Second Transformation

[Proper]

Hey everyone,

TLDR: I've decided to commit to getting better at Cold Approach. I wanted to post publicly here so I can be accountable to something, and won't just wimp out like I have in the past.

A bit more background:
I first discovered GirlsChase almost a decade ago, right after my girlfriend dumped me for a bad-boy, and I couldn't fathom why she didn't appreciate how nice I was to her. It has been a long, painful, and enlightening journey since then. I've been quite satisfied with progress (although things were hampered by a few years of sickness). I would say I'm intermediate in terms of going on dates, being confident, bringing girls home, escalating, etc. But my weakest point has always been the funnel opening. Most of my lays were from dating apps, with a few from meeting during social events or social circles, none from Cold Approach.

What has recently convicted me to finally figuring out Cold Approach, is that I went on a dating app date with the most amazing girl a few weeks ago, who was basically "perfect for me". I thought years of smooth successful escalations during seduction had made me immune from "nice guy" tendencies, but I was wrong. I brought her back to my apartment, and we kissed a lot, but sometime in the night, I decided I liked her "so much" that I wanted to be sincere with her, and "show my sincerity" by not escalating any further. We were basically making long-term relationship plans with each other by the end of the night, and she left at 2:45AM, both of us feeling great.

Throughout the next week, I became progressively more nice, needy, and desperate in my texts to her, and we never even made it to a second date when she texted "she wants to be just friends". I realized that, far from banishing those needy/desperate tendencies, I was honestly desperate for her. She's the first girl who I actually liked in years, because all I ever get are slim lucky pickings from dating apps, so she is actually really special to me, and I don't have an abundance mentality. So as much as I want to say I could go back in time and redo that terrible week of needy texts, I probably wouldn't have lasted with her anyway, because I was actually desperate for her.

So my solution is to actually acquire an abundance of desirable women. And it's clear to me that mastering Cold Approach is the most important thing towards that goal.

Going out tomorrow for an errand in the afternoon, and will make it a mission to open at least 1 girl.

 

[Will_V]

If you wanted to have sex with her, what was 'sincere' about not escalating? The reason she wants to be friends is because you weren't sincere, and broke her trust.

Good on you for realizing what you did wrong and cracking on with your journey, I would just suggest to paying attention to your own perceptions of women and sex, and learn to accept what you want without self-judgement.

 

[Proper]

I really appreciate the feedback.

I guess that's another weak point in my game that I haven't thought about. In all my seductions, I have pushed forward with fast escalations thinking "this is me being an asshole, but this is what works, and this is what will make you respect me". And this tripped me up with this girl because I "didn't want to be an asshole to her".

 

[Will_V]

Thing is, it's not a question of being nice or an asshole. It's a question of self-expression, of being honest about what you desire. She wants you to desire her so much that taking her clothes off is the most honest thing you can do.

I'm sure this is a common sticking point for many guys (certainly it was for me) and it's something you can only resolve by experiencing a few times of having sex with a girl and then appreciating all the things about her, you'll realize that half of who she was was closed off to you before you took her to bed.

It might help to, instead of thinking of the escalation as fast or slow, focus on your desire for her and how you want her to feel that through your tone, body language and actions.

 

[Proper]

you can only resolve by experiencing a few times of having sex with a girl and then appreciating all the things about her, you'll realize that half of who she was was closed off to you before you took her to bed.

I've definitely experienced this nearly every single time I've taken a girl to bed (the only exception would be if I realized afterwards that I didn't really want to take her to bed).

I guess I never really brought this aspect to the pre-bed seduction. I will definitely try to frame my mindset that way the next time, thank you.

 

[Proper]

So I did my day 1 of learning Cold Approach today.

Goal was to open at least one girl, try out all the different mindsets, scout out the location, and generally just be aware of my surroundings and the movement of women.

I felt the excuse factory really rev into overdrive throughout the whole outing:
- it's snowy/rainy today
- it's too cold, everyone is wearing a lot of layers so it's hard to see what she looks like, and it's hard for her to see what I look like.
- I'm wearing a mask, so it's hard for her to see my friendly positive state when I open her
- I'm in a rush for my errand anyway
- It's the middle of the work week, and in the mid-afternoon (not during lunch or commute time), and we're in the middle of a pandemic
- The NYC subways are empty because pretty girls feel unsafe (I think this one's actually sorta true, as I barely saw any young women on the subways, and my female friends say they don't take the subways anymore).

