Shy girls

[Ithilien770]

Hey there,

I had just a quick question that I am hoping to get some views on. Just curious as I haven't come accross this sort of situation before.

Here is the situation: last week I had to travel to Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia for work. There is a girl living there who a mutual friend had tried to set me up with about a year ago prior to that. She is of Chinese descent and is quite pretty. Of course we live in different countries (I am in Perth, Australia), so while we added each other on FB and proceeded to chat away fairly consistently since December last year, I naturally couldn't easily meet up with her or anything, so I just enjoyed messaging her, but didn't think to take it any further than that.

Anyways, I mentioned to her a few months ago that I would likely be coming to KL at some point for work. She offered to show me around, but our messaging kinda dried up after that. Then about a month later I got a message from her asking if I was still coming to KL. I said I was soon at some point, and she once more offered to show me around, I sent her my itinerary etc.

When I was there we were both pretty busy (plus KL is a pretty big city and she works and lives sort of on the outskirts so getting in to the centre where I was staying wasn't easy for her) so I suggested we wait till friday night. When friday came along she messaged to arrange our meet and then said that she was bringing a guy friend along with her. I brushed it aside, thought to myself 'to win without fighting is best', and went out with them, had a good time, and paid each equal attention in conversation. Of course, I made sure I sat next to her at dinner and at the bar we went to, walked next to her and so on.

Interaction-wise she touched my shoulders a number of times, grabbed my arm to save me from KL traffic, and didn't try to stay away from me when I walked close to her or to generally seek this other dudes protection.

We had agreed to meet up again, once more me thinking it was just to be us two, but her friend came along as well, so once more, I just went with the flow and had a good time, though I was pretty tired on the last night. Interactions between us were similar to the night before - some physical touch initiated by her, and I enjoyed being in her company.

Once our evening had ended I messaged her to say I enjoyed meeting her and to ask if she wants to meet up for dinner when she comes to Perth next, which she said she would.

A couple of days later, I was wondering why a girl who had agreed to meet up for a couple of nights would all of a sudden spring a third person on us, as it made me feel kinda weird. As I have a few other dates lined up with different girls, and am therefore not too worried about her in particular (though I do genuinely like her - just being realistic), I thought I'd very politely ask why she bought along this guy. Her response was "Maybe I was shy."

So I guess I am curious about a few things:

1. When you set up a meet or a date with a girl and she brings along a third person, how do you guys act? Just go with the flow or jump ship (as clearly I wasn't going to get laid with some other dude around!) I can definitely see how that could annoy a lot of guys, and if it was an outing previously qualified by us as a date then I definitely would have bailed, but isn't it best to just act nonchalant, enjoy the night, and persist in trying to get her alone at some future point?
2. Why do girls do this?
3. If when enquiring why, she says she is shy, is that a good thing? I mean, I wouldn't be 'shy' around a person I wasn't attracted to and probably wouldn't tell them so if questioned, so is this a good thing here?
4. In general, how do you deal with shy girls? I guess you have to put a lot more effort in and persist, but any tips would be appreciated.

Cheers!

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey Ithilien,

1. When you set up a meet or a date with a girl and she brings along a third person, how do you guys act? Just go with the flow or jump ship (as clearly I wasn't going to get laid with some other dude around!) I can definitely see how that could annoy a lot of guys, and if it was an outing previously qualified by us as a date then I definitely would have bailed, but isn't it best to just act nonchalant, enjoy the night, and persist in trying to get her alone at some future point?

If she was bringing a guy, I would've told her that something came up, and that you'd have to reschedule. If a girl feels the need to bring a male chaperone once, let alone twice, her timeline to sex is going to be VERY long. Seriously, it's like she thinks you guys are still in elementary school. You're probably looking at months or even marriage before she rides the D.

2. Why do girls do this?

She's just very inexperienced and very conservative. Quick question, did you pay for her and was it expensive? There's a slim chance that she was just out to get free drinks and dinners, but doesn't seem like the case.

