Scheduling Dates via SMS

[johnydones]

Hey guys , i lost so many girls scheduling dates via SMS. Last night i met this awesome girl and i texted her tonight to schedule a meet next week.

After 1 introduction sms it goes like this :

ME: Whats your schedule for next week
SHE: Which day , i dont know , why do you ask ?
ME: I am going out for a beer on tuesday , wanna come along ?
SHE: I cant on tuesday i work night shift , but i would like to meet some other day
ME: I am not available on monday and wednesday , are you available on thursday or friday afternoon ?
SHE: I have an exam soon so i study during the day
ME: Why are you making it hard for yourself its easy to schedule if you would like that
SHE: Yea, but i am in the middle of an exam period and i work during the night , its hard to make room.
ME: if you make an exception , maybe you will like it . But i understand , lets add each other on facebook and we can get that drink after exam period.
SHE: Ok sounds good

I freakin hate this , she is all up for it and then boom , she flakes.

Would it be ok to ask something like : "Ok so tell me when it is good time for you , i will try to clear my schedule so we can meet" , in case like this when every time i ask for specific day she says she can't .

What do you think , did i make any sort of mistake in my texting ? What do you recommend for scheduling dates via SMS ?

-JD

 

[trashKENNUT]

johnydones,

ME: Whats your schedule for next week
SHE: Which day , i dont know , why do you ask ?
ME: I am going out for a beer on tuesday , wanna come along ?
SHE: I cant on tuesday i work night shift , but i would like to meet some other day
ME: I am not available on monday and wednesday , are you available on thursday or friday afternoon ?
SHE: I have an exam soon so i study during the day
ME: Why are you making it hard for yourself its easy to schedule if you would like that
SHE: Yea, but i am in the middle of an exam period and i work during the night , its hard to make room.
ME: if you make an exception , maybe you will like it . But i understand , lets add each other on facebook and we can get that drink after exam period.
SHE: Ok sounds good

I believe you send an introductory text? I believe you never told her why you actually ask her for schedule. It's like you just barge in and ask someone what's his schedule. That doesn't go too well. Otherwise, your fundamentals isn't there yet and she doesn't "feel" you as much.

Try not to text "why are you making it hard for yourself", That's is trying to force logic into going out with you. You can text her the next week if she's busy.

Zac

 

[PrettyDecent]

johnydones,

Sounded like she dug your first meeting, nice job on that! But yeah, Zac has a good point, that intro text should've been switched out. Definitely say what you want to do when you're asking her out, too. Otherwise you could be scheduling a skydiving or hiking date for all she knows .

I'm very sure this girl would have been scheduled as a date if you sent something like:

Hey! Thinking we ought to grab a beer next Tuesday. How's your sched look?

Anyways, keep rocking out on those first meetings, this girl was definitely interested so there'll be others just like her

~Nick

 

[Zoro]

This is my template
-Date plan first (hot cocoa, wine, movie, etc.)
-figure out logistics second (what's your schedule like?)
-number (if this is in person)

I find helpful to use common interests with the girl to set up a date.

This is from a conversation from an online dating site.

JWIck 3:07:42 PM
Hi XXXXX,

So you want to be some kind of detective?

Girl 5:17:03 PM

Basically I want to study fingerprints and crime scenes


JWick 5:31:27 PM
I love it when cute girls have badassness. What made you want to fight crime?

Girl 5:56:10 PM

Haha idk I was originally going for medical examiner but then realized it was way too much schooling .. What are you studying


J Wick 6:13:57 PM
Foreign languages right now. It's the only way to reliably throw off detectives. Works well on dirty blondes.

Girl 6:15:21 PM

Oh really what kind of languages ?

J Wick

Spanish is my focus. So, what are you plans for the rest of the days before school?

Girl 1:21:42 AM

Haha I'm drinking right now my best friend finally came home from vacation

J WIck 10:49:46 AM

Oh, so you like to celebrate. Ever have Moscato wine? It is very underrated.

