Stalled Beginnings
I first met this strawberry blonde girl through a social circle club about a year ago (to protect her and my anonymity, I won’t give more details about the club). A more senior woman in the club tried to act as matchmaker and introduced us both. Shows the value of befriending everyone, not just young women!
HBStrawberry was a 29-year-old well-dressed career girl, native English and well spoken, had a great hourglass figure, and was very warm over message (the older woman shared our phone numbers). We met briefly at one of the social club’s coffee meetings, but every time I tried to arrange a date over message after that, HBStrawberry always had some polite excuse not to meet for a drink (babysitting for cousin etc).
I remember my deep-diving at the time was less well developed (not sure I ‘came up for air’ enough) so that could have been an issue, though I also later found out she’d started a relationship with some doctor. So I assumed that was the end of it, added her on Facebook and moved on.
Fast forward to early June this year. HBStrawberry had broken up with doctor-guy, sends me a message congratulating me on getting my black belt in a martial art (she saw pics on facebook), and says she was ‘working on a presentation and wondered if I had any tips for her’. Of course I get the hint and we finally arrange a date. Needless to say, neither of us had any intention of discussing the presentation
First Date
We meet in my usual bar in central London after she finishes work. I remember the conversation being a lot more relaxed than when I’d first met her at the coffee meeting a year ago. This time there was more banter and I feel I had better control of the deep diving.
We also spoke about past relationships – a topic I used to avoid in the past, as I was worried it created a ‘boyfriend’ vibe, but nowadays I’ve realised it’s a good one as it’s not the kind of stuff a girl talks about with most people she’s just met, and you can get quite deep about what she likes in a guy etc. She had a general moan about the doctor-guy ex, who she hinted had ‘psychological issues’ (girls always seem to think their exes have ‘issues’!), and said she’d been the one to break up with him.
I remembered to bring things back to a positive topic after this negativity though - “It’s better to spend your life without someone than it is to spend it with the wrong person” (a line of thinking I picked up in a post from the brilliant ‘Wait But Why’ blog) - and emphasising how she was now free to do her own thing without worrying what other people think etc. That’s right girl – it’s great to be single because you get to hook up with guys like me
After a couple of drinks, I suggest going back for a drink at my place. She initially declines, but I ask her if she’s hungry, and suggest we go and check out a new casual food place that’s recently opened round the corner from me. She responds positively to this, and off we go on the 20-minute journey back to mine.
On the way to the food place, we actually walk past my flat and I suggest that she drops off her heavy handbag there so she doesn’t have to carry it. So then once we’re buying our food, we have an extra reason to go and eat it at mine
By the way, we split the bill over the drinks (her suggestion which I agreed to), then I paid for the food. It’s great to get the girl to pay when she offers (and most professional-type city women do), but otherwise pick up small expenses yourself – the main rule I think is to avoid any awkwardness.
So we go back to mine, then after eating our food, we sit on the sofa with a couple of martinis. I suggest a tour of my place – which ends in my bedroom with her checking out my bookshelf. I go for the kiss here – and we fall onto my bed in each others’ arms.
I was kissing her lightly over her body and she was breathing heavily, but after a few attempts, she wouldn’t let any clothes come off. She said she hadn’t had sex in a “couple of months” and was getting very turned on by me – and that meant she would have to go or she “wouldn’t be able to control myself.”
I realised what had happened here – I’d fallen into ‘potential boyfriend’ category, and she was trying to be on her ‘best behaviour’. This is something I need to watch out for, but I find it hard to control in social circle, because a girl naturally finds out the ‘good’ stuff about you and sees you as someone similar in status to her.
But I knew I’d get a second chance.
Second Attempt
I get a warm message from her that night:
Once I’m back in London, I know I’m going to see her at the meeting of the previously mentioned social club that week. The day of the meeting ends up being the day after my HBHungarian story (see previous post!) so I’m feeling pumped and perhaps HBStrawberry can sense this. It’s also the day before my 6-week trip to the US, so it’s now or never with HBStrawberry.
HBStrawberry herself suggests going for lunch after the meeting – and she’s conveniently arranged to have the day off work. But I know that lunch out in central London is not getting us any closer to getting intimate (it feels like a step backwards compared to our previous date), and in any case I’ve got work to do before the US trip. So here’s my memory of the conversation. Bear in mind when you read this that I kept a very relaxed and warm vibe throughout – not aggressive or frustrated – with a slight smile on my face, like I knew she was ‘playing hard to get’.
