Long-Term Satisficers vs. Maximizers

[Chase]

I ran a poll on X.com to see what % of men are satisficers vs. what percent are maximizers. 297 guys voted.

x.com

x.com

Result: 60/40 split satisficers vs. maximizers.

If you're unfamiliar with the terms:

• Satisficers are men who prefer comfort and ease over having "the best." They will opt for the lower maintenance less attractive girl over the more attractive but higher maintenance one.
  
  
• Maximizers are men who prefer having "the best" over comfort and ease. They will opt for the more attractive but higher maintenance girl over the lower maintenance less attractive one.

There's a study on these preferences that is pretty enlightening... the researchers found that maximizers get happier the hotter their wives are, while satisficers actually get happier the uglier their wives are

I probably want to write an article on this topic at some point.

For now, I think it's an interesting point worth considering whenever this topic of "which chick to choose for a long-term settled LTR" comes up.

There was a bit more discussion of the topic on X in this thread.

Chase

 

[TomInHo]

That poll you did was interesting, but I have some questions because...

If you say attractive girls are always a lot of trouble, how do you explain girls who are pretty but also easy to get along with?

Do you think they don't exist? And what about girls who are mid but are still a massive headache? Do you think those girls don't exist either?

Could it be that if you think pretty girls are always difficult, you might only notice the girls who are difficult, and ignore the easygoing ones? Or maybe secretly more attracted to difficult women?

One of the studies you referenced says more attractive women want a man with both good genes & resources. But then it also states at the end that MOST women want that, not just pretty ones—so which is it?

Also, looking at the study, it relied on how men rated attractiveness. But isn’t it possible that narcissistic women, who invest more in their appearance, could be skewing the data?

Research like the one titled, "Do Objective and Peer-perceived Qualities Moderate the Relationship Between Narcissism and Social Outcomes?" shows that narcissistic women are often perceived as more attractive

Probably because women with those traits tend to spend more time on grooming and their appearance

Therefore when a man is rating a woman on attractiveness there is a possibility he could also rating her based on narcissistic traits without his knowledge. This could potentially skew the data collected and conclusions in your first study

Because some people could have be rating on narcissism rather than just objective beauty.

Meaning that even if there were attractive women who were not demanding, the presence of a smaller number of highly demanding narcissistic women could have significantly raised the average perceived "high-maintenance" score for the "attractive" category

And this is especially true when the sample size of the study is not large. The study you used only had 214 participants

Therefore, isn't it possible there will be beautiful women that don't also display those narcissistic traits and might be easy to get along with?

The premise is interesting, but it seems like it presents a false dichotomy that doesn't address some complexities of human attraction. Which leaves strong potential for confirmation bias

 

[Skills]

That survey/study makes no sense i agree with thominho....

Going into red pill territory(i am worry about you chase hanging out in twitter too much).... chase please tell me that you going to twitter is not brain washing you...

You can have a really hot girl (your 8 or above) and be low drama, cool, chill etc... the characteristic you are giving the 6

you can have a troll or a mid, 6 that is a massive drama, pain in the ass (the characteristics you give to the 9)....

with that being said most guys that i seen in 20 years in the community usually make main(the 8 range) to their particular taste, seems to be their sweet spot....

Also i would love to know who here is goes "let me marry a 6" cause she is low drama blah blah

most guys make main their onitis.... (at least i do), due to onitis, or good screening (she was the best out of the different girls you were saying)... Usually tends to happen every 3 years or so, for my experience and what i have witness...

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

Each time this conversation comes people always say: "There are 9s & 10s who are low maintenance... less of a headache and less drama. They exist"

Yet... I've been in the pick up space and I haven't seen guys get low drama 9s & 10s as partners. Not saying they don't exist...

But then again why are very few me (read: almost no one) dating them.

 

[TomInHo]

Each time this conversation comes people always say: "There are 9s & 10s who are low maintenance... less of a headache and less drama. They exist"

Yet... I've been in the pick up space and I haven't seen guys get low drama 9s & 10s as partners. Not saying they don't exist...

But then again why are very few me (read: almost no one) dating them.

Ok so first we need to address somethings

What exactly is a low vs high maintenance woman? I think getting clear on both definitions can help with confusion

Because what one person considers 'high maintenance' might be another's 'normal.'

Secondly I recently had a friend show me the girl he was dating. He rated her a 9 but on my scale she was a 7. But is either of us wrong in how we view her attractiveness?