Girl 10:59:05 AM
I celebrate whenever I can ! Lol I believe I have I usually go for Pinot Grigio

JWick 11:01:44 AM
Hmm, also a good choice! You seem like a cool girl. I wouldn't mind sharing some wine with you. What's your time, before school swings back in, look like?

Girl 8:54:37 PM

I love wine nights ! ATM out of school

JWIck 8:57:53 PM
Well, say, next week wednesday... Let's compare my moscato to your "go to" Pinot Grigio.

Girl 9:10:40 PM

I don't work Wednesdays

JWick 9:26:47 PM
I'll take that as a not no, AKA yes. Give me your number and we will sort out the details.

Girl- 9:41:38 PM
999-9999

 

[PinotNoir]

Problems:

First text line. Already explained by others.

SHE: I have an exam soon so i study during the day
ME: Why are you making it hard for yourself its easy to schedule if you would like that
SHE: Yea, but i am in the middle of an exam period and i work during the night , its hard to make room.

Watch out, there's a fine line between persistence (good) and being too pushy (bad). You kept persisting on a day, which is great, but then here, you got very close to crossing the line. You're not being understandable with her. Understand that she has a lot going on. You don't want to be one more thing piled on her already chaotic life, just adding more stress/pressure. Instead, after a few no's like this (and you know it's not possible to meet this week):

"Ah, I understand. I'm so busy here too! I'll text you next week and see if you have any free days then."

Drop the conversation and then text her next week. It shows abundance and that you're actively working on something (subtext: improving/progressing), and you're not trying to be a drain on her energy/life but an enhancement to it.

ME: if you make an exception , maybe you will like it . But i understand , lets add each other on facebook and we can get that drink after exam period.

Trust me, don't add girls on Facebook. To me, it's the new friendzone. Chase also wrote an article about how if you/her actively interact with people on it that you/her are getting your interaction "fix" and are then less likely to meet in person (I'm pretty sure it was Chase, but sorry if I misquoted him here). Why meet in person when you have a whole journal of someone's life at your disposal?


The good:

You stayed mostly positive. Even after getting close to pushy, she kept texting you back consistently; she even said it bluntly: "but i would like to meet some other day". These are great signs. And to just re-iterate what the other guys have said, it sounds like you did a good job in your interaction last night; you made a connection or left a memorable impression on her mind.

 

[Franco]

J.D.,

Check out this topic here: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=26&t=2270

EDIT:

Would it be ok to ask something like : "Ok so tell me when it is good time for you , i will try to clear my schedule so we can meet" , in case like this when every time i ask for specific day she says she can't .

Nope, that is not a good idea. That is definitely chasing. If she can't find an opening in her schedule, then you should try to hit her up the next week to arrange something. If that doesn't go as planned, you let her know you aren't very good at playing phone tag and that she should just let you know when she's free. Then you move on to the next one! If she realizes she missed a possible good opportunity, she'll text you again later.

- Franco

 

[Qielli]

Trust me, don't add girls on Facebook. To me, it's the new friendzone.

Pinot, I don't really like adding girls on Facebook either. But what do you do when they try to add you (if you use Facebook at all, that is)?

 

[Franco]

Qielli,

But what do you do when they try to add you (if you use Facebook at all, that is)?

In this situation, you pretty much have to accept. If you take too long to accept, she'll assume you're ignoring the invite. If you don't accept, she'll assume you have something to hide.

If you really don't want her seeing stuff on your Facebook, you can create a separate Friends List for girls that do this to you. For this Friends List, you can restrict what they can see to only exactly what you want them to see (and nothing else). I've done this with a few girls.

Those are about your only options if you want to pursue something romantic with the girl. My Facebook doesn't have anything too crazy on it, so often I'll just add them on Facebook without doing anything special. Just make sure not to give them much (any?) attention on FB until you've made your move in person.

- Franco

 

[Qielli]

Qielli,

But what do you do when they try to add you (if you use Facebook at all, that is)?

In this situation, you pretty much have to accept. If you take too long to accept, she'll assume you're ignoring the invite. If you don't accept, she'll assume you have something to hide.

