- Joined
- Jan 17, 2019
- Messages
- 774
Hey guys, this is my first time going out solo since I posted this FR, which you guys kindly responded to with advice. The general consensus is that my focus should be on gaining social momentum throughout the night by talking to everyone first, including groups of girls, for the first part of the night, and then returning later to act on the women’s attraction. My focus on these two nights was firmly on just being social and trying to build up that momentum, and while I didn’t get consistent social momentum, I found some new sticking points. If you don’t want to read the whole thing, I’d love if you could look at the questions I have at the end since they really distill the common problems I ran into both nights – any advice would be appreciated!
Friday
Went out around 10:00 and stopped at a short bar 2 minutes from mine. I made an effort to talk to the cute bartender when ordering my drink, asking her about this bar and when it usually picks up. After leaving she asked me what my name was and we exchanged names. I wrote it down in my phone so I wouldn’t forget. Finished my drink and walked to the next bar 10 minutes from mine. One the way there was a tall, sexy girl on her own having a smoke and as I walked, I could tell she was staring and smiling at me. I returned eye contact confidently, smiled and asked her how she was going. She smiled and said good, then asked me too. I responded “not too bad!” cheerfully and…. kept walking like a moron. This threw me off and I thought about going back to talk to her but got in my own head and didn’t. Good opportunity gone.
Got to the first place and went inside for a drink – I noticed a lot of sets with multiple girls and one guy which was interesting. Everyone seemed to be engaged and laughing together which made me afraid to join and I couldn’t find any easy sets to open so I had a drink and left.
Went to the second place (the bar where I usually take first dates) and entered after greeting the bouncers, headed upstairs and into the lounge area. There were so many groups out here and they were all dressed to the nines. I’ve never actually properly been here at night on a Friday or Saturday so I was surprised. There was a group next to me of older people – one of the guys there was just standing not talking so I went over to him and asked what the occasion was. We got chatting for a bit before I left. Still scouting for easy sets, I couldn’t find anyone that wasn’t engrossed in their own conversations so I sat down at a table with three guys. I overheard their conversation and managed to work my way in when they had stopped talking, talking to them for a good 15 minutes. They asked who I was here with and I lied and said I was waiting for friends but it looks like they weren’t going to show up. Probably should have just said I was flying solo though since the idea of my friends ditching me probably lowered my value.
Found out two of the guys were single so I said if I find a group of three, I’ll let them know. I left and, found a group of three girls but they were talking and laughing so I didn’t engage because I didn’t want to interrupt them. You might be noticing a pattern now – if they’re not talking, I’ll engage, if they’re engrossed, I’m too scared to.
Wandered around some more and left for another place. Here when I entered a girl was dancing- she stared me down and smiled but she seemed very drunk, so I smiled and danced a little back and went to sit down. This was a rooftop bar and very dead at the moment. After sitting on my phone for a bit, I noticed the DJ was a girl and she was with her friend – I went up to them and started talking – they were immediately warm and beaming. They asked me if I had any song requests – I said yes and told them – they said the only condition was I had to dance - so when it came on I did. After it ended I decided to go home.
Saturday
After playing boardgames with my mates around 11:00 I decided to go out. I decided to just focus on one venue this time and stay until close, unlike Friday where I hopped around. This is a small venue so I was afraid to be seen just walking around over and over looking for sets.
On the way to the venue and guy walking behind me started chatting – he was a little drunk but friendly and we chatted all the way to where I was going – when we parted ways. When I told him I was flying solo he was impressed.
Got to the venue and ordered a drink, making light chit chat with the cute bartender. After getting it, I lulled around for a bit before seeing a guy on his own not talking to anyone. Went up and engaged him, telling him I was flying solo and looking to meet some people. He was extremely warm and admired the courage – we chatted for about 10 minutes and I found out he was there for a friends going away party.
Afterwards I said bye and got his name – went around scouting for sets, joked around with a guy about there being a line for the toilets, then went and sat down on my phone. I noticed a group of four girls sitting at the table next to me – two left and the other two were talking animatedly. Once they had stopped and were just staring off into the distance (looking the other way), I got up and went over and asked them what they were celebrating tonight, while they were still turned away.
They both turned around to face me looking shocked. I finally saw them up close and they were cute!
I started telling them that I was flying solo and as soon as I said that the one on the left (L) hooked and the one on the right ® said “aww” but still looked surprised.
