Sign meaning and how text messages this case

[matrix]

Hi...

I have some simple question, i think so, but that lets me confused...

First, sorry for my english, because i am not native...

One week ago, i saw a girl walking to a gas station, and i realized soon that the car had run out of gas ... after realizing this, i stopped at the gas station, waited for her to buy the petrol, and asked if she wanted ride back to the car... she accepted instantly... until here everything normal (normal to certain point, because many girls don't accept strange rides), so here i think she had to have a good first impression on me, don't you think????

then, was maybe 4/5 minutes,,, We talked the basic things until arrive at the car (where you work, where you study, etc), as we live relatively close each other, etc... and when we arrived at her car, i helped her to refill... she continued talking normal, she even made one joke (i love this petrol smell , she said)... then i helped her to fix the triangle...

I have to say that i stoped to help her because i had a very good impression of her, and was very attractive to me... that's why mainly i stoped to help her...

So, lastly, i thought that was not the ideal aproach, ask her for her name or a telephone number... i thought, i had no courage to do that, in a situation like this, and i thought in that moment too, that, if i didn't do it, i showed that i was not desperate for a date with a girl, and maybe i could score and win point to her... on that moment, i decided not asking any data for her... (in fact, as she told me when worked, and having the registration of her car, i knew if i wanted, i could find her data on the internet, and find her Facebook easily... in fact i found almost one hour after arriving at home, i found her Fecebook)...

But the MAIN QUESTION i have is... on the last moment before she left, she asked for my name, and gave 2 kisses (on the face obviosly)... So, it is normal her last question, asking for my name in a situation like this, and even the face kisses (because, i would never kiss a girl on a situation like that on the end, if i didn't find her minimally attractive, i speak for myself)???

1º QUESTION: What could be the meaning of this acts, asking my name at the last question, and give 2 kisses after, and go???

I thought to my self... i think i had luck, because as i thought i could find her on FB immediately, maybe she was asking my name on the last talking, because she would do the same, and hereafter, few days later, maybe she could tryng talk to me on a social network (because she could find easily too, with my name and my university, it would be very easy)...

but i am impatient, and 1 day after, i sent her a facebook message, firstly apologizing for make conversation like that on FB, asking for a date... that i thought that she was a nice and a pleasant girl (even only know her for 10 minutes), and if she accepted a date...

she saw the message (now on FB we know that), and she has not answered anything... 2 days later, i repeated a similar message, and saying i was said for having no response, and that i would like to invite her again for a date and that i would not bother anymore if she not answer... a use to say on this kind of messages, that i have no idea if they have boyfriend, but i question even that...

she saw that message again, and again no response... even with i said...

2º QUESTION: Should i try a third attempt for having a reply???

I saw in this site, that we should try 3 or 4 times, with breaks, waiting for a reply... until give up forever...

She is handsome and obviously, that she has almost the guys she want... and she could have a boyfriend (here, not 100% sure, because all FB public photos are alone, not even one with a possible boyfriend, but maybe private photos she has, i don't know...) and for the comments, it is difficult to know too if she has or not a boyfriend...

but for what i have been reading here, that doesn't matter at the beigining, because our first approach should be always the same... and try a correct number of times.

3º QUESTION: What i could possible say, on a new attempt and possibly the last one (i was thinking invite her for a concert that i almost have sure that she likes), a kind of... ''i have 2 tickets for the ???? concert, do you accept???''

And how should i finish the message??? for the case she don't reply days or even on 2 or 3 weeks later, for a future not far, she could remember and reply finally....

And i should say, ''now definetely, i will not upset you anymore after this message, sorry again''???... for she understands that if anything could happen in the future, only happens if she gives the next step (replying me), and not me... ????

WHY DOESN'T SHE REPLY SIMPLY SAYING ''I HAVE BOYFRIEND SORRY'' OR ''THANKS VERY MUCH FOR THE INVITATION, BUT NO THANKS''... AND SHE CLOSED THIS SITUATION... AND IN THAT MOMENT, I STOPED THINKING OF HER OR STOPED TRYING A NEXT STEP...

NOT REPLYING COULD MEANING THAT MAYBE SHE CAN'T AND DON'T WANT NOW (BECAUSE OF A BOYFRIEND OR EVEN LET SPEND TIME BECAUSE SHE'S INTERESTED ANOTHER BOY AND JUST SEE WHAT COULD HAPPENING), BUT LET A CHANCE FOR THE FUTURE, FOR A FUTURE ''YES''???

thanks anyone that could help me a bit, and for any clues or tips for this approach...

