Seems attracted and then says doesn't want to drag me into anything


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Oct 26, 2015
(I am moving this snippet over from Jan’s thread - Realized it may be considered hijacking, and singling it out for exposure might not hurt either.)

A girl that works at a bar in the city I just returned to; We always enjoyed particularly positive interactions whenever I came by to say hi. The past two years we were separated. We texted on an occasion or two.

I had told her that I’d arrive beginning of last month. We were both looking forward to seeing each other again. When I hadn’t yet paid her a visit after two weeks, she texted: Hi! How are you?! You know I was a bit worried because you told me that you’d arrive in a couple of days and I have not yet heard from you! Are you ok? I gave her the reasoning for my delay and she responded: Aah okay! Hope to see you! Take care - hope you’re well!

Then the other day I finally decided to drop by at her work. She wasn’t yet there, so I asked the guy from the restaurant next door - an old acquaintance of mine. Him talking totally stoked about her (Oh yeah! She’s getting more gorgeous by the year!) left me even more eager to see her again. He was right: She was even more captivating than how I had remembered - not only a stunner, but also someone I always held as a quality girl who doesn’t fuck around with the next best guy.

We talked. She introduced me to her friends. They already knew some facts and the recent info about me - proof that they had talked about me.

And while I was talking to her, standing close to each other, we fumbled with each others hands, as if we just wanted to feel and not let go. We agreed to meet outside of working hours on Wednesday. (This was Sunday.)

Then my friend showed up. We had arranged to join for dinner at a place close by. He neither knew her nor anything about our bit of history and it was immediately clear that he was totally into her at first sight. He started to ask her questions and, me and her in our bubble, responded something deflecting as we smiled. At dinner he went into raptures about her.

I was even more pumped and confident and decided to visit again right. I sat on a bar stool next to her to chat a bit and then told her: "You know, I don’t want to wait until Wednesday to see each other again." We agreed on Tuesday morning instead.

During Monday we kept a bit of contact and she confirmed to get in touch Tuesday morning after waking up. Tuesday she’d be radio-silent until early afternoon when she would write:

Hey »Railer«! Yesterday when you wrote I was at work and couldn’t talk much. I wanna tell you that I am getting to know somebody from around here - nothing serious but well - and I know that your plan to do something isn’t just as friends, so I don’t want to drag neither you nor anybody into anything”

In the moment I just prioritized the fact that she had broken her word - which counts worse, taking into account that I had thought being on the same page with her and considering her as a correct woman of character.

To me the text itself is just random babbling - there’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t add up - but something tells me the pro’s around will be able to see a crystal clear message in these words, am I right?


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Jul 6, 2020
In the moment I just prioritized the fact that she had broken her word - which counts worse, taking into account that I had thought being on the same page with her and considering her as a correct woman of character.

This is already a sign you’re not treating women like women, but like men. You expect men to keep their word. Women - not so much

Women are change their minds like the wind. I would suggest reading these articles

Particularly that first one^


Staff member
Oct 9, 2012
Yeah, nice girl. She's trying to let you down gently. Seems like she sees you as a good customer, maybe one she likes chatting with at work. That's different from a guy she definitely knows she wants to go out with. Maybe she's considered it but decided against it. Or she had another option she liked more. Girls who work at bars have a LOT of guys interested in them.

As for girls keeping their words... you should switch your mentality on that.

"If a girl says she'll do something, she might do it or she might not. Anyway we'll wait and see." Just expect that whatever a woman says, she is going to do something else. Then if she does it, hey! Pleasant surprise.

You know the saying: "Changing her mind is a woman's prerogative."

The better you internalize that, the more at-ease with female behavior you will be.

Keep in mind: the higher your value relative to the girl, the less flakey she will tend to be. I know you've been traveling... as the foreigner you will often have girls less flakey because you're the exotic guy who maybe can snatch them from their boring life. To be that guy at home you need to be really excellent, and still might get rolled up as "just another okay guy." Even more so if she works at a bar with tons of male options.

When you're "just another okay guy", girls will be flakey and indecisive until you lay them & convert them.

It's just how it is.

Either become so excellent and unique that they fear flaking on you means they'll miss out on something they can't get elsewhere, or get good at closing them ASAP so you BECOME important to them.