LR- Second Time

[Atlas]

Hey boys, so I've been going on a date with a different girl every week for the past 6 weeks, the exception being this week. I got a second date with a girl I was talking to and she's pretty cool, but I want to lay some things out on here for mental clarity and also because I'm unsure of what to do at some points. Just for reference, I met her on Tinder. I'm pretty suave with Tinder and texting so it wasn't overly difficult to get her on a date.

The First Date
Even though some of the other board members such as ThePheonix (very appreciative of his advice btw, I'm just stubborn and want to stick to my guns) and others have recommended that maybe I stray from this template, I did the same thing I always do and told my girl I wanted to meet her for ice cream. I like it because it's close to my place and cheap. I'm going to blow through this first date pretty quick because it wasn't very interesting. So, I told her when I was leaving to meet her and she said that she fucked up how long it would take her to get there, so she was already there hanging out. I told her that was fine and to meet me outside. We met up for ice cream and I decided to mix things up from what I usually do. Usually, I pay because it's just ice cream. Ice cream is inexpensive and I feel that it is a gentlemanly thing to do to pay. But, at the recommendation of the ThePheonix, I decided to say fuck it, and let her pay her half. I feel like that was probably a good move. I don't feel like it was a significant, date altering thing but it set a good precedent in my mind. The date was standard deep diving and regular conversation, nothing too special. Also from others recommendations I made sure we made a connection. I spent a decent amount of time there eating ice cream with her, and we ran out of things to talk about (which was cool because I got to practice not being flustered when that happens. It was funny seeing her internally freak out when I looked at her and smiled when neither of us knew what to say).

We went back to my place and I tried to throw a movie on in the living room in my apartment. My HDMI cable was being a bastard and wasn't working very well so I told her "let's just go in my room and watch it". It ended up working pretty well anyways so I'm kinda glad it happened. I like having movies in my room because it's easy to get compliance; girls always have to take their shoes off. So she gets really close to me and puts her head on my chest and we watch the movie. In the past, I liked to try to go for a kiss on the first date, in the first half of the movie or so but just recently I was a little overzealous and it lost me a girl so I just enjoyed our time together and didn't do anything. Another reason I made that decision was because I could tell she was inexperienced with men and I didn't want to scare her off for the future. After the movie, I said that I had some things to do but I said I'd drive her home because it was really cold out (which it was). I dropped her off and told her that I had fun and we should do it again some time soon.

The Next Day
The date was pretty solid, and I didn't make any glaring mistakes so I'd rate it about an 8/10. The next morning rolled around and I was just debating what to text her when I heard my phone ding. I looked down and saw that she texted me. It was something to the effect of "I had a lot of fun, thanks for the ride (smiley face)." We had a brief conversation and set a date up for the weekend, just a few days later. I asked my extremely attractive female friend what some good date ideas are and before she had a chance to respond I said that I was thinking mini golf. My attractive female friend told me that "bitches love mini golf" so I was pretty hyped with that. I quickly thought of some logistics and realized it was going to be really cold that day as well and asked what she thought some other good second date ideas might be. She suggested bowling. I've been bowling like twice in my life, but it sounded like a good plan so I told her thanks and recommended it to my date. She agreed that it would be fun and I told her that I'd pick her up Saturday for the date.

The Second Date
So this date is where things really took off. I picked her up for bowling and drove to the bowling alley. I unintentionally paid for both of us because I think the guy at the front desk just assumed thats what people do. I planned on her paying her half for this too, but whatever. We bowled a few games, and nothing too exciting happened. I just cracked a few jokes and gave her high fives for strikes or spares. Eventually, I got bored and asked myself "what next?" So I took a quick second to think and realized that Monopoly would probably be fun since ThePheonix said one of his buddies likes to do that. The only problem was that I didn't have a Monopoly board...

I turned around after throwing my bowling ball down range and turned to my date and asked if she likes Monopoly. She said yes. I told her that's great, but I don't have it so we have to go buy it. We left the bowling alley and drove to Walmart close by and picked up Monopoly and brought it back to my place. It was kinda fun, almost like an adventure. We get back to my place, and I told her that we should play it in my room because my roommates are obnoxious. I love my best friends to death, but some times they don't know when to not be stupid. There's more evidence of that later. Anyways, we start playing Monopoly and it was ok. It honestly wasn't super exciting, but it wasn't boring either. Then my one friend, Adam screams from the upstairs of my apartment "ATLAS HOW WAS YOUR DATE??" I replied "I'm still on it dumbass". My date giggled even though I was minorly embarrassed at this point. Adam, who couldn't hear me, asked again and I just ignored him. He shot me an apology text later because he said that his girlfriend heard a girl in my room shortly after and put 2 and 2 together. After Monopoly I was honestly debating whether to take her home or not, but I asked if she would like to watch another movie with me. She said "sure!" rather enthusiastically so we watched another one of my favorite movies. A little ways through I got up to grab water and I shut off my lights on my way back into my room which was a solid move. I was really debating hard whether or not I wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't think of a socially savvy way to do it on the third date so I pulled the trigger. She was leaning her head on my chest with her arm wrapped around me and I told her to sit up. I said she was really cute and I kissed her, pushing her down onto my bed so that I was on top of her.