Based on the initial logic my friends GF will be BOTH low drama and high maintenance depending on who is looking at her. Plus have dated women I was extremely attracted to and they weren't a headache to manage and we didn't have massive flare ups. Those relationships dissolved when I didn't want to commit further

Think there's more nuance when it comes to relationships personally and broad generalizations can be limiting

 

[topcat]

Based on the initial logic my friends GF will be BOTH low drama and high maintenance depending on who is looking at her.

Schrödinger’s Bitch

 

[Skills]

Each time this conversation comes people always say: "There are 9s & 10s who are low maintenance... less of a headache and less drama. They exist"

Yet... I've been in the pick up space and I haven't seen guys get low drama 9s & 10s as partners. Not saying they don't exist...

But then again why are very few me (read: almost no one) dating them.

what is drama (the king of drama talk bd definition):

"Drama – Any harsh negative actions directed from a woman to man where the man is the target of said negativity. Screaming, nagging, complaining, arguing, demands, crying “at you”, threats, ultimatums, the “silent treatment”, refusing sex because of non-medical reasons, all of these things are drama, and there are many others. Drama is not “anything negative”. Specifically, it must be harsh (sweetly lying would not be considered drama) and focused at the man (angrily complaining about her boss at work would not be considered drama). Drama is a female trait. (Men have guy-drama.)"


^ this will happen with most women unless is a dude, but any seducer dating the girls should be able to handle the "drama" to the point that she starts getting in line, get frustrated and complies........ Or she is out..... No saying guys will not get the occasional drama due to seducers are a pain in the ass to date(specially the sleeping around and no committing)..... Seducers are the most difficult partners to deal with even with other seducers, imagine a women having to deal with nutcases like us... Have you ever been in a seduction chat with top guys, you will kill yourself or have a multiple mental break downs.....

But seducers are difficult to deal with.... Girls have to deal with a lot of shit, is not easy for a women.... And even then they usually comply and stay in line or go to your frame, or get frustrated and leave.... it does not matter the rating...

as i said i seen the guys usually with the 8 sweet spot... But i seen 9s and 10s (specially does 18-23 range)... The problem in itself is that seducers are dumb enough to marry that demographic, makes sense?? they are retarded... including myself ( i married a 23 year old hot russian/hungarian) ask me how it went??

"what is high maintenance:

A "high maintenance woman" is a term often used to describe a woman who is perceived to have very demanding needs or standards, requiring a significant amount of attention, effort, and sometimes expensive things to keep her happy, often associated with a focus on appearance and lifestyle, which can be seen as burdensome by others, particularly in a relationship context. "


^ . Do any of us will buy expensive things to make a girl happy regardless of the scale???? well maybe bait and switch with A FEW girls... unless is sugar daddy game(,most guys here don't do that shit).. or the passboard bros...

Last time i check we bypass high maintenance with good sex and having the girl invested (mainly through sex, excitement (aka no being boring), emotional stimulation and non neediness)

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

Ok so first we need to address somethings

What exactly is a low vs high maintenance woman? I think getting clear on both definitions can help with confusion

Because what one person considers 'high maintenance' might be another's 'normal.'

Secondly I recently had a friend show me the girl he was dating. He rated her a 9 but on my scale she was a 7. But is either of us wrong in how we view her attractiveness?

Based on the initial logic my friends GF will be BOTH low drama and high maintenance depending on who is looking at her. Plus have dated women I was extremely attracted to and they weren't a headache to manage and we didn't have massive flare ups. Those relationships dissolved when I didn't want to commit further

Think there's more nuance when it comes to relationships personally and broad generalizations can be limiting

Like I said... I've seen this conversations before and it usually comes to "my 8 might be your 6" and "my low drama might be your high drama" lol

Now, while broad generalizations CAN be limiting... the same can be made for trying to make everything a matter of objectivity.

The reason why polls like the one Chase did are made is because people notice patterns. I'm a very social person. I can not count how many times I've heard: "I used to date a very attractive girl. She loved so much attention and was a headache. My new girl isn't as attractive as her but she's less dramatic"

When you hear that, it is MORE reasonable to say "hmmm maybe 9s & 10s are more of a headache" THAN for you to say "oh well maybe those guys are going for the difficult ones"

Also, these polls/conversations are done on "average" that is, what are the thoughts the average guys have about this

Generalizations exist in PU too like "men should lead" BUT there are relationships, deductions that have the women leading. To say, because of those examples that those generalizations (which are helpful) should be discarded would be a fallacy

Another thing about the idea that this studies and conversations are done to have an idea "on average"...

