Shes taking things backwards or is she?

[Elusive]

So I met this girl out in India a month ago and slept with 3 times whilst out there. She was a colleague working in the jungle with me so we didnt do that whole letts me for drinks and then.. blah blah blah. Just got down to things.

NOW We're both in London - I invited myself to drop by hers and give her some xompany - but she says she 'wants to be ordinary for once and go for a drink followed by... (sex)'

To be fair from her side its a reasonable request.
As I said ive never taken her out
Things moved very quickly between us
She also wants a relationship

Relationship im fine with but of course I want to slow down progress on that front as much as possible - ie be in control.

Im afraid if I do take her for drinks - im letting her lead and run things - let her use sex as a reward for me - and generally slow things down moving me from a lover to bf

I want to counteroffer - and say drinks at her place - or meet at her place first and then drinks

But I dont know if im being a dick or my concerns are legit so some opnions an advice would be great thanks

This is also a time sensitive matter so if you do read this and have something to say - please do so as soon as you can

 

[ray_zorse]

Comply -> if you want to be her BF and have low attainability.
Ignore and re-engage later -> if you want FWB and don't care.
Negotiate/counter-offer -> middle course if you're not sure.
Above all, date more women, and let her work a bit harder to fit into your busy schedule... trying hard to set it up is weak.
Ray

 

[Elusive]

''Comply -> if you want to be her BF and have low attainability.''

What do you mean by LOW attainability? Or do you actually mean high?

 

[Elusive]

I mean now that we've had sex, she's trying to get me to do dating things to get me to chase again.

I shouldnt go along with this... or should I?

 

[ray_zorse]

I mean that if she is chasing you for r/ship you probably do not have a value problem, but you might have an attainability problem. That is, if you brush off her requests to do boyfriendy stuff, she may figure she can never get what she wants from you (r/ship) and auto-reject to save her ego. On the other hand if you're happy to be her boyfriend then you can increase your attainability by doing the boyfriendy stuff.

In summary: If you like her, and you've already bedded her, don't fuck it up by acting too PUAey and dismissive! Having said that, if you think there might be a value issue, like if you acted a bit needy last time you contacted her or slept with her, then it would be better to play it more strategically.

That's what I meant by my original, rather cryptic, comment.

Ray

PS You're in a bit of a weak position having proposed easy date at hers (a rather risky move) and had her refuse compliance... that's why I think the normal dickish PUA strategies for staying in control might not give you much leverage here. Does anyone else have any ideas?