Social life as you get older, is this what "its lonely at the top" meant?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Over the years, I feel like I have outgrown a lot of my friends from adolescence and even a great deal of them from college. It's more like my life went one way and theirs went another, now I can't relate to them. The friends I had during adolescence have a certain path of life they want to live, a lot of them married in their teens and early 20s, a great deal of them are parents, and they never saw the value of investing the time in improving themselves in much of anything, guess that's one of the downfalls of spending your teens in borderline poverty.

But something I worry about, especially for the future is finding new friends as you head towards success.

It seems like college was this last stop towards finding a great deal of new friends in life and then life after it, well I am still figuring it out. At times I feel like I am stuck in a cycle to where I am relying on the few friends and certain people I knew in college for a social life which at times has paid off immensely since my school has a heavy presence in NYC. Yet deep down I want something new and have fears of what might happen if I move to a new city, I hate that I have to keep relying on an alumni network for a social life and can't find something new.

The idea of making new quality friends as I get older seems so foreign to me right now at this moment in life.

As I think about my future more and more, I feel like the material possessions are going to be there and so is the success with women thanks to this site but I don't see much of a promise for social life. It seems like for most men who are living the ideal life GC talks about, all there is to life is your purpose (career or business) and the only social life you get is sex and dating which involves women.

But what has really hit home for me is the saying that its lonely at the top.

Somehow because you did everything right by building yourself, improving yourself, and avoiding getting tied down with a marriage in your 20s, you're going to be lonely because most other guys in your situation fucked up and very few actually made it.

It is that struggle of finding people who are even close to anything like you once you make it as you get older.

You might be fit, well off, and have your life together in your 30s but most people your age are fat, married and/or divorced, jaded, and are not on the same wavelength.

It's so unnatural to envision a fresh new start to a quality social life after your 20s as a single guy because I haven't really seen it in action.

 

[mindful]

I agree it can be quite lonely. I grew up in a small town so most people I know fell into the having kids early by choice or more often by accident and are settled down with a less than ideal girl... which is common for this type of living. I feel as though I am still that young kid that is just living my life on my terms except I now have some bills to pay

My health is intact and I look better than i did in my early 20s. It's been pretty simple for me because I've never really seen myself settled down in my 20s although many do fall in that trap... and it leads you to wonder where do i look for others if I want a social life? For me, I moved out to Denver last year and after going on plenty of dates and such with girls, I still felt like I needed more meaning in my life. I took up mountain biking / road biking and now it's just something I do and love. Have met a few people this way too! Hobbies, especially ones that get your butt outdoors is a great opportunity to meet new people. I know it can be harder in NYC where the culture is more bars/restaurants/brunch drinking type things. I would look into hobbies you enjoy or ones that you would like to try out and jump right in - especially if it's something where you can meet others.

 

[uForia]

I struggle with the same thing to be honest already right out of college. I see stark inequalities between my socioeconomic development at a top university and the development of my classmates that stayed home for college. In high school, it was simply a matter of me taking 5 AP classes in a year while they would take maybe 2 AP courses (AP is short for Advanced Placement, a class that allows you to gain college credits and look better for elite universities while in high school). Now, the gap has widened to me graduating into a six figure career with massive upward trajectory in a coastal city while they oftentimes had to graduate into a dead end job that pays the median wage with no room for growth. I have a global network who are definitely at the top for the things they're passionate about.

Unfortunately, it does come with the consequence of being stuck in a bubble. My social circles don't have your middle class hot girls nor do I get invited to solo cup parties where there will be... more hot girls. Instead, my events started to look like this and it gradually sucks the soul out of me when I miss the good old days with my college friends. My company has two tiers of full time workers - those who have a white collar new money/upper middle class desk job and those who work menial jobs and the tiers are differentiated by the color of your badge. It's a real social stratificator since your coworkers may wonder what you're up to if you're chatting up a girl who doesn't have the same color badge as you. One reason out of many on why I plan to move to New York is that living double lives can be made a lot easier with increased anonymity. I don't make enough money to live like Dan Bilzerian and bring on the top tier women effortlessly. I'm stuck in the middle where I don't have the easiest access to normal girls yet not elite enough to grab the top women either. There's actually a lot more to this but I don't want to be potentially identified so I'm just bringing my point that getting to the top can isolate you like that.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I see some value in friends through "hobbies" but it is tough to find friends in that group who can really aid in your lifestyle of getting laid and getting women. Like I've met a few runners who just want to stay away from the game and chasing women, are often monogamous, and are often stagnating in life.

Tried MeetUp and it was a lot of guys who were single because they had no other choice but were also determined to stay there because they did not want to change.

UForia, same boat man. Sometimes I wish I could see how the elite men after 30 live and the kinds of lives they live just so I have something to aspire to.