There was a video that trended where a married woman of 10 years kissed a celebrity musician on stage. She said: "while this might have caused my marriage. It made me happy" Most guys were outraged about it. However, Are there some guys who will say she was living her truth, try to justify her actions or even see no big deal in it? Yes. But that's not how "on averege" most guys responded.

There are certain things most guys will see/read/hear and say "yeah that girl is going to be a headache. Or that girl is way too much" the whole "my high drama might be your low drama" logic doesn't really work here. It works better from a looks perspective. Because guys are generally more in agreement with behaviour than looks


To your friend example... I get where you're coming from. This whole looks thing has been discussed to death. The idea of "my 9 can be your 7" while helpful and valid... fails to address certain empirical evidence.

Because why then do a lot of guys have the experience of hotter girls being more "tougher to manage" It can't be because they're going for "difficult girls" maybe they're insecure? Maybe there's just a larger sample of 7s?

Well... still more observations to be made

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

what is drama (the king of drama talk bd definition):

"Drama – Any harsh negative actions directed from a woman to man where the man is the target of said negativity. Screaming, nagging, complaining, arguing, demands, crying “at you”, threats, ultimatums, the “silent treatment”, refusing sex because of non-medical reasons, all of these things are drama, and there are many others. Drama is not “anything negative”. Specifically, it must be harsh (sweetly lying would not be considered drama) and focused at the man (angrily complaining about her boss at work would not be considered drama). Drama is a female trait. (Men have guy-drama.)"


^ this will happen with most women unless is a dude, but any seducer dating the girls should be able to handle the "drama" to the point that she starts getting in line, get frustrated and complies........ Or she is out..... No saying guys will not get the occasional drama due to seducers are a pain in the ass to date(specially the sleeping around and no committing)..... Seducers are the most difficult partners to deal with even with other seducers, imagine a women having to deal with nutcases like us... Have you ever been in a seduction chat with top guys, you will kill yourself or have a multiple mental break downs.....

But seducers are difficult to deal with.... Girls have to deal with a lot of shit, is not easy for a women.... And even then they usually comply and stay in line or go to your frame, or get frustrated and leave.... it does not matter the rating...

as i said i seen the guys usually with the 8 sweet spot... But i seen 9s and 10s (specially does 18-23 range)... The problem in itself is that seducers are dumb enough to marry that demographic, makes sense?? they are retarded... including myself ( i married a 23 year old hot russian/hungarian) ask me how it went??

"what is high maintenance:

A "high maintenance woman" is a term often used to describe a woman who is perceived to have very demanding needs or standards, requiring a significant amount of attention, effort, and sometimes expensive things to keep her happy, often associated with a focus on appearance and lifestyle, which can be seen as burdensome by others, particularly in a relationship context. "


^ . Do any of us will buy expensive things to make a girl happy regardless of the scale???? well maybe bait and switch with A FEW girls... unless is sugar daddy game(,most guys here don't do that shit).. or the passboard bros...

Last time i check we bypass high maintenance with good sex and having the girl invested (mainly through sex, excitement (aka no being boring), emotional stimulation and non neediness)

Lol... yeah I agree seducers are a nut case... and the part that we should handle the drama well or she's out. Though we can agree that while every woman will give you drama in a relationship... not all dramas (or even high maintenance) are created equal. Just having a rotation and you can see girls who are more of a headache than others

However I don't think we're addressing why these polls, studies and conversations come up.

They're usually for these 2 reasons:

1) As a man, are you more likely to date a lesser attractive woman if it means you'll have lesser drama. Or would you go for a very attractive women even though she's a a headache. So the essence is how much are you willing to sacrifice beauty if it means you will have less drama


2) the second reason dwells on the idea that a very attractive woman "in general" (not always) will have more drama and be high maintenance.


The first reason is self explanatory so I'll talk on the second.

I like the fact that you brought up the age thing (18 - 23). Because most guys I've met share this sentiment: "older women are more mature. Less chaotic. The younger ones tend to be more all of the place... more demanding bla bla"

Guys seem to agree more on the peculiarities women have when it comes to age. My guess is that age is more fixed. You can't go around saying "My 19 is your 42" If she's 19, she's 19. However when it comes to looks the whole "my this is your that" logic starts coming in.

