Social Dynamics At Work: Surrounded By Introverts?

[Troy]

First off, I am an introvert. I will socialize with everyone and have fun. But after a while of doing that, I want my alone time. Me being an introvert also means I prefer a close group of people who I can rely on and confide in.

That said, I have found a strange dynamic. I am working from home for the past 2+ years. Since last year July, I have been on a new team. There were 2 team members who were very talkative who have moved on to other positions.

What I find is, I'm somehow the new talkative guy. We meet on a weekly basis via Zoom and I'm the one that is talking the most, sharing jokes as they come along. When the ladies come on, I sometimes tease them and flirt. Sometimes they respond, sometimes they don't really respond to my flirt attempts.

In our team Whatsapp group, I communicate only where necessary. Because it is work, not some high school 24/7 flirting. But I do share the occasional joke or respond to my team leader's messages.

Strange Things​

Last week's Zoom meeting, I decided to stay quiet and see how my other team members would respond. There are 14 people on the team. My team leader shared work updates and after he shared, there were lots of awkward silences. It is weird because these same coworkers of mine, if you see them out and about at parties or amongst others, they are way more talkative. They don't have any malice towards my team leader either... so it's not like they are just not responding to me. Here is an example of how the team meeting goes when I don't speak:

Team Lead: So the company update for today is ......... Does anyone have any questions?
Coworkers: (Everyone on mute on Zoom... no one even respond to say "no questions"
Team Lead: Ok I take that as a no

(At one point, my team leader did not hear even me responding. He had an activity that required a volunteer and he called on me to help out, because he knows I am very proactive.)

Im just wondering, am I potentially trying too hard amongst a group of people who show low interest in interacting with others? I remember last year I fell sick for about 3 days, and I shared that with my team leader in the group. Out of 18 people at the time, only 3 responded saying "hope you get better soon".

Another team meeting is coming up, and I don't actively flirt and tease some of the women, they will stay silent on an entire 90 minutes Zoom meeting. It's weird.

Troy

 

[Train]

I've had similar happen in my team in transitioning from working at the office to remote.

Before the pandemic, there was more social interactions where people would shoot the breeze as groups while taking a break. Also more get-togethers (ex. potlucks, happy hours). Socializing was more dynamic and I myself was quite the social butterfly (as an introvert).

Now meetings are mostly quiet. There's less banter, jokes, shooting the breeze, etc. I think it's because the medium is less conductive to doing so. In other words, it's easier and feels more appropriate to socialize in person versus online.

People mostly stay on mute unless they have something to add to the business at hand. Sometimes there's banter but it's a shadow of what it once was. It's harder to have side convos before meetings start too.

At most, I'll do calls with people for something business related which then go into social tangents and that's how I mostly socialize at work these days.

But I have also noticed people are quiet if no one volunteers to lead a talk or banter. Just everyone on mute until they need to speak. Kinda sad in a way.

 

[Troy]

I've had similar happen in my team in transitioning from working at the office to remote.

Before the pandemic, there was more social interactions where people would shoot the breeze as groups while taking a break. Also more get-togethers (ex. potlucks, happy hours). Socializing was more dynamic and I myself was quite the social butterfly (as an introvert).

Now meetings are mostly quiet. There's less banter, jokes, shooting the breeze, etc. I think it's because the medium is less conductive to doing so. In other words, it's easier and feels more appropriate to socialize in person versus online.

People mostly stay on mute unless they have something to add to the business at hand. Sometimes there's banter but it's a shadow of what it once was. It's harder to have side convos before meetings start too.

At most, I'll do calls with people for something business related which then go into social tangents and that's how I mostly socialize at work these days.

But I have also noticed people are quiet if no one volunteers to lead a talk or banter. Just everyone on mute until they need to speak. Kinda sad in a way.

Yep you said it perfectly. It's really sad.

There are women on my team who I have known for 3 years, and it is extremely difficult to get some banter from them. One game that I found helpful to get everyone excited is 2 truths and a lie.

However, the fact that I have to initiate the conversation or the games, every time, it is making me start to feel weird. And I don't want to sit here thinking out some extreme negative thoughts about the situation.

For instance:

Troy: (female coworker puts up a nice dp picture on Zoom) you are looking really nice in that pic
Female coworker: (unmutes herself) thank you Troy lol

(then she mutes herself again. It's not just me, even another guy on the team who is way more charismatic than me, he will share a joke. And then people respond but after that, everyone goes back to silence. Its like they don't care to show interest).

Side note: Last year August, my team leader treated the entire team to a dinner. There was a high turnout because the food was free. However, since then, setting definite plans with the team to meet up for dinner/beach trips/other special outings has been a hastle. The remote has it's advantages which I definitely love.

However, the social connection seems to be lost. Another problem with scheduling team outings too I have found is people tend to flake out last minute. I remember last year August, this super hot girl on my team said she was coming to the dinner. We were to meet at 3PM and this girl showed up at 7PM, when it was basically going home time. And she lived just 5 minutes away from work.

My team leader called her phone and every time he did she said "I was getting dressed". Bruh, knowing me, I don't like late people. So that's another problem I have to worry about if I were to push for the team to get together and have some fun.

 

[Train]

Yeah it can be frustrating for sure. I've seen people unmute too to just give cordial responses and go back to mute. I don't think it's personal or anything though.

Sometimes the team get-togethers have the same people that regularly attend usually. But I've known some people that just don't want to socialize after work. Maybe due to preference or other commitments like family. Or they don't want to get too close which is fair.

I think what's key is to take their non-attendance in stride and set expectations low.

Might also be helpful to get socializing via other venues. That's what I did during the pandemic so I didn't turn into a total hermit haha. Even if it's online, I think it can bring some balance if usual pipes for socializing aren't flowing.