The above exchange was the second time in my life that I’ve been this persistent in pushing for a date. The first time, a couple of years ago, was a distaster: I was nervous, kept on pushing the same date idea, and think I seemed too aggressive and needy. This time I was relaxed, friendly, firm but not too pushy, and just generally non outcome-dependent.
A couple of hours later, I get a message:
Lol OK now we’re talking
Not long after this, she actually calls me and says she’d rather skip dinner but still come over, drink tea and “have a chilled one”. She suggests watching the election results (this happened on the day of the UK General Election, 8th June). Oh and “It will be too late for me to travel home, so can I sleep in your spare room?” Sounds good to me lol. We agree to meet at 9pm.
Then:
Sure enough, she came over around 9.30. We watched a little of the election programming on my laptop. We drank tea on my sofa. During this time, I suggested it would be better for us not to mention us meeting to people in the social club, just because they’d be likely to gossip. This communicated that I wouldn’t be bragging about hooking up with her, and there’d be no negative social repercussions.
We then started kissing passionately on the sofa. I picked her up in my arms, carried her to the bedroom, and continued to escalate on my bed. This time, no resistance at all. Her clothes quickly came off, with a big smile on her face and some comment about me kissing more firmly compared to last time (she said this in a way which implied she was very happy with it!). Perhaps I just had a more sexual vibe after the success with HBHungarian the night before.
I really appreciated that great figure of hers once she was naked and we were having sex. I always go for thin/athletic girls, and that often seems to mean compromising in the breast-size department. But in her case, they were a perfect size for my large hands
The Afterglow
We lie there and she tells me “That was great. I really wasn’t expecting any of that you know. But it was really hot.” You’re welcome, HBStrawberry.
She fell asleep, while I got up to go and watch a few hours of the election night programming. No morning sex - I was so tired after staying up til 5am watching the results. We had breakfast and she goes off to work while I finish my packing for the US trip.
America here I come!
Postscript
Because of the busyness of the next day in packing and getting to the airport, I forgot to send the poor girl a next-day message first. She messaged me wishing me a good flight and saying she’d really enjoyed the night – but it’s not ideal that I hadn’t done so first, it just increases the chance of her feeling bad and is a needless risk.
While I was out in the US, we swapped a couple of enthusiastic messages, but I wasn’t keen on regular messaging and delayed my responses quite a bit (too distracted by your damn American girls! More on this to come...). Since coming back, she’s rebuffed all my attempts to arrange another meeting – perhaps no surprise given my poor follow-up post-sex. A shame, as I’d like her to be a regular in my sex life.
But things remain polite, and based on her past form, I know she could throw me another escalation window out of nowhere. And when she does, I’ll be ready for it!
I first met this strawberry blonde girl through a social circle club about a year ago (to protect her and my anonymity, I won’t give more details about the club). A more senior woman in the club tried to act as matchmaker and introduced us both. Shows the value of befriending everyone, not just young women!
HBStrawberry was a 29-year-old well-dressed career girl, native English and well spoken, had a great hourglass figure, and was very warm over message (the older woman shared our phone numbers). We met briefly at one of the social club’s coffee meetings, but every time I tried to arrange a date over message after that, HBStrawberry always had some polite excuse not to meet for a drink (babysitting for cousin etc).
I remember my deep-diving at the time was less well developed (not sure I ‘came up for air’ enough) so that could have been an issue, though I also later found out she’d started a relationship with some doctor. So I assumed that was the end of it, added her on Facebook and moved on.
Fast forward to early June this year. HBStrawberry had broken up with doctor-guy, sends me a message congratulating me on getting my black belt in a martial art (she saw pics on facebook), and says she was ‘working on a presentation and wondered if I had any tips for her’. Of course I get the hint and we finally arrange a date. Needless to say, neither of us had any intention of discussing the presentation
First Date
We meet in my usual bar in central London after she finishes work. I remember the conversation being a lot more relaxed than when I’d first met her at the coffee meeting a year ago. This time there was more banter and I feel I had better control of the deep diving.