Another thing to note, most seducers will agree that when it comes to seducing 9s & 10s... there is less room for error. A lot of guys will probably have things they noted about hotter girls while seducing....

Based on that, it isn't far fetched that there will also be behavioural peculiarities to dating them as well.

And back to your sweet 8 spot. That's what I've also noticed too. Seducers dating 10s is as rare as unicorns

Side note: when I say dating... I'm referring to LTRs with some form of commitment. Not fuck buddies

 

[Chase]

The reason why polls like the one Chase did are made is because people notice patterns. I'm a very social person. I can not count how many times I've heard: "I used to date a very attractive girl. She loved so much attention and was a headache. My new girl isn't as attractive as her but she's less dramatic"

When you hear that, it is MORE reasonable to say "hmmm maybe 9s & 10s are more of a headache" THAN for you to say "oh well maybe those guys are going for the difficult ones"

Correct. I have had about 7 bajillion men tell me things like this since I found the pickup community in 2005.

Each time this conversation comes people always say: "There are 9s & 10s who are low maintenance... less of a headache and less drama. They exist"

Yet... I've been in the pick up space and I haven't seen guys get low drama 9s & 10s as partners. Not saying they don't exist...

But then again why are very few me (read: almost no one) dating them.

This is the thing.

You can have a really hot girl (your 8 or above) and be low drama, cool, chill etc... the characteristic you are giving the 6

you can have a troll or a mid, 6 that is a massive drama, pain in the ass (the characteristics you give to the 9)....

with that being said most guys that i seen in 20 years in the community usually make main(the 8 range) to their particular taste, seems to be their sweet spot....

@Skills, you can write a post on "how to get a low maintenance 10"... I will be the first one reading it, no joke!

I have been talking about this subject since I started Girls Chase. Here is an article I wrote about it 8 years ago:

Yes, Hotter Girls are Higher Maintenance

Hot girls are (usually) higher maintenance. The reason? Higher dating market value means she can demand more – and will. I had a beautiful, intelligent, ambitious girlfriend in the room with me when I finally got through to the state’s Department of Revenue to ask about a somewhat large tax bill...

www.girlschase.com

I even have a section that predicts and addresses your post 8 years ahead of time:

“But My Girlfriend is Hot and Chill!”​

Or what about the reverse – “But what about all those fat chicks who act like they think they’re 10s?”

There will always be exceptions to the hot-high maintenance rule. Although most of the exceptions trend toward the “not hot but still high maintenance” zone, and not so much to the “hot yet chill” zone.

If you think you might have a hot-chill girlfriend, the questions I’d ask are:

• Is this girl SUPER hot? Do men hit on your girl pretty often? Or do you get guys telling you, “Man, you girl is pretty darn cute” often? Do you often find yourself thinking, “Man, my girl is way hotter than any other girl I see”?
• If your answer is “no, she’s not SUPER hot”... Why aren’t you dating a super hot girl?
• If your answer is “yes, she’s SUPER hot, every guy wants her, yet she is also super chill”... Then maybe check and make sure she’s not a tranny? Because, you know... hot-crazy matrix.

What you will discover when you ask yourself these questions is almost certainly this:

“Ha! Good point. I’m not dating a girl hotter than my current girl because I expect a hotter one would be more trouble than it’s worth. So actually, I’ve made a compromise, and chosen an attractive-enough girl who is also lower maintenance.”

Raw, unfiltered facts of life: the more in-demand someone is, the more demanding she will be.

Thus, girls who are just hot will tend to be high maintenance.

Girls who are hot AND sexy will be higher maintenance still.

Girls who are hot, sexy, and ambitious will be yet higher maintenance.

And so on and so forth. The hotter she is, the sexier she is, the more ambitious she is... all these things influence how high maintenance she is.

Just like the rich, powerful guy with legions of women who want to be with him is a lot more demanding than the broke, unconfident guy the opposite sex shuns.

Look at that... didn't know I had a time machine, did you?

^ this will happen with most women unless is a dude, but any seducer dating the girls should be able to handle the "drama" to the point that she starts getting in line, get frustrated and complies........ Or she is out..... No saying guys will not get the occasional drama due to seducers are a pain in the ass to date(specially the sleeping around and no committing)..... Seducers are the most difficult partners to deal with even with other seducers, imagine a women having to deal with nutcases like us... Have you ever been in a seduction chat with top guys, you will kill yourself or have a multiple mental break downs.....

