saturday i took part in a jiu jitsu competition. i used the event to make some new friends. got to know a dude (J) who was with a group of about five people, two of whom were girls. one of them (V), pretty - chunky legs though.
my BJJ coach (M) is talking to me "this girl, man! so nice, i like her so much!" i ask "what are you waiting for" he replies "this is me this is the type of person i am" so i told him to leave it with me, i would see what i could do.
i smoothly got talking to them - an easy in, as i was already befriended by their homeboy. i chat them all up, making sure to give attention to the dudes as well as the girls.
next J has some problem with scheduled fights, i tell him coach M could probably help him out, and in return he should intro him to V, if she's not involved with any of the group there. he tells me she's not with any of those guys but thinks she has a boyfriend.
i sit with the girls again, find out what they are up to later and where they are staying etc, and intro my coach, he comes over and we are all kind of on the same team. he actually coaches J through his final fight and after shows him some mistakes he made and how to avoid them.
so i take contact details, we arrange to meet later in the evening for drinks. coach M wasn't there at the time and i said something like "so let's meet up later, and (directly to V) i'm sure M would love to have a drink with you, if it's not too forward for me to say" she seemd kinda flattered but also kinda jaded and not super keen. i just tried to put in a quick good word "would you like to have a drink with a smooth charming handsome sexy brazilian dude?" and left it at that.
as an aside, i was on fire, socially, at this event. hyper attuned to what was going on around me and unstoppably charming and friendly. i noticed that V was talking to one of the referees, a brazilian dude and friends with my coach. or rather he seemed to be into her and trying his luck, she was at least entertaining his advances.
somewhen coach M had wandered back to their group and managed to get V's details. the event finishes and me and the team go for dinner. M is talking to V via instant messaging. he shows me some of the chat -
"hi i like you so much let's meet later do you have a BF?" something like this (sigh) . she's responding quite nicely though and says "no boyfriend" so hmmm maybe i'm not always right about stuff.
so through dinner i had to take control of his texts, only logistically. and, fast forward through some BS we finally meet up with V's group.
this is where things get tricky. turns out coach is kinda shy. i guess he's used to forward and open brazilian girls where you don't have to do too much just express interest and if she likes the look of you then off you go.
Coach M hardly talks to V, plus there are some interuptions in the form of random customers talking to us, talking to V, and so on so it's kinda difficult.
M and myself go outside and smoke a Joint and discuss matters. then i go inside and say to V "you look like the kinda girl who smokes weed" she denies, and i ask where she's from "canada" yeah right she doesn't smoke .. hmm so anyway i suggest she goes outside to have a smoke with M, or just chat, but she refuses. i get drinks from the bar and go back out to form a plan B.
i tell M "you gotta talk to her, she's bored and waiting for you to make a move, don't fuck around." he replies something about her turning her back and not seeming interested etc.
"i'm gonna go in there and cause chaos" i say "i'm gonna get in the middle and just control the group, distract them, and then you take her and talk to her, give her some attention"
the group now is i think five guys and V. so i go in and do what i said i would. shit this is a bunch of herbs and orbiters, it was embarrassing really. all these dudes looking to V for approval and directing there comments and stories her way. so i take over, giving M an in. i notice V turns to him and says "so.... how's it going?" something like that. so mission accomplished, on my behalf at least.
next thing V has excused herself to the bathroom. a few minutes later M and myself are kinda frozen out of the group (not maliciously, just .. organically) but we have a good conversation. he's really a good guy telling me interesting and amusing stuff with a passion and gleam in his eye. but all the while i'm thinking "this is how you should be talking to V"
next, the other group is leaving. V says "we're going to xx bar/club if you wanna come" and off they go.
my thoughts "DO NOT FOLLOW" coach M seems to be on my wavelength. he suggests we go to another place where an acquaintance of ours is working. i get M to text V "we are going to xxx bar, come" (can't remember if she responded with an OK) but -
we go have a drink there. not long after V and her group rock up, so things still seem like they are heading roughly in the right direction. but lo! who's with them? the brazilian referee! alarm bells start ringing.
so, now it's me, my coach, the ref, the girl, and about 5 really low value dudes. hahaha sounds harsh but shit man, i've read about beta orbiters for years, this is the first time it's really hit home for me. these guys .. had me shaking my head
not for the first time i think to myself "i could bang this girl if i wanted." a) not my type, b) no way i'd do that to a friend c) she didn't fucking deserve it. i have no idea what she could be thinking but this is not a nice game to play.