But despite all these thoughts, I tried to remain positive.

I did make a few minor achievements:
- Opened 3 different girls with the indirect "ask for directions" opener. I didn't have the courage to go any further than asking for directions, but it was useful to feel what it's like to approach a pretty stranger. None of them bit my head off. The first one was in a group of 2 girls, she gave me directions, then quickly wanted to keep moving. The second one almost totally ignored my attempt to wave her on the street, until she heard me ask for directions then told me. The third one was pretty neutral, maybe mildly annoyed, and told me to view the map nearby because she doesn't know.
- I kept a very strong posture, and took notice of what my hands were doing, and actively tried to not fidget with them
- I walked with a solid state and presence. I realized that previous to today, my whole life, I would 100% of the time shift to the side to make room for passer-bys in an attempt not to bump into them or disturb traffic. Today, while walking across the crosswalk, I just kept a solid forward direction and mindset, and noticed the girls in front of me very early moving out of the way to make way for me. I don't think this has ever happened to me in my life.
- Played the eye contact game (maintain a sexy eye contact until the other looks away), with nearly everyone who passed by me.
- Generally just got out of my own head, looked around at things casually, tried to notice in my peripheral vision if a girl had looked at me (which I caught once on the subway)

I have a completely open Saturday/Sunday coming up, where I'll be doing day 2/3, hopefully at a better time/place, and I'll try to advance my openers further.

 

[whoami]

Yo, I'm in NYC as well. Want to link up?

I'd suggest using telegram, no numbers need to be exchanged and its pretty private.

 

[Proper]

Made a rule for myself: everytime I leave my apartment door, I will be in "approach mode". Which means I will put in the extra 5 minutes to wear my most sophisticated outfit for even the smallest of errands.

So that meant I made another outing tonight, because I had to get groceries at Whole Foods. It was pretty dead, which is to be expected at 8:30PM on a Tuesday, with the store closing at 9PM. However, halfway through my shopping trip, I spotted a cute petite brunette in the middle of the store.

My excuse factory immediately came up with 3 lame excuses:
- there are like 6 other people nearby, it will be so awkward
- she's White, I'm Asian
- there's no approach angle because she's getting something from the fridge

Anyway, I chickened out, and started walking to the far corner of the store to get a green pepper.

And you know what? She also started walking to the same far corner of the store, and she was looking at some vegetable about 4 feet away from me. And it was basically just the two of us.

I still chickened out, telling myself there was another whole foods worker standing sorta nearby.

Looking back, her walking to that part of the store may have been a very obvious approach invitation (maybe she noticed my sophisticated outfit, good posture, and height). Or it may have been a total coincidence. Either way I should have taken the chance.

At least seeing myself totally chicken out at the perfect opportunity has made me more familiar with the depths of my approach anxiety, and maybe I can better prepare myself to deal with it next time.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Made a rule for myself: everytime I leave my apartment door, I will be in "approach mode". Which means I will put in the extra 5 minutes to wear my most sophisticated outfit for even the smallest of errands.

So that meant I made another outing tonight, because I had to get groceries at Whole Foods. It was pretty dead, which is to be expected at 8:30PM on a Tuesday, with the store closing at 9PM. However, halfway through my shopping trip, I spotted a cute petite brunette in the middle of the store.

My excuse factory immediately came up with 3 lame excuses:
- there are like 6 other people nearby, it will be so awkward
- she's White, I'm Asian
- there's no approach angle because she's getting something from the fridge

Anyway, I chickened out, and started walking to the far corner of the store to get a green pepper.

And you know what? She also started walking to the same far corner of the store, and she was looking at some vegetable about 4 feet away from me. And it was basically just the two of us.

I still chickened out, telling myself there was another whole foods worker standing sorta nearby.

Looking back, her walking to that part of the store may have been a very obvious approach invitation (maybe she noticed my sophisticated outfit, good posture, and height). Or it may have been a total coincidence. Either way I should have taken the chance.

At least seeing myself totally chicken out at the perfect opportunity has made me more familiar with the depths of my approach anxiety, and maybe I can better prepare myself to deal with it next time.

Wearing top outfits for small errands is a small change that I've made too. Makes you more confident and girls are more receptive. Whether it's placebo and it's just "1 less excuse effect" who knows aha.