But seducers are difficult to deal with.... Girls have to deal with a lot of shit, is not easy for a women.... And even then they usually comply and stay in line or go to your frame, or get frustrated and leave.... it does not matter the rating...

I agree. We are "high maintenance men."

I look at the stuff I have put various women through, even while trying to be thoughtful and responsible, and I am like, "Man, I would not want to be a chick dating me. Thank God I am not a woman!"

as i said i seen the guys usually with the 8 sweet spot... But i seen 9s and 10s (specially does 18-23 range)... The problem in itself is that seducers are dumb enough to marry that demographic, makes sense?? they are retarded... including myself ( i married a 23 year old hot russian/hungarian) ask me how it went??

That would be an example of a dude maximizing, yes.

Going for max beauty but also dealing with max headaches.

"what is high maintenance:

A "high maintenance woman" is a term often used to describe a woman who is perceived to have very demanding needs or standards, requiring a significant amount of attention, effort, and sometimes expensive things to keep her happy, often associated with a focus on appearance and lifestyle, which can be seen as burdensome by others, particularly in a relationship context. "


^ . Do any of us will buy expensive things to make a girl happy regardless of the scale???? well maybe bait and switch with A FEW girls... unless is sugar daddy game(,most guys here don't do that shit).. or the passboard bros...

Last time i check we bypass high maintenance with good sex and having the girl invested (mainly through sex, excitement (aka no being boring), emotional stimulation and non neediness)

Yes, you can and should do all that stuff, and should do all that stuff. It is what makes high maintenance women manageable (instead of "totally berserk" and "headed out the door").

But just because you have the tools to manage her does not mean she is the same as a low maintenance woman.

I can have all the skills of a great horse tamer, but it is still going to be a different time riding an unbroken wild horse than a domesticated one.

None of this is to say "don't date hot girls"... I am very much in the maximizer camp myself. I bit my tongue for years when Black Dragon was beating his drum over and over again about how important "low drama" was then started showing off his "low drama mama" Pink Firefly... I don't want to say mean things about a man's choice in women but if that is what 'low drama' gets you, all I can say is we have different tastes...

It is simply the case that if you are going for legitimately hot girls, they are always going to be more of a handful than dating an average mid... unless you find a spiritually enlightened 10 or something... my guess is there are probably a few out there, who have dedicated their lives to God and are accepting of all things, but the odds of finding one of them single and picking her up are so low I don't know how you'd pull it off... maybe attend a Christian university and screen for beautiful and highly religious/saintly freshman girls..??

Rest of the time, it is "pick your poison!"

Chase

 

[empath]

How to whether you are a Satisficers or Maximizers.

I broke up with my 2 gfs (good sex, heavily invested in me) but I thought I can do better or deserve better looking girl. So I am a maximizer.

Also, what is your hotness threshold beyond which you will be happy.

 

[Chase]

@empath,

How to whether you are a Satisficers or Maximizers.

Tomorrow you choose your wife.

You only have two (2) potential choices:

1. An average-looking chick who is submissive, nurturing, low maintenance, and domestic
   
   
2. A gorgeous stunner who is loyal but high maintenance and prone to occasional fits of headache-inducing drama

Which one do you choose?

(key: if you pick #1, you are a satisficer. If you pick #2, you are a maximizer)

 

[empath]

@empath,



Tomorrow you choose your wife.

You only have two (2) potential choices:

1. An average-looking chick who is submissive, nurturing, low maintenance, and domestic
   
   
2. A gorgeous stunner who is loyal but high maintenance and prone to occasional fits of headache-inducing drama

Which one do you choose?

(key: if you pick #1, you are a satisficer. If you pick #2, you are a maximizer)

I don't care if she is low maintaince or not but she needs to be hot and nurturing.

Now I can't put the exact finger atm, whethere I will prefer hotness or nurturing or vice versa. (But can't discount nurturing nature as well, I need it)

 

[ChrisXKiss]

@empath,



Tomorrow you choose your wife.

You only have two (2) potential choices:

1. An average-looking chick who is submissive, nurturing, low maintenance, and domestic
   
   
2. A gorgeous stunner who is loyal but high maintenance and prone to occasional fits of headache-inducing drama

Which one do you choose?

(key: if you pick #1, you are a satisficer. If you pick #2, you are a maximizer)

Doesn’t that also assume that you have both choices?

