Self esteem / self trust issues and how I am handling them

[Spyce D]

Due to my past lifestyle , childhood experiences , .... I don't really have much confidence in myself
....and that resulted into all kind of anxieties , dreads , problems in my life .

I have been gaming for 3 months now ....and my state wasn't too good from the start of this year but still I go out ..which even though Is good but it feels like I am being a shell of my self .

And it's not just in game but in other parts of life too like .. in career , family , one kindof relationship that I am in .

It's like I am being my own obstacle ...but I am working on improving it .

1. I have been exercising for a few months now .

2. I blocked all those people who brought / were bringing me down . .

3 . I have been meditating a lot.

4. I have been putting more effort now in my career .

5 . I take small risks on daily basis that includes gaming in locations far outside my Comfort zone .... And gaming in bad state ... Today only I was having a slight existential dread but still went out to game .

6. Even went to a therapist which helped in controlling my intrusive thoughts .. by a good margin .

Even though , I have begun to feel good somewhat... But it feels like a never ending journey right now .

There are some guys who never had the amount of anxiety / self esteem issues like me .... I just want to be one of them , now.

But...I know that it's only cuz of all this shit I am pushing my forward bit by bit ... Till I become the best .

These things I am starting from now is --

1. Increasing my religiosity ... I had my best time in game when I was quite religious .

2. Becoming self reliant ... I always was dependent on others for my emotional well being .... My therapist told me to stop asking my friends , family for reassurance , approvals ... I would always do that in unhealthy amount.

3 . Long term pleasure over small term pain .
Whether it's in career , game , escalation ... Better to stop being a bitch .

4 . Stop asking for help when I can do it myself. ( Self explanatory )

5 . Do solo game , more . I was getting addicted to getting approval from my wings ...cuz I never really had great friends in my life other my some of my wings.

Anything else if you guys want to add ....
Cool .

 

[TheEcho]

Great start! I am once again on this path of inner work as well. I find that when I meditate regularly, my life and results in all areas improves drastically. Maybe there comes a point you break the strings (Peter Crone would say "dissolve the problems") of the past that keep you from always being in a great state, but I continue to have a huge difference in life results and satisfaction between meditating and not.

 

[RedNeck]

Good start. But let me tell you this. You have to get to the root of the problem and uproot it. Like going back in time and identifying what has happened to you in the past and trying to understand. Leaving the past unresolved will come and haunt you at the first setback.

Example: You were told you were a failure during childhood. In your adulthood, you were able to pull off some success, your confidence and self-esteem went to the roof. Now, if you ever fail again, you will go back and tell yourself " oh, I am such a failure,....etc."

 

[Spyce D]

. You have to get to the root of the problem and uproot it. Like going back in time and identifying what has happened to you in the past and trying to understand.

Sorry for the late reply .

Dealing with lot of shit in life .

One thing that I I really don't understand is the uprooting part .

I have been able to get to the root cause of my problem but it's like I don't know how to actually uproot it .

So , all I am doing is taking action .

Leaving the past unresolved will come and haunt you at the first setback.

Just experiencing it .

 

[Gram]

Keep going @Spyce D . Also can't recommend TRE enough (you can search the Newbie Pre requisite for a post on it.).

I did some TRE while thinking about specific situations from my past and suddenly during the session I remembered (unlocked) a whole bunch of associated memories I had forgotten.

If it's a really impactful and unpleasant memory you want to unpack, I recommend finding a therapist to guide you.

Of course what works for me may not work for you but I find it meaningful.

Otherwise keep going and never forget how elastic we humans can be and how much change we can make. It is never overnight and never soon enough, and in fact you may not recognize the change, but it's there.

 

[Gram]

A few more thoughts that specifically address your question about uprooting the source of your problem.

I am no therapist but can speak from my experience. I interpret @RedNeck to mean you have to not only see the source of your problems but you have to understand it, make sense of it, and deal with it, and in a sense come to peace with it. The source may have caused you pain but it does not have to define you.

Let's say something happened as a kid that made you suddenly anxious about yourself, your voice, your look, your hair...you internalized it. Perhaps it came from a parent, someone you were told to trust. And it likely didn't come from a bad place from that person but that's how they understood the world back then. "It's me that is dumb/ugly/broken.", you kept telling yourself. You now blame your parents, or whatever that original source.

But let's uproot it. Let's use an example that your Dad said you were shy and he made jokes about you in front of his friends, "That's my shy kid." But perhaps you were shy because you had a mild sensory processing disorder around noise and so when a bunch of people were around and talking your brain was thinking "Get the heck out of here!" You may place the root of your anxiety on your father because he made fun of your "problem" of shyness, but we can uproot that by realizing that you aren't shy but that was your coping mechanism as a child. Now, grown older, you can find better coping mechanisms for the noise, or you've outgrown the noise sensitivity but never dealt with the secondary feeling of your father not supporting you (perhaps for his own inability to understand that you experienced the world differently than most people, or his inability to deal with his own feelings unless he made a joke.)

We humans are all so complex and we are learning so much about how our brain works. I can think of many examples where early trauma leads to later in life problems. My little brother was very young when he saw planes fly into the World Trade Center. Now older his rationale mind understands the science of flight but he still HATES to fly from those images.

@RedNeck is right. Keep up with the action of change and as you gain confidence in yourself and your abilities you'll start to truly address the underlying sources.

 

[Spyce D]

A few more thoughts that specifically address your question about uprooting the source of your problem.

I am no therapist but can speak from my experience. I interpret @RedNeck to mean you have to not only see the source of your problems but you have to understand it, make sense of it, and deal with it, and in a sense come to peace with it. The source may have caused you pain but it does not have to define you.

Let's say something happened as a kid that made you suddenly anxious about yourself, your voice, your look, your hair...you internalized it. Perhaps it came from a parent, someone you were told to trust. And it likely didn't come from a bad place from that person but that's how they understood the world back then. "It's me that is dumb/ugly/broken.", you kept telling yourself. You now blame your parents, or whatever that original source.

But let's uproot it. Let's use an example that your Dad said you were shy and he made jokes about you in front of his friends, "That's my shy kid." But perhaps you were shy because you had a mild sensory processing disorder around noise and so when a bunch of people were around and talking your brain was thinking "Get the heck out of here!" You may place the root of your anxiety on your father because he made fun of your "problem" of shyness, but we can uproot that by realizing that you aren't shy but that was your coping mechanism as a child. Now, grown older, you can find better coping mechanisms for the noise, or you've outgrown the noise sensitivity but never dealt with the secondary feeling of your father not supporting you (perhaps for his own inability to understand that you experienced the world differently than most people, or his inability to deal with his own feelings unless he made a joke.)

We humans are all so complex and we are learning so much about how our brain works. I can think of many examples where early trauma leads to later in life problems. My little brother was very young when he saw planes fly into the World Trade Center. Now older his rationale mind understands the science of flight but he still HATES to fly from those images.

@RedNeck is right. Keep up with the action of change and as you gain confidence in yourself and your abilities you'll start to truly address the underlying sources.

Thanks man .

Actually , It seems like I have found the biggest source of my problems.

That was making me feel stuck .

Let's see how it goes