In terms of chickening out of the approach it happens. Take a deep breath, think "fuck it - what's the worst that can happen?" then just say Hi.

I also like to ask the question... "what's the best way to approach this girl"? Rather than should I approach her.

After you've got top girls from daygame you'll begin to re-programme your mind to just go for it and not hesitate.

 

[Proper]

In terms of chickening out of the approach it happens. Take a deep breath, think "fuck it - what's the worst that can happen?" then just say Hi.

I also like to ask the question... "what's the best way to approach this girl"? Rather than should I approach her.

Thanks man, will try that line of thought next time I go out.

Another thing I've been doing is to be way more sociable generally.

My personality is kind of narcissistic introvert. So my whole life I've been very much in my own head, mostly only trying to make social connections where it would benefit me. This has changed a bit in recent years as I've mellowed out, but I still generally stay in my own head when going out about my day.

I read a GC article about how naturals get laid, and it seems like a good idea to just be social in general to everyone around me, which will have transfer effects to the girls I'm approaching. So I've begun chit-chatting to my doorman, the meat guy at whole foods, the cashier at whole foods, etc. every chance I get.

Also, I've set my medium/long term goal to get a lay from Cold Approach before I get my vaccine, which gives me at least 5-6 months of time when there's nothing else better to do than go out and approach women.

I've also blocked Facebook, Netflix, Hbogo, Reddit, Youtube, Pornhub, Twitter, etc. from my phone and browser, so I can really devote 100% to this goal. In the time that I'm not approaching, all I have open to do are: my WFH job, lift weights, diet, read about Cold Approach, read books in general, and maybe invite close friends over every once in awhile. So I'm on a hyper-self-improvement scheme.

I'm considering deleting all the dating apps as well. But still on the fence on that, as maybe the occasional dating app date/lay might keep the other end of the funnel sharp (what to do once I've hooked a girl from Cold Approach). But maybe deleting them all will just REALLY force me to focus on Cold Approach. So I'll decide what to do on that in another week or two.

 

[Will_V]

Sounds like a plan. About chit-chatting and being social generally, something that might be helpful is to always do it with a purpose:

- Find out something that means a lot to the person.
- Say something about that thing (encouraging, reassuring, sympathetic) or crack a joke that makes them feel good emotions.
- End it on a high note.

Especially when going out to 'practice' socializing it can be easy to forget these intuitive things and ramble - been there done that.

 

[Proper]

After you've got top girls from daygame you'll begin to re-programme your mind to just go for it and not hesitate.

Yeah! I believe you!

I use to have this enormous issue with kissing girls. There were several girls that I actually brought back to my place, and were into me, and I knew the next step was to go for a kiss, but I would literally shake with the chills with nervousness when the time came, and I kept chickening out. And if I ever did do it, it was super awkward, I just couldn't ever find the right angle or whatever.

I read this article which suggested to just create a rule to kiss a girl within 10 minutes of bringing her back.

Anyway, after a lot more experience with that, the kiss is so easy for me now, and I actually look forward to building some sexual tension and holding back the kiss until the perfect moment when I want to deliver it. And the "can't find the right angle thing" has been totally solved, I just naturally reach for her chin with two fingers, and pull her towards me gently. Works whether we're standing side by side, facing each other, sitting next to each other, or basically any possible orientation.

So I'm hopeful that I can experience the same re-programming for Cold Approaches. Haha and hopefully in the future I'll laugh at my current inability to "find the right angle" for approaching her.

 

[whoami]

Made a rule for myself: everytime I leave my apartment door, I will be in "approach mode". Which means I will put in the extra 5 minutes to wear my most sophisticated outfit for even the smallest of errands.

So that meant I made another outing tonight, because I had to get groceries at Whole Foods. It was pretty dead, which is to be expected at 8:30PM on a Tuesday, with the store closing at 9PM. However, halfway through my shopping trip, I spotted a cute petite brunette in the middle of the store.

My excuse factory immediately came up with 3 lame excuses:
- there are like 6 other people nearby, it will be so awkward
- she's White, I'm Asian
- there's no approach angle because she's getting something from the fridge

Anyway, I chickened out, and started walking to the far corner of the store to get a green pepper.