now i'm observing the ref. at least he's trying. he's trying to get V drunk. but at least that's something. he buys cocktails for her and himself. i also charm and disarm him. i'm really doing a good job. later he tries to persuade V to drink tequila shots. conspicuous consumption FTW. she refuses the tequila and decides it's time to leave. coach M has vanished. i saw him inside the bar when i went to the bathroom, but we are all standing outside.
so V leaves. coach M returns. i tell him V has left. he asks me what to do and says " i tell her i want to see her one more time. just see her and give her a hug ok?" i say "well.. sure if that's what you wanna say .." I don't really wanna influence the situation any more than i already did. but .... he gives me his phone so -
"you leave without saying goodbye **spank spank"
"i couldn't find you" (BS she didn't look or wait. in fact, i was right there and she didn't even make an effort to say goodbye to me)
"i was inside. you? "
"i'm going home"
"ok .. address"
"i'm going home alone"
"good. i meet you there
"
"something something can't remember"
"you owe me nightcap cause you no manners" (i figured it was already dead so i might as well push, burn it to the ground.)
and that is it. end of interaction.
all in all i don't think she was ever interested, right from the start. but coach M had his chances, at least.
so, here's my problem/question - i feel i handled it all wrong. and i should have left it COMPLETELY up to the coach. besides basic introductions. i feel i over-egged it. oversold it. was too controlling and too kind of haughty or arrogant. like i was being sooo magnanimous by trying to get them together, and i feel like i hindered more than i helped, although i only had good intentions. or to put it another way, i kinda feel like my trying to get her with my coach was my meta way of flirting with her myself, like i was communicating with her with a knowing nudge nudge wink wink (even though i wasn't interested in this big-assed girl i felt like the interaction was pointing the finger at me and saying "this guy is the real prize here" even though i'm just some little old random dude with a white belt contrasted with this tall, beautiful, bad-ass brazilian. so, meta lesson here, i suppose, is - rock-solid inner game trumps everything.
i don't wanna make the same mistake again. and i would love to help some of my other friends, and teammates, get girls.
what's your take on how i handled the situation?
thanks
my BJJ coach (M) is talking to me "this girl, man! so nice, i like her so much!" i ask "what are you waiting for" he replies "this is me this is the type of person i am" so i told him to leave it with me, i would see what i could do.
i smoothly got talking to them - an easy in, as i was already befriended by their homeboy. i chat them all up, making sure to give attention to the dudes as well as the girls.
next J has some problem with scheduled fights, i tell him coach M could probably help him out, and in return he should intro him to V, if she's not involved with any of the group there. he tells me she's not with any of those guys but thinks she has a boyfriend.
i sit with the girls again, find out what they are up to later and where they are staying etc, and intro my coach, he comes over and we are all kind of on the same team. he actually coaches J through his final fight and after shows him some mistakes he made and how to avoid them.
so i take contact details, we arrange to meet later in the evening for drinks. coach M wasn't there at the time and i said something like "so let's meet up later, and (directly to V) i'm sure M would love to have a drink with you, if it's not too forward for me to say" she seemd kinda flattered but also kinda jaded and not super keen. i just tried to put in a quick good word "would you like to have a drink with a smooth charming handsome sexy brazilian dude?" and left it at that.
as an aside, i was on fire, socially, at this event. hyper attuned to what was going on around me and unstoppably charming and friendly. i noticed that V was talking to one of the referees, a brazilian dude and friends with my coach. or rather he seemed to be into her and trying his luck, she was at least entertaining his advances.
somewhen coach M had wandered back to their group and managed to get V's details. the event finishes and me and the team go for dinner. M is talking to V via instant messaging. he shows me some of the chat -
"hi i like you so much let's meet later do you have a BF?" something like this (sigh) . she's responding quite nicely though and says "no boyfriend" so hmmm maybe i'm not always right about stuff.
so through dinner i had to take control of his texts, only logistically. and, fast forward through some BS we finally meet up with V's group.
this is where things get tricky. turns out coach is kinda shy. i guess he's used to forward and open brazilian girls where you don't have to do too much just express interest and if she likes the look of you then off you go.
