Sex on the first date or no?

[KingTurtle]

I like the lounge bar idea. Can easily keep it short or escalate things if they go well.

Good stuff man.

 

[Witcher]

Hey I'm coming a bit late on this one, and didn't have time to read all the answers - I'm sure all very good.

I also have experimented with the BlackDragon two dates model, and want to provide my perspective.

In my opinion, it is a little bit advanced level, precisely because of the problem you report here. Namely, she might change the way she feels about the date when she wakes up the next day, then grow cold, and bye bye second date.

Here is the advanced part of it: in order to be (reasonably) sure you get the second date, you have to play a subtle balance of sexual tension. Enough tension, so that when you end the date, you leave her wanting for more. But not enough tension that you actually leave her horny and unsatisfied - because then it's like a failed escalation.

One of the key recommendations of BD is that you end up the date at most 1h30 into the date. This is one of the ways to leave her wanting for more.

The way I play it is a little different. I come up to the date with an open plan. I measure the buying temperature, quite early in the date. If it's warm, I will aim to pull the same evening. If it's lukewarm, or if there are time constraints (i.e. less than the 4 hours needed for a full conclusion), then I will go for a short date, and schedule a second date.

I've had good results with this, with about half of success on date one, and half on date 2. Very rarely did I need a third date or more. It's usually counterproductive to shoot for 3 or more dates.

Seppuku
PS. I am a regular BD reader and have utmost respect for him.

I'am on the way to try BD system as well and I am starting to think that i'am maybe spending too much unecessary time on dates.

Just one question: Do you keep the lenght of the date the same weather you go for sex or second date? If not how much time do you spend on each?

 

[Seppuku]

BlackDragon has very strict rules about things, like no more than so much time on date 1 etc...

In my experience it's not precise science. A good rule of thumb is no more than two hours in a given date. Because remember that you have much more interesting things to do later at home, and you need to keep some time for this, too.

If you don't go for sex on date 1 for whatever reason, the key is to leave her wanting for more, in order to be reasonably sure the second date will happen. Ramp up sexual tension but not so much that she gets sexually aroused. Be the one ending up the date. And yeah, do not overdo it. Max 1h30. Manage it like an informational date.

 

[Witcher]

BlackDragon has very strict rules about things, like no more than so much time on date 1 etc...

In my experience it's not precise science. A good rule of thumb is no more than two hours in a given date. Because remember that you have much more interesting things to do later at home, and you need to keep some time for this, too.

If you don't go for sex on date 1 for whatever reason, the key is to leave her wanting for more, in order to be reasonably sure the second date will happen. Ramp up sexual tension but not so much that she gets sexually aroused. Be the one ending up the date. And yeah, do not overdo it. Max 1h30. Manage it like an informational date.

I think that I will have to make that a rule too even to the point of putting a notification in my phone that signals me that we are 1:30h into the date. Because contrary to many guys, my problem is not that I run out of things to say! Studying seduction and being a naturally talkative and curious person make chatting with me usually longer than expected with most people and not only girls. Actually most of the dates I got from tinder passed 2 hours and the girls were like "WAW! I didn't expect to stay this long, I had such a good time" . I also don't have the reflex yet to end the date on a high note myself and when the girl does it it's not good! So I'm going to make this new routine:
-Set my phone alarm to 1:30 just prior to meeting the girl
-At 1:30 either start the pulling process or ending the date and walk with the girl until we have to go our separate ways.

I now have to train myself to use the high note to pull or end the date rather than enjoying the moment.

 

[Michal]

In general you just want to understand that girls don't seek men, they seek a lifestyle boost. Once you appreciate that, it's easier to not view dates like her picking you. But rather she's just adding guy stuff into the motions that week

This is probably one of the elements why it seems difficult for me and something I need to fix. How would you demonstrate such quality on dates.. that you can fill her life in action? Changing venues, more activity based dates, not beating around the bush? Or talking about your experiences how you were here and there doing this and that? That is what I see in some of my friends, they just talk about their life and people listen, add their own.

I grew up like the uncool kid from school, I spend a lot of my time alone doing various things I like to work on. The cool guys I know usually have busy lives with activities, going to places, trips. I see the difference in the lifestyles, it's just that I am not that interested in those things. So looking at it from the perspective you mentioned, is this something to focus on? Expanding social circles just so that we can go skiing or wakeboarding or to bowling or trips to the sea in the summer? Basically "to get a life"? Because I have a life, I work on some projects with a goal in mind but that is not what most people consider a "life".

From a certain angle, first dates are ok, but I see this crack on second ones even if I was still able to make it happen. And the crack is what you mentioned, that my lack of *exciting* life shows and gives her a hint that I might not be the best guy for her to fill her life with activities and excitement