Should i forget the girl i love, to win her back?

[Humay]

I'll try not to write too much and i apologise in advance if this is totally the wrong board (this is my first post!).

I've been reading all the articles of girlschase over the last month and i've been really amazed. Amazed on what i had done wrong with my girlfriend of two years (who had dumped me 6 months ago), and the vast improvements i would need to make. I was the typical white-knight, providing, chasing 'boyfriend'. She eventually couldn't take my clingy behaviour and because we're going to different universities as well, she dumped me. She was 100% in control of the relationship.

But from all i've read, i know i can do it right this time. I need to win her back for the sake of my sanity and closure. If i fail, then at least i know i've tried my best knowing the right techniques to a girl's heart from girlschase and that we were never meant to be. But if i don't at least try my best, knowing all this knowledge, i'll be taking this to my grave, never loving a girl 100%, as i will always hang on to the faint belief that i will have my chance to win her back someday.i need closure.

So considering whatever happens, my goal is to win back the girl of my dreams; do i need to forget her or keep her in mind?
I read an article from Chase saying that it would be best to forget the past with your ex if you want to win her back, but i find that if i try to keep busy and not think about her, i'm just suppressing my thoughts and i feel depressed and disillusioned about what i want. But when i think about her, i have real passion and drive to do well that would lead to me getting her back. But this also means i'm not sincere when i'm talking to other girls. They can see it in my eyes that i don't really like them and am just using them for experience. I need the emotion in order to truly connect with girls, but also to keep my eye and belief in what my true goal is (winning my ex-girlfriend's heart).

What do i need to do?

 

[Estate]

I can only talk from experience (and Chase has several articles backing up similar mentalities)...

The simple solution is... meet more girls! You just have to. It sounds so hard if you're new to this but it's actually that simple.
For now you need to totally put this ex of yours on the back burner, forget about her.

If you do this it will have the effect of the "abundance mentality", put simply, you'll be happier knowing you have the option of meeting new girls when you choose to do so.

Once this happens there is two outcomes:
- You will be so much changed and improved you may become attractive to your ex again.
- Or the more likely outcome... she is past the relationship, and now you are too... you will meet more girls and one or more of them will make you think "Jeez, why was I hung up on her so much? This new girl is awesome!"

I can only speak from my experience but as recently as January, I was still hung up on an ex I had ended things with last summer. I couldn't get her off my mind, I felt she was the best I could ever get.
I have a long way to go myself in all this but I've made huge strides from where I was. And I've met girls in the mean time who were just so much fun that it highlighted all that was wrong with my ex's personality... SO many things I overlooked before. Some of them were so gorgeous and way more so than my ex, something I couldn't comprehend a few months ago.

I now have a new outlook. I began to rack up number to the point I'd get random texts and not even be able to remember which girl it was. I set anything up to 4 dates a week. Until I was totally comfortable and it wasn't a big deal instead of being a ball of nerves like before.
I now feel "there's always another girl out there" when my old outlook was "if I have a girl, I CAN'T let her go, know knows where the next will come from... if ever!"

I'm taking a step back at the moment. I don't want to date every and any girl for the "experience". I'm looking to refine my game into quality over quantity in order to reach the next level.

The point is... you don't "need" your ex... I know exactly how you feel but after reading your story, I feel like I am you, 3-6 months in the future.
Try this out, dive into it, make some progress and you'll begin to see, you don't even need your ex back.

 

[Franco]

Hey Humay,

I was in a similar state of mind when I first found Chase's website.

Following up with what Estate wrote, the best thing you can do is approach more women. And I'm not just talking about women in general; I'm referring to gorgeous women.

One thing that helped me start to get over my girl was imagining that I found a girl just like her, with all the great qualities, except even hotter. I told myself, "well, if I can't have this girl back, maybe I can find a girl just like her but even more attractive!"

When I would go out, I would keep this in the back of my mind and made sure that I only approached women that I thought were more physically attractive than she was in hopes that I would find a girl with a personality similar to hers -- that would be the true definition of an "upgrade."

Having this mindset has a two-fold winning effect:

• 1) As long as you approach women that are more attractive than her, then eventually you will find a girl that makes you feel the way she did, except she'll be even hotter!
  2) Also, dating girls that are "hotter" than your ex-girlfriend will, in turn, be the best chance of making your ex-girlfriend want you back!

In essence, this is a win-win mindset since you are working toward both replacing your ex-girlfriend while simultaneously giving your best effort to get her back. When it really comes down to it, the best way to get an ex-girlfriend back who dumped you is to find a girl that is better than her. And in the process, you might just find a girl that truly IS better than her, and you may not even want her back!

So keep your chin up, and focus on only approaching women that are hot, sexy, and would make your ex-girlfriend look like a thing of the past. If you do this, you will find that the results will be MUCH better.

I hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[Humpert]

Thanks, Estate and Franco. I'm pretty hung up on my ex. It's hard not to feel like shit. I like what you two had to say, I'm gonna bookmark this one to read over when I start thinking about her. I was going to post a question on how not to feel like a huge loser when you've been dumped for someone else, but I searched for it first. This works well, and dope to hear you guys have been there and made your way to where you are regardless.

 

[Humay]

Feel a bit weird reading this back again :/

Stay strong Humpert