L asked me why I was out alone, I told them the truth that one of my friends was working and the other one was home with his girlfriend, so I didn’t want to be home alone on a Saturday (this was true, but I didn’t tell them that even if my friends were available I probably would have gone out on my own anyway). Then she asked me what I had done today – I briefly told them then turned the question around back on them – they answered that they’d been bar hopping and had ended up here. After a short time I didn’t know how to keep the conversation going (I didn’t even ask their names) and ejected, telling them that I was going to go around meeting more people. R was still in awe and said “that’s so brave”. She also scrunched her face up in a… I don’t know.. to me it seemed like a “aww that’s so cute” face. I jokingly told her that she looked worried and that I’d be fine – but she just said – “no it’s not that, I just find this sooo endearing”. I wished them well and said that I was off to make friends with the entire bar – as I left L said “wait!” and put out her hand. I shook them both and left. In retrospect I really could have taken that interaction further. But I think I wasn’t coming across as a sexy guy but more just an adorable guy trying – which is really not what I’m going for but I’ll take it for now.
After walking around some more, I couldn’t find any more decent sets for a while – by this point the place was closing soon, so I went upstairs, danced for a bit then left when the venue closed. Outside, their were lots of people around still talking and laughing. There were a few groups just standing there but they looked like they were just ready to go home and not keep kicking – so I didn’t engage. After this I went home
In summary:
This was so much more fun than the previous times I went out because I actually talked to people (mainly guys, but still)! And people were so friendly, and admired the cajones it took going out alone.
That being said, my approach volume was very small, mainly because I was afraid of being seen hopping between sets too much in such a small venue. My focus should be on making the interactions last a lot longer and not ejecting too quickly, so that it’s not immediately obvious that I’m hopping.
Thinking about getting to the bars super early next time and trying to talk to the bouncers/bartenders early and get on a first name basis with them.
Some other important notes. Throughout the night when people gave me eye contact, before I would look at them and look away quickly. But this time I made a concerted effort to return eye contact and greet them.
Questions:
Do you guys have any tips for how to open sets with one guy and multiple girls? Do you use the same “who’s birthday is it?” opener. Feels weird doing it with a guy there. For some reason I’m much more confident opening girl only sets rather than mixed sets. I think this is because when I am the only guy I naturally feel like the most dominant out of the group but when another guy is there he, by virtue of already being with them, has more value than me and is the most dominant.
In all cases I was waiting until the groups had stopped talking before engaging them. And sometimes I was waiting for a long long time, and I would be sitting there glancing at them to make sure they were finished, which others might have noticed. Do you guys generally do this or do you go in and interrupt their conversations? Interrupting them feels wrong to me.
Along similar lines to the last point, how can you scan for good sets without looking like you are and without wandering around and clearly getting noticed? Especially in a small venue such as this one. This is partly why I didn’t build up my social momentum. I would finally find a person on their own not talking to anyone, talk to them and enjoy myself, tell them I’m going to go meet more people, then walk around trying to find other set, not finding anything good because everyone seemed to be talking and joking amongst themselves, then sitting down on my phone again and losing the momentum. If I was willing to go in and interrupt other people’s conversations this would be a lot easier.
Friday
Went out around 10:00 and stopped at a short bar 2 minutes from mine. I made an effort to talk to the cute bartender when ordering my drink, asking her about this bar and when it usually picks up. After leaving she asked me what my name was and we exchanged names. I wrote it down in my phone so I wouldn’t forget. Finished my drink and walked to the next bar 10 minutes from mine. One the way there was a tall, sexy girl on her own having a smoke and as I walked, I could tell she was staring and smiling at me. I returned eye contact confidently, smiled and asked her how she was going. She smiled and said good, then asked me too. I responded “not too bad!” cheerfully and…. kept walking like a moron. This threw me off and I thought about going back to talk to her but got in my own head and didn’t. Good opportunity gone.
Got to the first place and went inside for a drink – I noticed a lot of sets with multiple girls and one guy which was interesting. Everyone seemed to be engaged and laughing together which made me afraid to join and I couldn’t find any easy sets to open so I had a drink and left.
Went to the second place (the bar where I usually take first dates) and entered after greeting the bouncers, headed upstairs and into the lounge area. There were so many groups out here and they were all dressed to the nines. I’ve never actually properly been here at night on a Friday or Saturday so I was surprised. There was a group next to me of older people – one of the guys there was just standing not talking so I went over to him and asked what the occasion was. We got chatting for a bit before I left. Still scouting for easy sets, I couldn’t find anyone that wasn’t engrossed in their own conversations so I sat down at a table with three guys. I overheard their conversation and managed to work my way in when they had stopped talking, talking to them for a good 15 minutes. They asked who I was here with and I lied and said I was waiting for friends but it looks like they weren’t going to show up. Probably should have just said I was flying solo though since the idea of my friends ditching me probably lowered my value.
Found out two of the guys were single so I said if I find a group of three, I’ll let them know. I left and, found a group of three girls but they were talking and laughing so I didn’t engage because I didn’t want to interrupt them. You might be noticing a pattern now – if they’re not talking, I’ll engage, if they’re engrossed, I’m too scared to.
