She Wants to Wait - How Should I Interact

[edgeguy1983]

This is a new one for me because I usually don't get this response, haha. I had a girl over on a second date that frankly is girlfriend material: she's insanely cute, foul mouthed and checks a lot of my boxes personality wise. So we just killed a bottle of wine and we're hanging out on the couch talking, laughing, etc.. and I go in for a kiss. She doesn't resist so I pull in closer. Now prior to her coming over she had texted that "it was just dinner right?" and I said something to the effect that I'd dial back my seduction if she would do the same and she laughed at that. Well obviously I was going to try and I have to believe she knew it too.

Anyways, we're kissing and because of that text I'm going a little slower than I normally would. She starts pulling me in and my hands start to wonder as per usual. Then she pulls back and says no. So I say OK and take my hands away but go back in. She continues to kiss back and we're all good. She again pushes back and says no and says "I want to change how I normally do things". Of course this is how I always do things so I'm a little taken aback so I say it's OK. We make out a little more in my apartment and when I walk her to her car. I text her later on jokingly, to which she responds, and go to bed.

Here's my question, how to play this going forward. I obviously don't want her to fall into autorejection but I'm not interested in chasing her either. She has the power in the relationship now since we haven't had sex yet so should I tell her that I actually like her and don't want just a straight hookup? Would that drop the barrier a bit or only strengthen it? I realize now that when she was saying no, she was more saying it to herself than me. I'm sure this is a common problem but I just got back into the dating scene a year ago after being married so this is my first time dealing with the situation. Any advice from guys who've been in this situation to move this along would be appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Skid]

Hey dude ,

I'm currently undergoing a transformation on my mindset and I think its really relevant here so I wanted to comment.

Then she pulls back and says no. So I say OK and take my hands away but go back in. She continues to kiss back and we're all good. She again pushes back and says no and says "I want to change how I normally do things".

I want to dive into this here lets look at why she is saying this. First you have to understand that you both want the same thing : both want a relationship out of this BUT from what she has said here she has some bad experiences when she gave the power over to the man she let him run it and it probably crashed and burned. So she is trying to adjust her strategy because she maybe doesn't have much faith in men being able to run relationships and she is scared that you and her will crash and burn. First thing you have to decide is whether you want to run the relationship or not but you pretty much have to if you want to get better at running relationships in the future or if you are already confident in running relationships then this should be a no brainer. Armed with this information you should know that the best thing for both of you is to have sex now so you can show her what an amazing leader/man you are. Do tons of reading on how to run things and you should be good do your best to put it into practice and go from there.

She has the power in the relationship now since we haven't had sex yet so should I tell her that I actually like her and don't want just a straight hookup?

Take my advice lightly since I'm not really that experienced but from my understanding its a good thing make sure a woman feels you aren't 100% hers it makes her work harder to be her best self with you. So I'd say prepare yourself for some CRAZY LMR don't give in 2 steps forward 1 step back even if it takes you 4 hours. Just say to yourself you aren't giving up. Don't be taken aback or concerned for her feelings because you both want a relationship.She has nothing to fear from you.

Skid