Social Skills and Improvement Advice

[Joniman]

Hey Guys,

I have been having problems with my social skills recently. In middle school, I was really social and unafraid of situation especially with other guys. I was friends with most of the guys and had many girl friends and one girlfriend. But as I progressed, I became more quiet and developed I believe social anxiety. I don't necessarily fear talking to people. I actually like meeting new people rather I can't relate to the students and people at my high school(senior year!!). I can't basically engage my friends to make them invite me to parties. I cant even hold conversations enough with them to invite me or casually invite myself to eat lunch at table with them. I moved from Africa to US this past summer and I don't seem to make friends that are not from my country; I basically hang out with my African friends who are all female and who I don't really relate to in terms of interests.

Anyways, I don't see much of social hierarchical progression at my high school since it is a high school and since I have only one semester left. I want to become more social, not necessarily with women but with guys too, by the time I get to college and have a fresh start. So I have a couple of solutions that I think might help and I hope you provide feedback on my potential solutions or provide better solutions which you think is better.

Solution 1: Get A Job as a waiter at a trendy engaging restaurant that requires meeting new people every second. I am not talking about McDonald's where you stand there and pass on orders and where you don't need to act nice. I was thinking of TGI fridays which is close to my home. Any place I could work you recommend to improve social skills and decrease social judgment anxiety. Do you know a place where co-workers are very close to each other and engage each other and invite each other to parties or is that just in movies? Any place where teenagers work the most that are not dull fast food places? Or any other job other than sales (which I don't want. I hate them. No offense)

Solution 2: Bulk and Develop a Godly Body: I think having a muscular and atheistic body would provide more confidence to me. It will indirectly make me confident. Any insight? I am a thin scrawny guy. I am currently trying to increase weight and I gained 8 pounds this past 1.5 months. Mediocre results, I am seeking better results.

Thanks for anyone willing to help. Please consider the fact that I am a high school student so keep your advice related to me (I am not going to cold approach people on the street for now!). Any advice on first 2 months of college also appreciated.

 

[Rusty]

Having that awareness and the desire to grow and improve is great. I was in a similar situation to you as a high school kid, trying to grow out of my shell and expand my boundaries, both mentally and physically.

I definitely recommend getting a service job. Even if it's not as a server or waiter at a more established restaurant, working any kind of service job is a good short term experience. I've done it quite a bit (I still work as a barista in a specialty coffee shop; It allows me to meet a lot of people and generally keep me socially sharp). Working on basic social skills and even just getting used to greeting strangers is a good way of lubricating and warming up those social muscles. It helped me a lot, as I was very awkward and socially stiff growing up.

Another thing that I recommend is finding hobbies, sports, skills, trades, clubs, activities that will force you to meet people outside of a work environment. Do stuff that interests you. Develop your passions. Enrich your self.

Don't have any interests or hobbies? Make some. Go out and explore. Try new things. Learn new skills. Specifically ones that involve groups and even better, if they involve the opposite sex. Just put yourself out there and soak up as much social experiences as you can.

I've always believed that if you want to bring quality people into your life, you've got to have a baseline of "value" and fundamental social skills. That value can be anything you find meaningful and worthwhile. But it takes time and experimentation, exploration, soul-searching.

You're still really young. Just go out there. Don't be afraid to make little mistakes. You've got to expose yourself to as many social missteps and blunders as much as possible to learn from them and develop thicker skin.

Following advice about self-improvement here on this site about fundamentals helps a lot too. It will definitely speed up your learning curve.