Wandered around some more and left for another place. Here when I entered a girl was dancing- she stared me down and smiled but she seemed very drunk, so I smiled and danced a little back and went to sit down. This was a rooftop bar and very dead at the moment. After sitting on my phone for a bit, I noticed the DJ was a girl and she was with her friend – I went up to them and started talking – they were immediately warm and beaming. They asked me if I had any song requests – I said yes and told them – they said the only condition was I had to dance - so when it came on I did. After it ended I decided to go home.
Saturday
After playing boardgames with my mates around 11:00 I decided to go out. I decided to just focus on one venue this time and stay until close, unlike Friday where I hopped around. This is a small venue so I was afraid to be seen just walking around over and over looking for sets.
On the way to the venue and guy walking behind me started chatting – he was a little drunk but friendly and we chatted all the way to where I was going – when we parted ways. When I told him I was flying solo he was impressed.
Got to the venue and ordered a drink, making light chit chat with the cute bartender. After getting it, I lulled around for a bit before seeing a guy on his own not talking to anyone. Went up and engaged him, telling him I was flying solo and looking to meet some people. He was extremely warm and admired the courage – we chatted for about 10 minutes and I found out he was there for a friends going away party.
Afterwards I said bye and got his name – went around scouting for sets, joked around with a guy about there being a line for the toilets, then went and sat down on my phone. I noticed a group of four girls sitting at the table next to me – two left and the other two were talking animatedly. Once they had stopped and were just staring off into the distance (looking the other way), I got up and went over and asked them what they were celebrating tonight, while they were still turned away.
They both turned around to face me looking shocked. I finally saw them up close and they were cute!
I started telling them that I was flying solo and as soon as I said that the one on the left (L) hooked and the one on the right ® said “aww” but still looked surprised.
L asked me why I was out alone, I told them the truth that one of my friends was working and the other one was home with his girlfriend, so I didn’t want to be home alone on a Saturday (this was true, but I didn’t tell them that even if my friends were available I probably would have gone out on my own anyway). Then she asked me what I had done today – I briefly told them then turned the question around back on them – they answered that they’d been bar hopping and had ended up here. After a short time I didn’t know how to keep the conversation going (I didn’t even ask their names) and ejected, telling them that I was going to go around meeting more people. R was still in awe and said “that’s so brave”. She also scrunched her face up in a… I don’t know.. to me it seemed like a “aww that’s so cute” face. I jokingly told her that she looked worried and that I’d be fine – but she just said – “no it’s not that, I just find this sooo endearing”. I wished them well and said that I was off to make friends with the entire bar – as I left L said “wait!” and put out her hand. I shook them both and left. In retrospect I really could have taken that interaction further. But I think I wasn’t coming across as a sexy guy but more just an adorable guy trying – which is really not what I’m going for but I’ll take it for now.
After walking around some more, I couldn’t find any more decent sets for a while – by this point the place was closing soon, so I went upstairs, danced for a bit then left when the venue closed. Outside, their were lots of people around still talking and laughing. There were a few groups just standing there but they looked like they were just ready to go home and not keep kicking – so I didn’t engage. After this I went home
In summary:
This was so much more fun than the previous times I went out because I actually talked to people (mainly guys, but still)! And people were so friendly, and admired the cajones it took going out alone.
That being said, my approach volume was very small, mainly because I was afraid of being seen hopping between sets too much in such a small venue. My focus should be on making the interactions last a lot longer and not ejecting too quickly, so that it’s not immediately obvious that I’m hopping.
Thinking about getting to the bars super early next time and trying to talk to the bouncers/bartenders early and get on a first name basis with them.
Some other important notes. Throughout the night when people gave me eye contact, before I would look at them and look away quickly. But this time I made a concerted effort to return eye contact and greet them.
Questions:
Do you guys have any tips for how to open sets with one guy and multiple girls? Do you use the same “who’s birthday is it?” opener. Feels weird doing it with a guy there. For some reason I’m much more confident opening girl only sets rather than mixed sets. I think this is because when I am the only guy I naturally feel like the most dominant out of the group but when another guy is there he, by virtue of already being with them, has more value than me and is the most dominant.
In all cases I was waiting until the groups had stopped talking before engaging them. And sometimes I was waiting for a long long time, and I would be sitting there glancing at them to make sure they were finished, which others might have noticed. Do you guys generally do this or do you go in and interrupt their conversations? Interrupting them feels wrong to me.
Along similar lines to the last point, how can you scan for good sets without looking like you are and without wandering around and clearly getting noticed? Especially in a small venue such as this one. This is partly why I didn’t build up my social momentum. I would finally find a person on their own not talking to anyone, talk to them and enjoy myself, tell them I’m going to go meet more people, then walk around trying to find other set, not finding anything good because everyone seemed to be talking and joking amongst themselves, then sitting down on my phone again and losing the momentum. If I was willing to go in and interrupt other people’s conversations this would be a lot easier.