Coach M hardly talks to V, plus there are some interuptions in the form of random customers talking to us, talking to V, and so on so it's kinda difficult.
M and myself go outside and smoke a Joint and discuss matters. then i go inside and say to V "you look like the kinda girl who smokes weed" she denies, and i ask where she's from "canada" yeah right she doesn't smoke .. hmm so anyway i suggest she goes outside to have a smoke with M, or just chat, but she refuses. i get drinks from the bar and go back out to form a plan B.
i tell M "you gotta talk to her, she's bored and waiting for you to make a move, don't fuck around." he replies something about her turning her back and not seeming interested etc.
"i'm gonna go in there and cause chaos" i say "i'm gonna get in the middle and just control the group, distract them, and then you take her and talk to her, give her some attention"
the group now is i think five guys and V. so i go in and do what i said i would. shit this is a bunch of herbs and orbiters, it was embarrassing really. all these dudes looking to V for approval and directing there comments and stories her way. so i take over, giving M an in. i notice V turns to him and says "so.... how's it going?" something like that. so mission accomplished, on my behalf at least.
next thing V has excused herself to the bathroom. a few minutes later M and myself are kinda frozen out of the group (not maliciously, just .. organically) but we have a good conversation. he's really a good guy telling me interesting and amusing stuff with a passion and gleam in his eye. but all the while i'm thinking "this is how you should be talking to V"
next, the other group is leaving. V says "we're going to xx bar/club if you wanna come" and off they go.
my thoughts "DO NOT FOLLOW" coach M seems to be on my wavelength. he suggests we go to another place where an acquaintance of ours is working. i get M to text V "we are going to xxx bar, come" (can't remember if she responded with an OK) but -
we go have a drink there. not long after V and her group rock up, so things still seem like they are heading roughly in the right direction. but lo! who's with them? the brazilian referee! alarm bells start ringing.
so, now it's me, my coach, the ref, the girl, and about 5 really low value dudes. hahaha sounds harsh but shit man, i've read about beta orbiters for years, this is the first time it's really hit home for me. these guys .. had me shaking my head
not for the first time i think to myself "i could bang this girl if i wanted." a) not my type, b) no way i'd do that to a friend c) she didn't fucking deserve it. i have no idea what she could be thinking but this is not a nice game to play.
now i'm observing the ref. at least he's trying. he's trying to get V drunk. but at least that's something. he buys cocktails for her and himself. i also charm and disarm him. i'm really doing a good job. later he tries to persuade V to drink tequila shots. conspicuous consumption FTW. she refuses the tequila and decides it's time to leave. coach M has vanished. i saw him inside the bar when i went to the bathroom, but we are all standing outside.
so V leaves. coach M returns. i tell him V has left. he asks me what to do and says " i tell her i want to see her one more time. just see her and give her a hug ok?" i say "well.. sure if that's what you wanna say .." I don't really wanna influence the situation any more than i already did. but .... he gives me his phone so -
"you leave without saying goodbye **spank spank"
"i couldn't find you" (BS she didn't look or wait. in fact, i was right there and she didn't even make an effort to say goodbye to me)
"i was inside. you? "
"i'm going home"
"ok .. address"
"i'm going home alone"
"good. i meet you there
""something something can't remember"
"you owe me nightcap cause you no manners" (i figured it was already dead so i might as well push, burn it to the ground.)
and that is it. end of interaction.
all in all i don't think she was ever interested, right from the start. but coach M had his chances, at least.
so, here's my problem/question - i feel i handled it all wrong. and i should have left it COMPLETELY up to the coach. besides basic introductions. i feel i over-egged it. oversold it. was too controlling and too kind of haughty or arrogant. like i was being sooo magnanimous by trying to get them together, and i feel like i hindered more than i helped, although i only had good intentions. or to put it another way, i kinda feel like my trying to get her with my coach was my meta way of flirting with her myself, like i was communicating with her with a knowing nudge nudge wink wink (even though i wasn't interested in this big-assed girl i felt like the interaction was pointing the finger at me and saying "this guy is the real prize here" even though i'm just some little old random dude with a white belt contrasted with this tall, beautiful, bad-ass brazilian. so, meta lesson here, i suppose, is - rock-solid inner game trumps everything.
i don't wanna make the same mistake again. and i would love to help some of my other friends, and teammates, get girls.
what's your take on how i handled the situation?
thanks
