Silent treatment at work

[ramshead]

Me and my coworker have been going out for a few months know. We fuck each time we go out we’ve had small issues but nothing major. No one at work knows we’re seeing each other. 2 Friday’s ago we got in a big argument. I just left and didn’t say anything. On the following Monday. It seemed like she wanted to talk to me but I gave her the shoulder and I know she felt it. We always speak in the mornings at least a good morning. The following days she seemed pissed of at me but on Friday we ran into each other in the break room she smiled and it seems she wanted to say something but I just left. Today on Monday one of her friends from her department came up to me and said if I was fine and I said yss I had a good weekend. I’m assuming she sent her friend over. I want to continue the silence until she breaks it first. If she doesn’t I’ll say something but until at least 6 weeks have gone by. She really insulted me in the argument. I just don’t no what to say or how to act when she breaks the silence and that’s if she even does.

Any advice from experienced members. I want to show her that I’m different than any other guy who would have spoken to her after a couple of days.

 

[silenceinthesnow]

Hey Ramshead,

I think you're in a tight spot here, there's an article that I think Hector posted which seems initially of topic but it ties in with the subject matter: www.girlschase.com/.../tactics-tuesdays ... compliance
and the interesting part is: Dominance Axiom 9: where someone made a decision on what was important to them, but they didn't get what they wanted. The jury's out as to whether that's a good decision but its a matter of whats important to you, sometimes the best answer/decision you can do/make still doesn't get the result you want.

If you want to be different ignoring her isn't necessarily the way to do it, and like you said she might not even break the silence so eventually you'll have to if that's what you want. What you say and how you act changes entirely on the circumstances, she might apologize yet which would be a different response to if she invites you for a coffee. I've also wondered whats the best way to reengage, and have put up a topic in the socializing forum for it. I find because I don't want to reward negative behavior I run things slower and even stand of waiting for investment before I accept them.

The issue with this is you could be moving faster and getting the interaction to where you want it. Every situation is different, the biggest question is what do you want from it? She's already put some investment into you sending her friend over, only you can decide whether that's enough and whether you're going to be the social guy. Hope this helps man and keep us updated!

SilenceintheSnow

 

[Michal]

Hello,

My observation is that this seems like a tricky situation and you need to be careful with balancing the silent punishment you are employing. If you actually want something with her in the future and break the silence too late, she might be cold at that time, deep in auto rejection. She might have realized her mistake already, maight have not, who knows. Just keep in mind that if she says to herself: "so I want to apologize and make it up to him... and he does not even give me a chance, then screw him! Who needs that guy anyways..." and you come to her a week later, it will be tough to overcome if you want to have something with her again. You are dealing with emotions now and there is no rule to wait exactly X amount of weeks / days.

Just a food for thought

 

[ramshead]

Thanks for the advice. Well today in the morning i didn’t noticed she was walking behind me to get in our building. When I opened the door I saw her behind me and I healed the door open for her and she said thank you. And walked in front off me. We then ran into each other again to get coffee and all I said was excuse me. She moved with a smile but we didn’t talk since there were other coworkers.

I guess I’ll show her I’m open to talk so she doesn’t auto reject me or feels like I’ll give her the shoulder. But I still think she should break the silence to make her feel like she’s chasing me.

 

[silenceinthesnow]

Hey Ramshead, if you do end up start talking to her again if you handle it well enough you'll look like you understand social dynamics and that you just 'get it' which will make her invest. Technically she broke the silence saying thank you for opening the door; I know its social convention but she could have been cold. If she's investing and reacting to your actions she's chasing. Get her to chase in other ways, tell her to text you, meet you or something. A socially graceful guy is always a 'prize' regardless, and if she's into auto rejection to protect her pride she could throw a few curve balls and bigger tests to get her to drop that guard.

It seems like you're keeping the situation under control so it should be plain sailing for a while...

SilenceintheSnow

 

[ramshead]

Hi silenceinthesnow and Michal,

Well today was interesting. In the morning as I got out my car and started walking to the office. I noticed she was walking to get ahead of me. I thought okay shes avoiding me but as we got closer to the door she slowed downed so i can catch up. She got to the door and held it open for me this time. So I said "thank you" and I made a little joke that "we should lock door to make everyone else late" and she said "that would be funny". So we walked to our desks. In the morning i was scanning some documents and I noticed she was coming to the scanner as well. She looked surprise and shocked that I was standing their and stood behind me in silence. So I told her "well your going to have to wait since im going to have to scan it again", and she said "oh really, i dont mind waiting". I just smiled and left and i noticed she had a big smile. We then ran again into each other in the same machine. This time i was waiting for some documents to be printed and she came to scan again. So she asked me "can I scan" and I said with a smirk in my face "NO" and she said "yes I can" and scanned and left with a smile. We then ran into each other again this time to clock back in after lunch we almost bumped into each other and we saw each others eyes. This time I decided not to say anything and let her walk in front of me, just to change it up and keep her guessing. Im assuming she was expecting me to talk to her. We usually never run into each other so often during work hours. Im sure shes thinking the same thing. The only time we really talk is in the mornings and thats how I asked her out the first time when she was brand new.

