Socializing Small talk

[flowerpower]

Hi guys,
being a rather logical kind of guy, I find it very hard to do small talk with people. I always seem to need an objective or something to find out, or else it feels weird, "trying to make conversation". Any tips on that?

 

[Marty]

Focus on finding out more about the other person. People are usually happy to speak about their interests.

I played a little game recently. About a month ago I was invited to a party at my boss's house. Late in the evening, just before we were about to go home a woman arrived who had been a Vice-President at our organization but had recently left. I spent about fifteen minutes talking with her and her husband. I managed to find out all about her and what she was doing these days, what motivated her move, what she held dear and considered important, what her hopes, ambitions and fears were, plus a lot about her husband too, without revealing anything whatever about myself.

I've played this game subsequently on several occasions. Generally, the more socially apt person is the one who is able to keep the focus on the other's affairs.

 

[The Byronic Man]

Generally, the more socially apt person is the one who is able to keep the focus on the other's affairs.

I'm finding this to be the case as well the more I internalize the stuff I read here. Before, I had believed that the socially apt person knows how to entertain by talking about himself non-stop. Boy, was that tiring!

I also have this feeling that keeping the focus on others' affairs put them at ease and feel appreciated, which means they'll immediately like you. Wouldn't that be an example of providing value?