 

[matrix]

Anyone could help me, please???

 

[Marty]

Matrix,

I see you are driven almost to despair here... I can share my own view with you, based on my past experience, although I'm not at all advanced and it may not help.

I believe that you made a serious mistake in not asking for her contact details on the spot.

You have to remember that asking for a number is not just getting information on how to reach her... it's also getting her permission to contact her. By not doing it, far from "scoring a point" as you thought, you actually showed indecisiveness and even cowardice—not qualities that a girl desires in a man.

I doubt whether you will ever hear from her, and I suggest you find another girl and do it right this time.

Here are a couple stories from my own experience:

A few months ago I was on a beach on vacation, running (for exercise), and I saw two girls taking photos. They looked at me, and I stopped and offered to take their photo together. I asked their names and told one of them she was very beautiful, a Canadian girl. I asked if she'd like to have ice-cream with me another time, and she accepted. (I was undressed and sweaty from running, could not go out with her immediately. Also she was with her friend.) Her cell phone did not work outside Canada and I didn't think to ask her room number, she did tell me her hotel though.

Later I called her hotel and asked for her by name, was put through to her room. I know for 100% it was the right person. Her room-mate, maybe the same friend, told me she was not in. After I returned home, I found her on the internet and emailed her wishing her well; no reply.

That failure to ask for her room number so I could contact her without doing additional "research" of my own cost me the date. Girls do not like being "tracked down", not matter how much they like you.

Another example. A girl at the gym was giving me heavy eye-contact. Before she left I went up to her to say hello, and she lit up like a Christmas tree. I had forgotten my phone in my bag, but she had hers, so I asked her to dial me so I got a canceled call and would have her number.

Unfortunately she did not hold the call for enough rings, and the missed call didn't come through on my phone. I looked her up on LinkedIn (she'd told me about her job) and emailed her to explain. No response.

I think the rule is: never, never do this. Girls are irritated by it.

-Marty

 

[matrix]

I am sorry, but your last case it has no consistency and logic...

You say that she felt happy for your approach, made the phone call... and days later, didn't respond only because girls don't like to be importuned by Facebook ou Linkedin????

It has no sense at all...

In my case, many possibles could be at the table (she could have boyfriend, she could be interesting another person, she didn't consider me attractive, etc, etc)...

But thinking that girls don't like to be bother by FB, or mail, or another social network, i don't think so... when we know that because of Facebook and similars, many of dates and even first approaches are made here,,,

i know many cases that finished in flirt or court, only by saying "that you saw the girl on disco, street, gym, etc,,, never exchange a word, and if she accepted a date..."

and only by the photo they accept lolll

and i have no doubt that social networks changed definetely the paradigma of the first approch... many of them happens on FB, even not knowing the person...

In my particular case, i think send her a message by fb or email, it sounds to me perfectely normal... maybe as you said, i should have asked her name as she did to me, or even go far, and ask for the number too...

but in this particular case, i thought that that could seem evicted, because i wanted to give her the impression that i stoped not only because she was handsome, but also because i help people normally...

And ask me for my name on her last question, for me is a mystery, for last reply, she could say only 'bye and thanks thanks thanks for the help''... but no, she asked for my name... and even the 2 kisses for me isn't normal in that situation... she has to thing a guy minimally attractive to do that, i almost sure...

So, as i saw here on the site, we should try 3 ou 4 times maximum with breaks... So, i will try a 3rd time, to see what happens... inviting her for a concret event, a concert, or something similar... something that could make the difference...

Just another think... How should i finish my last message??? for stay in the air the remote possibility, weeks later, remember me again for something that i could say on the message...

And leave open the possibility for the future, in case that she has a boyfriend or a person she likes very much now, and could thinking reply to me later, when the deterrent situation has gone for her...

thanks

 

[Franco]

matrix,

You say that she felt happy for your approach, made the phone call... and days later, didn't respond only because girls don't like to be importuned by Facebook ou Linkedin????

It has no sense at all...

It only doesn't make sense to a man who has very little experience with women. Any guy who's spent a good amount of time trying to contact women through social media when they didn't provide you with the social media information themselves knows that this is almost always a dead end.

It's absolutely critical you verbally state interest in a woman and ask her for contact information so that your intentions are clear. Just because you helped a woman who needed help and she thanked you for it with two kisses on the cheek does not suddenly mean she wants you to stalk her on social media and ask her for a date. Unfortunately, it seems like you had a good opportunity to ask for her number and you dismissed it -- as Marty mentioned, this was your biggest mistake.

