Social Circles (Cold Approaching & Venues)

[Ryan0802]

I'm pretty new to night game. Actually most experience is day game or night game with tons of social proof (such as bartending behind buddies bar at large parties).

I went out last weekend to a college bar. Noticed most everybody were chatting up someone or in a tight knit social group.
After that venue I went to a dance club, and had similar results.

Probably approached about 10 females that night - could've been more bold and done more.

Anybody experience this and know the best way to handle these cold approaches?
My fundamentals are down alright (always working progress), incorporated touch, started line typically with "I saw you standing here and HAD to come talk to you; you're the prettiest girl I've seen all day.. I'm Ryan.." -- then deep dove

Was I just not approaching enough? Bad venue choices?
Felt like I was forcing my way into others' social circles or just like the approaches were 'forced'. The women seemed a bit cold or some other guy she was with stepped in the way, which doesn't bother me because I was having fun regardless, but I was a little confused at reactions since I'm used to people being so warm during day game.

My process: Intro, light deep dive, move them w/in 3min, deep dive a little more (with some humor mixed in), move them once more, then try to pull if they're ready




Where I'm approaching is a new town to me. Crash at a friend's place but have my own room for logistics (we're both working on approaching & go out together), but I'm only there for the weekends.

 

[Hue]

So you're generally asking about approaching groups of people that appear together / cliqueish, right?

This can be pretty intimidating and hard to deal with. Alek has some solid articles on this.

Felt like I was forcing my way into others' social circles or just like the approaches were 'forced'. The women seemed a bit cold or some other guy she was with stepped in the way, which doesn't bother me because I was having fun regardless, but I was a little confused at reactions since I'm used to people being so warm during day game.

I think it mostly depends on the energy of the venue. If you're at a club / high energy bar, I've notice that girls around my age at bars (18-24) tend to be a little more glued together. Their defenses are up for their image and their emotions (self-assurance) that them and their group will remain solid. Try to think about them trying to maintain their identities and emotions while out.

It can make it harder because when you open the girl (depending on their energy and the bar's), there's that chance the whole group turns to you - so now both you and the girl are on stage, and being watched with more scrutiny than if it were just you two alone. I see this with sorority girls a lot.

So, whether you intend to or not, you're effectively opening the whole group. If you're Mr. Smooth Panties and clearly high value then you're as good as gold, and might even get the girls fighting over you because there's no social risk to getting pulled by you. But, if you walk in uncalibrated to their energy and/or say something weird (low value), they all have a social risk to getting pulled by you, and even being seen with you out - on top of whatever might have lowered your value.

If the entire group is being cold to the bar (off in the corner) I'll either ignore them and look for smaller groups / girls alone or if I feel like it, walk up to them and make fun of them for being anti-social. It challenges them and then the leader must step in and try to out game you. You have to be good for that shit, I've gotten my ass handed to me more times than not.

I've also tried opening two girls of the group at once, so you don't have to take on the challenge of a set with an entire group. You charm more than one and suddenly it's way less of a deal when half the group doesn't know who you are / what you're like. If you do a good job with talking to more than one of them, it gives you a more moderate amount of pre-selection / social value - think of it like a yellow light for the rest of the group.


For openers, it's gotta be congruent with your style.

I try to make a contextual opener - something to do with a topic you can see right in front of you guys, or something she / they're doing/ showing with body language.

Or specific compliments work really well. Kind of what you've already been doing, but something about their hair/clothes/style, not just the fact you find them very attractive.

I saw somebody write on the boards a while back (this might not have been night-game) but I've had some solid nights with this, something like,

You: "Hey, are you any good at taking compliments?"
Her: "Yea"
You: "Okay good. You go first though"
Her: *smiles / blushes* "You're really cute" "You have cool hair" "I like your shirt"
You: "Aw thank you"..

"You're eyes are gorgeous, I noticed you from across the bar"
"You're style is really edgy, I'm a big fan of the X"
"You have fantastic tits!"

...what's your name?"

The girl's friends are either like "oh wow" (I've seen with a less sexual compliment) or just burst out laughing (with a more sexual ones). Or they'll cockblock, some girls aren't worth the hassle because their friends suck.

The thing about that is that it's a canned line - so unless it's congruent with your style, it might be weird.


I'm sure there's plenty more to be said about this. Good topic though Ryan.

 

[Ryan0802]

Thanks for the assistance Hue!

I'm not really looking into approaching social circles, as I'm MUCH better one on one with a person. But what do you guys do when there doesn't seem to be many (or any) single options available? Do you change venues?

Good information on being cold to the bar and 18-24 is what I typically go for. There was just little promising eye contact I received that I usually can tell if a women will well-receive my cold approach; typically I rely on fundamentals like this to judge when/who to approach. It was like everyone was in their on little world with their friends or clique.
The 'specific' compliments thing is something I'm currently working on (initially wanted the compliments to be easier to eliminate approach anxiety but now I'm confident enough to try expanding into that).

I tried that line you saw on the boards. Didn't work well for online, but in person I could see it being different - I'll definitely try it out this weekend!