Running Out of Conversations During Dates

[Mystique]

I'd like to ask. How do you keep conversations going during dates. The last two dates I was on, after talking for not too long a time, I ran out of what to talk about. It was not awkward or anything like that and I used it to build some sexual tension. Is it okay to run out of what to talk about and maybe just hold hands, stare into her eyes and just do some non verbal forms of communication. Also I'd like to ask on topics to talk about with a girl on a date (I know it's a sort of silly question but I'm trying to review my conversation process and I'm digging up articles related to it).
So basically, my question is on how to keep conversation going during a date and topics to touch on.

 

[HellAtlantic]

How do you know that when the convo dies that isn't the time to escalate? Lulls in a convo aren't always bad. Sometimes they are an indicator that you need to stop talking and make a move. When a girl is ready to be kissed by you you'll notice things go silent very quickly, that's very likely an escalation window.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Mystique,

I guess you run out of things to say, because you're the one who does most of the talking. Instead, try to make her talk. Basically, what's her story?

If she's in college, what is she studying? What does she want to achieve in her life? How many brothers and sisters? Does she has any picture of them, to show? The pictures session, that's usually a great one.

Another great one: Her latest boyfriend. Why did they break? She will go on a stream of complaints, you just listen to her and show some compassion. How was the sex with him? Hahaha, great one. It will disarm her a bit because it's unexpected. You will look confident just to bring up the subject. She will now picture herself doing it with you! If she says something like "it was ok but...", you say something around "It is possible to have both girl and boy enjoy a great deal" etc... A bit cocky but girls like cocky. Confident and cocky, that will earn you many points!

Touch and physical communication: always in the background, while normal communication is going on (i.e. she's talking)... Unless you're physically escalating her in your seduction location - then it's ok to have some silences lol.

Cheers,
Seppuku
PS. But yeah, if you're already doing the above and silence falls flat, agreed with HellAtlantic, it's probably time to pull.

 

[Mystique]

HellAtlantic wrote: How do you know that when the
convo dies that isn't the time to
escalate? Lulls in a convo aren't
always bad. Sometimes they are an
indicator that you need to stop
talking and make a move. When a girl
is ready to be kissed by you you'll
notice things go silent very quickly,
that's very likely an escalation
window.

You might be right. I'm still inexperienced and I might not be able to spot escalation windows. My brain is still programmed to believe that I have to spend a particular amount of time before she's ready for me to escalate. But I'd like to ask; what's the difference between a normal silence because convo naturally died and silence indicating an escalation window? Also, what are the general signs a girl gives when she's ready for escalation.
@Seppuku

I guess you run out of things to say,
because you're the one who does
most of the talking. Instead, try to
make her talk.

Oh, my bad. I guess I should have said I run out of topics to deep dive girls on. I let girls do the talking as I'm naturally not much of a talker.

How many
brothers and sisters? Does she has
any picture of them, to show? The
pictures session, that's usually a
great one.

I think I'll use this one. It sounds cool

Another great one: Her latest
boyfriend. Why did they break? She
will go on a stream of complaints,
you just listen to her and show some
compassion. How was the sex with
him? Hahaha, great one. It will
disarm her a bit because it's
unexpected. You will look confident
just to bring up the subject. She will
now picture herself doing it with you!
If she says something like "it was ok
but...", you say something around "It
is possible to have both girl and boy
enjoy a great deal" etc... A bit cocky
but girls like cocky. Confident and
cocky, that will earn you many
points!

I have always had issues bringing up boyfriend and sexual topics. The former is probably because I fear it might do me more harm than good and the later is because I'm still inexperienced. I think I'm gonna follow your advice and try out those topics. I've been thinking of how I can bring sexual topics (or undertones) into my dates and I thought I should start using sexual/chase framing.

Touch and physical communication:
always in the background, while
normal communication is going on
(i.e. she's talking)...