We made out for a few minutes and she was pretty into so I asked her to take her shirt off. She thought about it for maybe two seconds, and then took it off with no resistance. After kissing for a few minutes, she stopped and told me she was a virgin. I replied that I didn't judge and I wasn't going to do anything that would make her uncomfortable. We kept making out and tried to slip the strap of her bra down the side of her arm. It was pretty tight on her body so I was actually having some slight trouble, and she kept swiping my hand away giving token resistance. Eventually, I made the executive decision to say "fuck it" and just pulled down the front of her bra. She didn't really seem to care so I grabbed a handful, then I switched and yanked the other side down too. We stayed like that for a little while and after a few failed attempts to get her belt off (it was dark, her belt was complicated and she was providing some resistance), I grabbed her and rolled her on her side so that I could reach down the back of her pants and get a handful of dat ass. Eventually, after struggling with the belt some more, I asked her how to get the damn thing off and she loosened it and took her pants off and the rest of her bra while I took my pants off. So we are both just in underwear at this point. I'm still pushing for sex so as I'm kissing her I try to get my hand down her panties. She was not a huge fan. I thought, "whatever" and just rubbed her pussy over the underwear. She was slightly more acceptable with that. After a while of that she looked me in the eyes and told me that she wanted to stop. I immediately took my hands off of her and rolled off to the side. Still both in our underwear, she rolled over and pressed herself against me, hugging me like she was earlier when we were watching movies. I quickly got bored with this and grabbed my laptop so I could finish the movie since we weren't getting anywhere. She buried her face in my chest and I asked her if she could even see the movie through my laughter. She said that she couldn't but she didn't care (as in she just wanted to hug me, she didn't really care about the movie). There wasn't much of it left anyways. I asked her a few minutes back into the movie if she wanted to try again, and she said not really, she was just enjoying being with me. She then asked me if I planned to text her the next morning in a really submissive voice. I wasn't trying to be a dick and it sounded like she really wanted me to so I said "yes, why wouldn't I?" Maybe I was a little too nice there, but it seemed like she would've been genuinely upset if I wouldve said no, and I actually did plan on texting her so I didnt see a reason to lie. I didn't want to push anything so I was cool with that. After the movie ended I told her that I had to wake up early the next day, so she was going to have to leave. I'm glad I did this instead of letting the interaction fizzle out because I'm sure she wanted to spend more time with me cuddling or whatever but I wanted to be in control of this "thing" we had together.

I drove her back to her place, and when I dropped her off I got out of my car and gave her a kiss. As she was walking away, she said back to me "You're still going to text me tomorrow right? Even though I didn't have sex with you?" I got my wits back and was slightly not as nice this time, considering that I already told her yes. I said "Maybe if you're lucky" but the intonation of my voice suggested that I was just kidding.

The Aftermath
The day after, I woke up unable to stop thinking about her but I for damn sure wasn't going to send a text early in the morning telling her that. A few hours after I woke up, right as I was just about to text her I got a snapchat from her. Basically it was just a snap to say "hey don't forget about me!" I felt that the content of it was probably going to be unimportant (which it was). I shot her a text right after saying that I had fun and I would like to see her again soon. She agreed. Later that day she snapchat me a picture of herself in some skimpy clothes and I shot her a picture of me shirtless (just so happened I just got done working out) and said that she looked sexy. She said thanks with a winking emoji. We haven't really been texting much since the date, and our next one is on Friday so I was kinda worried. I shot her a text that said "hey how's my favorite manager doing" and we had a text convo went like this: (it was pretty bland at the start but got a lot better towards the end"

Her: "Still in bed lol"
Her: "What about my favorite hockey player"
Me: "Wow what a loserrrr"
Me: "I just got done with a Kines test"
Her: "Kinesiology?"
Me: "yeah its a personal training class"
Her: "How'd it go"
Me: "I think that I did good. If I didn't though I'm blaming you for taking up my Saturday evening when I should've been studying haha"
Her: "Sorry (smiley face). But you had to admit that it was more fun than studying (winking face)"
Me: "Yes, it definitely was"
Her: "You're a really good kisser (winking face)" IMO this kinda came out of nowhere
Me: "I'm good at a lot of other things too (sly emoji)" Authors Note: Kinda wish I would've said something like "That's not the only thing I'm good at"
Her: "Oh yeah?"
Her: "Well maybe you'll have to show me (sly face)"
Me: "Only if you're a good girl (winky face)"
Her: "Hmm idk if I can promise that (winking face)"

So I felt like that wasn't too bad. This is where I've left off with her overall. I have a few more days before our date and I'm just trying to keep things interesting. I'm pretty sure that I can fuck her, but I feel like I want more than just sex out of her. I know she wants more than just sex out of me. She agreed to come watch a movie for our third date, I'm thinking I could pick a scary movie or something. I also feel like that because of the heavy flirtatious undertones and the fact that she agreed to a movie at my place again that she probably is ok with sex too, or at least something pretty close. I'm trying to have sex with her fast because I know that it'll flip the power in my favor and she'll have to chase for a relationship. Either way if anyone has any critiques, criticisms, or compliments I would love to hear them! Thanks for reading

-Atlas

 

[Atlas]

Editor's Note: It won't let me edit, so I had to put a reply to my original post. As mentioned in my post, I'm meeting up with her on Friday and I was thinking of potentially asking her to stay at my place. I think there's a good possibility that I will have sex with her and I think it would be a good idea to have her stay over so we can get breakfast or something in the morning together. Or even if we don't have sex, we still could. What do y'all think? Good idea or bad idea?

