- Joined
- May 15, 2014
- Messages
- 102
First, Sorry I'm making all these posts about social circle stuff; I will try not to insist with this thing in the future.
I know I'm seriously behind the curve but I'm trying to learn from my mistakes.
I'm also diversifying my efforts to other avenues - but since I'm a student at a campus environment where most people rotate each semester, I couldn't help wanting to tap into some of this - particularly when girls approach me (for whatever reason).
OK. . . Both this spring semester and the one a year ago, I discovered - unfortunately too late - that at least one girl in what should/would be my closer circle was going out of her way to "warn" other girls about me in person (direct intervention to make sure this or that girl did not speak/seat/dance with me. . . sometimes to the point of making a scene aimed at thrashing my status in front of others) or through social media (rumor spreading and keeping an eye on my activity to pinpoint this or that girl).
In both cases it took me months to put it all together and realize what was happening (maybe my fault for giving them the benefit of the doubt the first time they did something "unexpected") - and it both cases it was particularly unattractive girls who sought me at the beginning of the semester to gradually end up in some kind of limbo/friend-zone (but I still had to see them everyday - in class or because we had friends in common). I might add another coincidence which is that both had some kind of eating disorder. . . and yes, this I'm describing is not normal behaviour - both evidently had "problems", but statistically there's always someone like that each so many persons. . .
In both cases the rumors were unfounded; in fact, they started from cases where my advances had not even been sexual - but word got round that I was speaking with such and such and why would I be doing that and so on. . . My social circle flirting is really limited to certain people/circumstances.
Now, and to the question, I got to the point where I felt I couldn't approach anyone without it being given a sexual frame - unless I operate FAR outside the boundaries of this group (where the gossip doesn't reach) which is what I'm doing now for kicks.
Soon, I'm going elsewhere - (still an international environment, still abroad).
So while that's a chance to handle things better - not trying anything is just too boring (also, I almost got there with a certain person - before anyone could intervene).
These situations are hard for me to control because they always start with me getting A LOT of attention from a handful of girls; that already causes mixed reactions in bystanders I haven't even seen; then suddenly I'm going everywhere with two or three girls; then it turns sour. . .
I have to handle this somehow, be discreet but at the same make use of this initial "popularity" to get what I want. . .
I know I'm seriously behind the curve but I'm trying to learn from my mistakes.
I'm also diversifying my efforts to other avenues - but since I'm a student at a campus environment where most people rotate each semester, I couldn't help wanting to tap into some of this - particularly when girls approach me (for whatever reason).
OK. . . Both this spring semester and the one a year ago, I discovered - unfortunately too late - that at least one girl in what should/would be my closer circle was going out of her way to "warn" other girls about me in person (direct intervention to make sure this or that girl did not speak/seat/dance with me. . . sometimes to the point of making a scene aimed at thrashing my status in front of others) or through social media (rumor spreading and keeping an eye on my activity to pinpoint this or that girl).
In both cases it took me months to put it all together and realize what was happening (maybe my fault for giving them the benefit of the doubt the first time they did something "unexpected") - and it both cases it was particularly unattractive girls who sought me at the beginning of the semester to gradually end up in some kind of limbo/friend-zone (but I still had to see them everyday - in class or because we had friends in common). I might add another coincidence which is that both had some kind of eating disorder. . . and yes, this I'm describing is not normal behaviour - both evidently had "problems", but statistically there's always someone like that each so many persons. . .
In both cases the rumors were unfounded; in fact, they started from cases where my advances had not even been sexual - but word got round that I was speaking with such and such and why would I be doing that and so on. . . My social circle flirting is really limited to certain people/circumstances.
Now, and to the question, I got to the point where I felt I couldn't approach anyone without it being given a sexual frame - unless I operate FAR outside the boundaries of this group (where the gossip doesn't reach) which is what I'm doing now for kicks.
Soon, I'm going elsewhere - (still an international environment, still abroad).
So while that's a chance to handle things better - not trying anything is just too boring (also, I almost got there with a certain person - before anyone could intervene).
These situations are hard for me to control because they always start with me getting A LOT of attention from a handful of girls; that already causes mixed reactions in bystanders I haven't even seen; then suddenly I'm going everywhere with two or three girls; then it turns sour. . .
I have to handle this somehow, be discreet but at the same make use of this initial "popularity" to get what I want. . .