I did not jump in at any point to have a full blown conversation or even think of asking her out since we both broke the silence today. Im thinking of just talking to her as normal slowly and not even bringing up the argument and ill ask her out again maybe next week. Right now seems to soon and not appropriate to even ask her out.

I will keep you guys updated and thanks for the advice

 

[ramshead]

Hi Gentleman,

Heres my update. After friday we didnt text or call but on monday morning we spoke a little. Nothing important just small talk. on tuesday morning we talked as normal before we had our big argument. I could tell she was happy to be talking again as normal and I never brought up the argument. Today on Wednsday I was running late, so we didnt speak in the morning before clocking in. 30 minutes in she walked by desk and she said "i thought you were not coming today" I said, theres was an accident on the freeway thats why i was late" she then said "Glad you came in" and she left and then turned back and smiled at me.

Around 3 pm i texted her.
Me- Hey
Her- Hello
Me- We should get some drinks later this week?
Her- Are you going to get crazy?
Me- I dont no what youre talking about. Are you going to get crazy?
Her- ..... -_- Yeah we should
Me - What days are you free
Her- Friday?
Me- thats coo
Her- Ok

And I stopped texting. Ill treat her as normal and Ill talk to her if i run into her only, just to build the intensity for friday.

PS thanks for the advice. Glad I didnt take the silent treatment longer. She just really insulted me in the argument and it really pissed me off. Ill give another update on how everything goes on friday

 

[HereNthere]

Disclaimer: I am no expert

I feel it's hard to exactly say without knowing the argument and what was said.

That said, I feel like a total silent treatment is almost never a good move. That's bordering on the actions that women pull. There are ways to not be weak without going there.

In fact I'd say that it's counterproductive. Women feed off of emotions. Giving them emotion during an argument can create a feedback loop where they start a conflict just because they're bored and want the emotion from an argument over being bored. The only way to "win" an argument against a woman is to have no emotion during it. She doesn't get her drama fix and won't be so quick to do it in the future. You might think the silent treatment does this, but it shows you're still seething with anger and that means it's obvious you're still being affected by her emotionally. If you do it for too long, it goes from her chasing to her thinking "He's still worked up about it? Maybe he's not as strong and secure as I thought."

The other productive thing I always couple the cold logic with: point out exactly what she's doing, why it's not cool, WHEN she does it. I try not to ever let things fester. (Like one of Chase's old articles where a girl at a bar was chasing after other guys in front of him just to make him jealous. Instead of flat out ignoring her texts or getting emotional, he just coldly pointed out that her behavior wasn't attractive and left it at that)

Finally, do not make an ultimatum. NEVER make ultimatums...at least not directly. I always phrase it as what she's doing is making it not possible for us to stay together.

So it would look like this:

Her: (some dumb thing that ticks you off)

You: What are you talking about?
Her: (some really dumb reason that ticks you off even more)

You: You think that's the case? (cooly point out why it isn't, then point out what she's actually doing)

Her: (insult that crosses the line and REALLY ticks you off)

You: *pause, give her a few silent seconds to sink in the gravity of what she just said* "I'm going to leave now. What you just said, that kind of stuff isn't going to allow us to stay together. It's just not possible. So take a week, and think about what you want to say next."

Her: (start to protest)

You: (cutting her off) "Don't say anything. Just think."

Then leave. Any text from her before the week is up just reply with "Take a week and think"

It doesn't come off as weak. You immediately spell out to her what isn't acceptable, it doesn't feed her need for drama, and it separates the "breakup excuse" arguments from a girl who was going to leave anyway from the silly arguments. It also forces a straight up, thought out answer from her which is worth its weight in gold in the dating world.

 

[ramshead]

Well thanks for the advice Gents. I showed her I was open to talk. On Friday we went out for drinks where we had a good time and later in the back seat of my car we started kissing and talking. I never brought up the argument. She told me

Her- how is a guy like you not taken
Me- I have not meet the right girl i guess.
Her- Why didn't you speak to me after the fight. Were you mad at me.
Me - I wasn't mad. You didn't speak to me either. Were you mad.
Her - Oh no i wasn't mad

So I took her to a hotel room my brothers are my roommates and they had friends over and she lives with her mom. We split the bill for the room. And we had great sex. And a morning quicky.

