Screwed up bad, I think..

[thcsupreme]

long story short, I met her 4 months back. Played coy, so did she for about 2 months give or take i'd say. She started doing little things to get my attention. Meanwhile I was more focused on financial situations. But in the end, I played her game and got her to fall a little more, taking pictures of me and her blah blah blah. Ended up getting her number that way, started texting her. Found she pretty much wants to text only. I've tried calling and its been successful but only to keep the spark going. I feel i'm more of a confidence booster than anything. I know she's attracted but in the past she has been hurt. Getting her to let her walls down is the point i'm at now. Problem is, i'm a beginner. I get a little to anxious.

Made it clear that I want to know where the relationship is going. Since she wont just come hang out, I feel friendship is the furthest from the options. Completely ending conversation is not it. So, i'm down to two things... sex or dating.

She said she wanted it the other night but then flaked when I acted upon it. I feel she was testing me. So I gave her another option (more mutual) with no reply. Then just kinda told her I think she was testing me to see if i'd try to take advantage of the situation and I said I was fucked up anyway.

Over or not? wait some more?

keep in mind nothing has been in person.. only at work. She knows or believes i'm a "player" but in reality i'm not, she more less taught me everything I know now (from here) but i've been open about her games and shit

Thanks guys this is my first post.

 

[ray_zorse]

The thing to keep in mind here, is that in order to seduce a girl you first have to convince her to spend time with you. Without that it's hopeless. Sometimes rules can be bent a bit (e.g. the law of least effort) in order to make this happen. But you need to have her in person. You cannot seduce over text, it isn't nuanced.

So what we normally recommend guys do here, if they're not sure where they stand with a girl (or just as a general rule), is to ask her out, and to persist a few times if he thinks it is warranted, but if she won't hang out, NEXT her. This means cutting off all contact. This is because your time and attention is very valuable.

Ray

 

[thcsupreme]

i've read a lot, no where did I see not to try and seduce a girl over text. I see what you're saying, it can come across very creepish if that's what she isn't really looking for. In this case, I feel the rules may be bendable but can break.

 

[ray_zorse]

I was pretty sure I had read that somewhere, so I went and searched for the reference, eventually found this, from Chase's ebook:

Temporal Investment

Temporal Investment is simply having women spend time with you. Generally speaking, the more time she spends with you, the more invested in and attached to you she'll feel. This one's obvious; most guys know that if they want a girl, they've got to get her to spend time with them!

And, yes, I think it is obvious too, but it's very easy to miss the obvious when we become over-invested in a girl. When you said "she pretty much wants to text only", that's a red flag to me. That pretty much screams "time waster", "validation seeking", "orbiter" and "friendzone" to me... check out this article and also this more recent article. I liked the latter article for the imagery (women's back pocket mentality) but it's aimed at more intermediate seducers IMO.

Note when you say "creepish if that's what she isn't really looking for" I think you are seeing it too much from the woman's point of view. Who gives a fuck what she is looking for. What matters is what you are looking for. I asked out 3 girls from my workplace lately and put some heavy sexual vibe on a 4th, so much so that she became flustered and blurted out that she's married. Because I want to fuck and I don't care who knows it. That's not creepy. They weren't into it, but I quickly screened them out and forgot about them, because I'd asked them out and got vague future promises / excuses. (I work closely with all 4 of them though).

Ray

 

[thcsupreme]

Those were two I missed.. Didn't find them, any others you recommend for someone with my experience?

I felt this quote matched the situation perfectly:

"a big part of being an asshole will often be communicating to her that you won’t be there for her.

You will not be her knight in shining armor.

If she needs someone to boost her self-esteem, or help her with this project she’s working on, or give her a ride to some event she wants to go to, tough luck – you ain’t the guy for that.

These are the things that get you labeled “asshole”, “bastard”, “bad boy”, “scoundrel”, “cad” – and help you end up in women’s beds as quickly as possible."

I offered to be there for her in any situation (friend, boyfriend, lover) in ways like helping her with her projects, taking her to a family occasion, offering to fuck..
She has to just want sex now, I was in the back pocket for some time but I got out of it.. Only thing is, I think might be loosing the chance to bed her...

I wouldn't say I flipped out but I probably annoyed her(too persistent), so "next" is where i'm at, but I think I need to do one last thing in like a week or so if I don't hear anything. I don't work with her anymore.

If she offered it, i'm gonna get it. hah RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

 

[thcsupreme]

Thank you radeng and ray. Most importantly CHASE!! + another author on here.

I found this site more than helpful. The 10 articles a month is way to generous!!
But, I did not find this without the motivation of this girl. In no way do I find her a waste of time.

Its funny ray gave me the back pocket article and that sums it up, for both of us. From the get go I told myself that this girl is nothing but trouble but a whole lot of fun. That's why I didn't pursue until she did. But once she fell, I knew I needed to set the record straight before she got to attached and I ended up with a keyed car.

What it comes down to is I have gotten her to respond again now so the friend zone may be the case, but I told her before she text me back that I am in no way a friend/boyfriend.

oh and btw I do in fact have a potential date next week with another girl

 

[thcsupreme]

Hey ray, or anyone for that matter. I know this is off the topic, but last night I was out at a local bar and seen this girl I found attractive and got her to notice me, got her number before she left. She told me to text her and that she was going to a friends house for drinks. I text her seeing if she wanted to meet up, i'm under the impression she was probably meeting someone else. Either way, should I just casually ask to meet again and act like it was no big deal she didn't invite me over?

 

[ray_zorse]

Of course, just smoothly move on to whatever alternative plan will get the 2 of you out and in the same place. But it depends a bit on who texted last and what was said. If you post the text convo in FRs board "FR Bastion: texting reports and tips" I will try to help you plan the next step, not that my texting game is anything special but it may be improving.
Ray

 

[thcsupreme]

I can only type what I remember and that was:

Me (30 mins after getting #): hey.. dodgers win !!
Her: yes yes !! my phone let me know lol
Me: where did you go? can I meet you?

no response (that's why I think she was going to meet someone important)

about 30 mins later I tried calling and left a voicemail.

no response, so that's why I text her and said I know she was busy and we should plan something soon to let me know her schedule..

Deleted her # but remember the first three in-case she is to call back. Otherwise i'll be too persistent. I think I probably did too much at this point.. Shouldn't even have text yet, maybe tomorrow.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hmm your first text was good, feeling for interest and she was interested (more so if she texted back quickly). your next text was much too thirsty, came off very needy and (from the context you gave) trying to get into her party instead of bringing the party. the voicemail also a bad idea in the circs. better to play it cool, let her do her thing, and hit her up for a date later with a concrete suggestion "how about coffee" or similar... definitely read the texting articles...
Ray

 

[thcsupreme]

yeah she responded right away to that first one.. I'll have to read the articles. Should I have just ignored her after her response until a few days later? I know you don't want to be the endless conversation guy.

she told me she was just going to a friends house for drinks btw before I got her number.. maybe I should have nailed her right there in the parking lot