I've always been good with touch. It's so natural to me. In class I touch and flirt with all my female course mates and friends generally. Maybe that's what has helped me. The things so far I've learnt and I'm good at to certain extent through GC is touch, sexual tension and piercing eye contact (still have a lot to learn on this one). What I need to work on (among others) is physical escalation: kissing, making out, etc.
Thanks for the tips HellAtlantic and Seppuku. Would you guys be so kind as to comment on my latest FR: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=13533

 

[Seppuku]

But I'd like to ask; what's the difference between a normal silence because convo naturally died and silence indicating an escalation window? Also, what are the general signs a girl gives when she's ready for escalation.

Simple: whenever you think she feels comfortable with you. She needs to be comfortable speaking to you, and comfortable with your touch. It takes typically two to three hours face to face, except DTF cases (for these, escalation is right now).

It's better, but not mandatory, if you had signs of interests. Watch for this:

Speaking excitedly non stop
Touching you a lot
Asking questions about you
Arranging her hair
Complying to your orders
Following your lead
etc...

Now, if you don't have these, you'll have the dilemma. Either you call for a second date, in the hope she'll show more interest, but then there's a good likelihood you'll never see her again and second date never take place. Or, you assume it's your last chance ever with her, nothing to lose, and pull her anyway. Second is best in my opinion, it's following the process rather than chasing reactions.

I have always had issues bringing up boyfriend and sexual topics. The former is probably because I fear it might do me more harm than good and the later is because I'm still inexperienced. I think I'm gonna follow your advice and try out those topics. I've been thinking of how I can bring sexual topics (or undertones) into my dates and I thought I should start using sexual/chase framing.

If you're not too confident, don't overdo it then. Give a try to "how was sex with him".

If you already do the deep diving and still run out of conversation, then ask yourself: have you actually exploited the current deep dive topics inside out? If yes, maybe it's past time you pulled ;-)

I've always been good with touch. It's so natural to me. In class I touch and flirt with all my female course mates and friends generally. Maybe that's what has helped me. The things so far I've learnt and I'm good at to certain extent through GC is touch, sexual tension and piercing eye contact (still have a lot to learn on this one). What I need to work on (among others) is physical escalation: kissing, making out, etc.

If you're naturally good with touch you have a solid starting point. Then pay attention to her reaction to your touch. If you read my reports I'm always acutely aware of the sub communication when I'm on a date. It gives a lot of useful clues.

For how to physically escalate, you can check my Journal (I usually put a link to my LR where I describe what I'm doing). Some other guys are good at describing what they're doing, too.

Thanks for the tips HellAtlantic and Seppuku. Would you guys be so kind as to comment on my latest FR: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=13533

Welcome, I'll take a look.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[HellAtlantic]

There is no set time to be talking and then transition to kissing or whatever you feel is the next step of escalation. We can sometimes underestimate our abilities to connect with girls. You never know, maybe you're just her type and she's so physically attracted to you and you didn't fuck anything up by doing anything stupid so maybe she's ready minute 5 into the convo for you to make your move, someone she's less attracted to may have to spend more time making her comfy before he can kiss her. Girls are obviously attracted enough to you where you are going on dates with some good frequency. Don't sell yourself short. How long do you think a Brad Pitt needs to talk to a girl before he can kiss her? Not very long indeed.

Also the lull in the convo may not exactly signal "kiss me right now", but if you feel a vibe from her and the talk has stopped it could mean "isolate me so that we can move things along". It could mean "I'm attracted to you and you are making me feel comfortable around you, ok partner, what's your next step, I'm ready for the next step." Escalation window doesn't mean the next step is to kiss. It means that's your next best chance to move things to the next level. Moving her to another location or increasing the physical touch could be the next step, not necessarily kissing. Wouldn't want you to think "ahhhh, here's the lull in the convo - time to kiss!".

 

[Mystique]

Thanks guys; your insights are golden!