I just got done reading about partner count. The girl I'm messing with now has had seven partners including me. That's more than the 5 maximum that Chase has said. I just asked her after a while of dating. She cried to me and said she felt bad she has that many, and is scared i will dump her, well i guess i might have to. Should I end it? And how do I go about it?
radeng said:
I didn't tell her that's what I read. I asked her how many and she told me, then she said she felt bad. There weren't any wrong expectations set. It's that chase wrote not to date a girl that has over 5 partners. Her number is barely past there, only one if I'm not included. We care about each other a lot, but reading that made me think.
It's not even about putting the work in, it's that we already have feelings for each other and she treats me like a king. I have developed feelings as time went on, and I was wrong with my guess, I thought she was at around 2-4, I was off by a few. Where the fuck can you find a girl that has 2 or 3 partners? Girls have told me that before, but I know damn well they're lying. Especially because they don't act like the way Chase describes the girls.radeng said:
Like I said earlier we have deep feelings for each other, it's not that I don't want to put the work in. It's kinda of too late to get rid of all my feelings, and get rid of all we went through at the drop of a hat.
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Sub-Zero said:
You would seriously dump a girl because a guy you don't know wrote an article suggesting you should?
I will back away from this thread slowly and keep my comments to myself. Yikes.
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Sub-Zero said:
I think you misunderstood the entire article on partner count he wrote.
He says he personally prefer girls within that partner range.
Saying that you should not date someone based on some factor doesn't sound the slightest like Chase (in fact, he devoted an entire article to explain why you shouldn't take something you read for granted and should test it yourself instead). What he does is provide you some insight in what you might expect out of a relationship with a girl based on her partner count backed up with research and personal anecdotes and see if it fits what you're looking for.
Naturally, and he mentions this as well, this is purely statistic. You can very well be with a girl that slept with 7 dudes and be nothing like what he describes (though, that's unlikely). This information is useful for the purposes of screening girls you want in and out of your life.
Given that you apparently made up your mind and you do like and want to be with her, this is not entirely relevant in your case (other than the fact that you are aware of the risks); So I'm with radeng here: go ahead, dude.
Haha dude everyone is listening to a dude they don't know if that's the case. That's what his website is about, read the articles and take the advice or not. He is more experienced than I, so I really think about what he says, and don't want to make a rookie mistake.HellAtlantic said:
radeng said:Sub-Zero said:
Sounds like you want to keep her, and that you care for her.If its working for you, don't drop her for some article you saw. I don't think its a number you should worry about at all. All that article is for is to just make you aware of the risks associated with a higher number of partners. But does it really mean anything.
A girl with 100 partners may truly be an outlier 100% solid never cheat on you girl. A girl who has only fucked you may fuck your best friend behind your back. Theres always a risk. but statistically speaking, a higher partner count is associated with increased infidelity.
My thoughts on the whole thing? I don't really agree with Chase. I think if your a cool guy who continually improves himself and maintains an abundance mindset, you should absorb that risk. Who cares if she cheats, as a self improved man, you'll find another when you feel like it. Right now, things are working great for you both, so while that is the case, I say do what makes you happy. Just don't settle is all I am saying. You have to make up your mind about that. It sounds like 6 or 7 lovers is no big deal to you. WOuldn't be a big deal to me either. May be a big deal to Chase. Thats cool too as long as we all acknowledge the statistical risk associated. i mean, I doubt theres a way to measure this, but this site also says fuck a girl on the first date right? Well I would bet money that there is a statistical risk of higher infidelity for girls who can be persuaded to sleep with you on the first night, vs girls who won't. No matter how sexy you are. Girls who have a deep moral belief in the sanctity of sex in religion or some bullshit. Soo ya know, if Chase wanted to really hedge his bets he'd only date virgin devout nuns who didn't sleep with him till the 8th date lol. Im just bullshitting now, but I hope you get my point. Its all up to your comfort. No psychological study could measure a girls morals objectively, all we know is that higher partner counts is correlated with (and does not necessarily mean) high infidelity.
Me personally, I believe that I am a cool enough guy to absorb that risk. I wouldn't hesitate to be with any girl who had under 10 partners. Thats what self improvement part of pickup is all about. Either way, if any of us lose our edge, we gotta keep our fingers crossed our girls innate morals keep her by our side. Chase just doesn't take the statistical bet that I would take. But, I'm a hopeless romantic at heart and I say fuck the statistics sometimes. But at some point I think 15 would be my cutoff if she's AMAZING in every other aspect.
Context is also a huge factor in partner count. Age is part of that. If she fucked 6 guys in one month before meeting you, well she's a way higher risk because she's a bit mentally unstable. But she had 6 long term bfs who all dumped her, well she's just unlucky (why all those dudes dumping her tho).
So, really, GC advice = Dump her get the *perfect* girl for you from the beginning. My advice, be a guy shed never cheat on, and if your relationship starts slipping, keep the statistics in mind and an abundance mindset and move on. Keep context of her partner count in mind and be sure that you aren't lowering your own standards and expectations just for her. If you are doing that, then you DO need to dump her.
Radeng
Thanks man, you spit real shit.
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7 isn't exactly a HUGE number. In todays world, things move fast.
Maybe she's dated 7 guys... (haven't you dated a LOT more girls than that?!?!), it's not that many.
Maybe she had a few casual hookups or a mix of both. Which again mean, 7 partners over a long span doesn't sound like a lot of sex at all.
If it's an issue for you, yeah, I'd dump her but for her own sake.
I don't really understand why you ask the girls this though? I think directly asking this is a major insecurity sign and usually it's only intended to start drama... there's really no way of having this conversation past high school where it can end in anything but hurt feelings or a lot of side-eye from one or both partners.
Don't make your girlfriend cry, and especially not for sleeping with people. If you can't accept she had a sex life before you, break up with her and let her date someone more mature.
Maybe she's dated 7 guys... (haven't you dated a LOT more girls than that?!?!), it's not that many.
Maybe she had a few casual hookups or a mix of both. Which again mean, 7 partners over a long span doesn't sound like a lot of sex at all.
If it's an issue for you, yeah, I'd dump her but for her own sake.
I don't really understand why you ask the girls this though? I think directly asking this is a major insecurity sign and usually it's only intended to start drama... there's really no way of having this conversation past high school where it can end in anything but hurt feelings or a lot of side-eye from one or both partners.
Don't make your girlfriend cry, and especially not for sleeping with people. If you can't accept she had a sex life before you, break up with her and let her date someone more mature.
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I just don't think it's helpful in any way to directly ask the question.
It doesn't help you, it doesn't help her. No matter what the answer. If you have more, she has more or you both have high/low numbers... it leads to a lot more awkward questions.
You don't need this info, nor does she. By asking, it made her feel judged and therefore cry.
I think it's best to leave it be. As I said. If this colors your view of her, you'll always feel bad towards her now and shell feel judged and would be happier with someone else.
It doesn't help you, it doesn't help her. No matter what the answer. If you have more, she has more or you both have high/low numbers... it leads to a lot more awkward questions.
You don't need this info, nor does she. By asking, it made her feel judged and therefore cry.
I think it's best to leave it be. As I said. If this colors your view of her, you'll always feel bad towards her now and shell feel judged and would be happier with someone else.
