A
Anonymous
Guest
Hi all
New to all this, and looking for a bit of advice. I think this resolves around the (almost) catch-22 situation of trying to recover after chasing too hard. 'Forget her - the damage is done' may well be the concensus here, but I want to close this off or move it forward as best I can. She's a great girl, and worth giving it a shot - if the best response is going slow, I don't mind, but wary of the situation mentioned in 'can't stop thinking about her' of building up a fantasy and never taking action. I want a clear yes or no sooner or later - I'm done with someday/maybe.
Background: Met a girl - very briefly - while she was in my town (mutual work thing). Thought it was a long shot as we barely spoke, but sent follow up emails - first just saying hi, showing my genuine interest, she responded, and my second email was that I'd be in her town in 2 weeks, want to meet up? So, she said yes...
Met up, great time for both but all I did was suggest coffee at end, and accepted first 'no' (yes I know!). Emailed next day suggesting meet up while I was still in town. She replied saying busy. I went back (persisted or chased?!) saying we should meet up. She replied again (I'd left town by this point). Both responses from her prompt (next day), warm/friendly, albeit second one rather short. So I follow up after 5 days asking if she wants to meet next time I'm back in town. No response.
Paralell to all this, a potential work project thing between us has been going on, which again I want to have a game plan for, or call a day. This of itself means I'm going to call either way.
So, I'm guessing I've chased too hard, and she's gone cold. She could also have been busy, who knows? So I've given it 2 weeks cooling off, and figure I'll call. Unsure how to play it though:
a) Talk work, be warm, but not chase, and say I'll follow up in a couple of weeks (at which point I would then suggest meeting up)
b) Go for an agreement in principal again (i.e. next time I'm in town).
c) Go for setting up a date, be direct, but relaxed if she says no, ask again on follow up call.
d) Go for setting up a date, be direct, hard sell/ultimatum if she says no.
I've read various articles here on 'girl going cold/won't reply' 'getting her back' etc. and unsure how to disentangle the advice to 'show her you're a man who will make things happen, be bold and direct, get her on another date ASAP' with the advice to 'let things cool off, not to chase for a while'. I've given it 2 weeks without contact - is this enough cooling off in and of itself, or would it benefit from a non-chasing interaction + another 2 weeks before making a move? Will a specific date be more agreeable/attractive to her than a non-specific 'yeah, next time you're in town', or too pushy? In 'getting her back' Chase mentions that recovery can take time, but also that the priority is to get her out on a date ASAP - note sure how these two things can both be done?
It seems pretty clear where I messed up (failed to escalate/persist on date, then chased too hard?), but any advice/reads on how to play this going forward (long shot as it may be) much appreciated.
Cheers
Mark
New to all this, and looking for a bit of advice. I think this resolves around the (almost) catch-22 situation of trying to recover after chasing too hard. 'Forget her - the damage is done' may well be the concensus here, but I want to close this off or move it forward as best I can. She's a great girl, and worth giving it a shot - if the best response is going slow, I don't mind, but wary of the situation mentioned in 'can't stop thinking about her' of building up a fantasy and never taking action. I want a clear yes or no sooner or later - I'm done with someday/maybe.
Background: Met a girl - very briefly - while she was in my town (mutual work thing). Thought it was a long shot as we barely spoke, but sent follow up emails - first just saying hi, showing my genuine interest, she responded, and my second email was that I'd be in her town in 2 weeks, want to meet up? So, she said yes...
Met up, great time for both but all I did was suggest coffee at end, and accepted first 'no' (yes I know!). Emailed next day suggesting meet up while I was still in town. She replied saying busy. I went back (persisted or chased?!) saying we should meet up. She replied again (I'd left town by this point). Both responses from her prompt (next day), warm/friendly, albeit second one rather short. So I follow up after 5 days asking if she wants to meet next time I'm back in town. No response.
Paralell to all this, a potential work project thing between us has been going on, which again I want to have a game plan for, or call a day. This of itself means I'm going to call either way.
So, I'm guessing I've chased too hard, and she's gone cold. She could also have been busy, who knows? So I've given it 2 weeks cooling off, and figure I'll call. Unsure how to play it though:
a) Talk work, be warm, but not chase, and say I'll follow up in a couple of weeks (at which point I would then suggest meeting up)
b) Go for an agreement in principal again (i.e. next time I'm in town).
c) Go for setting up a date, be direct, but relaxed if she says no, ask again on follow up call.
d) Go for setting up a date, be direct, hard sell/ultimatum if she says no.
I've read various articles here on 'girl going cold/won't reply' 'getting her back' etc. and unsure how to disentangle the advice to 'show her you're a man who will make things happen, be bold and direct, get her on another date ASAP' with the advice to 'let things cool off, not to chase for a while'. I've given it 2 weeks without contact - is this enough cooling off in and of itself, or would it benefit from a non-chasing interaction + another 2 weeks before making a move? Will a specific date be more agreeable/attractive to her than a non-specific 'yeah, next time you're in town', or too pushy? In 'getting her back' Chase mentions that recovery can take time, but also that the priority is to get her out on a date ASAP - note sure how these two things can both be done?
It seems pretty clear where I messed up (failed to escalate/persist on date, then chased too hard?), but any advice/reads on how to play this going forward (long shot as it may be) much appreciated.
Cheers
Mark