And you know what? She also started walking to the same far corner of the store, and she was looking at some vegetable about 4 feet away from me. And it was basically just the two of us.

I still chickened out, telling myself there was another whole foods worker standing sorta nearby.

Looking back, her walking to that part of the store may have been a very obvious approach invitation (maybe she noticed my sophisticated outfit, good posture, and height). Or it may have been a total coincidence. Either way I should have taken the chance.

At least seeing myself totally chicken out at the perfect opportunity has made me more familiar with the depths of my approach anxiety, and maybe I can better prepare myself to deal with it next time.

I had this happen on numerous occasions. Clothing stores, waiting for takeout, etc... One day I thought to myself it's more awkward for 2 people to stand so close with no one around and not say anything then it is to just make a comment. So while I was waiting for bubble tea I said to the only other person in the store (a girl who was looking at the menu) "Can't decide what to get?". And we had a very brief chat. She wasn't very talkative. But that didn't matter cause I felt great saying what I wanted to.

 

[Proper]

So, continuing my rule of "approach mode when going out", I had to exchange a pair of uniqlo jeans today, so I made a 30 minute excursion to the Hudson Yards Mall.

On the way there I played the eye contact game, and didn't move out of the way on the streets. I noticed that my eye contact game is good, unless someone is initially not looking at me, and then at the last second he/she glances at me, my instinct is to look away at that moment. I need to change that.

Inside the mall, my mini goal was to ask someone where the uniqlo was, with a stretch goal of telling the girl I think her outfit is cute.

I ended up asking a pair of girls. The reaction I got was way friendlier and warmer than any of my "direction openers" the previous day. I guess girls feel way more relaxed inside a high end luxury mall, and talking to a well dressed guy doesn't trigger the same stranger danger as on the streets of NYC. I walked around quite a bit, but there unfortunately wasn't too much traffic. The weekend should be better.

Towards the end of my excursion, I passed by two asian girls, one was taking a picture of the other posing somewhere in the mall. The one posing was quite cute and I liked her outfit. So I passed by, slowed down my walk, made eye contact with the posing girl, and the moment she turned to look at me, I delivered a "cute outfit" compliment in as non-creepy and confident and smooth way as I could, with a slightly deeper voice and neutral rapport. She immediately gave me a very warm smile (even though she was wearing her mask I could see her eyes scrunch up from the smile), and said "Thanks!". I then kept walking, because ... I don't have balls yet lol. I'd like to tell myself that if she was taking a selfie, and alone, that I would have tried to ask her name and keep a conversation going. Anyway, this 30 minute investment got me a warmer reaction from a prettier girl than 1 week of online dating swiping and chatting!

Hudson Yards Mall is going to be my approach local this weekend. I think it's really ideal for a beginner like me:
- warm inside! so my mood and the girls I'm approaching will be way better. I also won't need to be totally covered up like I would outside in the biting cold wind. This is probably one of the best places to do approach during a covid winter.
- there's nice soothing music going on, so the place doesn't feel too loud, nor too silent, just right
- there are 3-4 floors, so it's pretty easy to just keep walking through there, looking for girls, and not feel creepy or judged or anything. Even if I wasn't focused on approaching, it would be a common thing for me to wander aimlessly there for hours, so this will help with my state control.
- As I mentioned earlier, girls are way more at ease in this luxury mall, and my high-end outfit also matches, so I feel like I belong
- I'm going to be carrying my uniqlo bag with a pair of jeans in it. So I have an explanation for why I'm there, which is actually true, so I'll feel a bit more comfortable.
- My opener plan is going to be "ask where the uniqlo is, tell the girl she's cute, ask if she wants to come with me to return my jeans"

Also on my way back to my apartment, I held the elevator door open for a stylish guy in his mid-30s. I chatted him up a bit and found out he's looking to rent a place in the apartment, and I gave him some advice on the good/bad of the place. I realize doing a small polite favor, like holding an elevator door open, really pre-warms someone to being friendly to chatting. Maybe at some point I can hold a door open for a girl, and when she says "Thank You", I can deliver an opener on her next time.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Anyway, this 30 minute investment got me a warmer reaction from a prettier girl than 1 week of online dating swiping and chatting!

The re-wiring has started ... Trust me once you get this nailed you won’t go back ahah

Nice write up man - keep going!

