"She's out of your league!" - Still a thing?

[Estate]

Guys,
Love your opinions on this.

There's this "myth" that seems to run around PUA circles... that any guy, can get any girl, with the "right" game.
That is... guys feel that with the right "opener", "hook", "neg", etc... that he will reach the mecca of game and be able to get literally any woman at any time.

Now... I just don't believe this. There are many reasons at any given time a women may not be open to a guys advances. And that's ok... even the BEST of the BEST don't win EVERY time in this game. At least that's what I feel. But in mainstream PUA circles they really try to sell product but sub-communicating you're basically a loser if you cannot achieve this.

Now here's the real question. I feel I've improved exponentially over the past 2 years. I have dated women I wouldn't heave dreamt of before. BUT... I'm not satisfied. Or at least, while some of them have been great, and some of them my friends have told me "What are you thinking!?!?!" when I said I wasn't into them...once you get better with women, you begin to be less satisfied with just getting a girl, or just getting 7's or 8's or whatever.

I'm at a weird point where, very few women really give me that buzz. Like, I enjoy meeting some great girls, but I feel like I'm "settling" if I stop there, even though they might be great women.

Do you think there's a point though where there'll always be SOME women who are out of your league? Like, do you need to realize your limits even if you've taken your game up a number of levels? Or is the sky really the limit if you can just persevere?

I ask because I get told this sometimes. I have the oppertunity to be with some women and I turn it down. 2 years ago I'd have jumped at the chance to be with these girls. Now, if feels silly but I don't, I want to aim higher, but I fear I'll never reach it, like I'm reaching for something that doesn't exist. People sometimes think I'm crazy that I seem to pass up very good oppertunities now, in the persuit of more.

Is there a point where you're really just kidding yourself?

 

[KollegahDerBoss]

That's the same with money - you will never be "satisfied".

Depending on how old you are, if you want to have a child, if you want to have a life-lasting marriage - you have to decide by yourself when it's time to "settle down".
Also, you will have to to realize that love will fade away after years of marriage, and the "romantic love" will become a more "compassionate love" later in life.

Maybe you aren't interested in that and you can have as much fun as you like with girls and switch partners how you like - that is up to you.

Just remember, there will always be someone prettier or with a better personality than a girl you might find "perfect".

 

[Franco]

Estate,

It might be a combination of things. If you really have been getting amazing girls, then it sounds like you might be reaching for something that does not exist. I'm not exactly sure what it is that you are reaching for, but if you haven't come across girls that are worth settling into a somewhat long-term relationship with (maybe at least a year or two), then it sounds like you have room for improvement OR you aren't looking in the right places (or maybe not trying hard enough).

It took me about a year before ending up in a relationship with the great girl that is now my girlfriend. But even then, I know there's a high probability it won't last, but I've enjoyed every minute of it and know that she's about the best I will get out of a woman -- any other girlfriends I have will probably not be "better" but rather be "different and unique." I'm saying this because there's two things at play here to consider: there's your ability to find (and obtain) a girl of the highest caliber, and then there's your ability to recognize that even the "best" women are still human -- there's no "supernatural" feeling that you'll get with specific women that will make you feel like you'll never want another woman again. They are still biological creatures born on this planet, and there are over 4 billion of them. Each have their own set of unique qualities, both good and bad, and none of them are perfect.

So it's really hard to say where your problem lies unless I actually meet the women you are taking to bed. Maybe they really are sub-par and you've got more work to do in terms of being able to take your game to the next level and meet women of a higher caliber. Or maybe you're dating high caliber women and expecting more out of them than what is humanly possible.

If you haven't been able to find a girlfriend yet, then my guess would be the former. This would actually be a good thing because it means there's room for improvement. However, the difficult part then becomes, "where can I improve?" Well, based on what I've heard before, it sounds like you still are going to low-percentage places for the highest quality women, and it sounds like you still might need to do more day game to find them (especially if you're just trying to look for a girl that really makes you feel like you want to keep her around for more than a few weeks or months). I met my girlfriend in a bar, but I do realize that my time would have been better spent doing day game if I really wanted to take home gorgeous/amazing women with more consistency.