We also spoke about past relationships – a topic I used to avoid in the past, as I was worried it created a ‘boyfriend’ vibe, but nowadays I’ve realised it’s a good one as it’s not the kind of stuff a girl talks about with most people she’s just met, and you can get quite deep about what she likes in a guy etc. She had a general moan about the doctor-guy ex, who she hinted had ‘psychological issues’ (girls always seem to think their exes have ‘issues’!), and said she’d been the one to break up with him.
I remembered to bring things back to a positive topic after this negativity though - “It’s better to spend your life without someone than it is to spend it with the wrong person” (a line of thinking I picked up in a post from the brilliant ‘Wait But Why’ blog) - and emphasising how she was now free to do her own thing without worrying what other people think etc. That’s right girl – it’s great to be single because you get to hook up with guys like me
After a couple of drinks, I suggest going back for a drink at my place. She initially declines, but I ask her if she’s hungry, and suggest we go and check out a new casual food place that’s recently opened round the corner from me. She responds positively to this, and off we go on the 20-minute journey back to mine.
On the way to the food place, we actually walk past my flat and I suggest that she drops off her heavy handbag there so she doesn’t have to carry it. So then once we’re buying our food, we have an extra reason to go and eat it at mine
By the way, we split the bill over the drinks (her suggestion which I agreed to), then I paid for the food. It’s great to get the girl to pay when she offers (and most professional-type city women do), but otherwise pick up small expenses yourself – the main rule I think is to avoid any awkwardness.
So we go back to mine, then after eating our food, we sit on the sofa with a couple of martinis. I suggest a tour of my place – which ends in my bedroom with her checking out my bookshelf. I go for the kiss here – and we fall onto my bed in each others’ arms.
I was kissing her lightly over her body and she was breathing heavily, but after a few attempts, she wouldn’t let any clothes come off. She said she hadn’t had sex in a “couple of months” and was getting very turned on by me – and that meant she would have to go or she “wouldn’t be able to control myself.”
I realised what had happened here – I’d fallen into ‘potential boyfriend’ category, and she was trying to be on her ‘best behaviour’. This is something I need to watch out for, but I find it hard to control in social circle, because a girl naturally finds out the ‘good’ stuff about you and sees you as someone similar in status to her.
But I knew I’d get a second chance.
Second Attempt
I get a warm message from her that night:
- 00:47 Her: Hey reddragon! I’m very nearly home. Thanks for a lovely evening it was nice to talk to you. Thanks for introducing me to a cool new food spot, and for the martinis. Have a nice weekend in XXX with your parents. HBStrawberry x
00:58 Me: Glad you made it back OK! Was great hanging out with you too x
Once I’m back in London, I know I’m going to see her at the meeting of the previously mentioned social club that week. The day of the meeting ends up being the day after my HBHungarian story (see previous post!) so I’m feeling pumped and perhaps HBStrawberry can sense this. It’s also the day before my 6-week trip to the US, so it’s now or never with HBStrawberry.
HBStrawberry herself suggests going for lunch after the meeting – and she’s conveniently arranged to have the day off work. But I know that lunch out in central London is not getting us any closer to getting intimate (it feels like a step backwards compared to our previous date), and in any case I’ve got work to do before the US trip. So here’s my memory of the conversation. Bear in mind when you read this that I kept a very relaxed and warm vibe throughout – not aggressive or frustrated – with a slight smile on my face, like I knew she was ‘playing hard to get’.
- Me: Normally I’d love to grab lunch out with you, but I actually need to head home and pack for my trip. Tell you what, how about we cook some food at mine later tonight? I know how to make a pretty good salmon! As long as you can take some directions in the kitchen.
Her: That sounds nice. But I actually can’t tonight, I have to see get to my dancing class. I’m sorry! [Rejection 1]
Me: Ah I see, I know that’s important to you. It would be a shame to miss this chance to see each other though before I go – are you sure you can’t miss this one class?
Her: I also have agreed to see my cousin tonight, don’t think I can make it back in time. [hmmm! Rejection 2]
Me: Sure. Well one alternative is you could come over for lunch now, then I can do the packing I need to as well? You can even give me a hand!
