Ryan's Journal

[Ryan]

I've begun a new journal because I realised I was being too harsh on myself. It's a new year, and I want to begin a clean slate.

Last year was a bit tragic when it came to approaching women. I estimate that I approached around 100-150 women during 2013.
Only 2 women gave me their numbers. And after the days i met them, I didn't hear from them ever again

I spent most of my teenage life having my heart broken by so many girls, or in depression. But enough of the past. I only say this to show that if I can find success with women, anyone can

Brief Introduction:

I've just turned 19 years old. I'm a naturally calm, shy but determined Englishman. I have a very different look to most people because of my Afghan background. I have long, wavy black hair, with dark eyes and tan skin. I'm about 6ft1.
I like Persian and European women, though I really like Chinese women. I think it's because I like the country of China and it's culture. I find Chinese women's accent, appearance, behaviour, culture, and sense of humour so cute!

My Journal

1. Every Sunday, I will update my Approach Spreadsheet, displaying my progress every day.
2. I will only post a written report if i have something successful to write about. A successful approach is any approach which leads to a date, or more.
3. At the end of each month, I will do an End-of-Month review of my everything concerning the women I met that month. I will then set out on what I want to achieve for the month ahead.
4. I aim to approach at least 4 new women every day.

Lastly, I'd like to thank the community for all their support so far. I really couldn't have come this far without your guys' support! I hope this journal can one day inspire others, as your journals have inspired me.

 

[Ryan]

Selected posts from my previous journal (2013):


Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:08 am

She was an asian girl with blonde hair (i thought 'aha! an easy opener!'). She was okay looking. She dyed her hair blonde, which i thought looked a bad choice, but it was a good excuse to talk to her.

So, this was (roughly) our conversation:

Me: Hey, i really like your hair colour. It's beautiful.
Her: Thank you!
Me: What's your name?
Her: mi----------ah (a train went past and i couldn't hear).
Me: Oh really? that's a cute name. My name's Ryan. Nice to meet you.
Her: [Smiles]
Me: Are you from around here?
Her: No, i'm from Thailand.

Me: [big, big pause. I panicked in my mind because i had run out of things to say. I wanted to steer clear of just a boring conversation for which it was heading, but i couldn't talk about myself because i need to keep the conversation on her. But i couldn't think of something to say. I was so tense and i felt horrible].

Me: Why did you move from Thailand to England? Are you crazy?
Her: ...
Me: The food is so delicious there, unlike here.
Her: So you like spicy food?
Me: Yes, and you?
Her: Yes, spicy salad.
Me: That's interesting!
Her: Yes [smile]
Me: I like thai curries the best. So delicious.
Her: okay

[2nd big, long pause. This one lasted for about 2 minutes or three. I wanted to throw myself off during then. The atmosphere was AWFUL, and the conversation felt so artificial and awkward that i just wanted it to end].

Me: [i said something but i can't remember what]
Her: yes [another smile. But i knew it was a smile from a girl who was thinking 'please go away'. I've seen that smile many times].
Me: what station are you getting off?
Her: Whitechapel
Me: I will get off at embankment
Her: ...

[negative body language from her and some more silence. This was way beyond saving and i just gave up then].

Her:[at my station] this is your station. You can get off here.
Me: [ ]

At the beginning, her attraction for me was about 6/10. Afterwards, it was 1/10.

It's so easy to say the things i could have done better, but when i was there, just talking alone was really the hardest thing in the world. I had no perception of the world around me and everything just seemed a blur as i was focused on her. During the awkward pauses, i felt a bit dizzy and lethargic. It's difficult to describe, but i think the way i can improve is by practicing talking more with girls outside my social circle (strangers), because it really is a totally different skill. Also, i should probably warm up with small talk with other strangers.

Tue Nov 05, 2013 6:30 am

Me: Why did you move from Thailand to England? Are you crazy?
Her: ...
Me: The food is so delicious there, unlike here.
Her: So you like spicy food?
Me: Yes, and you?
Her: Yes, spicy salad.
Me: That's interesting!
Her: Yes [smile]
Me: I like thai curries the best. So delicious.
Her: okay

I think you lost her interest here because you focused too much on yourself. Refocus on her, i.e. "Why did you move from Thailand to England?" and stop there, she'll respond, you build on that and learning more about why she moved or what she's doing here, then if you run out of things to say you can continue onto food, i.e. she says she likes spicy salads, ask her if she's a vegetarian or where the best spicy salad she's had is.