And we made plans to see each other tonight again.

****To HereNthere, Yes the silent treatment is a tool that most women use and it shows your mad, but if you really analyze everything chase advises us to do are actually tactics women use already, acting aloof, not replying to texts, not acting needy and being in control of our emotions which women are experts at. Most girls never experience the silent treatment and its a new experience for them when they do since there so accustomed employing it to men.

The reason i used the silent treatment or Nexting from derxel article
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-next-girl

Is that the argument was about her jealousy and She had started acting like she was in control of the relationship and I feel she wanted to test me to see if I was the real deal.

Most women reach a point when they want to see if your the real deal. After a few months they will try to make you jealous, see if your needy and ignore you for a while or start an argument to see how you would act, like what happened to me. Not all Arguments are the same. Some can be dealt with within a few minute some take days.

We were at her house. I do fuck 2 other coworkers. The argument started about one of my coworkers. This coworker is a skinny fit blonde with perfect tits and ass. I fucked her my first week at the job. We have the same break times and we started talking during our breaks. On my first friday there I told her that at my old job i liked going to a bar to pregame for friday nights. She told me there was a bar down the block that had cheap drinks. And then she said.

Her- We can go I have no plans tonight
Me - Yeah i'm down

We went and then fucked in my car. The funny thing is that I fucked the blonde girl first because this girl started a couple months later.

So I was at her house and she said why am I always flirting with the blond. I said I talk to everyone at work. And she said but she doesn't. She ignores all the guys but not you are you fucking her to. I told her why she thinks that, And she said that the blonde only flirts with me and not any other guy and ignores them when they try talking to her and she then told me are you fucking her yes or no. I didn't answer her question and I changed the topic and she got LIT. She started cussing me out you're fucking her, you dont take me serious, you only want to fuck me I have better things to do than hang out with you sometimes.
That's when I left. In no point did I say anything. She's the one that went crazy.

Thats why I employed Nexting or the silent treatment. I wanted her to think that i was like screw this. And like drexel said. When a guy nexts a girl they usually think How can he cut off communication so easy, is he seeing another girl that treats him better, is she better looking, ect... It generates competition anxiety and many people confuse this with love.

So yes it was a gamble but I had to show her im willing to leave her

HereNthere, if i would have told her to take a week to think about it after we saw each other at work the first monday after the fight. I would be showing her that I want to be with her and work it out. That's bordering nice guy mentality.

This is what i took from our texting after the silence was broken and i asked her out.

Me- We should get some drinks later this week?

Her- Are you going to get crazy? (She's hinting that i have to submit to her frame and say no to submit to her like shes a queen and that I would behave like a nice guy)


Me- I don't no what youre talking about.(Im acting aloof as to I already forgot and said screw your request i'm not answering it) Are you going to get crazy? (I threw her question right back at her)

Her- ..... -_- Yeah we should (She hinted that I knew what she was talking about by sending me the squinty face emoji, She also choose not to answer my question but instead answered my original question and said we should, I broke her frame and she submitted to mine)

Me - What days are you free (By saying this im saying to her lets see which of your free days work for me)

Her- Friday? (shes chasing and suggested only 1 day and hopes im free)

Me- that's coo (I had plans but I cancelled them to go with her on friday but never told her only that's coo)

Her- Ok (She could of not texted me back but she wanted to confirm

All of this is subtle but you really have to analyze each word when everything looks lost with a girl in my opinion

 

[Michal]

Good job

 

[Inowtakethelead]

Well thanks for the advice Gents. I showed her I was open to talk. On Friday we went out for drinks where we had a good time and later in the back seat of my car we started kissing and talking. I never brought up the argument. She told me

Her- how is a guy like you not taken
Me- I have not meet the right girl i guess.
Her- Why didn't you speak to me after the fight. Were you mad at me.
Me - I wasn't mad. You didn't speak to me either. Were you mad.
Her - Oh no i wasn't mad

So I took her to a hotel room my brothers are my roommates and they had friends over and she lives with her mom. We split the bill for the room. And we had great sex. And a morning quicky.

And we made plans to see each other tonight again.

****To HereNthere, Yes the silent treatment is a tool that most women use and it shows your mad, but if you really analyze everything chase advises us to do are actually tactics women use already, acting aloof, not replying to texts, not acting needy and being in control of our emotions which women are experts at. Most girls never experience the silent treatment and its a new experience for them when they do since there so accustomed employing it to men.

The reason i used the silent treatment or Nexting from derxel article
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-next-girl

Is that the argument was about her jealousy and She had started acting like she was in control of the relationship and I feel she wanted to test me to see if I was the real deal.