 

[Proper]

The re-wiring has started ... Trust me once you get this nailed you won’t go back ahah

Yeah! I have like 4-5 flaky conversations going nowhere with dating app girls right now. I have like no motivation to keep talking to them. Instead I'm super excited to hit Cold Approach this weekend.

 

[Proper]

Went out today for my first "serious" day of Cold Approach. It was pretty brutal to be honest. A few small insights, but lots of failures.

So I went to the luxury mall at 1PM today, and walked around for 4 hours until 5PM. My goal was simply to do 10 approaches, and I only got to 5 before I was just way too beat emotionally, mood, and foot fatigue-wise to continue.

I realize I have a few dumb rules that set me back from approaching:
- only approach girls by themselves. I guess it's probably pretty hard to approach a girl with parents, or a big group of friends, or with a guy, but presumably there's a way to approach a pair of girls. I saw many pairs of cute girls, and I couldn't begin to think of a way to approach them.
- mostly approach only asian girls. I have a bit of a racial inferiority complex that I need to work on somehow. This is probably because I've only ever bedded asian girls (and 1 half caucasian/asian girl). I've only ever kissed caucasian/latino girls. And on dating apps I mostly match with asian girls. So that limits the number of girls I can approach significantly. I guess I just need to grow some balls and start approaching white girls too.

Despite these limitations, there were definitely more females than males at this mall, and many were young, well-dressed, single, by themselves, asian, and perfect for approaching. I definitely passed by at least 8-9 approaches that satisfied my dumb criteria.

Here's how my 5 approaches worked out:

1. My first approach was a stylish middle aged caucasian woman. She looked very expensively dressed and was lingering outside a jewelry store. I walked up to her, told her "your outfit is very stylish", and she gave me a dismissive "thank you", and I walked away. I didn't really expect much from this, but just wanted to warm up a bit.
2. This one was probably both the highlight and lowlight of my day at the same time. I was walking along, when a Korean woman walked out of a store and saw me passing by. I sort of slowed down my walk a bit, and she crossed in front of me, and immediately fixed her hair and kept walking. Then I kept walking and passed by her, then I once again slowed my walk, and she once again passed in front of me to the left, fixed her hair, and then paused her walk to "look around a bit". These were 3 successive, obvious, and unmistakable approach invitations. I don't remember ever experiencing this in my life (probably have but just didn't notice it). So after all that, I HAD to make a move. I caught up to her, said "hey", and she turned to look at me with a huge exasperated expression that sort of said "holy fucking shit, finally you noticed"... hahaha... and then I blew it. I asked her "where the uniqlo is", and totally dissolved all the sexual tension there. I could feel her massive disappointment in my lack of balls with the indirect comment. And so she told me where it was in a dismissive way, and continued on her way. I definitely should have said, just about anything else. Like "I like your outfit", "my name is ____", "what are you up to today?", anything besides "I'm going to ask you a totally non-sexual informational question". I consider her to have broken my "approach invitation virginity", so the next time I won't be so shocked and inexperienced about what to do.
3. I saw a really cute asian girl walking in my direction on the other side of the mall walkway. The problem is that she was walking close behind another couple. So I couldn't really wave her down, without seeming to be waving down the couple in front of her. So I waited until the couple passed, and then walked a bit into her path, looked at her, and began saying something. Unfortunately, by this point, I was just 3-4 feet away from her, and we both had forward momentum. Before I could get my word out, she literally jumped back, held her hand to her heart, and let out a gasp. So apparently my attempt at an approach was so jarring and shocking that it literally gave her a shock, which is a bit funny, but also sad on my part. Not too sure what I could have done differently here. Maybe I could have tried to appear less threatening, and not moved at all into her path, and just wave her over? Or maybe I should have kept walking, and re-open her from a different angle (which I'll get to next).
4. Saw another cute asian girl walk in front of me. I decided I would approach her, but really could not for the life of me find a way to do it. I started walking towards her, then I increased my speed a bit, and walked next to her for a bit, and I could feel the tension between us was increasing dramatically. Then I looked directly at her face, and she didn't look at me, and at this moment, the tension was explosive. It was just too awkward at this point, and I sped up my walk, and walked away from her. Not really sure what to do here next time. I feel like a tap on the back would be too jarring. Maybe I could walk next to her, and give her a gentle nudge with my elbow? It also seems like it would be weird if I walked into her frontal periphery and then turned around. I'll need to try to find a GirlsChase article to handle this situation.
5. Another asian girl got a coffee, put it on the mall railing, then was just on her phone for the next 10 minutes. I considered approaching her, and just couldn't think what to do, and ended up walking a lap all the way around the mall. When I came back, she was still there, so I took it as a sign that I must do this approach. I walked up to the railing and planted myself about 3 feet from her, and waited until she looked at me. Then I said "hi", and she gave me a confused look, then removed her headphones and asked "excuse me????". I said "I just said hi", and then she responded "oh okay". It was extremely awkward. I lingered for a few more seconds, then walked away. Maybe after she took off her headphones, I should have given her a direct compliment. Instead of "I just said hi", I could have tried to smoothly say "Your outfit is cute". Idk, the confused look and "excuse me????" really threw off my vibe. I need to figure out a more natural way to approach planted girls without startling/confusing them.

