OR Solo Friday Night

[Beam]

31/01/20

I struggle with solo night game - a lot! Mainly because of feeling like an outsider like I described here

Last night I was at home until 9:30pm and didn't want to go out, but dragged myself out anyway. I dressed up and walked to a place 10 minutes away from mine. I've had makeouts and danced with some pretty attractive girls here on the dance floor (when I've been with my friends), but I've never pulled despite living so close.

When I got there I grabbed a drink and found a free table. A mixed group of five guys and two girls, and a group of three girls sat at the other tables. I didn't engage and just sat there watching the tennis which was on - I was using this as an excuse not to engage anyone. After a while two guys came up to me and we talked for a bit - they pushed me to talk to one of the girls in the mixed group so I greeted her - she said hi with a smile but then one of her guy friends came back and she re-engaged him. The guys left while I was talking to her.

While sitting down I started looking around at the people around me. All generally early 20s. Most of the really hot girls I saw who were dressed to the nines were with guys who were either overweight and/or who put no effort into dressing up and were wearing shorts and ugly t-shirts - this pissed me off and I kept wondering how they were meeting each other. My city is very social circle based so it's more than likely these guys have just lucked into meeting these girls through friends. I also thought I might be overdressed for this venue and that maybe I'm coming across as try hard with my floral shirt, long pants and nice shoes when everyone else is looking pretty casual.

The three girls at the other table left to get a drink and another group got their table, when they came back they came to my table. I tried engaging them and joked about this being the open table that everyone comes and gos to. But it fizzled and I went back to watching the tennis. After a while another guy (wearing shorts and tshirt and a hat) came in and engaged the group and focused on one of the girls (a redhead). She seemed into it but then the group left, the guy and I started talking and he told me she was giving him nothing and was too young (apparently the girls were 19, he was 26. I'm 27). I introduced myself and him and I ran into each other throughout the night - I saw him engaging in multiple sets but he left looking tired and dejected later on.

When the tennis finished I sort of ambled around, sitting in random places and scrolling through my phone. I went to the dance floor and starting dancing a bit, but I realized I was using this as an escape to what I was supposed to be doing which was talking to girls. Dancing is what I'm familiar with, it's what has gotten me the most quick validation (makeouts, girls looking at me and dancing with me) but not results. So I've naturally been gravitating towards the dance floor even though long term I know the chances are much lower that I pull.

I left the dancefloor and sat down at a bench, when I noticed a girl who I'd seen earlier sitting down looking tired. She looked a bit young, but I had noticed her earlier dancing a lot and we'd made eye contact a few times. I went over to her and commented on how I loved her dance moves from earlier. She mumbled something and then received a call - apparently it was a friend she was with. She got up and left. At this point I called it quits. I started walking home (at 12am when the place closed at 3am) then had a change of heart and went back.

After going back I did pretty much the same thing, ambling around, sitting on my phone. I noticed hot girls looking at me when they walked past but when I returned eye contact they'd look to the side. I stood up and noticed a two set who kept looking in my direction and smiling. I went over to them and engaged while they were having a smoke but they didn't seem interested at all - bummer. I wished them a good night and walked away. After ambling around some more and getting in my head again, I decided to leave at 1:30am.

Summary:

My whole vibe is off. I'm getting bad reactions because I feel like I don't belong and it's showing on the outside.

I need a night game plan because the whole going out alone and hoping I muster up the courage to talk to people does not work.

I have plenty of reference experiences from within the last year alone to know that a lot of these hot girls probably find me attractive (because I have danced and made out with girls who look exactly like them and my looks have not changed drastically in the last year. Funny enough I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts on a lot of these occasions), but taking that leap and breaking in to the groups while they're talking still seems almost impossible (despite me having done it before in moments where I've been uncharacteristically self confident). Getting to that point consistently is haardd.

 

[Fuck This]

RE: over dressed...I've been there...rocked into a gathering in a suit and tie while everyone else was casual shirts and shorts. They had never met me before so I owned it. It really made me stand out in the crowd. in a bar situation you can always say you just came from a formal gathering that was SOOO Boring...

When I'm flying solo I'm going to places where I can DO things and amuse myself with the opportunity to rope in someone I want to talk to. Examples Pool, Darts, Cornhole, Shuffleboard, hell even some of the taprooms have Jenga and Connect 4 in standard and Jumbo sizes. Sitting at a bar with other patrons, the sports on the television is always a good icebreaker. Warm up with guys, and the women will notice and might even insert themselves in your conversation.