3. If when enquiring why, she says she is shy, is that a good thing? I mean, I wouldn't be 'shy' around a person I wasn't attracted to and probably wouldn't tell them so if questioned, so is this a good thing here?

Shy is the wrong word for this girl. Shy girls will barely talk and won't initiate anything, but that doesn't mean their conservative. This girl is definitely conservative though.

4. In general, how do you deal with shy girls? I guess you have to put a lot more effort in and persist, but any tips would be appreciated.

The shiest girl I've ever laid, barely talked on our date. She didn't ask me ANY questions, barely responded to my questions. Didn't touch me. I thought, "Does this chick even like me." But I brought her home, laid down to watch a movie, and fucked her silly with no resistance. This is because shy girls are too scared or simply don't know how to show their interest.

Your girl showed plenty of interest, she touched you and agreed to see you on the second date. HOWEVER, she is super conservative. Any girl that needs a chaperone on date, does not date very often. Hell, most girls that rarely date, don't need a chaperone. You will be in for a long ride of blue balls with this one.

What I would have done, was not agree to either date if she insists on bringing the guy. It's a waste of your time. If she agrees to come alone, great! You have a shot of sharing a great experience between the two of you. If she refuses to come alone, then I leave her to some other guy who's willing to date her for months on end before he gets laid.

 

[Ithilien770]

Hey!

Cheers for the insights and for clarifying the difference between shy and conservative - what you wrote made a lot of sense and has helped me learn.

Super conservative rather than shy does make sense - actually she does go to church in KL quite consistently, so that is likely a factor here too I guess. Also, through talking to her it sounds like she has been hurt by guys a bit in the past which may not have helped, so yeh, I agree, thought there may well have been some interest and she agreed to go out again (which I made sure to definitely qualify as her and I together and only us), it will likely be a long time before a roll in the hay, so while I wouldn't discount her 100% completely, I'll definitely be focusing on my coming dates and put her on the back burner, if that at all.

We split the bill equally between the three of us, and even my paying my third met with some resistance, so no, I don't think she wasn't after a free time. And she had to make quite an effort to come to my location in KL - about an hours travel in the heavy traffic of the city. It just made me wonder why agree to spend time with someone when it is fairly obvious what that persons intentions are (that is, she must have known I was curious about her), yet kill the possibility of intimacy straight away? Why waste some guys time like that when she could have just made up some excuse or otherwise politely passed on the meet? But I guess an interested but highly conservative girl makes sense.

Cheers for the advice on walking away from dates with other people - if this sort of situation ever happens to me again, I'll definitely cancel. It was actually a little frustrating to be fair! But I don't mind having experienced this sort of situation as I've learnt a bit from it for the future.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey!

Cheers for the insights and for clarifying the difference between shy and conservative - what you wrote made a lot of sense and has helped me learn.

No prob

Super conservative rather than shy does make sense - actually she does go to church in KL quite consistently,

It's like I'm psychic or something haha.

We split the bill equally between the three of us, and even my paying my third met with some resistance, so no, I don't think she wasn't after a free time. And she had to make quite an effort to come to my location in KL - about an hours travel in the heavy traffic of the city.

Perfect. Interest from her is definitely high.

Cheers for the advice on walking away from dates with other people - if this sort of situation ever happens to me again, I'll definitely cancel. It was actually a little frustrating to be fair! But I don't mind having experienced this sort of situation as I've learnt a bit from it for the future.

Yeah, don't feel too bad about it. Even if she came alone, the likelihood of getting the lay would be low, but at least you guys could be more intimate on the date. Without the other guy around, you guys can touch each other more, flirt more, talk about more intimate subjects, basically create a more powerful and memorable date.

It just made me wonder why agree to spend time with someone when it is fairly obvious what that persons intentions are (that is, she must have known I was curious about her), yet kill the possibility of intimacy straight away? Why waste some guys time like that when she could have just made up some excuse or otherwise politely passed on the meet? But I guess an interested but highly conservative girl makes sense.

Yep, interest is high, but her timeline to sex will be long. If you ever see her again, you can still TRY to get the lay quickly, just tread lightly if you get resistance.