Social circle, girls who re-engage but hold back after moving on

[DarkKnight]

So hey guys, I also asked the guys in the chat their opinion about this is. Mist gave a pretty good reply in particular. Would want to hear the big man @Chase as well if he wants to.

So in social circle I tend to be well liked, but can come across a bit aloof without wanting to despite actually being engaging. I have had happened the same with a couple of broads recently where I feel there is not a connection or they throw up a wall orpull back, which I am not willing to solve or push through because I am wary of blowing up social circles.

Anyway I noticed girls getting upset because of this, and this makes sense autorejection. However they tend to re-engage me later on, sometimes quite desperately, but when they re-engage me and I talk to them they hold back. One of them was doing this, she basically fell silent and closed up when I talked back to her (), but when I walked away I got a very panicky "good night!".

My hunch is saying these girls want to bridge the gap, but they also want me to take initiative and talk to them so my interest to them is more genuine. But I am not sure.

Your thoughts?

 

[Chase]

@DarkKnight,

My hunch is saying these girls want to bridge the gap, but they also want me to take initiative and talk to them so my interest to them is more genuine. But I am not sure.

Yep. Easy enough to do: "Hey! Been missing you!" (go up very warm, put an arm around her shoulders) "Whatcha been up to lately?"

Refrain from teasing her too much or at all. Don't chase frame her. She's vulnerable. Just be friendly and warm.

You can ask them things like, "So why've you been such a stranger lately?" You may get things back like, "I haven't been! You're the one who's not talking with me!" If you do get that, take it about 50% to heart. The 50% is "She was a bit intimidated to approach me because I wasn't warm / responsive enough to her." The other 50% is "This is a common auto-response girls have to guys to get them to invest more."

If she starts putting as much effort into seeking you and chatting you up again as you do her, you know you're back on good terms again. And actually it should be slightly more... in healthy male-female friendships, the girl does more work to maintain the friendship than the guy does.

Your big task is just going back onto speaking terms with her, and being warm enough / approachable enough that she doesn't feel like it's a reputation risk if she goes up to talk to you (i.e., that there's a risk you'll reject her so she'll look low value and chasing).

Chase

 

[DarkKnight]

Yep. Easy enough to do: "Hey! Been missing you!" (go up very warm, put an arm around her shoulders) "Whatcha been up to lately?"

Thanks for the confirmation, interesting how our hunches tend to lead us the right way

She's vulnerable. Just be friendly and warm.

I see

If you do get that, take it about 50% to heart. The 50% is "She was a bit intimidated to approach me because I wasn't warm / responsive enough to her." The other 50% is "This is a common auto-response girls have to guys to get them to invest more."

Sneaky.. LOL

in healthy male-female friendships, the girl does more work to maintain the friendship than the guy does.

noted

Your big task is just going back onto speaking terms with her, and being warm enough / approachable enough that she doesn't feel like it's a reputation risk if she goes up to talk to you (i.e., that there's a risk you'll reject her so she'll look low value and chasing).

Alright gues Ill give the olive branch then...

Thanks for the feedback maestro
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Someone give this man the nobel peace prize

 

[Fuck This]

I ran into this in one social circle where I was flirty with a woman who attended a series of events that I did as well. I was playing and one night she asked me to walk her out and basically asked me "So what's your situation?" She basically called my bluff. She wasn't really up to my quality standards from an age and appearance perspective. I wasn't willing to pee in the pool by starting anything with her..

When I told her I had an LDR going, she told me she was interested if that ever came to an end, and never came back to the event series.