For most of these approaches, I felt the same sort of limb-shaking cold anxiety that I use feel before I tried to go for a kiss with a girl. I guess technically this is a good thing, because it means I'm really moving outside my social comfort zone. It's been years since I felt this feeling. I've basically only done dating apps and social circle/social events for the last few years, and I've gotten really good and comfortable with all aspects of that game.

The day was definitely harder and more draining than I expected it to be. But I plan to go out again to the same place tomorrow. Probably at 2 instead of 1, because I realized the 1-2 foot traffic wasn't that great yet. And I'll probably put a 3 hour cap on it, and try to approach more in that time. Dragging the duration out really killed my mood and energy. I think I'll try to do the indirect approach more often. I think I am more disarming when I'm "just asking where uniqlo is", and hopefully I can follow up with "by the way, I think your outfit is cute". I definitely have a problem with being weird/creepy/awkward during these approaches(which I haven't felt like for years, because I've just avoided any uncomfortable social situation that might make me feel creepy). I guess I should consider it a victory that I didn't get kicked out for being too creepy haha.

The luxury mall definitely seems like a good place to learn this stuff. I felt a bit of PTSD when I first started going to clubs alone, of feeling like I'm just endlessly walking around scouting for girls. But the nice thing about a mall and daygame over the club, is that I don't feel constant judging eyes on me as I walk around, since it's a pretty normal thing to walk around aimlessly in the mall, and it's huge with 4 floors, so I never felt like someone might call me out for lingering around.

Also, I deactivated all my dating apps. So for now at least, this is the only way I'll be meeting new girls, which will hopefully help to motivate me. Also, the girls I approached were definitely much prettier and more stylish than girls I typically match with on dating apps. So I really do believe if I can crack this, it will improve the quality of my love-life significantly.

 

[Proper]

2nd Day of Learning Cold Approach

I decided to change the venue plan a bit. Given my previously discussed racial inferiority complex, I realized it'd probably be helpful to rely on a crutch to get some faster initial results. So instead of the Hudson Yards Mall, I went to Koreatown. About 90% of the people walking around Koreatown are asian, so this was pretty ideal for me. There were also a lot of girls walking around, probably at least 60/40 girls to guys, and the girls were generally younger than at Hudson Yards. It also has a bunch of small little snack/gift shops that I regularly popped into to warm up or browse or look for girls. I think next weekend I might checkout Flushing, Queens as another potential spot to meet asians.

I was initially concerned about the cold weather, but I handled this properly, with some merino wool baselayers, cashmere lined gloves, and a cotton beanie to cover my ears. I actually felt comfortably warm until the end of the 3rd hour. In the middle I got a warm green tea which also helped quite a bit.

My goal for this day was pretty simple:
- Don't creep anyone out, and don't be awkward
- 5 interactions