[2nd big, long pause. This one lasted for about 2 minutes or three. I wanted to throw myself off during then. The atmosphere was AWFUL, and the conversation felt so artificial and awkward that i just wanted it to end].

Me: [i said something but i can't remember what]
Her: yes [another smile. But i knew it was a smile from a girl who was thinking 'please go away'. I've seen that smile many times].
Me: what station are you getting off?
Her: Whitechapel
Me: I will get off at embankment
Her: ...

Haha, I can relate especially to the first part. That awkward feeling where things sink internally and you're not sure what to say. Sometimes a good time to push the limits for the sake of learning, and it's great to see you persisted. Over time, you may learn that if the atmosphere is awful and a girl isn't feeling it, learn from it (study what you did and what went wrong and when) and walk away/exit gracefully and move on to the next girl that WILL be receptive to you. =)

Cold approaching is the best, man. Don't take rejections to heart, they happen to everyone and it's how you learn. It's quite hard at first but the more you approach strangers the better you will get at it and at talking to them, connecting with them, and displaying a level of confidence. You will also notice patterns in how they talk to you and what signs of interest they show, among other things. After all, girls are girls.

I am liking your ambition (last post) and writing, by the way. Keep it up, looking forward to more!

Fri Nov 08, 2013 8:49 pm

Today was hard. REALLY hard. Let's start with Girl 1.

Girl 1:

I met Girl 1 at the starbucks (described above in day 1, as the first place I should go to find women). She was a pretty Japanese girl who was near enough my age (she was 20 years old). She had headphones on and was busy on her laptop, so I waited for the opportune moment to start a conversation. I saw on her laptop (discreetly) that she went to the university nearby my own. When she seemed 'less busy', I began my conversation:

N.B. Before I begin, please note this is a Japanese girl, who, true to the stereotype- seems to laugh at almost anything at any time. She had a permanent smile throughout the conversation. This may sound really good, but it was quite hard to gauge her reactions to what I say if she's like this. The conversation isn't word for word, but it's as close as I can remember.

Me: Hey, do you go to #### university?
Her: Yes, why?
Me: I've always wanted to go there. I suppose you're really smart.
Her: [laughs] Yes, I've got sooo much work to do!
Me: Yes, it looks like it. Can I see?
Her: Sure [hands me book/compliance?]
Her: [Starts talking lots of stuff about her university, her course and her friends]
Me: Too much work. Poor you.
Her: Oh we have reading week this week, so it's not so bad. What about you? Don't you have reading week?
Me: No, we're not slackers like your university (said with a smile).
Her: Oh, okay. Haha
Me: Which country are you from? You sound like you have a bit of an accent. (She sounded a mix of Japanese and American).
Her: I spent my high school years in America, but I lived my life in Japan before that. I lived in Italy and Holland too.
Me: Wow, can you speak any of those languages?
Her: No. Just Japanese and English. [laughs, again]
Me: That's poor. I expected better from a ##### university student.
Her: [laughs] Which languages do you speak?
Me: Just English. I can speak a bit of Persian and Chinese too.
Her: Really?! That's so interesting. There are lots of Chinese people in my university, so I wish I knew how to speak it.
Me: Japanese and English is enough. Teach me some Japanese.
Her: Okay.
[we exchanged and taught each other a few words from our languages. We spoke for a few minutes longer about similar subjects, i can't remember the exact words used, but it's nothing new compared to what I wrote above. We introduced ourselves in each other's language. Her name was Mino].
Me: [sensing the conversation was slowly dying], we'll I got to get back to university, my lecture starts soon. [I took out my mobile]
Her: Okay. Sorry to keep you here.
Me: Yeah, you're a bad influence!
Her: [laughs]
Me: It's been nice meeting you.
Her: It's been nice meeting you too.
Me: Hey, [with my mobile being out for quite some time], could you give me your number?
Her: Shouldn't you go back to university now? It's getting late. [my heart broke into a million pieces once she said that. Surely a girl who was interested wouldn't try to dodge that request? Though I admit I should of said 'give me your number'. But I thought all that time she was enjoying talking to me and we had a connection. Maybe she was just being polite.]
Me: uh..yeah.. [ ]
Her: Oh, yeah, lets swap our numbers
Me: If you want to, that is (I instantly regret saying that)
Her: Oh, it's fine
[we swap numbers]
Me: Nice to know you Mino
Her: Nice to meet you too! Enjoy your lecture!
Me: Yes, I will.