If you really don't want her seeing stuff on your Facebook, you can create a separate Friends List for girls that do this to you. For this Friends List, you can restrict what they can see to only exactly what you want them to see (and nothing else). I've done this with a few girls.

Those are about your only options if you want to pursue something romantic with the girl. My Facebook doesn't have anything too crazy on it, so often I'll just add them on Facebook without doing anything special. Just make sure not to give them much (any?) attention on FB until you've made your move in person.

- Franco

Thanks, Franco. That sounds perfectly reasonable.

 

[PinotNoir]

Yes, a Friend's List is a great idea.

Prevention
Girls can't find me to add me, unless they know my exact facebook username or if we have a mutual friend. Everything is private and set to not show up in (google/bing) searches (check your settings). With my name alone, it's pretty difficult to find me on facebook, since about a 100 other people with my exact same name show up first in searches.

Another great prevention technique is the profile pic. You can cast yourself in dark light, or you can face opposite of the camera looking at some gorgeous landscape or historical monument (e.g., stonehenge). And if a girl adds you, you can just say, "That's not me! I'm not even on facebook."

Lastly, if a girl brings it up when I ask for contact details, I may throw out a white lie (e.g., "I never use it; forgot my password a long time ago"... "Sorry, I'm not on there"...) If you have moral qualms with this, just remember all of those girls that hand out fake phone numbers If a girl doesn't like you, she gives you bad contact details. As men, we don't have to accept this. If I keep persisting and she will only do facebook, then I scratch it off as a loss and that she wasn't really into me. In this scenario, you can go back to conversation (if she seems open) and then try again later at a high note for better contact details.

Acceptance
If you share a mutual friend and/or she finds you, then she'll send a facebook friend request. Remember that phrase: "friend request." If I'm interested in her romantically, I usually just don't accept, and she never brings it up. If she does, then I apologize and say that I never use facebook.

If I'm not interested romantically, then I will accept. If I'm on the fence, then I do not accept.

Worst-Case Scenarios
Scenario #1: You have mutual friends, and she knows (through them) that you use facebook a lot. There's no way out of this. She'll check your facebook through your mutual friends, and she'll feel rejected that you keep ignoring her friend request. In this case, accept and do the Friend's List as Franco suggested.

Scenario #2: You are super into this girl, and the only thing that she will give you is facebook. Again, accept and put her on a short leash Friend's List. Use it only as an email service -- to message back and forth with her. If you can't get a date after pursuing for a while, then eventually remove her as a friend; in this case, you could send a final message (another "white lie"), "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be leaving facebook for a while. If you ever decide that you want to talk some more or get together, here's my cell phone #: 000-0000. I've enjoyed our conversations, blah, blah. -PN"

The "GC" Way
I call this the GC way because a lot of advice is doing more commitment types of acts after sex, but my posts only reflect my views and not the views of GC. But, I'm slowly starting to accept this perspective more and more while at the same time trying to implement it.

If you have had sex with a girl and you have committed to each other in some sort of relationship, then being friends on facebook is fine. However, if you think she may be the type of girl that loves drama and partying, then I don't suggest it. A shy, conservative girl will never post crazy stuff on your wall (post-breakup) or try and post pictures of her with guys to make you jealous.

 

[PinotNoir]

One last note on facebook:

If you can't win her over in person and you can't convince her to give you better contact details in person, then how do you expect to get better results on facebook? When she sees all of your friends and your witty posts, she'll then just melt before your eyes and into your arms? It's the wrong perspective, and it's a similar perspective that I used to have (that I could somehow "fix" it or come off as better in the future).

If you can't win her over in person, then facebook will not create better results, just a continuation of the same results. Think of now and not in the future.

 

[Qielli]

Thanks for your response, Pinot. I generally agree, I don't really add girls on Facebook nowadays (even though I did get a few dates on Facebook, so hopefully it's not the end of the world when used just for messaging). Girls I meet through cold approach usually have no way of finding me there anyway.

I'd really appreciate if you guys could share your opinions on this related post: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5048
It's a bit long but I'm really confused regarding what to think, so it would really help me out.