Most women reach a point when they want to see if your the real deal. After a few months they will try to make you jealous, see if your needy and ignore you for a while or start an argument to see how you would act, like what happened to me. Not all Arguments are the same. Some can be dealt with within a few minute some take days.

We were at her house. I do fuck 2 other coworkers. The argument started about one of my coworkers. This coworker is a skinny fit blonde with perfect tits and ass. I fucked her my first week at the job. We have the same break times and we started talking during our breaks. On my first friday there I told her that at my old job i liked going to a bar to pregame for friday nights. She told me there was a bar down the block that had cheap drinks. And then she said.

Her- We can go I have no plans tonight
Me - Yeah i'm down

We went and then fucked in my car. The funny thing is that I fucked the blonde girl first because this girl started a couple months later.

So I was at her house and she said why am I always flirting with the blond. I said I talk to everyone at work. And she said but she doesn't. She ignores all the guys but not you are you fucking her to. I told her why she thinks that, And she said that the blonde only flirts with me and not any other guy and ignores them when they try talking to her and she then told me are you fucking her yes or no. I didn't answer her question and I changed the topic and she got LIT. She started cussing me out you're fucking her, you dont take me serious, you only want to fuck me I have better things to do than hang out with you sometimes.
That's when I left. In no point did I say anything. She's the one that went crazy.

Thats why I employed Nexting or the silent treatment. I wanted her to think that i was like screw this. And like drexel said. When a guy nexts a girl they usually think How can he cut off communication so easy, is he seeing another girl that treats him better, is she better looking, ect... It generates competition anxiety and many people confuse this with love.

So yes it was a gamble but I had to show her im willing to leave her

HereNthere, if i would have told her to take a week to think about it after we saw each other at work the first monday after the fight. I would be showing her that I want to be with her and work it out. That's bordering nice guy mentality.

This is what i took from our texting after the silence was broken and i asked her out.

Me- We should get some drinks later this week?

Her- Are you going to get crazy? (She's hinting that i have to submit to her frame and say no to submit to her like shes a queen and that I would behave like a nice guy)


Me- I don't no what youre talking about.(Im acting aloof as to I already forgot and said screw your request i'm not answering it) Are you going to get crazy? (I threw her question right back at her)

Her- ..... -_- Yeah we should (She hinted that I knew what she was talking about by sending me the squinty face emoji, She also choose not to answer my question but instead answered my original question and said we should, I broke her frame and she submitted to mine)

Me - What days are you free (By saying this im saying to her lets see which of your free days work for me)

Her- Friday? (shes chasing and suggested only 1 day and hopes im free)

Me- that's coo (I had plans but I cancelled them to go with her on friday but never told her only that's coo)

Her- Ok (She could of not texted me back but she wanted to confirm

All of this is subtle but you really have to analyze each word when everything looks lost with a girl in my opinion

Where can i learn this? To know how to reverse the tables on the girl.. how to break down the process, see what women are trying to get you to comply to. I struggle when coming up with a answer/counter question in my head on the spot,

 

[ramshead]

[quote="ramsheadWhere can i learn this? To know how to reverse the tables on the girl.. how to break down the process, see what women are trying to get you to comply to. I struggle when coming up with a answer/counter question in my head on the spot,

From experience and reading gc. Girls are usually easygoing and happy to agree with a man. A girl will only test a man when he seems needy, is chasing or is being emotional all of which are turn offs and a girl is willing to lose him, so why can’t us men do the same and be willing to lose a girl.

By giving her the silent treatment I was showing 2 things I put myself first and an emotion which is anger.

If you dissect our texting conversation after the silence was broken she was testing me hard.

After I asked her out. She said are you going to get crazy. And she tested me again in person when she asked me if I was mad at her.

She was seeing if I was still emotional and get angry for her making that comment and wanted to confirm her doubts in person when she asked me if I was mad or if I was going to break down and be needy by answering yes or no by doing this I would submit to her frame.

By acting aloof I was showing I was unemotional and when I threw her question right back at her I was showing dominance and see If it was worth my time to go out with her again.

To answer your question you learn this through observation and experience. What I didn’t say when I started texting her to go out at 3pm. Is that it did end until 9pm. We would take 30 min to an hour to reply to each other. That way you can ask yourself what is she really asking and what would response will show.

You’re really not reversing the tables you’re showing you’re the real deal. If a girl doesn’t like it it’s fine. The good thing is that I had two other girls I’m fucking so the time we didn’t see each other didn’t really affect me.

Back in my freshman year in college. I took a speech class and we read self help books and how to win conversations. These books are helpful in personal relationships and business endeavors.