- Joined
- May 15, 2014
- Messages
- 102
New here. . .
I have a recurrent problem. . .
In almost every social group I have one guy who seems downright hellbent on kicking me out - as if his life depended on cockblocking me. This puts me in a situation where I feel I'm stooping if I deal with him but that I run the risk of being left out - and miss on opportunities to meet girls - if I don't. It also means having to deal with constant put downs, challenges, interruptions, potshots and all kinds of bullshit instead of having fun.
I'm not skilled at picking up girls, so I think I shouldn't be seen as a threat.
Basically everything this site addresses is exactly what I have been doing wrong for over a decade - to the point that the few girlfriends I ever had were those who made it obvious and easy for me and even escalated themselves. . .
I only have one thing going on for me which is looks. I train almost everyday, weightlifting and combat sports, and choose my clothes well. I'm in my early 30s but I look 10 to 5 years younger to most people.
This causes girls to approach me but I think this is also what causes guys to get competitive; as they (those that do) often seem to have a lot of questions/issues/opinions about my body.
Most recent example:
I'm back to uni full time for a year or two - so I'm getting to meet a lot of girls; who often approach me (verbally or otherwise).
This semester I've been having a really easy time in a class where I'm the only non-asian guy and the girls outnumber the guys and are great looking at that. I quickly started hanging out with a group of girls (not just for entertainment but as a platform for other things and preselection - the later, which I think it's working great).
Eventually this guy appeared and asked me "permission" to join me for lunch with these (girl) friends I had.
I welcomed him - then the following weekend he invited them to hang out with him and left me out.
This did not get either of us excluded from the group but instead started a protracted "toxic" situation that is getting us both nowhere.
I (deliberatedly) sit near the front and have my friends compliment me and offer me snacks; then I notice this guy glaring at me from the back of the room. Then, at some party, if I leave him with my group (three/four girls all for him alone!) and go talk to other girls (better looking and with preselection on my side), he follows me and wants to get their contact info too. Sometimes he's happy for a day or two , then back to being moody and glaring at me. Then some other day, after staring at me angrily over lunch for a minute or so. . . calls out my name, so everyone shuts up to hear what the hell is up with him. . . and turns out he wants to know how much does my gym cost per month cause "he too wants to go". Then, some other time, comes to where I am, bringing snacks for each and every of the people around me. . . He could at least be cool and relaxed about whatever he's trying to pull off - but he seems utterly pissed and childish.
. . .and so on, over the course of days, weeks, months.
Sometimes I wish one of these girls actually had sex with him so that he stops breaking my balls - but it doesn't look like it's going to happen; as he chases them, contacts them, tells them they are beautiful and complains to them that he can't get any girls. . . and he will never succeed in completely ostracizing me, I'm really flirting with way too many girls that he can keep track of (but he tries). This is an international environment and because I speak more languages than him (and do more activities) I also have a lot of social ramifications inaccessible to him.
Anyway. . . In the past, I've encountered guys that unfortunatedly were much smoother, much more bolder, much more focussed, in smaller groups where I couldn't just talk to 5 other girls and/or switch languages, trying to do the same thing - and I had a very hard time dealing with them. So now I'm laughing at this clown but I know it won't always be this easy.
Also, my problem seems to be twofold: because I suck with women for missing escalation windows and whatnot - and added to that, I have competition from guys like these who just see my biceps and seem to think that I'm going to have sex with all the girls if they don't stop me.
So, how does a smooth guy deal with this? Any specific tips? Law of least effort and everything. . .
Being friendly to these guys has not worked as they are just rude to me in front of others - going to the other extreme and beating them up, like someone once suggested to me, is obviously out of question. Getting into a verbal fight also seems very stupid.
I have a recurrent problem. . .
In almost every social group I have one guy who seems downright hellbent on kicking me out - as if his life depended on cockblocking me. This puts me in a situation where I feel I'm stooping if I deal with him but that I run the risk of being left out - and miss on opportunities to meet girls - if I don't. It also means having to deal with constant put downs, challenges, interruptions, potshots and all kinds of bullshit instead of having fun.
I'm not skilled at picking up girls, so I think I shouldn't be seen as a threat.
Basically everything this site addresses is exactly what I have been doing wrong for over a decade - to the point that the few girlfriends I ever had were those who made it obvious and easy for me and even escalated themselves. . .
I only have one thing going on for me which is looks. I train almost everyday, weightlifting and combat sports, and choose my clothes well. I'm in my early 30s but I look 10 to 5 years younger to most people.
This causes girls to approach me but I think this is also what causes guys to get competitive; as they (those that do) often seem to have a lot of questions/issues/opinions about my body.
Most recent example:
I'm back to uni full time for a year or two - so I'm getting to meet a lot of girls; who often approach me (verbally or otherwise).
This semester I've been having a really easy time in a class where I'm the only non-asian guy and the girls outnumber the guys and are great looking at that. I quickly started hanging out with a group of girls (not just for entertainment but as a platform for other things and preselection - the later, which I think it's working great).
Eventually this guy appeared and asked me "permission" to join me for lunch with these (girl) friends I had.
I welcomed him - then the following weekend he invited them to hang out with him and left me out.
This did not get either of us excluded from the group but instead started a protracted "toxic" situation that is getting us both nowhere.
I (deliberatedly) sit near the front and have my friends compliment me and offer me snacks; then I notice this guy glaring at me from the back of the room. Then, at some party, if I leave him with my group (three/four girls all for him alone!) and go talk to other girls (better looking and with preselection on my side), he follows me and wants to get their contact info too. Sometimes he's happy for a day or two , then back to being moody and glaring at me. Then some other day, after staring at me angrily over lunch for a minute or so. . . calls out my name, so everyone shuts up to hear what the hell is up with him. . . and turns out he wants to know how much does my gym cost per month cause "he too wants to go". Then, some other time, comes to where I am, bringing snacks for each and every of the people around me. . . He could at least be cool and relaxed about whatever he's trying to pull off - but he seems utterly pissed and childish.
. . .and so on, over the course of days, weeks, months.
Sometimes I wish one of these girls actually had sex with him so that he stops breaking my balls - but it doesn't look like it's going to happen; as he chases them, contacts them, tells them they are beautiful and complains to them that he can't get any girls. . . and he will never succeed in completely ostracizing me, I'm really flirting with way too many girls that he can keep track of (but he tries). This is an international environment and because I speak more languages than him (and do more activities) I also have a lot of social ramifications inaccessible to him.
Anyway. . . In the past, I've encountered guys that unfortunatedly were much smoother, much more bolder, much more focussed, in smaller groups where I couldn't just talk to 5 other girls and/or switch languages, trying to do the same thing - and I had a very hard time dealing with them. So now I'm laughing at this clown but I know it won't always be this easy.
Also, my problem seems to be twofold: because I suck with women for missing escalation windows and whatnot - and added to that, I have competition from guys like these who just see my biceps and seem to think that I'm going to have sex with all the girls if they don't stop me.
So, how does a smooth guy deal with this? Any specific tips? Law of least effort and everything. . .
Being friendly to these guys has not worked as they are just rude to me in front of others - going to the other extreme and beating them up, like someone once suggested to me, is obviously out of question. Getting into a verbal fight also seems very stupid.