She thinks I put pressure on her

[LPF]

She actually called me over to tell me that we would not be seeing each other from now on like we had for the past 2-3 weeks.

I kindda knew it was coming so I prepared myself to try a final attempt to sleep with her - I've slept with her a couple of times by now. But I did not succeed this last time.
I think I simply was not congruent enough.

We only made out a bit. I tried to escalate many times, push and pull-stuff. Tried to capture her logical mind while my hands were touching her and kissed her neck.

She send me home after 5 hours. And now she writes me: "I felt, you put too much pressure on me."

I am not sure what to respond. Yes I took action, but I also left the house without a shrug almost.

 

[daviddreamer]

Your last sentence leaving without a shrug sounds sort of "cold". Maybe she felt this way about you and wants more then just sex and wants to push the relationship forward.

 

[Ross]

LPF,

Remember to always stay congruent with your frames. If you want to have things stay as a friends-with-benefits scenario, incite that and ensure that she understands before getting with you.

Sleeping with women when they expect something completely different, such as a relationship, and playing along with that will cause for a lot of disdain in the relationship because she wanted one thing while you wanted another. You both felt like you were getting what you wanted, but unfortunately this gap in expectation became apparent only after sleeping together, making things awkward. She got buyer's remorse.

So when you try yet again to move towards sleeping with each other without making sure everything is alright, she'll feel like she's being pushed where she doesn't want to go.

 

[LPF]

It is hard to become congruent. I'm out of a relationship (4 years) and realize what a wuzz I've become. But I've options. Just want to become more effective and get results. She is the first girl since I decided to end the relationship.

I found girlschase a week ago and that me realize that she and I probably won't be dating. We could only be FWB, but I don't know if that is what she wants (she has professed to me that I have given her the hardest orgasms ever - sick, but I do love oral stuff - and I estimate that she probably slept with +100 guys.... I did ask her 'how many' (kindda stupid - but it was after sex) and she said 20 maybe, I lied back and said 20...)

Problem is that I probably came over too much of a guy who want's to be in a relationship. That I gave too much too early - I mean tealking really deep stuff on the 2nd day and even crying. She said the other night when she was kindda ending 'our thing' that it had become too intense, she did not want to break my heart, but she still really 'wanted' me and was intrigued because I am 'mysterious' to her.

She is like 8-8.5 imo. Mid 20's. Very liberal, quite advanced, working in public administration (law-degree), but also a girl that causes stress. Flirtatious and somewhat unstable. She is getting offers all the time. It's crazy! A little voice inside my head wants to tell me she is above my standard. I've been awkward at times with her, but I've also been very sure of myself and totally at ease (mostly when we are alone and/or I've had enough sleep).

Ok. So I texted her back: "It was not my intention to make you feel that way." (I did not apologize, but I wanted to aknowledge)

She: "I know... I hope we can be friends"

I: "You are my friend."

The day after... I: "Hi. How are you today?" (just want to check in, yes I know... I know... I know)

She: "I'm tired... had to clean the house"

- 30 min later -

She: "How are you?"

- 2 hours later -

I: "Tired as well, but it's ok..."

- 3 hours later -

I: "You need to talk?" (freaking chump)

She: "It's allright... I don't wanna talk. Just too tired in my head."

I: "I can stop by and we can see the match... but gotta go right after, meeting someone @ 9 pm." (No lie, really)

She: "I really have to get something done today and with you here it might not happen..." (context: clean the house)


This morning she wrote: "Hi! Do you stop by and say goodbye later" (I'm almost sure she means at her place, she is going on a trip for 3 weeks)

I'm thinking I will write back: "Yeah sure." (short, simple - effortless)

That I will meet up and give off this vibe that I have girls lining up. Maybe she will want to hug, but once I escalate I know it will be LMR.''

Comments are welcome.

 

[LPF]

Here is the follow up.

I wrote back 1,5 hour later: "Yeah." (maybe too short and kindda cold)

She: "That was a short message. If you don't want to, you don't need to." (what is this?)

I: "I will come by later and say goodbye."

She: "Okay. What time you think?"

I: "6 pm."

I don't know... need to get me a rock solid frame, be in the moment and still push it forward. No fuckin' awkward moments, please.

I guess she is afraid of something. That I will be an asshole. I am kindda trying to go from provider-type to lover-type (cuz I stumbled upon girlschase only a week ago), maybe that fucks her up.

So should I play it nice?

How do I incite FWB? What are the bulletpoints?


Added later:

So I wrote her "6 pm."

1 hour later, she: "Sounds good... then we have dinner?"

20 min later, I: "You are welcome to cook " (added smiley to reward her I guess --- I've made dinner until now, small sexy dishes - but this could go into her chasing me which is good)

1 min later, She: "Ok. Anything you fancy for lunch?"

So... girl is vegetarian... I would like to have her invest in me so I am thinking of going a bit over the top with my request... could I order a steak? Haha... or should I just keep it more plain? That would be more nice... she is prolly still bit of a wreck (I think she broke up with her boyfriend 2-3 days ago, but it was not that serious, he screwed around and they played each other I think, but I don't really care about it... which she does not understand, but heck... if she talks about it I am warm and affectionate and tell her that is a good guy and always comes over friendly).

I actually feel more like letting her choose a dish instead of 'commanding'...

 

[LPF]

I never responded so she wrote: "I really want to cook for you, but I don't got the energy today. Can we buy something easy?"

I: "Yeah, it's all right."

She: "But what are we going to do? You know you could be a bit more communicative in your replies."

I will probably end up cooking... but make her do the shopping.