The approaches:
1. I walked into a bakery, saw a cute girl, walked near her, paused, then asked "What's the best here?" She gave me a very warm and friendly tone when she said "I don't knowww, all look good". I could have pretty easily moved the interaction forward with "Hi, I'm ___", or "btw your outfit is really stylish". Next time.
2. I saw a woman looking at a menu. I walked next to her, hovered nearby for a bit, and asked "does it look good?". She turned to me and said "huh?", I think her English was pretty bad. At least I didn't startle or creep her out, as she stayed there and continued looking at the menu.
3. I got another approach invitation! There was a girl walking on the sidewalk, and I was walking to the sidewalk from the street in a perpendicular direction. As I entered the sidewalk, we locked eye contact for just a bit, then I slowed and let her pass in front of me. I was curious if she would give me an approach invitation. She slowed down a bit, and looked left, then looked right, such that the very edge of her eyes would catch me in the periphery, then she continued forward, and fixed her hair. I'm 95% sure this was an approach invitation. I.... didn't go forward and approach her.... I think I was in my head analyzing whether this is an approach invitation or not, and just a bit surprised. Hopefully I'll be able to approach the next one. But this is kind of amazing. When I first read the GirlsChase article on approach invitations, I literally thought "this has never happened to me in my life, what is Chase talking about?" But I'm now 2 for 2 on having an approach invitation each time I go out. I really wish I had the balls to respond to today's approach invitation, but this will be another "next time".
4. I saw a woman walking her dog in front of me. I figured this would be a good chance to figure out the walk alongside approach. So I walked alongside her, didn't linger too long, looked at her, and said slowly and clearly "cute dog". And she gave me a very warm "thank you". Which is a massive improvement over yesterday's attempt at a side approach where it became explosively awkward. I think next time I could have continued the conversation with "Hi, I'm __.", or "And your outfit is also very cute "
5. I saw a girl looking at Fried Chicken boxes in a cafeteria type place. I walked in, stood next to her, and asked "which is best?". We had a brief friendly chit chat about how this is the first time for both of us, and she told me the top 2 are the most popular according to the website. Next time, I could have continued the conversation with "hi I'm ____", or "btw your outfit is really stylish".
6. While waiting for the bus stop to go home, I saw another asian girl just standing and checking her phone. I figured this would be a good chance to attempt a "approach when girl is heads down in her phone". So I walked to her diagonal, a distance that wasn't too far, nor too close. As I walked closer, she looked up at me quickly, then quickly back down at her phone. While she was looking down at her phone, I asked "do you know if the ____ bus stops here?". She then gave me some warm instructions on where the bus stops. I think I could have improved this slightly next time by throwing in a brief "Hi + pause" before asking for directions, as it's a bit weird to ask a question to a girl who isn't looking at me. Also, of course, next time I could try to transition to direct "btw your outfit is really cute".

So overall, this was actually a pretty great success, and I feel way better at the end of today than yesterday. I did +1 approaches in 1 less hour (3 vs. 4), and I was in much better spirits throughout. I successfully did not creep anyone out, and didn't have any strange awkwardness. I still felt the "excuse factory" that prevented me from opening a girl as she passed by me in front, several times, but I didn't feel the "crippling limb shaking anxiety" that I felt for several of my approaches at the mall yesterday, which is a vast improvement. I also think my positioning, pause, and vocal delivery of the approach has improved greatly from yesterday. No one was confused or startled by my approaches.

I quite liked the koreatown streets compared to the mall. I think it's less crowded than the mall (at least in the midafternoon in the dead of winter), which made me feel more comfortable and less judged when I made my approaches. And the streets are a bit wider, so there's more room to feel comfortable. Overall there were more (asian) girls to approach, and it was less crowded and more anonymous, so a much better venue compared to the mall.

 

[Proper]

Day 3 of Cold Approach

Wow this was a great day of improvement!

It was warmer today, about 45 degrees Fahrenheit, so I switched up my outfit a bit, and decided to go to Soho, since I was planning to check out some clothing there anyway.

My goals for today were:
- 5 sets
- don't creep or startle anyone
- tell at least 1 girl she's cute (more direct than just asking for directions)
And I really surpassed my goals today!

