Social approach anxiety: cures and fixes?

lux7

Cro-Magnon Man
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The social pressure I am referring to is the one that makes it all the more difficult to approach when there are people around.

We always read about "approach anxiety", but I think this is a quite different thing and specific thing.
I'm OK with 1 to 1 but I feel uncomfortable approaching and talking when there are people around and even worse so if they are in earshot.

So I always loiter around waiting for the "right" moment.

I think it pays off well a few times as more privacy is often good also for the approached person, but in other occasions you can't really avoid doing something in the presence of some strangers.

Any ideas on that?
 

Estate

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Honestly... if there was something you could buy from a store or pharmacy to just make it disappear... the creator would be a millionaire. There is no such thing. That's the bad news out of the way... but there is good too :)

Chase has some good articles on here about using peripherals and also pre-opening. I think understanding these things go a long way to getting over the anxiety. It's not really about the anxiety, its how you think about the situation.

I'll give an example. Guys sometimes build up the whole idea of the approach, where you see someone across the room or the street, then in full view of everyone watching (they aren't really), march across and boldly state your intentions. It sounds nerve wracking! But it can also seem un-natural. This weekend for example, I met a gorgeous brunette. She was across the room with her girls and getting a lot of male attention. However I was out for an event so I was dressed to kill. I saw her looking at me out of the corner of my eye a few times but we had just arrived, I kept having banter with my group of friends. One of my buddies even commented though, how this girl was checking me out as my back was turned. So we know it's on, right?!?

A lot of guys were going over, taking pictures, doing the march across the room. She wasn't blowing anyone out, but she was humoring them before moving on. So how do I differentiate myself? She's already seen me. I haven't yet done anything like the other guys but... I haven't done ANYTHING yet really except show a little social proof.
Easy! I kept my group lively, but sort of worked them half way across from where we began, next thing I am basically standing to the side of her group. Of course she moved from her perch and "Ooops!", she bumped into me ;)

Next I turned over my shoulder and said "Hey, I need a quick opinion, but wait, I've got to go soon!"... as I took a half step away... "Who lies more? Men or...." Hahaha, Nah, I didn't actually do any of that :)
She bumped into me (girls do this deliberately a lot), I turned, gave a warm smile and said "Hi! Who are you?". The rest is history.

That was a long ass way of saying... make it easy on yourself!
The BEST girls to open are those who've already noticed you and WANT you to approach!
And if the idea of the "big approach with everyone watching you" seems terrifying... just put yourself in a position where all you really have to do it turn to her and say Hi! Nothing un-natural about that.

I know Chase has some articles on it. Gambler describes this in his Naturals videos too, I think they're on YouTube.
And co-incidentally... The Behind Day Game channel on YouTube recently put up several videos about overcoming Anxiety and Excuse making. Short simple videos but they just push the point home. Very nice.

A final point. Someone said this to me recently...
Most guys aren't actually afraid of approaching, they aren't afraid of "What to say".
But they ARE afraid of... What to say NEXT! The 2nd thing!
If that's the case for you, there's no harm in going through a few scenarios in your head and thinking what you might do or say to lead the conversation after the initial hello.Sure, it's not the most natural, but if having something ready to say helps get you into a few conversations, you'll start to relax and it won't be a big deal.
 

Marty

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Estate said:
She bumped into me (girls do this deliberately a lot), I turned, gave a warm smile and said "Hi! Who are you?". The rest is history.
You're on the mark. Simple works best. Heavy on the nonverbals and easy on the speech.

Estate said:
A lot of guys were going over, taking pictures, doing the march across the room.
"Taking pictures"?? Please tell me you're kidding. :)
 

Estate

Cro-Magnon Man
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Marty said:
Estate said:
She bumped into me (girls do this deliberately a lot), I turned, gave a warm smile and said "Hi! Who are you?". The rest is history.
You're on the mark. Simple works best. Heavy on the nonverbals and easy on the speech.

Estate said:
A lot of guys were going over, taking pictures, doing the march across the room.
"Taking pictures"?? Please tell me you're kidding. :)

Yes, there were 4 girls pirched on top of a couch away from the main bar. They were all pretty, tight dresses, for all anyone knew it looked like they "were someone". But really they were just pretty girls enjoying the attention. One guy got a photo with them to put on his facebook I guess then more guys began to do the same and they obliged.
My friend wanted to go over and get a photo too but I declined.

I've heard of PUA's doing this sort of thing, it's an easy opener I guess. I just felt like doing what every other guy was doing would just come off needy. I figured I'd play it cool, I'd talk to her soon enough. There's no "right" thing to do here, whatever feels good in the moment.

The point I was trying to make to the OP though was, don't make a big deal of it. Like coming up with a way to open or something cool or funny to do or say. Just act like it's not a big deal, be in her vicinity and just say Hi.
 

lux7

Cro-Magnon Man
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Estate said:
Honestly... if there was something you could buy from a store or pharmacy to just make it disappear... the creator would be a millionaire. There is no such thing. That's the bad news out of the way... but there is good too :)

However I was out for an event so I was dressed to kill.

Ehehe true.

Man, I'd really be curious to see what you were wearing for you to say "dressed to kill" :D (when I imagine myself like that it's with my fav Valentino suit, but I'm more on the classical side I guess :) ).

Great one on the "who lies more" approach :D
 
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