Her: Ah that would be nice, but I have a doctor’s appointment at two o’clock. [Rejection 3]
Me: Well I can’t argue with your health. But you need to help me out here, HBStrawberry – we had a great time last time we met, and I’m trying to make this work for the two of us before I leave town, I'm happy to lead this but I need you on board to make it happen for us. (smile) [literally thinking out loud here!]
Her: We could just grab lunch somewhere central now? [Rejection 4]
Me: Yeah but you’ll have to rush off afterwards and I need to do my packing. How about after your appointment this afternoon?
Her: Oh no because I won’t have time to go there and back. [Rejection 5]
Me: (makes an exaggeratedly sad face) It doesn’t look like we can make it happen right now, HBStrawberry. I have to go now, but if your plans change, why don’t you message me later and we’ll see if we can sort something out for tonight after all. I like you and I think you like me, so this is our chance before I leave. [this is a version of ‘The ball’s in your court’ which Chase has an article about.]
The above exchange was the second time in my life that I’ve been this persistent in pushing for a date. The first time, a couple of years ago, was a distaster: I was nervous, kept on pushing the same date idea, and think I seemed too aggressive and needy. This time I was relaxed, friendly, firm but not too pushy, and just generally non outcome-dependent.
A couple of hours later, I get a message:
- 12:50 Her: Hi reddragon, good to see you today, and well done again for X [reference to the social club meeting we’d been to, where I’d been organising]. If the offer still stands, I’d like to see you before you go to the US this evening. Shall I pick up some salmon, we could have a late ish supper?
13:13 Me: Great if you could grab a couple of fillets that would be ideal. I have stuff to go with it inc rosemary. What time were you thinking?
Lol OK now we’re talking
Not long after this, she actually calls me and says she’d rather skip dinner but still come over, drink tea and “have a chilled one”. She suggests watching the election results (this happened on the day of the UK General Election, 8th June). Oh and “It will be too late for me to travel home, so can I sleep in your spare room?” Sounds good to me lol. We agree to meet at 9pm.
Then:
- 19:38 Her: How’s the packing going reddragon? Are you still good for later? Or would you rather catch up when you’re back?
19:42 Me: (sent her my address) [after everything we’ve been through, I’m not letting this slip away, lol]
19:42 Me: Get yourself over here
19:42 Her: Thanks!
19:42 Her: Haha!
19:42 Her: See you at 9
Sure enough, she came over around 9.30. We watched a little of the election programming on my laptop. We drank tea on my sofa. During this time, I suggested it would be better for us not to mention us meeting to people in the social club, just because they’d be likely to gossip. This communicated that I wouldn’t be bragging about hooking up with her, and there’d be no negative social repercussions.
We then started kissing passionately on the sofa. I picked her up in my arms, carried her to the bedroom, and continued to escalate on my bed. This time, no resistance at all. Her clothes quickly came off, with a big smile on her face and some comment about me kissing more firmly compared to last time (she said this in a way which implied she was very happy with it!). Perhaps I just had a more sexual vibe after the success with HBHungarian the night before.
I really appreciated that great figure of hers once she was naked and we were having sex. I always go for thin/athletic girls, and that often seems to mean compromising in the breast-size department. But in her case, they were a perfect size for my large hands
The Afterglow
We lie there and she tells me “That was great. I really wasn’t expecting any of that you know. But it was really hot.” You’re welcome, HBStrawberry.
She fell asleep, while I got up to go and watch a few hours of the election night programming. No morning sex - I was so tired after staying up til 5am watching the results. We had breakfast and she goes off to work while I finish my packing for the US trip.
America here I come!
Postscript
Because of the busyness of the next day in packing and getting to the airport, I forgot to send the poor girl a next-day message first. She messaged me wishing me a good flight and saying she’d really enjoyed the night – but it’s not ideal that I hadn’t done so first, it just increases the chance of her feeling bad and is a needless risk.
While I was out in the US, we swapped a couple of enthusiastic messages, but I wasn’t keen on regular messaging and delayed my responses quite a bit (too distracted by your damn American girls! More on this to come...). Since coming back, she’s rebuffed all my attempts to arrange another meeting – perhaps no surprise given my poor follow-up post-sex. A shame, as I’d like her to be a regular in my sex life.
But things remain polite, and based on her past form, I know she could throw me another escalation window out of nowhere. And when she does, I’ll be ready for it!