So at the end of that conversation, which lasted about 10-12 minutes, I got her number. I was absolutely joyous, after thinking I've FINALLY got somewhere with a girl. I was thinking that I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and everything would start making sense now.
After all, the objective was only to say 'Hi'. Why would I feel bad?
But after a while, her number started to feel like a last-place prize, where I have no reason to feel proud about it. Looking back on the conversation, it was crystal clear that she didn't want to give me her number (Me: Hey, [with my mobile being out for quite some time], could you give me your number? Her: Shouldn't you go back to university now? It's getting late. ).
I know that I was far too 'friendly' with my conversation, but I just don't know what to do. I've lost all my courage by girls shunning me for being over-confident, aggressive and a bit reckless. And now, I'm losing girls because I'm being too nice/careful. But it's damn hard to find that happy middle ground.

Anyway, I thought I'd give it one more go to see whether or not she likes me. So I texted her this:
'Nice to meet you today- let's see each other again soon. Sayonara '

She replied:
'Thank you, too! I go to that Starbucks pretty often, so I think we'll see each other sometime Hope you made it to the lecture!'

I didn't reply. I don't think she'll ever return to that Starbucks again, and was just saying that so I don't ask her on a date or something. That one didn't work out. Never mind.

But it got worse. Much worse.

Girl 2:
I was walking around Chinatown, because I like to eat the strange Chinese bread that no-one else seems to like. Oh, and I like Chinese girls too.
So, I saw there was a beautiful Chinese girl. So I walked quicker on the pavement and cut across the road so I would be in front of her. I then walked slowly (with the way I learned on Day 2), so she would catch up with me and we'll be beside each other (I learned this tactic myself as Chase tells us never to approach from behind).
So, when she caught up, I said to her 'Hey, terrible weather we're having, no?' (with a smile on my face and positive body language). It was absolutely shocking weather; cold arctic winds with heavy rain. She just gave me the weirdest look, like I was a beggar demanding her to give him change. She then started to walk much quicker (it was close to running), turned around a corner at speed, and left me behind thinking what on earth I said wrong.

Girl 3:
This girl was another Chinese beauty. We were walking into the subway to leave Chinatown, when I saw her beside me. I thought i'd flirt with her in Chinese to see if it'll make a difference (I tried this a few times. The first time was with a Thai girl last year which was very embarrassing, and why I ask if they're Chinese before proceeding. However, when I try to speak Chinese to English girls of chinese-descent, they can't stand it. But the girl entering the subway looked like she was born in China, so I thought I'll try it out to see what'll happen). So, to open before i began flirting in Chinese, I asked her:

Me: Hey, I know this is a strange question, but, are you Chinese? (I feel I should of left the first clause out and just asked her if she's Chinese).
Her: hisssssssssssssssssssssss
Me: ?!!!!?!!

She replied with a weird hissing sound that's hard to describe otherwise, but from her facial expressions, it looked like she knew what I was saying. but she didn't seem to like me. Not one bit. She then quickly walked from the stairs and away from me as fast as she seemed to be able to in a crowded area.

Girl 4:
I was walking down some outdoor stairs to arrive at the train station, and I mentioned the classic, old-english favourite again: 'Hey, terrible weather today, no?'

Totally ignored me.

Fri Nov 08, 2013 10:10 pm

Ryan,
I honestly think if you would have opened girl 3 and 4 directly just saying whatever was on your mind, "Hey your the fucking hottest girl I've seen all day, had to come talk to you. I'm Ryan.", you would have found more success. You should be proud of yourself your a warrior man. You went out despite the fact every emotion in your head was telling you not to go out in the cold to talk to women. It's really hard to force yourself to do something you don't want and it sounds like you achieved just that. I think if that was all you accomplished in this outing it was a success.

As far as your mindset with direct opening goes. Maybe try and take on the mindset that your being an asshole by not telling girls whats on your mind when you open them. Girls spend so long everyday doing their hair, nails, makeup, etc just to attract the opposite sex the least they deserve is a compliment.

