Screwing Myself Over with Abundance Mentality

[EdenSerpent]

Hey everyone! I haven't visited the boards since the new year, so it's been a little while. On a positive note, I've had many good experiences since last checking in. Approach anxiety used to be a paralyzing issue for me, but lately I've been feeling excited in stead and I couldn't believe it I've been working on developing proper abundance for a while now, but I'm have a few concerns with it.

This happened today, just to illustrate the point. I was hanging out with this girl I know today and we wound up talking about relationships. She started to talk about this guy who is apparently on her mind, and from what she says he texts her all the time and when they manage to meet he handles himself far into the entertainer role. I've got to say, I haven't gotten to the point where hearing things like this doesn't really irk me. I frequently find myself wondering why I'm not the one some girl is obsessing over, especially when always trying to improve (probably not a good thing, I know). I had disqualified this girl a while back based on her values at the time, and the concept of abundance mentality is telling me I should probably let this go, but my pride strongly disagrees lol. I'm wondering if trying to have abundance mentality has caused me to be dismissive or otherwise half-ass my interactions with women. Right now, I'm pretty sure this girl thinks I don't even see her as an option, but I kind of want to change that and go for it. If anyone has experience or insight with balancing abundance with natural pride and drive, I'd love to hear from you!

Also, as far as the entertainer guy is concerned, I've been consciously avoiding texting and social media unless it's to get girls out, and I've been careful not to over-provide good feelings, but it looks like he's committing both of those sins and it seems to be working out. What does the community think of that?

 

[Whizzy]

Simple, ask her out and bed her. If she refuses then no big deal due to your abundance mentality right

 

[Franco]

Eden,

Well if you're talking about information of this nature to her and she's sharing, there's a strong possibility you're already in a friend/boyfriend role with this girl. When you say this is a girl you "know," is this like a friend of yours? Or is this some girl you just met? That makes a huge difference -- maybe you were a sexual option to her a long time ago when you first met, but that time has passed and she does not see you that way anymore.

Also, just because this girl is thinking about a guy does not mean they are necessarily ever going to get together. If this guy is truly fulfilling the "entertainer" role and not taking her to bed, eventually she's either going to (a) get tired of him not making a move and make herself more available to other options, or (b) end up meeting another man who completely sweeps her off her feet, and she ends up going to sleep with him and forgetting about Mr. Entertainer instead.

If you think this guy is succeeding because this girl is talking about him, then you still have more to learn! Most girls I sleep with don't even let anyone (except maybe their closest female friends) know about me until after we've slept together. Moving fast is still the key here, and even if she finds Mr. Entertainer physically attractive, she's still likely to lose her patience with him (or, if she's relatively attractive herself, some other guy will swoop in first).

- Franco

 

[EdenSerpent]

Hey, thanks for the responses guys!

Franco,

Frankly, there's no way in hell I'm not in that friend/boyfriend area. I know it's pretty popular opinion around here that puts a damper on your chances of success, and I'd have to agree. That said, I feel confident about the whole thing, which so far has been about half the battle as far as getting what I want. It's gone my way before and definitely could again. Even if it didn't, I just really hate the sound of rolling over and letting another guy get a girl I want. That's not really the point though. I'm more concerned with missing opportunities in general. That, and trying not to make things harder for myself. I do have a ton of shit to get better at though, you're right about that! It's relieving to know that guys like that aren't going to be able to do any real damage in terms of my success.

 

[ray_zorse]

Well shit ey, make a move then brother, why were you crapping on about this other chode when you could have been trying to kiss her? It's the only way to find out. However, I would recommend you try for a little compliance to test the waters first... for instance, you see her at uni, you wave her over to speak to you (instead of you go to speak to her)... you tell her something like "come and get a coffee with me"... tell her "sit here"... then "okay we're going for a walk"... etc. If she complies I'd say things are looking a bit better... frankly it's probably a waste of time, it's just you should always burn it down instead of fantasizing for months.
-Ray

 

[EdenSerpent]

Solid advice Ray. That won't be a problem, she already does whatever I say really. But again, this post wasn't really a "pls help me with this one girl" sort of deal. I was more concerned with the possibility of missing something crucial. What brought me to GC in the first place was difficulty escalating and not paying attention to the things around me. I'm sure many people here can look back and say "Damn, look at all the girls I could have had if I was paying even an ounce of attention!" So I have a history with passing girls over due to ignorance and other thought processes, and I worried I was still doing the same thing. That's why I brought this other guy up, because I'm in a position to see the effect he's having doing something I wouldn't have. Now as for this girl, I'll totally make a move regardless because now I wouldn't pass it up. You're right though, it's got to be difficult to get a girl who has probably already rejected herself for you. This won't be the first time though, and we're all in the business of making the impossible, possible right?