Seeking Authentic Connections: Improving Social Skills and Attraction Beyond Dating App

[Prometeo]

31 years old, and I live in Spain. I’m independent, have a stable job, and focus daily on staying fit through disciplined gym workouts and maintaining a healthy diet. I deeply value both physical and mental well-being, and I seek the same in the people I connect with.


After growing frustrated with dating apps and online flirting, I decided to start reading The Game by Neil Strauss to improve my ability to interact authentically in real life. Here in Spain, I've noticed that interactions with women outside of apps and social media are different: I’m interested in connecting with women who don’t want the easy way out, but instead value genuine, meaningful connections. I’m not looking for shortcuts or quick results; I want to build something real and respectful, based on true compatibility.


My goal is to connect with women who take care of both their physical and intellectual well-being. I’m attracted to women who have a growth mindset and enjoy deep conversations, as well as those who are mindful of their health and fitness.


Although I’ve made progress in my social interactions, I still find it difficult to generate physical attraction when there isn't a strong intellectual or physical connection. I'm looking to improve my ability to approach women confidently and autonomously, without relying on my friends or external factors, and to learn to handle rejection in a more natural way.


The reason I’m opening this thread is to get advice from those who have gone through similar situations, to learn from experiences that will help me continue improving my social and seduction skills in real life.

 

[Prometeo]

So far, this has been my journey since I started going out with a clear intention to train my social autonomy and my ability to interact with women — especially without relying on friends, the environment, or things "going smoothly." I’m not chasing outcomes; my focus is on being able to act freely and normalize rejection as part of the process.


Across the last four weekends, I’ve been going out consistently. The most meaningful experiences happened in one specific weekend, but split across two very different nights:


Day 1 – Language exchange (deep connection, subtle signs of attraction):
This night was a small personal breakthrough. For the first time, I approached a group of three or four Latina women who didn’t really know each other — they had just met at the event that night.
Normally, I would wait until my friend opened the conversation and then join in, but this time I did it myself.
I ended up connecting with one of them on a deeper level, and I asked her to go outside with me to keep talking. She agreed, we talked for a good while, and even though we didn’t kiss, I later compared notes with my friend and realized I had seen subtle signs of attraction (like her glancing down at my lips while we spoke), which didn’t happen with him.
I didn’t move forward, not because I was holding back, but because I didn’t feel physical attraction toward her — even though the emotional connection was solid. Still, it was a key moment for breaking past habits.


Day 2 – Latin pub (playful energy, tension, and kiss):
The next night, I went to a Latin-style pub. I noticed two girls with a couple of drunk, pushy guys — it turned out they didn’t even know them.
I started talking to one of the girls, gradually gained her attention, and kind of "displaced" the guy she was with. The energy was much more physical and flirty than the night before. There was mutual chemistry and tension, and we ended up kissing.
Unlike the previous day, there wasn’t deep emotional connection, but there was presence, timing, and fun.


Other weekends – no interaction, no rejection:
The rest of the weekends I tried different types of places: cocktail bars, classier venues, bars filled with foreigners or very closed-off groups.
In those settings, I couldn’t even start interactions — not out of fear, but because I couldn’t find any opening. That’s where the frustration came in: I wasn’t getting rejected because I didn’t even get to try. So I couldn’t really train anything.


New routine (my friend’s idea):
My friend — who’s also doing this process — suggested a clearer structure:

• Keep going to language exchange events, where I’ve already started initiating.
• Go to a nightclub once a week, since it’s an environment we’re both intimidated by and it forces us to deal with visible exposure and potential rejection.
• Start practicing some day game.

I’m not a big fan of nightclubs, but he made a fair point: being uncomfortable and facing rejection is part of what we need to train if we want real autonomy.


Current goal:
Keep going out every weekend with the goal of taking action even when the situation doesn’t feel ideal.
In particular, I want to break through the hesitation I feel around Spanish women — where I still notice more insecurity.
My real goal isn’t to "get" anything. It’s to move freely, without waiting for the stars to align. That’s the kind of growth I’m looking for.

 

[Prometeo]

I wanted to share a personal reflection on something I've been coming to understand over time. I come from a past where I used to be a real people pleaser with women. I’d go on dates where, despite having deep conversations — where they'd open up about their dreams, motivations, and personal stuff — I’d still hear, “There’s just no chemistry.” And honestly, that confused me.


Now I see that this so-called “chemistry” doesn’t just appear out of nowhere like magic. It has to be built. And in that process, I’ve realized that being overly nice or too agreeable doesn’t create attraction — in fact, it puts you in the friend zone.


Even though I’ve made progress, I still notice remnants of that old version of me. Sometimes I still “hold the cup” (avoiding risk), or I end up over-validating during the conversation — almost like I’m trying to win approval. And often, my first instinct when approaching is to start with a “Hi” or “Sorry” before the opener, as if I need permission to exist in that space.


On top of that, I’ve made a decision: I’m no longer replying to women on WhatsApp with a short-term mindset. I don’t have time for them — so they need to come looking for me. And if that means, for now, that I’m not getting any messages or attention from them, I accept that as a necessary part of the process.


Right now, I’m working on coming from a more genuine and attractive place — where I allow myself to take risks and create that tension that can actually lead to a real connection.


So any advice or suggestions to improve this are more than welcome.