 

[Seppuku]

OK Atlas,

You made a detailed write up of your interaction, great, thanks for the effort. This is the level of details you need to have in order to get meaningful feedback here. So let me start with my own candid feedback.

The Ice Cream date: Very good! Excellent date idea. It is informal, casual, laid back, "not a big deal" kind of date, exactly the sort of date that sets low Provider expectations and allows for a good connection. Also because it is laid back, it puts less social pressure on her and allow her to relax and enjoy.

Not paying for Ice Cream. Good if you can pull it off. But if you paid it wouldn't be such a big deal. It's just ice cream. What is really bad is the sort of "wining and dining", where the guy pays the expensive dinner date after date before sex even happens, in the hope to fuck her (which he probably won't). What he is effectively saying to the girl is "I'm a husband candidate", so she hits the brakes and take sloooow, which ensures that nothing ever happens. Why would she care anyway, since she's getting nice dinners at least.

The other date idea. Gosh, no, man. Going for bowling is what you do with your buddies. Do that with her if you want, once she is your confirmed girlfriend. This is the recipe to become "just friends": treat her like you would with a friend. No "fun dates". Also avoid cinema, etc...

And by all means, never listen to a woman's idea of what is "a nice date". She doesn't have the slightest idea of what it takes to "make things happen". She is in the role of the passenger, not the driver. She just has no clue!

Your pretexts for going home. Movie, Monopoly. Not good. Again, this is what you do with friends. You're also communicating her that it is "fun to be around you" - but for the wrong reasons. There is also some "hide the banana" into this: a disguised sexual intent. It is better to be more open. Of course, "Let's go home and fuck" will hit her ASD and won't work. But "Let's have a last glass of wine at my place", or "I have a very nice playlist of [relaxing music] at home" are my favorites. She will read between the lines "oh, there is a banana here..." . "Let's go watch a movie", really sounds like you're going to watch a movie. She now expects the movie more than the banana. Last, I don't like to do anything that will take attention away from each other.

Now, because she is less experienced, you managed to get somewhere with her. Don't count on your luck, the above ideas will not work as well with more experienced women. Overall they are setting the wrong expectations "It is fun to be around you", as opposed to "it's exciting to be around you".

You have to ask yourself: what is the value you are providing her? If it's "we are doing fun things together", you will end up "just friends" more often than not.

So hopefully these are suggestions for improvement on your future dates.

But well, you managed to get so far with her. So now your goal is to conclude. Next date has to be at your place, and you need to step up. In my experience, if you cannot make it to conclusion next time, this will slip more and more into the "good friends" category.

A word about your escalation. Very good, up to the point where you are both in underwear. Now I want to ask: how much awareness you had of her level of arousal? This is key to a successful escalation. The way I read this, you tried to put the hand in her underwear before she was ready for it - therefore not aroused enough. See for yourself if this is correct?

So: when you escalate, be aware of her level of arousal at all times. A very useful tip is a change in her breathing pattern. It becomes slower and deeper, louder, when she is aroused. Another tip is her receptiveness to your caresses. Pay attention to her reactions. When you have good signs, you step up the escalation. Else, step back, start again, take more time.

I hope this helps.

Seppuku

 

[Atlas]

Hey Seppuku, thanks for stopping by! You mentioned that listening to my attractive female friend about bowling was probably not a good idea, and I would agree. When I asked her for advice and I suggested mini golf, I recognized that was probably not a good idea either. I also realize that what women say and what they actually want are often times completely different. However, I was just trying to bide my time until I could have sex with this girl and at the time I didn't really know what to do. I just needed something to fill in the gaps and make her more comfortable with me, and I figured those would work. That being said, both the bowling and monopoly parts of the second date had and air of "unsexuality" about them, but I think I was able to finesse my way through it due in part to her inexperience as well as some of my social savviness. The reason I decided to do this is more or less to test something out. I've been following the advice on Girlschase extremely stringently for a while on here, and its worked wonders. But I wanted to try something different this time and temporarily forget most of the dating advice I found on here (except for the fundamentals of course) and just do my own thing.

About the escalation part: I feel like I had it down pretty solid. I could tell when I grabbed her breasts or kissed her other places than her lips she would breathe harder and just generally do all of things women do when they are aroused. I could tell she was wet too, so I felt like she was ready for me to move on to higher levels of escalation. I feel like she was just nervous being a virgin and all. Anyways, I appreciate the advice and will definitely take it into consideration next time.