I can imagine that as a seducer you become able to date these gorgeous stunners and decide they are not what you want deep down. But most men I feel wouldn’t even have the chance to date these girls.

I mean that most men just dream of these very hot women, but in reality how many of them could get one in a relationship even if they wanted to?

I feel in the end people may even say they prefer the low maintenance uglier girls up to a point, because they also believe that this is what they can realistically get.

It could also be the other way as well. That people may even want to believe that these gorgeous stunners are unmanageable, in order to justify the fact that they are not improving their seduction skills to get them. In that way they can convince themselves that dating an average girl is the best overall choice and the rest is not worth it.

That’s why for me the most valuable opinions regarding the matter come from people who do date or have dated these kind of personal 10s. So that I can really understand what high maintenance means, what to expect, and if it is something I want to deal with.

Because if she is a very hot girl that needs more frame control then ok. But if she is like the high maintenance of buying new things, taking her to trips around the world, and giving her the princess treatment that girls advertise everywhere nowadays, then honestly that’s not a high maintenance I’m interested in dealing with.

 

[Bismarck]

We need to distinguish between seduction skills, which are largely designed to get you into bed with a gorgeous girl, and relationship (retention) skills, which are a whole other ball game.

If your sex game isn't on point, you fail in successfully closing the "lover" transaction with her, since she isn't getting sex that's any better than she could from Joe Schmuck.

But even the sex isn't enough by itself to secure you a committed relationship with a gorgeous girl, because she will give drama and test, and you can't deal with disrespect by fucking her well.

 

[Chase]

@ChrisXKiss,

Doesn’t that also assume that you have both choices?

I can imagine that as a seducer you become able to date these gorgeous stunners and decide they are not what you want deep down. But most men I feel wouldn’t even have the chance to date these girls.

We can consider it like a range a man is capable of dating within.

Let's say there is such a thing as an objective 1-to-10 scale (there isn't, really, but for the sake of argument).

Let's say Joe Average isn't able to date anything higher than a 7. Normally he dates 4s through 7s. Joe Average himself is a 5.5.

When Joe's dating a 4, she is over the moon to be with a guy like him and is on her best behavior. She knows how fortunate she is to have an absolute STUD MUFFIN like Joe Average (compared to her usual fare -- Beastly Biff and Lenny the Lard).

But when Joe's dating a 7, she tests him often and sometimes wonders why she is even with him. Thanks to Joe's solid relationship management skills, he always gets her to come around, but it is still much more of a headache than dating that 4.

If Joe Average is a satisficer, he will date that 4 who is over the moon to have him, and be happy.

If Joe Average is a maximizer, he will date that 7 who sometimes wonders why she is with him (but the rest of the time is a good girlfriend), and be happy.

I feel in the end people may even say they prefer the low maintenance uglier girls up to a point, because they also believe that this is what they can realistically get.

This is maximizer thinking.

As they study showed, satisficer men are actually LESS happy the more attractive their women are.

Many dudes LEGIT want ugly women. They feel happier that way!

It could also be the other way as well. That people may even want to believe that these gorgeous stunners are unmanageable, in order to justify the fact that they are not improving their seduction skills to get them. In that way they can convince themselves that dating an average girl is the best overall choice and the rest is not worth it.

I used to think this.

I had a buddy who banged tons of girls but would always keep fat and ugly girls in his rotation because "hot girls are too high maintenance."

Our mutual friend spent all this time pestering him to start dating hotter girls. Buddy ended up banging a really hot girl one night then telling us he thought about it but her pussy didn't feel any better than an ugly girl's.

(the ironic twist: buddy who said "hot girls are too high maintenance" ended up married to a high maintenance hot girl... meanwhile the mutual friend who was pushing him to go for hot girls ended up married to a beast. Life is so strange...)

Chase

 

[ChrisXKiss]

We can consider it like a range a man is capable of dating within.

Let's say there is such a thing as an objective 1-to-10 scale (there isn't, really, but for the sake of argument).

Let's say Joe Average isn't able to date anything higher than a 7. Normally he dates 4s through 7s. Joe Average himself is a 5.5.

When Joe's dating a 4, she is over the moon to be with a guy like him and is on her best behavior. She knows how fortunate she is to have an absolute STUD MUFFIN like Joe Average (compared to her usual fare -- Beastly Biff and Lenny the Lard).

