Setting expectation of splitting bill on dates

[The Byronic Man]

Just had a first date where she did not offer to split the bill. We each only ordered a drink, and when the bill came, I slowly took out my debit card as if expecting her to. She just sat there, and I even asked if she ordered the same drink as me. She didn't get the hint, so I just paid for both of our drinks, which is not a big deal in of itself, but I don't want to set the wrong expectations.

For the second date, we're going to have sushi since we both love it, but I want to set the right expectations early on...but without making things awkward. I did some quick Googling and see that some women are advised to let the man pay for the first date and offer to split the bill on the second date. I also see some women would be offended if a man asked to split the bill. Interesting to see what kind of "dating rules" are floating around out there for women. With that in mind, would you recommend telling the waiter at the beginning of our date to keep 2 different bills? That seems blunt, but I have done this on first dates, but am afraid that if she has this expectation now and I do this on our second date, she'll perceive me as cheap. Or would you just hope she splits the bill at the end of the meal? Not sure how to get her to split the bill in a socially intelligent way.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Byronic!

Good question I've been wondering the same thing lately. It is semi awkward when the bill comes and you're thinking "I wonder how she's going to react if I tell her I'm not paying for her shit". I have bluntly stated when proposing a date that I was going to split the bill and she was pretty cool with it. But like you say I'm sure there's girls out there that get offended by it. If one of the elder members could tell how they go about informing women on dates there splitting the bill that would be appreciated.

Rob

 

[trashKENNUT]

Byronic man,

would you recommend telling the waiter at the beginning of our date to keep 2 different bills? That seems blunt, but I have done this on first dates, but am afraid that if she has this expectation now and I do this on our second date, she'll perceive me as cheap. Or would you just hope she splits the bill at the end of the meal? Not sure how to get her to split the bill in a socially intelligent way.

Just casually tell her that she gets the bill the second time. Otherwise just don't bring her to dinner, buy some drinks and walk around then.

and I even asked if she ordered the same drink as me. She didn't get the hint

Did she respond or answer to your question? If she does, it means she doesn't know that you want her to pay, (and also what she learn from general dating advice). If she does not, it means she doesn't like you that much and only wants free stuff!.

Zac

 

[Ross]

I also see some women would be offended if a man asked to split the bill.

Sometimes it's unavoidable that they are offended that a man dare suggest that they split the bill. She can be mad at you for this and complain verbally or online, but she will maintain respect and attraction for you.

With that in mind, would you recommend telling the waiter at the beginning of our date to keep 2 different bills? That seems blunt, but I have done this on first dates, but am afraid that if she has this expectation now and I do this on our second date, she'll perceive me as cheap. Or would you just hope she splits the bill at the end of the meal? Not sure how to get her to split the bill in a socially intelligent way.

That's typically what I do. Say the check will be split at the beginning to make the process easier - some waiters/waitresses like to assume that you're going to pay for everything. If you feel like paying, tell them it will be one check. Defaulting into a situation where you have to decide, rather than knowing from the outset what you want, doesn't particularly sound like a man with a plan.

 

[Thedoctor]

Byronic,

I'd start by checking out this article from Chase:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/should-you-pay-date

I've had mixed results from paying, splitting, and getting her to pay. As Chase says in that article, just keep it cheap and casual. That way, it won't break the bank if you end up paying for a couple cups of coffee.

 

[BarryS1]

With that in mind, would you recommend telling the waiter at the beginning of our date to keep 2 different bills?

How do you feel about casual restaurants offering food for take-out or there? Ex: Chipotle, Panera Bread, ect. Casual restaurants give the opportunity of you placing your order before and separate from hers. I tried this with two different girls in their early 30s (I'm 22) as a first date without any complaints on paying.

Just had a first date where she did not offer to split the bill.

I had another first date with a girl in her early 30s at a sit-down restaurant where I said, "Do you wanna split this?" She replied sure and we put our credit cards down.


Perhaps older girls are used to splitting the check. Is this common?

 

[trashKENNUT]

BarryS1

Perhaps older girls are used to splitting the check. Is this common?

NOPE, Conservative older girls will expect you unless you ask them So it depends on demographics (i don't know if that's the right word to use)

Zac

 

[Estate]

I think this is one of the WORST myths of PUA.

Just be a man and PAY FOR THE DAMN DRINK.

You're looking at it all wrong. Setting expectations is not about getting her to pay. That's a lamo move and you won't be getting a call back from her.
Setting expectations is about not setting up fancy dates which REQUIRE you to pick up a large bill at the end of the night unless she's already established herself as a girl who is worth doing this for.