The sets:
1. On the way down the elevator in my apartment, there was a fashionably dressed caucasian woman. I walked in, said hi and waved. Then I checked myself out in the glossy elevator panel, and asked her "Do I look good?" She laughed and gave me a warm smile, and said "Yes you look good!". Then on the way out, I said goodbye, and she said "Have Fun!".
2. I was standing on the corner of an intersection in Soho, and was waiting with a brunette busy with her phone. I turned to her, and said "cute outfit". She responded in a frazzled sort of way "Oh sorry, I was on my phone, hehe". Then I walked away. Maybe the "hehe" at the end was nervousness on her part because she thought I was attractive too? Idk, a data point to consider for next time.
3. Another caucasian girl was passing by, and I told her "cute outfit". She responded "uh thanks, with a slight smile". This was definitely disinterest.
4. I saw a stylish Asian girl walking perpendicular to me. I let her pass in front of me, and couldn't in the moment get the courage to open her in the complex intersection. But then I cursed myself, and told myself to actually open this set. So I quickly made my way across the intersection to walk behind her. After walking casually for a bit, I waited until the sidewalk was relatively sparse, then walked beside her, slightly in front, then waved to her and said Hi. She then took off her AirPods and looked at me. Then I said "cute outfit, very stylish". She seemed a bit startled, but then said "thank you, much appreciated" with a warm smile and tone. I then paused awkwardly for a bit, then said "I'm ____, nice to meet you, and extended my hand". She responded "I'm ____" and shook my hand. Then I walked away lol. I think I could have tried to keep the conversation going, but I was honestly just stunned by the newness of it. Anyway, this was the farthest I'd gotten so far! Sooo much more advanced than startling and creeping girls in the mall last week.
5. Walked by a woman on the street. Walked up to her side, told her "your dog is very cute". She said thank you with a smile. This was a particularly warm and natural interaction that I liked.
6. As we were waiting at an intersection, I told a woman "I like your boots, they're very cool". She gave me a quick and polite "Thank You". It wasn't a cold reply, but not warm either, and it was clear she didn't want the interaction to go any further.
7. A caucasian woman was hanging out with her dog, and staring off into the distance. I said "your dog is very cute". She replied "huh?". Then I repeated it, and she said "thank you". Clearly not interested. But maybe next time I should pause just a bit more before delivering what I want to say, maybe 0.3 seconds?

At this point, I already thought my day was going great! I proceeded to finish my Soho shopping errands, and headed back home. But the best set was for last:
8. On the subway back, I spotted a cute asian girl in the subway car. I knew we would be getting off on the same station, since the next station was the last one, and I also knew it would be a big, clean, relatively deserted subway station, so I knew the logistics of an approach after we got off the car would be in my favor. So I waited for her to get off, and casually got off after her. Then once we were in the long empty hallway, I casually strolled to her side, then a bit in front of her, then turned to the right, waved, and said "hi". She said "hi" back. Then I said "I like your outfit, it's very stylish". She said "thank you, you too, I like your outfit too". It was very warm and friendly. Then I said "I'm ____, nice to meet you", and held my hand out for a handshake. She replied "Hi, I'm ____". Then, as we ascended the long escalator, we made some idle chitchat about the neighborhood we live in, WFH, apartment buildings, etc. Twice in the conversation, when it was a lull, she opened by asking me a question to break the silence, which seemed to be an indicator of interest in me, or maybe she was just trying to break the awkwardness. At the end, I said "well, I'm heading back to my place, do you want to get a coffee sometime?". She responded "I'm okay, thanks". So this was either A) she already has a boyfriend, or B) I failed to establish a proper connection. I think next time, I should say "Hey, can I get your number? Maybe we can get a coffee sometime". That would make the request a little less direct. Regardless, this was the closest I've ever gotten to getting a number from Cold Approach! If I can just replicate this scenario a few times, I'm sure to get a number.

Overall, I'm feeling pretty amazing tonight. Set #4 and set #8 in particular made me feel like I have superpowers. It's so weird and amazing to go through several decades of life, and never approach strangers, and then suddenly be able to do so. In terms of Approach Anxiety, I'm happy to say I didn't feel any shivering chills like the first day of Cold Approach. I think my issue is mostly Approach Inaction, rather than Anxiety now.

We'll see how the weather is tomorrow. Supposed to snow a bunch, but I'll try to do some sets if I can. Total sets so far: 18

 

[Proper]

Went out to the groceries today. Saw a cute asian girl, walked up to her, looked at her, paused until she looked at me to make eye contact. Then I said "cute outfit, very stylish". She... didn't make any facial reaction, then took out her phone, and looked at it. Then I walked away. Maybe she had earphones in and didn't hear me? My body language and eye contact and tone delivery was pretty good though.

Although the set didn't go anywhere, this is the first time I did a grocery store set. And my level of approach anxiety was wayyy lower, and I didn't seem to have much of a problem opening her in the middle of 3-4 people. It's pretty cool how dramatically different I feel doing a set now compared to just 2 weeks ago.

Total sets so far: 20