Social mask slipping

[VinM]

Hey guys, me again with second post.
I would describe myself as above average looking guy, been told I look great from many women. Have no problem to be funny or weird at the same time, still trying to be more confident. Yet, I think I'm doing a imposter work. Let me explain:

I find myself stuck in this pattern, where I make really great first impression (confidence, look really attractive, smell great, make a great vibe), and girls are all over the place for me. But after a while, I get exhausted of pretending to be this bad boy alpha guy (I'm still learning to be more energetic), and get lazy with them, act more aloof, respond less to them, and they get tired of me after a while and leave me.

What could be the problem? How can I improve, or overcome this aspect? Should I act aloof from the start, even though I believe they wouldn't find that attractive?

 

[Chase]

@VinM,

Well, you've got dissonance between the front you're putting on (that social mask you mention in the title) and your default personality.

I think it's good to go through a stage like this. I recall going through something like this. I'd come out of the gates flirty and fun and the girls respond well to it but eventually I'd reach a point where I'd be saying, "All right, that is all I can do. I don't know what else to do now. I've taken it as far as I can," and I'd slide into apathy and the girls would go.

Yes. Wow. Haven't thought about that in a very long time.

What did I do to get past that stage?

[stroking chin]

So, if I am remembering right, I think I concluded that what I needed to do was have some action plan to get a girl isolated and into a more intimate conversation before I ran out of steam.

Ah, yes, that was the solution: I was spending too much time as the jokey flirtatious guy, and not moving past that stage, and it would start to feel futile, like I was just putting on a song and dance, which is all it was, since I was not progressing things forward. Once I realized, "Wait a minute -- if these girls are responding well to me, I need to be taking them to go sit down somewhere and move to a deeper, less jokey, more rapport-centric stage of the courtship."

As soon as I did, the problem was solved; I was no longer stuck in "funny entertaining jokes super dominant frame mode", but instead if a girl was responding well in the initial few minutes, I'd take her off somewhere and now we'd start bonding at a deeper level.

Saves your energy; gives you more energy, because your efforts are being rewarded; and avoids you burning out because you're putting on this whole big production but not getting anything for it.

So, the solution for you here:

• Start moving girls
• Start isolating girls
• Get into deeper rapport with them and elicit their values

You can relax much more once you're in that stage.

Chase

 

[VinM]

Thank you Chase for the reply. This is actually one thing I have not tought about, and you are right. For this whole time, I have been so in this frame, that I forgot that things need to move forward, and take girl somewhere more intimate. Will take a look at the articles you posted.