Another thing to keep in mind is that girls find it really creepy to be stopped on the street and be opened indirect. I never realized how creepy this was until I had it happen to me recently. I'm in the Dominican Republic right now and the town I stay in has a big prostitution problem (If I'm out on the streets I get approached by 2-4 prostitutes per night). When prostitutes approach me directly, usually walk directly in front of me so I'll run into her then she grabs my dick (extremely direct), it's easy for me to take her hand give her a twirl and send her on her way. When I get approached indirectly, girl catches up to me and pretends she's walking somewhere and I'm a companion to talk to on the way to her destination (usually opens friendly asking my name and commenting on the weather), I get a little anxious as to what the fuck she wants from me. I can't tell if she really is looking for some friendly conversation on the way, wants me to pay her for sex, or is about to lead me into a gang that's going to hold a knife up to my throat and rob me for the 5 bucks I have in my pocket. It's really interesting being on the other side of the table and it really nailed in how important opening direct is in impersonal non social settings.

Ryan dude keep up the work. It doesn't sound like your targeting your weaknesses (which to me seems like your vibe) to work on specifically when you go out. Although you may be it's hard to tell via computer screen. If your not I recommend that you target that weakness and work on it every time you go out for a month and see if you can improve that one area. It will make a big difference in changing your mindset to looking at this as more of a skillset rather than life or death situation. I think today was success for you and you need to look at it in the light. Another thing, though I don't recommend skipping outings due to inclement weather as I have had good success in it, women aren't as receptive in inclement weather so this could have had something to do with it. It's best to be really warm (though not too friendly) in shitty weather.

Keep up the hard work dude,
hope something I said makes sense lol!

Rob

Fri Nov 22, 2013 5:48 am

Girl 6 (Kazura - the Japanese girl) from a few days ago hasn't contacted me yet. It's almost 6am 22/11. I don't think she ever will

Lesson from Day 16- Never give a girl your number without her giving you hers!

Sat Nov 23, 2013 1:54 am

Sent a text a few hours after i met the pretty Chinese lady on the 21st:

'Nice to meet you -Ryan'

No reply. Didn't think much of it because it was only an icebreaker.


Sent her another text the next day (yesterday) at 1.30pm:

'Hey, are you available this week?'

No reply.


I think she's lost interest in me. Shame. I thought she liked me, and i liked her. But i'm sure i'll find someone else today; got to stay positive!

On a side note, i met a lovely Persian lady called Sephideh at university yesterday. She's 29, but she has a boyfriend.
I asked a Chinese girl on the train if she was single. She said no, she has a boyfriend. I hope i see the day when this answer won't matter. I had a very brief, one-sided conversation with her before walking sheepishly back to my seat when she obviously wasn't interested.

Fri Dec 06, 2013 1:25 am

Ryan. Things like that last interaction you had is something that we've all had.
When I started out, I got rejected a lot. I didn't come off as smooth at all. In some shape or form, we have all been there.
Don't give up.
And about rejections. I'll tell you what someone once told me when I was starting out.
They said: when you get rejected, the girl isn't rejecting you. She is just rejecting your approach. How can she reject you when she knows absolutely nothing about you?
With that in mind, you should just strive to getting approaches down very smoothly that girls won't even reject your approach and be more than happy to get to know you beyond the surface.

Also,to avoid getting disappointed, you should make small goals with your interactions. That way even if you don't get her number or anything, you at least met your goal and you'll come away feeling good about yourself.
I suggest making small goals to reach in your interactions like: make a girl smile, be in a conversation for at least so & so minutes, flatter a girl with a compliment.

I know you feel uncomfortable about going direct but let me tell you man, it's not that bad.
I know you may think that every guy goes direct and it's off-putting to women but the fact is, guys actually go INDIRECT more often and women have seen this so much that it actually annoys them. Women want a man to get straight to the point about why the man is talking to them.
Make a small goal of just complimenting girls in creative ways to get comfortable going direct.
I started off with: "I saw you over there and I just had to say that you are very beautiful"
To "I saw you over there and I just had to say that you are gorgeous"
To " I saw you there and wow...you're cute."
To "stop. Can we talk about how adorable you are?"
To "stop. You're cute. What's your name?"

I promise you, girls will blush...especially calling them beautiful or gorgeous. They don't get called that very often. Most guys will say "hot" "sexy", talk about their body (boobs or ass, etc.)

Hope that helped.
Wes

 

[Ryan]

Approach Spreadsheet - 06/01/14:

 

[Ryan]

Just one more thing to add...

I forgot to write about someone here, who I talked about in my previous journal a lot. She means a lot to me.