I've had great luck (in quieter venues not clubs) making eye contact then switching to something or someone else before reengaging. Especially if they are engaged with someone at first glance. If in the mean time they see you interacting with others, it makes them curious "Who IS this guy?" FWIW this works with guys also. If you are talking to their friends, they want to know who this new dude is in their circle.

So my goal is 1st - Be Social, and 2nd attract women and 3rd act on the women's attraction. You never know when a REALLY attracted woman will plop herself in your lap , but you need to be ready to spot the signs of one (As you are enjoying yourself). This has happened to me on planes. 3 dudes were flying back from a college football game and bought me a drink. Pretty soon the attendant comped us our second round. Then the pretty girl 2 rows up turned to see who these fun guys were.

 

[BigPapa]

The summary is just to go out with the mindset of socializing and improving your soft skills and the girls will come .
For example , me whenever I go out , I go out because I want to socialize with people in general and girls are just there and things happen

 

[Beam]

Thanks guys. FT, were these bars with pool tables and everything else near where you lived? Because none of the bars within walking distance of mine (and I do live in a very good area) don't have anything like this unfortunately.

True that talking with everyone first is a good idea. In fact the first girl I opened was actually quite warm before her friend came back - she might have overheard me talking with the other guys and that gave me a little bit of social proof.

 

[Fuck This]

STM these are usually Micro brewery taprooms. They have had to become a little more family friendly to attract the Dads to drink beer. but there are attractive, active young women who do hang out there.

This is an example of one such place FWIW I can't walk to ANY bar from my house and it would be a $30 uber to one...

 

[Beam]

STM these are usually Micro brewery taprooms. They have had to become a little more family friendly to attract the Dads to drink beer. but there are attractive, active young women who do hang out there.

This is an example of one such place FWIW I can't walk to ANY bar from my house and it would be a $30 uber to one...

FT, you live with your girlfriend now don't you? Were you at your current place when you were single and pulling back to yours despite it being a $30 uber away?

 

[Fuck This]

Actually I always managed to go to the woman's place in those cases. Usually their places were closer. I think that happened because I framed myself as trustworthy while showing sexual intent. I also tended to game effectively while travelling as the "mysterious stranger".

My local community had a gossip tree like you wouldn't believe. I danced with a single woman at an event on Saturday night and my boss asked me about it on Monday morning. When there is a strange car in my driveway over night the neighbors notice. So I tended to go after women outside of that circle.

But my whole point on my relating the story is that when I "Go out" It is for me to have a good time and enjoy myself. Women seem to gravitate to that. If I go out where there is music and dancing I'll dance with an attractive girl, in a fashion that she feels attracted . Well enough so she is impressed but not so she feels out of her class. I had makeouts that I didn't pull from. I had blue balls too. Then there were nights it seemed like women jumped on my dick.

BUT, I wasn't going out more than 3x a week. I was working. training in my sport, remodelling a home, hanging out with my guy friends, having my exe's lawyer chewing on me....taking my kids to their activities. I might spend an hour at the local taproom during practice and watch Sportscenter and chat with whomever was there at the time. Women were a bonus and not the focus.

TBT if I went to one of your techno dance clubs in the city, I'd have a hard time meeting women. I remember nights in Vegas where all the women seemed stuck up and snooty except the ones I'd met outside of that venue. So i found the kind of "terrain" that works for me. someplace where I can have deep conversations with women and work in kino.

 

[Mr.Rob]

This should be a field report not an outing report since you approached girls.

As far as feeling like a loser being by yourself..
Yeah it's t tough at first but you've got to get good at getting social momentum so you start feeling good. Just aim to be friendly the first hour of the night, and open groups of girls with "hey so what are you girls celebration tonight" and just try to get in the flow socializing and have some interesting/cool stuff to say. Hopefully befriend a group that you can come back to later on.

Then after you have a successful friendly interaction or two and share good vibes, and maybe do some dancing and show a girl some new moves you should be feeling pretty confident at this point to actually start approaching and hitting on girls.

Your game going out solo is: I'm so confident and enjoy socializing so much I don't need friends because I always make friends anyway. Guys and girls and share great vibes with all.

Once you start to feel confident and your totally at ease in the environment then you start to get these super human abilities to just open girls and reel them in with ease because your the loosest most care Free guy in the room.

But it's a process you have to go through to get there.

That said you'll have nights where you're just a dud and can't snap out of it. That's ok keep sticking to the process, over been super surprised at the success I've had on nights I thought were an impossible failure that I ended up meeting one girl who was really into me and we went home together (even after 15 go to where 5 min. Interactions)

Hope that helps. It sounds like other than sitting around watching tennis for so long you did a great job executing.

You build more confidence one you start getting a few little success under your belt.

Keep striving