There's also a possibility that you may be taking home amazing women but you aren't keeping them around long enough to realize how amazing they are. You've mentioned that you've also had difficulty getting women to see you for more than a one-night stand, and as far as almost every experience I've had, this is something that can easily be changed if you can pinpoint the issue. I've never had a problem with this, and generally find myself completely in control once a girl has taken my cock for a full night. So it may be something you want to investigate a bit more. Although I've never been in your position, based on my own experiences, my best guess would be that you downplay yourself too much as non-boyfriend material; or there's a possibility that you don't begin to peel back your personal layers after you've slept together and reveal to her that you're a man who has big dreams and goals, which is something she would want to hold onto.

I would make sure you've thoroughly tried every option available to you before you come to too many conclusions. It sounds like there might be areas you can adjust your game so that you can achieve more of what it is that you want.

- Franco

 

[Estate]

Points all noted Franco, thank you.

By all means yes, there's still plenty for me to master. As I said, I've improved an aweful lot from where I was at but of course I stick around here to continue to learn and improve hopefully.

Some time ago I did have the sticking point with women being seemingly more interested in one nighters or quick flings. By and large I think that's less of a problem than it was 6-12 months ago. I went through quite a string of women at the time where that seemed to be the case and was quite frustrating.

My progression has gone something like this:
- Couldn't get a girl if my life depended on it.
- Managed to get girls but maybe not top quality women.
- Gradually seemed to get with nicer women but couldn't keep them around.
- Now there has been the opportunity to pursue something more with some women I've met in more recent times but I turned it down. But in one sense these girls are SO much better than I could have gotten 2/3 years ago. But now I think... well... what if I could improve MORE and get even BETTER women... why settle down now.

I think I'm just kinda stuck between deciding if I really want to settle down a little more and maybe try for a relationship or whether I should just keep pushing and working harder to meet and date even better women.

I probably just need to sit myself down and figure out what I'm looking for right now.

 

[JimmyB]

Estate, I feel like I'm in a similar position, so I'm gonna give my 2 cents on the situation
My progression
- I always attracted girls, but didn't know how to get with them sexually
- I finally got better at getting with girls, but not good quality ones
- I got with more top quality women, but mostly flings and didn't keep them around

I'm at a point now where I know I can get good looking girls, so shouldn't I find a hot girlfriend now? I thought that for a while..but I think that now I have improved with women, I have also improved in several other areas and would rather spend my time improving and growing individually for now, without a committed relationship. I think the only reason I consider a relationship is because other people are doing it. Right now I'm being independent and enjoying it. Even if I met my dream girl, I wouldn't change my lifestyle if I had to to accommodate her, because it's more important to me right now, and there's always more amazing girls out there.
Perhaps you have been improving in other areas of life that you're enjoying a lot, and don't have a ton of time to commit to a relationship?
You said you were getting with better women but had trouble keeping them around (not sure if you still have this problem?) Some top-tier women may have flings but will only progress further in a relationship if you're willing to dedicate more time and effort, and you might not be ready for that right now. I think no matter what level you're at, the more success you have with higher quality women, the more you will continue to improve. Age may be a factor - (I don't know your age) but if you're young (early 20s) then I don't think you should feel obligated to settle down more, there's still plenty to accomplish and explore, including women. Are you around a lot of friends with girlfriends? This may be influencing you to do the same, when really you don't want to right now.

Certainly you should sit down with yourself and honestly assess what it is you want right now, and women aside what it is you'd most like to be doing.
This may not be helpful at all, but it's my viewpoint, hope some of it is relevant

JB

 

[tvktvk]

Hey Estate,

I am not sure how old you are man, but I reckon you are still very young. So why the fuck would you stop here? Trying a relationship wouldn't hurt, but take the marksman for example. He's in a monogamous relationship and still goes out (with his girl!!) and works on improving his skills.

Never settle. It doesn't matter what the people around you are saying, you never stop working on self improvement. And when you finally reach the level of getting the girls you view as 9's and 10's, you keep on working, cause it's even harder there at the top. You still won't regret it.

NEVER. SETTLE.

tvktvk

 

[JimmyB]

Never settle...
...until you get married, that's pretty much settling. Eventually I think most people want that and to have kids. But I'd say not until at least 30-35. So until marriage I'd say don't even consider settling.