There's a girl in my university class called Sarah. She's a gorgeous girl from Iraq. Since I first saw her, my endearment for her has grown. It's not like a crazy 'crush' infatuation. I don't feel uncomfortable around her, nor does my chest feel tight and my head start to spin (as it would do if i was caught in feelings of infatuation), but more of an affection for her that grows day by day. It's something i've never experienced before.
Everyday, i start thinking about her more, and she makes me happy whenever i'm around her or I start thinking about her. Whenever she smiles at me, or talks to me, it feels very unique and indescribable. I can't tell you what it feels like, because there's nothing i can compare it to. But the closest way that i can put it is, her presence makes me feel complete. I don't feel upset or angry when i'm with her. Just content and at peace with the world. All my worries and doubtful thoughts are washed away by looking in her eyes and seeing her smile (but then i sort of become hypnotised by her spell! Afterwards I feel shy and really nervous once she starts looking at me again).

However, i've always been very nervous around her, and blush whenever she looks at me. I think she knows I like her (I think everyone in my class knows!), and so she's always teasing me by smiling at me especially and saying hello to me.

I'm not really sure what to do though. Recently, I was discussing with my friend about her (he knows i like her), and he said that she told him she had a boyfriend already. Apparently he's from Syria, tall, handsome, and a few years older than her. And i look at all the handsome Arab men in our class, and in her circle of friends, and feel a bit dismayed. I feel like a child whenever I talk with them (though they're very friendly), because they're much more 'manly', 'smoother' and 'cooler' than I.
Last month, two Swedish girls in my class (who know I like Sarah), told me that I needed to be courageous and ask her out on a date already. But i'm fearful that if i do this, she will tell me all about her boyfriend, and then it would be over. She doesn't know that I know she may have a boyfriend, so I can flirt with her all I like as i have my ignorance to fall back on. But if she tells me she has a boyfriend, my chances with her are very slim indeed. My behaviour when i'm with her must be strictly platonic as doing otherwise would be disrespectful to her feelings and she may not want to know me anymore.

I think Sarah thinks as me as a 'nice guy' or a friend. I don't believe that she has romantic feelings for me, or thinks about me outside the classroom (maybe when we first met, as I felt a special connection with her. She was especially fond of me, and she gave me her number on the first day). But I framed myself as a friend than as a lover - she was so beautiful that i became really nervous and I took the safe route of acting like a friend than a romantic interest.


Today, in class, our social circle (Sarah, myself, two other Arabs, a French girl and an Englishman) were talking to each other. Apparently, Sarah had a lesbian stalker and we were discussing what she should do about it.
I wasn't really talking much; i didn't know what to say (it's hardly like i have experience in this area). Though as the conversation began to die naturally, I complimented Sarah on her hair. Her hair is lovely, long, thick, straight, dark brown hair with blonde highlights - really compliments her look. And she's one of the only girls who knows how to apply make-up well, and wear nice looking and feminine clothes. She seemed very pleased, and said she put this special Arab perfume in her hair. She swept her hair to one side and gave me a bunch of her hair to smell the perfume - it was delightful
After looking and feeling a bit dazed from her perfume in her hair, I complimented her again and the French girl beside me began to look at her and giggle to herself and Sarah began to smile too. I felt a bit embarrassed - perhaps my liking for her was too obvious!

I think i'm gradually falling in love with her. Thinking about her and being with her makes me feel at peace and happy. She means more to me than any random girl on the street. She is someone I will always be thinking about, during my journey of becoming better with women.
(Or maybe i will forget all about her once i sleep with the first pretty woman I one day approach and have sex with. I'm really caught between a rock and a hard place here).

 

[Mr.Rob]

I think i'm gradually falling in love with her. Thinking about her and being with her makes me feel at peace and happy. She means more to me than any random girl on the street. She is someone I will always be thinking about, during my journey of becoming better with women.

Be careful buddy. For your own emotions.

Been down this road before though a little different and although I'm still friends with the girl, a lot of painful emotions previously in the past.

Do your thing just be cautious for your own sake.

-Rob

 

[Ryan]

I think i'm gradually falling in love with her. Thinking about her and being with her makes me feel at peace and happy. She means more to me than any random girl on the street. She is someone I will always be thinking about, during my journey of becoming better with women.

Be careful buddy. For your own emotions.

Been down this road before though a little different and although I'm still friends with the girl, a lot of painful emotions previously in the past.

Do your thing just be cautious for your own sake.

-Rob

Thank you for your advice Rob. Actually, i've had my heart broken, many, many times before, so it's not something i feel so fearful of usually. But Sarah feels different. Like she's someone i can be happy with, instead of just intimate - so being friends is actually ok, but not what i really want. It's my indecisiveness which is really causing me anguish - damned if i do, damned if i don't.