But when Joe's dating a 7, she tests him often and sometimes wonders why she is even with him. Thanks to Joe's solid relationship management skills, he always gets her to come around, but it is still much more of a headache than dating that 4.

If Joe Average is a satisficer, he will date that 4 who is over the moon to have him, and be happy.

If Joe Average is a maximizer, he will date that 7 who sometimes wonders why she is with him (but the rest of the time is a good girlfriend), and be happy.

Yeah I can see how it works with the range. I guess my idea is that even if 7 is the best I can get, I wouldn’t even go for it, because I believe I should be able to make it so that I eventually get the 10, and until then I see no reason dating the 7.

Talking about personal opinions, meaning that I know for me this girl is a 7 and the other one a 10. And also that the 10 is a girl I can communicate with a bit. I mean if she is just plain hot and we don’t click as people at all, I would take someone else over her, maybe go for a 9 if I cannot find another 10, but still wouldn’t go for the 7.

This is maximizer thinking.

As they study showed, satisficer men are actually LESS happy the more attractive their women are.

Many dudes LEGIT want ugly women. They feel happier that way!

My main question regarding that is what they mean by ugly? I mean they surely are attracted to these women, so I suppose they are not the ugliest they could find.

Is it the ugliest the could feel any remote attraction to? If I understand the term satisficer correctly we are talking about other traits these men favour over beauty.

That’s what I mean when I say that they say they prefer these girls because they can realistically get them. I mean realistically get girls they are attracted to with the behaviours they want in a relationship. And they assume that this will happen only with ugly girls.

If the same man in the previous example could have the opportunity to become an 8 from a 5.5, then he could see that now dating these 7s is the same as dating the 4s from before.

Would he still pick the 4s or go for the 7s now? If we say he will be happier with the uglier women then it means he will still go for the 4s.

But even if he went for the 7s now, he would still be satisficing. However if he was given the choice to date the same 7 in the past when he was a 5.5 he would have said no she is too high maintenance.

Just trying to understand what would motivate a satisficer to even improve with women, if in the end he would always want the ugliest that could make him hard. Unless he just doesn’t really know what he wants until he experiences all kinds of women and realises as your friend that a beast is perfectly fine.

Or maybe he just wants lots of women of whatever kind so it’s more of a skill focused on quantity for him.

Life is strange as you say anyway.

 

[empath]

Had one more thought on it.

Maximizing is just not related to girls.

The guy who is a maximizer will try to maximize in all other aspect of life as well within his range of capablities.

For example, in case of career he will be more happier in a job which is valued highly over a job which has better work-life balance.

I think it is sort of tied to achivement orientation in life.

Also, wanting to achive and putting work to achive are both different thing.

So, a lazy maximizer will be an unhappy person.

Similarly, that person can as well be trying to maximize things other than looks as well.

For me this means that if a girl has childhood I wanted to live, she turns me on. Similarly coming from wealth is a turn on for me. ( If I look at it from good genes theory, if she is from a wealthy family then she those kind of genes which kept her family wealthy through time)

 

[ulrich]

What about the guy who wants the statistically rare 9-10 who is also chill and not so high maintenance and that is willing to date multiple bitchy 9-10s until he finds her?

Is he…?
a) delusional, because no hot girl is really low maintenance

or

b) intelligent, for playing properly the numbers game

 

[Spike]

You only have two (2) potential choices:

1. An average-looking chick who is submissive, nurturing, low maintenance, and domestic
   
   
2. A gorgeous stunner who is loyal but high maintenance and prone to occasional fits of headache-inducing drama

Which one do you choose?

(key: if you pick #1, you are a satisficer. If you pick #2, you are a maximizer)

If you’re dealing with multiple girls. You’re going to be both a maximizer and satisficer. Your queen bee is going to want a lot of your attention, time, emotional and financial investment for it to work out in the long run.

When choosing fuckbuddies however, your going to want to look for girls that satisfy your satisficer characteristics: doesn’t need a lot of your attention, you barely have to text her to keep her on the roster, no demands for dates/is satisfied with it being Netflix and chill only, etc.

I recently had to drop one girl because she was demanding queen bee shit (dates). Which is only reserved for queen bee.

b) intelligent, for playing properly the numbers game

So if your goal is to have 1 hot girl as a main. And some hot girls as fuckbuddies. Yeah you have to play the numbers game. There will be hot girls that are satisfied with just being a friends with benefits thing.