The evidence is right in front of you. You've tried to contact her TWICE with no reply from her. If you try to do any more than that, you will creep her out, and she might even block you. When Chase says that you should try 3-4 times, he is assuming you grabbed her contact information directly beforehand. Chase will never advise you to randomly strike up conversations over social media.

If anything, this is a good lesson that you should always ask for contact information when you meet a girl so you don't miss an opportunity. By looking up her information on your own without her permission, not only are you chasing her, but you're letting her know that you're a guy who is desperate enough to use small bits of information to access private parts of her life. That's definitely not something a woman finds alluring by any means.

It's a quick, hard lesson, but hopefully it serves you well. Drop this girl and don't make the same mistake next time!

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Hahaha Franco! Learning to laugh at myself is the first step on my journey toward wisdom:

By looking up her information on your own without her permission, not only are you chasing her, but you're letting her know that you're a guy who is desperate enough to use small bits of information to access private parts of her life. That's definitely not something a woman finds alluring by any means.

This should be compulsory reading on the Beginners' board

 

[matrix]

i can accept that i commited an error, not ask her the name or the number...

but i can not accept, consider that make an approach by FB is intrusive...

FB is a public thing, phone number is a private thing...

i can view many photos of her, i can see her friends (she block some photos only), i can see her university, her hometown, etc, etc...

So, for me, sending a message by FB is not intrusive at that point... she perfectely knows that any person with 10 minutes and knowing anything from her life, could find her in minutes... that's why we have plenty information completely public as i said before...

a phone number is another thing...

I consider much more importante, the fact that she could have a boyfriend, or anyone that she's very interesting now, or not find me so attractive that could made her give the next step and accept the invitation by FB... than the fact that i not have asked her the number...

if she was minimum interested in me, she could stay a bit disapointed to me and bother because i did not asked her in the moment, but only on FB without her permission... ok i understand...

but obvously that are reasons much more important and stronger than the fact that i invited for FB 1 day later, and not in person the day before... the 3 reasons i wrote behind, among others, for me are much more importante than this mistake i commited...

 

[matrix]

You were wrong, sorry...

As i said, i would try one 3rd time... as i said, i would invited her for something concrete, a concert, i said i had 2 tickets free, and i would know that she would like this kind of music too...

So, i sent one 3rd message by FB, 3 days after the second one... and not satisfied, i sent her an email too (easy to find on linkedin, and as i explained before, as i consider FB , Linkedin, etc, public things, so i don't see so intrusive as sending a phone message when is given by someone else or just found by us)...

I wrote to her email, because we know many boyfriends see the girls FB, and not the emails... So, i said her, i sent an email with not that excuse, but just saying that i didn't know if she had received or read on FB, and so would be sure...

She appologized for not anserwing, and she could accept, gave not 100 % sure, but gave a strong possibility to go... and thanked again for the help with the car... she said that reply later with a final answer...

Sorry guys, this is not an exact science... and as i said in the last post, i think there are resons and matters with more importance than just make conversation or ask for a date on FB without her permission... as i said, i consider this kind of social networks, public things, so i don't accept when you say we are entering on her space and intimacy when we ask for a date, just because i didn't when we met...

Not find me attractive at all, would be simple to not respond forever... as i said, i considered too, the 2 final kisses in a situation like this, and the fact of ask my name as last question, and even accept the simple ride, reasons that showed she was a little attractive to me, with made the difference... i don't know yet if she has boyfriend or not...

 

[Franco]

You were wrong, sorry...

You haven't gotten the date yet... if you get her out on a date, then you can call it a success.

- Franco

 

[matrix]

okkk lolll you're right... but was a clear message...

and it is a positive progress... because you said:

"It only doesn't make sense to a man who has very little experience with women. Any guy who's spent a good amount of time trying to contact women through social media when they didn't provide you with the social media information themselves knows that this is almost always a dead end."

i know so many cases, but so many, that this sentence not suit... cases that finish in courtship, marriage, etc, etc,,,

course you can say that many many cases finish without anything, but i thing saying that contact women through social media when they not provide us the social media information is almost always a dead end, i continue disagree...

For me, still exists many reasons as more important than that, that makes it swing much the success rate or not...

 

[matrix]

She accepted the date...

I won Marty and Franco, sorry loll...

But thanks both of course, for some tips you gave there i consider important... others tips, i will continue for my instinct, as this one, insisting on a date by a social network or email, a thing there i not consider intrusive...

Thankss