is and I think she said 3 million. Anyways, we order our drinks and she gets a vodka pineapple while I get a white russian. I remember she had pictures of pineapples in her apartment. I say something about her drink and I think she takes it like I'm teasing her so she teases me about the white russian saying it's a girly drink. This is The Dude's drink.

 

[WeddingCrasher]

While there, we talk about shows we like, we both watch Dexter so we talk about that, a little about travel, she asks where I want to travel and I say Spain and I ask her back. She says Thailand and I think Italy. I mention the Full Moon Party that Chase talks about but I don't know enough about it to fully explain it to her. I just tell her it's a crazy party a la Cancun. We talk about places we like to go, she says she doesn't go out much anymore and when she does, she doesn't go to bars, she prefers clubs now. She mentions she's a blood donor. I ask how her show went the previous week and she says good, but I don't go any deeper into it than that. Later she mentions all the stuff she has planned and things she's working on with the band and her dance team, she dances on stage while the band performs. She sounds excited and like she's looking forward to it all while she's talking about this stuff. I wanted to capitalize on that but I forgot what I was gonna say in response and my mind just goes blank and I sit there going "Uhhhh" for a second so we change the subject.

I should have chose a better place to sit because we're sitting at the bar next to the entrance and we're sitting on bar stools and my back is uncomfortable. We order another round and she pays this time. I ask how she got into dancing and she says she's been dancing since she was 5 but I don't dive any deeper into this. She mentions she had a massage and asks if I've ever had one. This is a potentially sexual topic so I really could have done more with this, i.e. sex talk, but all I can think to say is "not recently." She says she needed one cause her workspace isn't very ergonomic, she works from home like myself, and she had a bunch of knots they had to work out. Instead of just listening and having a conversation, I'm trying to think of things to say while I'm talking to her and I keep forgetting whatever it was I had planned to say. The only time I get a laugh out of her is when we're talking about her dancing abilities, I ask if she does the splits and she says she used to be able to. I tell her that I used to do them while I was drunk and she laughs and we talk a little more about that.

Also I remember her telling me not to drink my drink too slow cause it'll start to taste of just ice water. I do tend to drink slow. I think she could tell I was tense and may have been telling me to drink faster so I could relax. I also remember her mentioning that she's allergic to wheat I think it is and she can't have drinks with wheat in them cause she will have a reaction. She finishes her drink and gets up to use the bathroom. When she gets back, she's just standing to my right, she was seated on my left, and I get the impression she's about to tell me she's leaving. But she doesn't say anything so I ask if she's ready to go to the next spot and she says yes. This was a bad idea in retrospect, but I had the idea to get the contact info for whoever books shows for that venue so I ask the bartender who I would contact for that and I tell her that she performs. She tells me to message them on Instagram and they'll see about bookings there. I probably should have told my girl that she should ask about booking a show there if she's interested and left it at that.

While leaving, she notices the other room of the bar, you walk in and there's the bar to the left and pool tables in the back but that's only half the venue. When you walk in there's a door to another room on the right and this is where the stage is along with tables and some booths. It catches her eye and we go check it out. She seems to like it in there and there are booths open. I should of suggested we grab a booth and have another drink there but I don't and instead we leave for the next venue. When we walk outside, she starts walking to the left towards where she parked and she turns and asks me which direction and I tell her it's the other way.

On our way over to the next bar, she tells me that she believes in ghosts and aliens. She also claims she saw a UFO once and tells me the story. This next bar has an indoor/outdoor area. We grab a seat at the bar inside. It's much smaller than the last bar. She says she likes the seats here because they have back support and aren't just stools. She says her back was starting to hurt at the last spot. She wants some kind of seltzer but they don't have it so she orders wine which turns out to be almost $20 for her drink while mine is $6-7. I offer to split but she offers to pay if I pay the tip so we agree to that. After talking for a little while, she asks if I want to go outside. I comply and we take our drinks and grab a table outside. Here we get into a conversation about supernatural experiences we've had. She says she lived in a haunted house and saw a ghost once. I share a story about my cat's water bowl being dragged across the hallway in the middle of the night and a story about my older sister running out of her room one morning crying and terrified because she said she felt a spirit pass through her.

She finishes her drink and goes to the bathroom again. She comes back and she's ready to leave now. As we're leaving, I wanna ask if I can crash at her place again but there's people outside and I don't want them to hear me ask so I walk her back to her car and tell her I don't want to impose on her too much since she let me stay over at her place last time but I ask if I can stay over at her place again and she says not tonight. I put my arm around her and give her a kiss. She gives one back, then one more and we say goodnight.

I'm walking back to my car and I'm pissed now. I can tell I've lowered her interest in me since she's not letting me come over anymore and I feel like I just blew any chance I had left with this girl. I'm also mad cause I drove a long distance for this. Fortunately, I don't have to drive back cause I have plans in town the next morning.